Were we in love?, a merlin fanfic

Sorry for the lack of posts recently guys, my mate has been sectioned again, so I'm spending most of my time walking her dog, and mine, then getting a million and one buses to the hospital which is about 30 miles away... She should be out soon, so hopefully I'll be posting more often in the near future!

And there will be a special mention in my next fic to all those who can work out where I go the inspiration for this story. If you think you know, leave your name in a comment!

As the 'I do's' were said, as the wedding guests cheered and as the happy newly-weds kissed, he appeared. Arthur felt his presence before he saw him. The pair of them had always held a strong bond, and could always sense when the other was near. Arthur however, ignored him. He was soon so completely caught up in his new wife, the Lady Guinevere and his wedding guests, that he almost forgot about his surprise visitor. For, although Merlin had been invited, Arthur had not expected him to show up. Not after all that passed between them... not after all that hadn't.

"I have feelings for you Arthur, I'm not too sure what they are exactly, but I do know that they make me want to kiss you, and hold you, and never let you go... and you can push me away, and you can hate me, but you can't change the fact that I feel something for you. I mean it might go away, it might not... I just needed you to know, because it's eating me up inside. You can hate me if you want, fire me, make me leave Camelot... but that doesn't change the fact that I feel something,"

"Merlin..."

"I mean I'll leave, if you want me too, and if you want me to stay, I'll just act as though nothing ever happened between us I swear, because you might be a prat, but I do enjoy working as your servant."

"Merlin!"

"So we're agreed then? We'll just act like nothing has happened and..."

"MERLIN!"

Arthur had captured Merlin's face between his hands, and forced the young serving boys eyes into his own. They glittered with expectation, with hope, but were darkened with fear and regret. Arthur had never seen eyes more perfect.

"Merlin I feel something for you too..."

And then their lips connected, and so it began...

Lady Guinevere retired to bed early that night, for although it was her wedding night, she had been struck down with a terrible illness that very morning, and had barely made it through the ceremony, let alone the whole day. Arthur was using the opportunity to get as drunk as possible with his knights. He knew that in a matter of months, he would have no free time at all, what with the inevitable arrival of an heir and the on-going peace talks with neighboring Kingdoms. He had to make the most of his leisurely time while he still had the chance.

Merlin of course, found him within minutes, and every time the young warlock moved closer, Arthur would drag his knights off in another direction, all the while trying to pretend that nothing was going on. For every time Merlin got close to him, Arthur was taken over with memories of them.

"Arthur I…" but before he could go on, lips were upon his, tongues forcing said lips open, all he could do now was groan. "Arthur…" an ignored mumble, forced in between gasps for air. "Arthur…" ignored again. "ARTHUR!" This time, accompanied by a slight shove and a backing off.

"Merlin, you idiot, what did you do that for?" the Prince cried, looking very annoyed at his manservant.

"I need to say something… its important Arthur." Merlin said, his voice cracking slightly with the amount of irritation that was hidden behind his words. Arthur raised an eyebrow, as if to say 'Go on then!', and so Merlin did. Well, at least he tried to. "Arthur. I…"

"Want me to fuck you? I know…" and then Arthurs lips were on his, then in places that Merlin wouldn't expect to bring him pleasure, but did, and so he became lost in a fog of lust, and his words were misplaced for yet another day.

That is until the next time they were together, and it started all over again.

The truth was, Arthur knew what those misplaced words were. He knew what Merlin was trying to tell him… but he was scared. He didn't even know if he felt the same way…

"Arthur, isn't that Merlin?" Sir Lancelot questioned many hours later. Arthur glanced in the direction Lancelot was pointing in, and caught sight of his former manservant. He was lurking in the same corner he had withdrawn to earlier in the evening, after he realized that Arthur was not going to talk to him willingly. At least not sober.

"Yeah," Arthur said as he stumbled drunkenly. "Didn't think he would come…" A couple of knights snickered. The king suddenly felt very sober, and immediately demanded to know, 'What is so funny?" his voice holding such an air of authority that Lancelot knew he had to enlighten his King.

"The reason your knights are laughing sire, is because they know about your… um... relations… with your manservant…"

Arthur tried to laugh right alongside his knights, but he couldn't shake off the memories that were now invading his mind thick and fast.

"Why won't you listen to me Arthur?" Merlin cried out. He and his Prince were in one of the many hallways of Camelot's castle. What had started out as a conversation about their 'hunting trip' had turned into a full blown argument the centered around the fact that before Merlin could get past the 'I' in 'I love you' Arthur would silence him with a kiss, or an order to do something. Finally, after weeks of this habit, Merlin had cracked. Before Arthur dared to reply, he dragged the two of them into the nearest empty room.

"What the hell was that Merlin?" he demanded the second they were alone. "Do you want my father to find out about us? Do you want to lose your head?"

"No Arthur, that's not what I want! What I want is for you to listen to me!" Merlin cried back.

"I do listen to you Merlin, I always-"

"NO! No you don't, not now, not about this!" Merlin screamed at Arthur.

"Just say it then Merlin, tell me what it is that you have to tell me, go on, I'm listening!" Arthur pointed at his ears for added effect.

"Arthur I-" but Merlin stopped when he saw the look on Arthurs face, a look of horror, of shock. "What?" Merlin questioned, confused by Arthurs reaction. He hadn't even said anything yet.

"Your eyes… they went golden… you're a sorcerer…"

Merlin of course, spotted Arthur glancing at him and immediately made his way over. To Arthurs annoyance one of his knights (he didn't know which one) pushed him towards Merlin with a playful giggle. Had they forgotten that he had just married Gwen? He'd have their head if he knew which one had pushed him.

"Hi," a nervous voice broke Arthur's thoughts that centered around him executing all of his knights just to prove a point. He briefly made eye contact with his former manservant, and nodded in acknowledgement. "You look good... happy," the warlock continued. Again Arthur nodded, having seemingly lost control of his voice. "Do you want me to go?" Arthur gulped shook his head, and forced out a few painful words.

"No. No I do not. You are still my friend Merlin," his throat ached with the sheer force it took to say those words.

"Am I?" Merlin questioned, placing a hand on Arthurs shoulder. Arthur shrugged it off.

"Yes, of course Merlin. You will always be my friend, you know that, or at least you should,"

"But what happened…" Merlin questioned. Arthur again looked into the warlock's eyes, and was surprised to see they were dripping with tears.

"I did it because you were my friend, and I couldn't bare to see you walk to your death."

Merlin sat alone in his cell, watching the faint sunrise that was barley visible through the window beyond the guards. Once the sun was up, he would be lead to his death. He had considered using magic to escape, but he knew in his heart that he could never do it. He could not betray Arthur yet again. He could not bare the thought of being hunted down like a wild animal by the one person he loved more than any other. His musings were disturbed however, when someone came running down the stairs. It was Arthur. Merlin was on his feet as Arthur battled with the two guards, killing both of them within seconds. Before the guards could even drop to the floor, Arthur was fumbling with a set of keys Merlin knew were to the dungeon doors.

"Arthur, what are you doing?" Merlin demanded as he pressed his face between two of the bars.

"What does it look like you buffoon?" Arthur cried as the first key failed. He shook violently as he tried to find the right one.

"You don't have to do this!" Merlin replied desperately. Arthur stopped what he was doing to give Merlin one long hard stare.

"Yes Merlin. I do, I cannot bare to see you go to your death, I cannot. I know you are not an enemy of Camelot, I know you were using your magic's for good," Arthur cried. After a moments silence, he frantically pushed his second choice of key into the lock. Again in was the wrong key.

"It's the round one Arthur," Merlin said with a slight smirk. Arthur raised an eyebrow, but nevertheless used the round key to open the door.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Go! Run! Hide!" he demanded, stepping aside so that Merlin could pass.

"Arthur I-"

"GO! Before someone sees!" Arthur ordered, physically pushing Merlin up the stairs this time. Merlin nodded once.

"Thank you," he whispered, and, without another word, took off up the stairs.

"Merlin?" Arthur whispered just as Merlin rounded the corner. The sorcerer stopped in his tracks and came back down the last few steps.

"Sire?" Merlin questioned, trying not to sound too hopeful. Was now the time that his Prince would confess his love?

"See to it that you return one day," he whispered, not able to look at his young manservant. He didn't want him to see the tears in his eyes.

"When you are King sire, I promise," and then he was gone.

"I will always be grateful for that sire," Merlin whispered, as he remembered that fateful day when he had fled Camelot with Arthurs help.

"I'm glad. I'm also glad that you kept your promise. Do you intend to stay in Camelot?" Arthur asked, trying his best not to sound too hopeful. He didn't want to give Merlin false expectation's after all.

"If you'll have me sire," Merlin said. Arthur nodded a few times.

"Yes… of course Merlin. You will know I expect, that I have lifted the ban on magic," Arthur inquired.

"Yes sire, it was hearing that news that made me return to Camelot," Merlin said truthfully. For, although it had been months since he had heard that Arthur was now King, he did not what to risk returning while magic was still banned, invitation or not.

"Good. I hear you are the most talented sorcerer in this kingdom, and any beyond that. Is that true?"

"So I've been told sire," Merlin said, blushing slightly at the words his King had said. Did they mean that he had been thinking of him too? Arthur chuckled slightly at Merlin's words, and at the colour in his cheeks.

"I have been told the same, and so Merlin, I wish for you to be Camelot's court sorcerer. I will need all the help I can get in making sure that magic is not abused, and I will need your help when it is," Arthur said. "Do you accept?" he asked, an eyebrow raised.

"On one condition sire," Merlin requested. Arthur nodded, while looking at the floor once again. What would Merlin ask of him? Surely he could see that he was now happily married to Gwen?

"And that is?"

"Answer me a question. Be honest with me, and I will be your fateful servant until the day I die,"

"Ask away,"

"Were we in love..?"

Arthur cried for days after Merlin left. He had not anticipated to feel so empty after Merlin had gone, so alone. It wasn't until Merlin had departed that he had realized that he was in love with him.

But then she came into his life. She started out as Lady Morganas maid, but over the coming months and years, she was the person at Arthurs side whenever he was challenged to a knights battle, she was the one to make sure he was ok after battles with foes. She was the one who healed his heart, who filled the hole. She was the one Arthur could finally say those words too.

She was Gwen.

Arthur felt tears spring to his eyes at the long gone memory of the pain and emptiness he had felt when Merlin had gone, he felt a chocking on his throat as he remembered forgetting Merlin as he fell head over heels in love with Gwen. He felt atrocious knowing his next words would break the heart of the man before him.

"We were…"