I know I'm long LONG overdue for an apology. Life has been dealing me losing hands repeatedly and I'm just honestly not handling it well…not that my family is really being all that helpful…-sigh- I really am sorry, and I'm sure most of you have plotted my murder at this point because of the great delay, and I really can't blame you, but I have to ask you to be patient as I probably will take a while to update after this chapter as I'm trying to get into the habit of actually writing more than one chapter before posting an update…because that's what I should've been doing from the start…..I'm awful, I know. T-T I'm so sorry.

Chapter 7: Things You See In a Graveyard

James and Gabe sat back in astonishment at all the data she'd kept hidden, every secret she had laid bare before them in this technological diary.

"No wonder she didn't want us to know….I feel like slapping her, I mean, ya know, if she wasn't a girl." Gabe muttered, the ending tapering off into silence. Beside him, James smirked and shook his head.

"You mean if she wasn't a girl who could kick your ass in five milliseconds?" he chuckled at the glare Gabe sent him, childishly sticking his tongue out. They sighed as one when they looked back at the screen. "Think we should go pay her mom and dad a visit? We used to go with her all the time, remember?"

"Yea, she'd always take sunflowers and lilies, I thought it was the weirdest combination of flowers, but when she put them on different markers, I understood."

"What you thought she was going to make an arrangement out of that?"

"Look, I'm a guy, okay? I don't know about flowers!"

"Yes, we know, especially from that time you—"

"Shut up, we're not speaking of that moment!"

"But Als thought it was funny,"

"Well…she's not here so…shut up." Gabe grumbled, crossing his arms, "Let's just go get a few of each and head over to say hi and stuff," They got up and thanked Engelina for her "help" before heading out the door to grab a taxi.

~~Meanwhile~~

I took a breath and knocked on the door, waiting patiently for an answer. A gruff voice finally responded and the door slid open. I walked smoothly into his office and stood at attention until directed to have a seat.

"Now, what is it I can help you with, Demona?" he asked, smiling at me. I beamed at the use of my newly acquired nickname, given only a week ago almost because Rip thought 'Desdemona' was just far too long (Red decided it was because it was too complicated for him to say).

"I was wondering if I could fly back home for a few hours, General. I understand that things are tight since the incident, but I have a tradition I'd rather not break." I replied, steadying my voice and preparing for an outright 'Absolutely not'. The General shot me a suspicious look, most likely derived from the amount of pranks I'd pulled on Duke and Rip, and once or twice on himself, though nothing major.

"What's this tradition of yours?" he asked, folding his hands together on his desk and leaning forward a bit, blue eyes boring into my nearly onyx ones. I sighed and lowered my head to stare momentarily at my hands folded neatly in my lap, contemplating on if he'd think it stupid or if I should go ahead with it.

"Every year, on the anniversary of their death, I go to the graveyard to visit my parents. Do the usual, you know? Take some flowers, "talk" a bit to them, and then leave," I answered finally, deciding I might as well go through with it. He sat back and stared at me with a calculating look. I fidgeted a bit in my seat, slightly unnerved by his stare, but eventually his face split into a sad smile and he nodded his head, signing some papers for me. I stared at the papers in confusion, "Sir, I only needed one for myself, who are the other two for?" I looked up into his knowing face and realized how much of a father the man had become to me in a short amount of time. It caused a slight pang in my chest, remembering my real father giving me that same look when I asked a question similar to that.

"They're for Duke and Rip. I assumed you wouldn't want to be alone on this." He replied standing up. I followed his example, giving my thanks in the form of a simple look, knowing if I opened my mouth now, I'd start crying. General Hawk dismissed me and I moved quickly back towards my quarters, veering only slightly to bang on Duke's door.

"Hey, dork face, open up!" I yelled through the door, more than likely waking Ripcord up from his nap down the hall, though I'm pretty sure Scarlet may have kicked him in the ass already about doing that. I could hear disgruntled mumblings faintly before the door slid open in front of me and I was faced with a not-so-happy looking Duke.

"What?" he growled, eyeing my innocent smile with some well-deserved suspicion. I placed a paper in his hands and shoved him inside, seating myself on his bed as I waited patiently for his brain to kick into gear.

"You and Rip are coming with me, apparently. The General knows me better than I thought." I smiled softly, reclining a bit. Duke read over the papers and nodded, flashing me an apologetic look.

"When do we leave?" he asked quietly, sitting down beside, a muscled arm wrapped comfortingly around my shoulders. I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, taking a breath to steady myself.

"In an hour, so pack fast. We'll only be in town long enough for me to carry out the tradition and maybe get food if we're hungry."

"So roughly four or five hours, then?" he smirked, knowing I'd want to stay for as long as possible.

"Pretty much. Man, you guys have me all figured out! It's just no fun anymore." I sighed in defeat, getting up and heading towards the door.

"Trust me, Mona, we don't have you all figured out, we're just used to how you function. That, and I know there's a certain ninja you have a thing for that knows almost next to nothing about you." He chuckled as I blushed. A scowl crossed my face and I threw the nearest object at him, which, to his misfortune, was a full water bottle. "Hey! Not necessary!"

"Totally was, see you at the plane!" I giggled, skipping out and down to Rip's room to repeat the process, hopefully minus the teasing. (AN: Thought I should mention, it's been a few months since the "accident", as none of this could be achieved in days. I just didn't have the creative inspiration to write out everything that happened to her in those few months besides that it was training...lots of training.) "Ripcord, open up!" I heard a groan and a feminine laugh, followed by a distinct 'I told you so'.

"What, Demon?" he grumbled, mock glaring at the red head I knew was behind him, but couldn't see. I huffed slightly and handed him a paper. He glanced at it and nodded, surprisingly quickly. "See you at the plane, then, I guess. When do we leave?"

"Hour,"

"Damn, woman!" I shrugged at his playful outrage.

"I hadn't anticipated company on this one or I would've warned you days ago. So, you pack, have fun with Red and I'm going to make sure I've got everything I need," I smiled and waved a little, "Bye!" He shut the door and I walked a little further down to my room.

I had been staring at the floor, thinking, when I'd bumped into a rather solid object that was standing in front of my door. Looking up, I took note of all the black and the crossed arms. If I'd had an idea of what his face looked like to begin with, I'm pretty sure Snake was raising an eyebrow in question. "Sorry, Snake," I smiled softly, "I was lost in my thoughts," He nodded and moved back enough to allow me into my room. Biting my lip, I turned around and fixed him with an inquiring stare. "Would you like to come in? I've got some time to kill, and I wouldn't mind spending some of it with you. The silence is sort of nice after dealing with Duke and Rip," He nodded and quickly stepped in my room, closing the door behind him, and waited for me to gesture to the only actual chair in the room.

"What's with the bag?" he signed, settling into the comfy leather spinning chair I'd gotten for the desk.

"Oh, um, Duke, Rip and I are heading back to the hometown, go visit my parents," I shrugged, "It's a tradition. I guess it's sort of stupid what with everything going on right now, but..." I let the sentence hang, only now thinking of the risk that we could possibly be in, or the Joes could be in with the Alpha team separated, even if for only a few hours or so. He huffed and shook his head quickly.

"Traditions that include family, living or not, are never stupid, besides, we can handle things here without those two," I think I heard him chuckle, possibly sarcastically, but I can't be sure. We hadn't actually sat down to talk except for the brief conversations before we meditated in the training room.

"True, you seemed to do just fine without them before," I grinned, "I imagine it was very quiet then," He nodded and this time I was sure I heard a breathy chuckle, though it was very low. "So, I feel sort of bad that we spend all this time together training and meditating, but we really don't know much about the other, do we?"

"What's your favorite color?" I laughed at the immediate response.

"Uh, that's a tough one. It really depends on my mood, or the day, I guess,"

"So what's your favorite color right now?"

"Blue," I smiled, "Arctic blue. Yours?"

"Black." I smirked at him.

"Really? That's all you've got?" He shook his head at me again and put a hand to his chin. I found myself wishing he didn't have his mask on just so I could see the expressions, or at least be able to hear him speak, though I knew he took a vow of silence, something I never questioned.

"Favorite poet?"

"You remembered I love poetry," I was slightly stunned; the last time any sort of literature was spoken about was months ago when I'd arrived. At his answering nod, I thought for a moment or two about my own answer. "I'd have to say Poe. As much as I adore Shakespeare, Poe has been my favorite from childhood," He leaned back in what I assumed was surprise. "I like the darker things in life, what can I say? So, what about you, have a favorite poet?"

"Hawthorne is nice, as well as Poe, but I've never picked a favorite. I suppose both." I nodded and smiled.

"Ah, the dark romantics," I glanced at the clock on my wall and gasped, "It's been almost an hour already? I didn't think I'd walked that slowly to my room!" I bit my lip again and stared at my bag and then Snake. "Walk me down to the hangar? I'll tell you something not even Duke or Rip knows," With a breathy "chuckle", he nodded and, before I could protest, grabbed my bag and opened the door for me. "Wow," I breathed, "A girl could get used to having a gentleman around for once," He dropped his head a bit, possibly flattered or slightly embarrassed, though I bet it was the former, and I walked past him out the door. It shut behind us with a click and we walked down towards the hangar. We passed a few other Joes on the way, and once we were more or less alone, he nudged my shoulder.

"Oh right, the secret bit," I coughed, "Okay, well you can't let them know at all," I waited till he nodded before I continued. "So, I used to do underground fights, sometimes cage matches, for money, but it wasn't all I did," He nodded for me to continue, but I hesitated, blushing a dark crimson. "I also sang, every now and then, at a local pub. Helped pay the bills, I guess you could say, but with the trust fund from the parental units, I didn't really have to worry about that."

"Then why go through all that to get money?"

"I wanted to prove to myself I could do it on my own, too. I didn't want to just sit back and live off of what my parents gave me for as long as it lasted only to fall on my ass. I wanted to feel like I earned that trust fund," I shrugged, "They don't know I sang, though. I'm pretty sure they don't even know I sing at all," There was silence for a bit. We were practically at the hangar when he stopped for a moment and turned to me.

"Will you sing for me?" I was floored for a moment. The conflicting emotions about singing in general were awful. I was okay with my appearance, I'd gotten over that hurdle a while ago, but my voice was something I'd always been self-conscious of singing, no matter the words of encouragement from the people at the pub or random strangers who heard me from my car or my yard. He moved his hands, I guess to say that I didn't have to, that he wouldn't force me if I wasn't comfortable, but I never found that out.

"Sure." I whispered, face flaming red. He nodded, I think he was smiling, but that damn mask was in the way. It was really starting to irritate me. I liked seeing peoples' expressions; it made it easier for me to read their emotions to figure out how to go about being around them. With Snake it was a constant guessing game and I was always afraid I'd screw up somehow and seriously offend the guy. Offending ninja's isn't really high on my 'To Do' list, I rather enjoy living. We continued walking, at a slightly slower pace as we had some extra time. I took a breath, trying to calm myself a bit. "I bought my ticket for the long way 'round, two bottles of whiskey for the way, and I sure would like some sweet company, and I'm leavin' tomorrow, what'd ya say? When I'm gone, when I'm gone, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone. You're gonna miss me by my hair, you're gonna miss me everywhere. Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone," I paused for a moment to calm my frazzling nerves. "I bought my ticket for the long way 'round, the one with the prettiest of views. It's got mountains, it's got rivers, it's got sights to give you shivers, but it sure would be prettier with you. When I'm gone, when I'm gone, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone. You're gonna miss me by my walk, you're gonna miss me by my talk, oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone." There was silence as the song finished and we entered the hangar. I tried valiantly to calm the raging fire occurring in the blood vessels in my face, but my nerves weren't letting me. I could very well hear my heart hammering in my chest, my hands shaking the way they always do when I sing, and I was sure he could hear it.

"You have a beautiful voice, Trina, I wouldn't mind hearing you sing more often," he wrapped one my of shaking hands in his big, gloved one and squeezed a bit before letting go. It'd been a sign of encouragement, to calm down because nothing was wrong. It was comforting, at least a tiny bit. Mostly it was incredibly nerve-wracking. Months of not really talking, only meditating together nearly every day and training on top of that. I knew next to nothing about him, but I was so drawn to him, like a moth to the flame. 'Don't be dumb now, Trins, you can't logically be crushing on Snake. You don't even really know him. All you know is his favorite color and poet…also that he likes your singing voice and, as far as we know, enjoys your company,' I smiled at him, my usual brightness, and gave into the overwhelming, and completely embarrassing now that I think about it, urge to hug him. His body went stiff for a moment, his hands settling hesitantly on my shoulders before one patted me gently on the head. I hurried away from him, taking my bag at the same time and blushing furiously. Mumbled apologies spilled from my lips as I became incredibly interested in the patterns of metal on the floor. He huffed a small "laugh" and ruffled my hair before turning to leave the way we'd come. Hoisting the bag onto my shoulder, I got on the plane, stowing my stuff safely underneath the seat and waited patiently for Duke and Rip to get on.

Duke was the first one on, followed closely by Ripcord. This would've made me happy, as it meant we'd be on our way finally and I could continue my tradition. It would have, if it weren't for the smug smirks currently in place on their faces. I didn't even have to ask the question bubbling in my brain, the instantaneous, 'Why are you smirking like idiots?', because I already knew the answer. They'd been following us the whole time and I'd been too wrapped up in the conversation to notice. I've no idea if Snake Eyes knew, I'd have to ask him later, but I could only assume he did and hadn't thought anything of it. It is sort of hard to sneak up on him, I've yet to find someone able to do it. Not even Red can accomplish that and the two of them are thick as thieves. I smiled vaguely at the most recent memory of her latest attempt to win a bet between the two of us. It'd been one of the nights we deemed "Girls Night" where the two of us got together, either in her room or mine, maybe with another of the Joe females, but usually just us, and played random normal games while painting nails/doing hair. At first it'd started out as truth or dare, but somehow, and I really can't remember exactly how, the inability to sneak up on Snake was brought into conversation. She'd confidently exclaimed that it couldn't be that hard, to which I'd scoffed, claiming that she'd only think that because A) she'd never tried and B) she was the closest to him of all people. There was this gleam in her eye, like I'd said she couldn't do it at all, so she issued a bet: if she was able to successfully sneak up on Snake, I'd have to dye my hair pink (this was –and still is- very displeasing to me) and if she wasn't able to accomplish this feat, she'd have to do the same (I found we had a common distaste of the color pink and most of its various shades). Needless to say, so far she's been unsuccessful and the bet was going to time out in a week.

Shifting from inside my memories to the present, I glared at the two boys in front of me as the bird took off. Rides still made me a bit iffy, as it usually brought to mind how I got here in the first place months ago. It still amazed me that it was, at least, six, maybe almost seven months ago that I'd been targeted and eventually "rescued" by the Joes to be brought back here. 'Time really does fly,' I grimaced at the thought, slamming my eyes closed at the involuntary images that would sometimes plague my mind in my sleeping moments. They say the first time you kill someone, in self-defense or in war, it really sticks with you. No matter how much "help" you get or how much meditation you do to put it behind you, it's always there and it constantly torments me: did I take away someone's wife? Husband? Father or mother? Brother or sister? Did I really destroy someone else's family like others had destroyed mine? My teeth ground together at the thoughts racing through my head and suddenly, I wished I'd asked for a fourth paper for Snake Eyes or Scarlett, just to have someone else I spoke my inner most thoughts to around. I trust Duke and Rip, don't get me wrong, but while they're two of my best friends, I didn't want them to worry. Red was the only real female friend I had in the Joes. I mean, sure, the others were nice and we spoke if we ran into each other, but I didn't have anything in common with them. So, whenever I needed someone, decidedly female, she was who I ran to, and if I needed someone to just listen while I ranted about anything and everything, I usually went to Snake. While Red would listen, yes, she'd usually add her own input and sometimes I didn't want to hear it while I was mid-rant. She has a temper as bad as mine, though we're both rather good at controlling it (sometimes), but it's not always good for fire to rage next to another.

So, for the next few hours of flight time, I studiously ignored the quiet whispers and snickers of the boys, knowing they were conversing about me and Snake and planning on ways to tease me, knowing the ninja was unflappable and it was difficult for them to elicit an emotional response from him without possibly offending him. Whilst ignoring, which, mind you, is very difficult with these two around, I focused my mind on my "happy place" as Snake forced me to call it. I still remember snickering at that and distinctly feeling he was rolling his eyes at me beneath his mask. My mind brought the hazy images of a beach into focus: the clear blue sky, the transparent turquoise waters; pristine white sand and swaying palm trees in the gentle breeze that coasted over the little island. As the sounds of the waves crashing against sandy shore and rocky outlets coursed through my brain, I felt my muscles relax, my body releasing the tension it held from the riotous thoughts previously erupting in my mind and everything melted away. By the time we landed, roughly four or five hours later, I'd put it all in the back of my mind in a box and securely locked/chained it closed until something dark would eventually break it open and the process would have to be repeated. We exited the plane in single file, comfortable in our civilian clothes, and headed to our first destination: the flower shop. It took a while to find one with lilies and sunflowers both, but we did, and proceeded to make our way to the cemetery, same as we used to.

I stared at the head stones for a while. It'd been years since they'd died, but you don't every truly get over losing the only blood family you ever had, the people who brought you into this world. Tears blurred my vision before creating tracks down my cheeks. My head bowed automatically, my knees buckling as I fell to the ground, unable to stand any longer. They were at my side in an instant; arms around my shoulders, hands holding mine even as they trembled, still clutching the small bouquets of flowers. The pain had never felt so raw, not after I'd finally thought I'd gotten past it. I'd dealt with visiting so well before, for years, but now felt different. It really hit me how much they'd missed of my life and, while I had Duke's family as my own, it wasn't the same. I felt childish, screaming in my head that it wasn't fair, that they should've been there, they shouldn't have gotten killed—all these thoughts of what should've happened, what could've been. It was childish. I knew better. It didn't stop me from crying harder, from placing the flowers as gently as my shaking hands would let me in front of the proper graves; didn't stop me from wrapping my arms around my stomach, feeling as if something was tearing me apart from the inside all over again; didn't stop me from screaming my pain into the otherwise quiet and empty cemetery. I could hear Duke and Rip on either side of me, whispering in my ears, telling me they were here, that everything was going to be okay, but it wasn't. It hasn't been. It never will be, not really. I knew I just had to suck it up and deal with it, that I wasn't the only kid to lose both parents in one go at a young age. Not all kids who did ended up being adopted into a loving family, let alone a family they'd known since they were born. I knew I was lucky. I just didn't care, not right then.

Duke kept telling me I had every right to cry, to scream, to feel pain. Rip agreed and said I'd been holding it in for too long. For this I loved them both dearly. They didn't try to quiet me, didn't try to stop my tears or my screams, even if my agonizing cries caused them pain. They held me, sheltered me, as if their sheer strength would hold me together because I couldn't do it on my own. Through my cries of internal pain, I vaguely heard pounding footsteps on the grassy pathways. Duke must've heard them, surely Rip did, that had to be the only reason he let go of me, left my side to stand and protect while Duke moved closer, shielding me from the unknown. There were voices not belonging to my two companions that seeped into my pounding head. Subconsciously, they registered, though it took a minute for my conscious mind to stop throbbing enough to receive the information. Slowly, I raised myself from my crouched position on the ground. Duke helped me stand, keeping me slightly behind him as my head dragged itself up, the tears still a constant flow. My eyes locked onto familiar dark ones, equally familiar blue ones residing in the person next to him. Their faces registered shock, all traces of angered curiosity of two men huddling around a screaming woman gone. My body moved forward before my brain told it to, Rip and Duke both staring at me curiously before flicking their eyes back to the strangers.

"Trina?" the blue eyed man asked, his hand reaching towards me hesitantly. The man with the dark eyes was pale, both appearing to have seen a ghost, or something of the sort.

"It can't be…I mean…we hoped, but…the car," the other stuttered, never good with words. I felt my lips curl into a smile, or what could've been considered one. Judging by the flinches from all parties, it probably looked demented.

"James? Gabe?" my voice trembled as it struggled to make its way out of my throat, scratched raw from the screams. I stumbled towards them, my arms throwing themselves around their necks as my legs gave out, their arms instantly wrapping around me to hold me up even as Duke and Rip instinctively moved forward to help. I felt tears on my neck and heard Gabe's muffled prayers of thanks and threats to never do that again. James was silent, no tears, but the fierce grip he had on my body was enough to convey that he agreed with everything Gabe was saying. As angry as I could've been that they'd cracked my code, or that Engelina had helped them when I'd told her under no circumstances was she to do so, there was an overwhelming sense of happiness, of relief. It all crashed into me at once. Yes, it mattered that my parents died, it was okay for me to feel childish about it sometimes; It was okay for me to scream and cry when the pain was too much, but in the end, the important people, the four people I needed to carry on with my life, were alive, well, and right there when I needed them most.