"Oh my god, Iowa!" Kansas screamed in frustration. "Your weather fucking sucks! It rained ice last night! How the fuck does it rain ice?!" She pointed out the large picture window in the living room at the almost picturesque scene.

It actually looked rather pretty, England thought. The bright sun glinted off the thick ice covering the ground, making everything sparkle in the early morning light. However, he had no desire to attempt to walk on it. Furthermore, he had no idea what sort of effect this would have on his flight which was supposed to leave later that day. As much as he enjoyed the states' company, their constant arguments (and America's overprotective hovering) were really starting to wear on his nerves.

Iowa glared at her southern sister. "Whatever, Southerner. We all know you couldn't handle a real winter."

"S-Southerner?!" Kansas sputtered. "I was a Union state just like you!"

Iowa just smirked, "Your politicians seem to think otherwise."

Kansas just screamed in frustration and launched herself at her sister. Before England could comprehend exactly what was happening, the brawling sisters (and it really couldn't be called anything other than a brawl) were surrounded by North Dakota, Nebraska, and Missouri - the boys cheering and encouraging them. The boys blocked Minnesota from getting close; the more responsible state attempting (and failing) to break them up.

"What the hell is going on here?!" America thundered as he entered the room. England (and Minnesota) shot the other nation a relieved look. He noticed North Dakota standing nervously behind the other nation - clearly someone had seen fit to find the one person with a chance to break up the fight. The boys all stopped cheering at once and backed away from the still brawling girls. Without hesitating, America strode angrily towards Iowa and Kansas - both heavily bruised by now. Apparently, America's children could hit just as hard as their father. The taller nation grabbed both girls by the scruff of their necks and dragged them apart. "Well? What do you two have to say for yourselves?" He glared at them both.

The two girls just looked away and refused to say anything. None of the other states spoke up either - likely wanting to avoid America's attention, England thought. After several minutes with no one saying anything, America set them down and sighed. "Was it really that stupid?" Both girls shrugged, unwilling to say a word. "Very well, I'll deal with both of you later." He turned to England, "Bad news, Iggy. The airport's been closed - the runways are coated with several inches of ice. All flights out of Des Moines have been cancelled for at least a few days."

While he'd been talking to England, Kansas and Iowa had gone to opposite ends of the room and were refusing to look at each other. America turned back towards them. "I was hoping you two would apologize without me having to force you." He said mildly. Despite his mild tone, his blue eyes were as cold as the ice outside the window.

Kansas and Iowa both muttered, "Sorry."

America just shook his head. "I have work I still need to do. If I leave you two alone, I'm not going to have to come back and separate you, am I?"

The girls sullenly shook their heads, still refusing to look at each other or their father. America sighed and left the room.

As soon as he left, Nebraska spoke up, "That was a low blow, Iowa. You know perfectly well that our politicians are off-limits." Iowa glanced at her brother, but didn't say anything. "Or would you really like for us to bring up Steve King?"

Iowa flinched, then groaned. "Fine, you're right. I'm sorry, Kansas."

Kansas pursed her lips, then nodded. "Apology accepted."

Nebraska bit his lip, then asked, "Does he really have a Confederate flag on his desk?"

Everyone in the room stared at him in disbelief. "Unfortunately, yes." Iowa groaned. "I swear the idiot doesn't even know what state he's supposed to represent. If only he was as dumb as Louie Gohmert - at least then we could excuse it as him being as dumb as a box of rocks!"

All of the states smirked, then said in unison, mocking voices, "How dare you cast aspersions on my asparagus!" Then they dissolved into laughter. And just like that, the argument was forgotten and their good humor was restored. It wouldn't be until after England got home that he looked up Louie Gohmert and realized that he was a Representative from Texas.

...

A.N. I'm alive! Mainly, I had a sleepless night before my Chemistry final and decided that instead of studying or working on the Final Paper that's due on Thursday, I'd wade back into ff. net.

I'd like to consider this the end of the story as far as this version is concerned. After reviewing it, there are many things about it that I would have done very differently if I'd known then what I know now - specifically, the history I crafted for the Midwestern states in making them former tribes. I now know just how insulting that is towards Native Nations - many of which still exist and are still struggling for sovereignty rights and recognition (both with the US government and internationally). I'd love to rewrite this entire story and write a more proper ending - this time without the ignorant white-washing of history.

A note about Michigan: A lot of Michiganders have suggested that Michigan should actually have two representatives (Upper and Lower Peninsula). However, that actually opens up even more problems. A lot of states have very sharp political and cultural dynamics (see Southern vs Northern California or NYC vs Upstate New York for the two most obvious examples), so I don't feel splitting Michigan is fully justified. If it helps, just think of it as a bit like the divisions that nations go through when various portions of their populations have major political and cultural differences. Rural vs Urban is a political and cultural clash (and almost never strictly along racial lines, unlike what a lot of popular media likes to simplify it to - humans are never that simple) that occurs in every state of the US and it's more pronounced in some states (like Michigan) than others.

Also, if you couldn't tell, I've been paying a lot more attention to politics than I was when I originally wrote this story - hence the political joke about Gohmert. The guy would be hilarious if it weren't for the fact that he's an elected member of Congress. And yes, Steve King is the US Representative for the district I live in and I absolutely hate his racist ass. I really hope he loses in 2018, but of course this district has been gerry-mandered to the point where it's almost impossible for any Republican to lose, no matter how absolutely horrible they are and even if they support policies that the local Republicans hate (which Steve King does - see him on pipelines and eminent domain). If any of the Iowans that read this fic live in IA-4 and will be old enough to vote in either the 2018 Republican primary or in the 2018 General Election, please please please, help me vote that asshole out of office!

I'm going to be working on rewriting this and then I'll start uploading it on AO3 (archive of our own. org). I'll wait until it's finished before I replace any of the chapters on this website. My username over there is also Tensai55.