Main Feature: Yoh/Anna, Pailong/Jun

also starring: Ren/Piri, Lyserg/Jeanne, Horo/Tamao, Faust/Eliza

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" The big hulking man in the bed shook his head. "Go get some rest, Bason." The former Chinese general went back to sleep as he disposed of the syringe that he had used to administer a shot to his patient. The syringe that had formerly terrified the living daylights out of said former Chinese general.

"How'd it go this time? Giant, pansy warlord still wetting his bed because of a stupid little needle?" Pirika asked, chewing the end of her pencil as she studied her patient report.

He rolled his eyes. "Stop calling him a warlord. And I helped him get over it. Virtually painless." His fellow nurse laughed. "What do we have next?"

The Ainu girl flipped over a page of her clipboard and extracted the gnawed on eraser from her mouth. "314 needs someone to change his bandages. Little boy, broken arm. Or 109 needs someone to change his sheets. Middle aged man, threw up from nausea." Both wrinkled their noses in disgust and stared at the clipboard.

"Dibs on 314!" they yelled at the same time, racing towards the elevator.

"Hello, there," the nurse panted out, inwardly celebrating the fact he had beaten Pirika as she was relegated to throw up duty. "So what can I do you for today?"

His noisy entrance roused the sleeping girl who had been slumped over the patient's bed. "Hmm?" She immediately straightened up and stuttered out an apology. "Er, s-s-sorry," she said, her head bowed down. "Ah, uh…"

The little boy in question rolled his eyes. "Jeez, Tamao, relax, you're acting like the one with the broken arm."

"Munzer, Redseb. You're due for some new bandages. Miss Munzer…? Are you his legal guardian? Older sister perhaps?"

Redseb, observing that Tamao was clearly rendered unable to speak or function at all for whatever reason, spoke up. "She's Tamamura Tamao and she's my…the first one you said. She volunteers at the orphanage we stay at." The girl nodded. "Don't worry, she's always like this. She's not that good with talking to other people…"

"Redseb!" Tamao clenched the arms of the chair she was sitting in.

He frowned. "What? It's true!"

Orphanage, huh? Poor kid. The male nurse smoothed out his scrubs. "We stay at?"

"Yeah, me and—" The boy swiveled his head around, causing his messy hair to go flying. "Huh? What the—Seyram, where'd you go?" A little girl popped out from the other side of the bed. "Don't disappear like that!"

He laughed as he examined Redseb's sling. "Is this your sister?" The girl nodded solemnly. "You three are an interesting bunch. Now let's see…how did you manage to get yourself into this?"

As he removed the old bandages around the arm, Redseb's face lit up. "I broke it while snatching a baby out of the jaws of a lion in a burning building—" Seyram glared at him and thrust her doll at his face. "Okay…I fell out of a tree trying to get her doll that was stuck in it…" He hung his head. "Jeez, Seyram, way to ruin my story. The first one makes me sound all cool and heroic and stuff." She crossed her arms and sat down.

The nurse smiled and disposed of the worn out wrappings. "Your arm looks like it's healed pretty well. Let's get Dr. Tao to take a look at it before I bandage it again. You might not even have to wear a sling this time."

Redseb beamed as Tamao clasped her hands together and looked at the nurse who had helped them. "Th-Thank you, Mister…?"

"Yoh. Asakura Yoh." Male nurse extraordinaire.

"Damn you, Asakura!" Pirika seethed, looking quite frazzled, as she returned to the desk they frequented. She scowled and held up her gloved hands in disgust. "Look at me! He threw up again when I was changing his sheets," she hissed. "You owe me big time."

"Mmhmm." Yoh tapped the end of his pencil on the form he was filling out. "Say when do we—"

"Aha! I knew you weren't even listening!" she cried. "That's it, I don't want always getting stuck with the short end of the stick every time we get patients. Next time I need someone to cover for a CC, you're filling in for me."

Yoh mumbled his response. CC's or critical condition patients were very depressing to look after, as their cases ranged from burn victims to car crash survivors to cancer to slow hemorrhaging to a whole slew of terminal diseases. Every single member of the staff at Funbari Hill Hospital hated getting stuck with a CC, considering that their patient's chances of living were extremely low. And to the sunny and persistently upbeat Yoh Asakura, it was twice as bad. "Fine, I guess for the past couple of weeks—"

"Months."

"—I've been beating you out for all the easier cases. It's only fair." He shrugged and mulled over the patient form again. "314's name is Redseb."

Her face softened. "Yoh…"

"He has a little sister named Seyram." He paused before marking N/A when the form asked for the names of the patient's parent(s). "They're both orphans."

"How many times did I tell you to not—"

"Get emotionally attached to a patient? Um…one hundred…forty…seven times? Well, with this, it's one hundred forty-eight." He smiled sheepishly. "I can't help it."

"Yeah, yeah, you're a sucker for orphans, I know. Watch, one of these days, you're gonna get married to one." Pirika folded her arms and slumped over the desk, her eyes closed. "I'd be careful if I were you." He looked at her quizzically. "Right now, you have the quizzical look on your face," she predicted, her eyes still shut. "I say that because…well, you're gonna get hurt if you keep this up." She went silent and remained perfectly still so that Yoh wondered if she had died right then.

"Pirika, how long this time?"

Her eyes flew open and he was able to see that they were bloodshot. "Thirty-two hours." She looked scared.

He laughed. "Go home."

"But—"

"Go home."

"Please don't make me—"

"Pirika, go home."

She pouted. "Don't tell Tao. Or I will kill you." She grabbed her purse and jacket and spun on her heel as indignantly as she could.

Yoh shook his head. "Hey, Usui, are we still on for decorating the hospital tomorrow?" He was met with an angry wave of the hand from her as she strode away. "I'm taking that as a yes."

Dr. Tao approached him without looking up from her clipboard. "Asakura…" She scribbled something down in her trademark blue ink as she drew out the last syllable of his last name (per usual). "Good…" She looked up and turned her head around the room as if she were checking if there were people around. "Good job."

"Hey, doc—"

"It was because of the feedback we got from 314. Nothing more, nothing less," she said quickly and mechanically. She placed her pencil behind her ear near what Pirika, Yoh, and the rest of the staff called "Tao's fan bun" (not directly to her face of course). Curiously enough, it was not quite a bun, and her hair didn't completely fan out, thus, the fan bun was born. Her personality was acerbic at best and her hair was dangerously pointy and when you put two and two together you get one very cautious Yoh Asakura.

"I was going to ask how our little hospital celebrity was doing." Yoh grinned at her and drummed his fingers on the surface of the desk.

Jun regarded him with a brand of cold suspicion only she could administer. "The same as he has been for the past five years. Unconscious in a coma, Asakura," she said, enunciating every word.

He shrugged as his cell phone bleeped. "Just asking is all. Because a lot of the staff said that you—oh, hold on, I need to take this." He began walking away, talking on his phone

The resident MD's eyes widened. "What? What have they been saying? Asakura? Asakura! Come back here!"

He put down his phone momentarily and mouthed out I'm off duty before he exited the building.

She glared at the hospital's automatic doors long after they had let Yoh through before she realized patients and nurses alike had been staring at her. "What are you staring at? Get back to work, all of you!"

"Hey, welcome home," Horohoro said into the refrigerator as Yoh entered their apartment. "Score's 72-80."

"Er…okay. You know that I don't—"

"Follow sports. Yeah I know. I'm just excited. Big game, big game. Hokkaido representing. Got some bets ridin' on this one here. Shot clock runnin' out on them won't get 'em this year," Horohoro remarked before opening yet another can of soda. Yoh sighed. Sometimes it was like his best friend since childhood/current roommate was speaking a different language.

"What the—how many sodas have you had?" Yoh gaped as he realized that there were more aluminum cans than carpet showing on the floor.

"Uh, I dunno. Don't count those, not accurate. I had to clear away some at half-time 'cause there wasn't enough space on the floor."

"Your teeth are going to rot out and you will never get a girlfriend," Yoh stated cheerfully, a huge smile plastered onto his face. "Oh and you won't ever be able to drink soda or eat anything with sugar ever again because you'll become diabetic."

"Sounds cool," Horohoro said, his eyes locked onto the television screen in front of him even though it was still a commercial.

Yoh wordlessly exited the living area and went into his room. After attempting to listen to music (he switched the CD that was in the player thirteen times before giving up), he found himself mindlessly turning on his laptop, his fingers typing in the addresses of various websites that sold children's toys, while thinking of what Redseb and Seyram would want for Christmas. After twenty minutes or so, he shook himself out his stupor. "What am I doing. I don't even know them that well…" He frowned at the glowing LCD monitor of his laptop. "But still…"

He grabbed his cell phone that had been peacefully charging on his bed and hit speed dial.

"This had better be good," came the angry snarl from the other end of the line.

"Nice to hear your voice too."

"My boyfriend is over at my place and for those of us in this conversation who actually have love lives—oh wait, I forgot, I'm the only one who has any amount of romance going on right now—"

"Shopping, Pirika, shopping." So yes, Yoh knew using Pirika's number one weakness was kind of a new low but he needed her help with what he was planning.

"…Shop…ping?" She paused, leaving Yoh to stew as he awaited her answer.

He finally sighed. "Price?"

"Hmm…two shifts. Two shifts. For the next CC." He inwardly groaned. Two shifts watching over a CC case was no joke. "Still up to it?" Her voice sounded exceedingly smug.

Yoh still had Two shifts echoing around in his head for a moment before he realized she had asked a question. "Yes? Yes."

"It's that important, isn't it?" He pictured her tapping her finger against her lips as she always did when she was in one of her thoughtful moods (he was rather well acquainted with this considering her brother did the exact same gesture—however, Horohoro did it when he was debating over the choices on the menu of a fast food joint whereas Pirika did it when it came to shopping decisions). "All right then," she said as if it were too much of a burden. Her end of the line became muffled as she cupped her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone. Yoh tapped his hand against the wall and hummed as he waited for her to return. "Okay, I'll see you there around seven-ish."

He tapped his room door open and peeked outside. Horohoro had finally crashed before the game was even over. As Yoh quietly made his way around all the discarded cans on the floor, he took a look at the final score. Horohoro is going to be disappointed…Hokkaido lost again. He turned the TV off and slipped outside of their apartment.

"So…" Pirika and Yoh walked down the noisy streets of downtown Tokyo, passing the store windows in which the employees were busily decorating for the upcoming holidays. "So…" she repeated.

"Well, I got to thinking…"

"Oh boy. You were thinking again."

"We should have a toy drive for the kids in the hospital and the orphanage in Funbari Hill."

"Yoh."

He shook off the snow that had accumulated on top of his hood. "What?"

Pirika stopped walking and looked at him. "Tao isn't going to go for that! You already know how she gets around Christmas time what with all the cheer and happiness and joy…it makes her twenty times more irritated for some reason. And if you throw in helping sad kids and orphans? This is Tao we're talking about, not the flippin' love child of Mother Teresa and Santa Claus." She drew a line across her throat and made a cutting noise. "No contest."

Yoh grinned at her. "I already asked the boss lady." He stood there, beaming triumphantly as Pirika's jaw dropped.

"H-H-How—"

"I called her right after I finished talking to you and asked. She said that not only was it fine but it was a great idea. Great idea."

"That sounds suspicious."

Yoh kicked at a clump of ice on the ground. "Yeah, her voice sounded a little off when she said it. I think she was in a patient's room when I called her."

"What was she doing at the hospital so late?" she asked half to herself as she paused in front of a particularly happy looking store. "Wait, how do you even know that she was in a patient's room?"

"Remember the annoying buzzing of fluorescent lights in all of the rooms on the fifth floor?"

Pirika winced. "There's no mistaking them for sure." They entered the shop. "Fifth floor, huh?" She pursed her lips.

"I'm thinking the same thing too."

"She's giving so much of her attention to our little celebrity." Pirika held up a garland. "Ah, this one looks nice!" Yoh nodded in agreement. "You sure want to start decorating really early this year? It isn't even December yet."

He looked up from the ornaments he had been inspecting. "It's the end of November. Give me a break," he laughed. "Anyways, what are you complaining about? You love Christmas as much as I do." He turned to a store clerk. "I think we'll be taking these." The clerk nodded and took the three boxes of ornaments from him.

"I'm not complaining!" Pirika had an expression of faux offense on her face. "If it were up to me, I'd have the hospital stay decorated with Christmas stuff all year long. It makes people happier and less stressed that way." She placed several garlands and a canister of tinsel on the counter as well and picked up some fake holly and pointed it at Yoh's face. "Not that you need to be any happier. I swear, you probably scare a lot of the patients that way." She tossed the plastic foliage at the hassled clerk. "We'll be taking this as well."

Yoh smiled. "You and Horo are the exact same person sometimes." He placed several stockings on top of her head.

She whirled around. "Ew, gross! I'm nothing like him. I don't understand how you can stand living with that brother of mine every day of your life," she scoffed from underneath the red and white felt that was covering her face.

"Funny. He asked how I could stand working with that sister of his every day of my life."

Pirika simply scowled as she moved to the non-Christmas section of the store while Yoh trailed behind her obediently. Kneeling on the floor, she grumbled as she rifled through the clearance bin and, finding what she had been so adamant in searching for, held up a packet of pens and a poster board. "Might as well, right? We need something to let everyone know we're having a toy drive."

"Er…won't just a poster board with your mediocre lettering skills or my pathetic drawing abilities make it look…well…"

"Well what?" Pirika stared at him unblinkingly.

"Um…lame?"

"That's why we'll get Miss Red Eyes to do it for us." She scooted backwards and hopped back up. "Then she'd actually be able to do something useful for once."

He rolled his eyes at her nickname for the teenage volunteer at the hospital. "Pirika…" Yoh leaned on a nearby shelf. "Jeanne's a nice girl."

"She doesn't do anything and she's always in my way every time I'm passing through on the second floor!" she huffed as they made their way to the cashier.

"She's still in high school. What do you want her to do? Perform open heart surgery? Thanks," he said offhandedly as the clerk rang up all of their supplies.

"Well, when I was her age, I was taking care of my dad and Horohoro and I was the only one in our little dysfunctional family to be earning an income." Her eyes looked empty as she said this. "I didn't let…let what had happened stop me even if I was only seventeen years old."

"Pirika, your mom leaving your dad isn't your fault." Yoh placed his hand on top of her wrist. "You need to stop blaming yourself for everything."

"I know, I know. It's just…frustrating. It's fine though. I mean, all of this happened four years ago." She leaned on the barcode the poor clerk had been trying to scan. "She's seventeen. She should be…I don't know, doing something with her life."

"She's graduating in May. I'm sure she'll find something productive to do in college." The clerk looked exhausted as he handed Pirika and Yoh seven bags worth of decorations.

"We can only hope." Her pager vibrated angrily at her hip. "Hmm?" She unclipped the plastic device that the hospital had given every staff member once they had started working there. "Ah, how fun. A CC is coming in tomorrow from the Mount Osore region. Seems their hospital over there is getting overworked by the holiday rush."

Yoh tilted his head sideways when they exited the store. "Holiday rush? What do you mean?"

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Don't you ever notice around late November and early December there are always somehow more people getting checked into the hospital because of some kind of accidents or depression or whatnot? And it's always Thanksgiving time or Christmas time when it happens."

"That's actually true," Yoh laughed.

"Anyways, that's not the point. You get to go in tomorrow bright and early to attend to our new depressing patient. What a way to start off the cheeriest month of the year!" She smirked devilishly at him. "Told you, the holiday rush is true! This is our first critical condition case in months."

"How lovely. At least I can start decorating early." He rubbed his mittened hands together.

"...Your optimism is nauseatingly endearing."

Yoh returned back to his apartment early so that he could get some rest before waking up at six in the morning the following day.

"Hey, Horo— " He cut himself off as he saw the Ainu boy was still sleeping the exact same position Yoh had left him in several hours earlier. He mindlessly did his evening routine as he prepared for bed.

Yoh stared up at the plaster white ceiling of his room, humming a tune to himself, not hearing his phone buzz desperately as he received twelve missed calls from Izumo.

A partridge in a pear tree

A/N: oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, it's starting! as promised, thus concludes the first of many, many chapters of Critical Condition. This story is based on a short of the same name that I wrote in my series of shorts My Commensal if you're intersted. Expect extremely rapid updates. As in, I might even be updating a chapter a day for this fic, so add this story or even me to your alerts. (that's how excited I am). Critical Condition will be updated and finished during December (...well...yeah...considering it's a Christmas fic) i'm especially excited since this is my first story where PailongJun is one of the main pairings =)

Reviews are lovely as always. =)and check out my other stories as well! I updated My Commensal with a little celebratory RenPiri short yesterday. it's snazzy =)