Author's Note: I've always wondered what Edward was doing during his months away in New Moon. Stephenie Meyer told us just a little about that time, but the rest was left to our imaginations. So I've decided to let my imagination run wild. Here are Edward's lost months in New Moon. One chapter for each month he was away, so this will be a short story, because frankly, I can't stand the depression for too long.

The story begins when he leaves Bella alone in the woods, and my story ends when she finds him in Italy. I won't attempt to write the original story in his POV because some very fine writers have already done that. These are just the missing months. I will be using elements of Stephenie's outtakes from the book which can be found on her official website. I will be sure to credit her when those scenes are used. Direct quotes from New Moon will be in italics.

Disclaimers: This prologue is short. The chapters will be longer. New Moon belongs to Stephenie Meyer. The title of this story is taken from the song "Pieces" by Red. Thanks to my beta for recommending it.

Prologue

I am going to burn in hell.

I will deserve each and every lick of the flames as they turn my worthless, hollow corpse into a pile of ashes. No one, not even a soulless monster like me, should expect anything less after the blasphemous lies that have just escaped my marble lips.

"I don't want you to come with me."

"You're not good for me."

"It will be as if I'd never existed."

I hover in the towering spruce tree, watching over her as she staggers through the forest, repeatedly screaming my name and searching in vain for my footprints. Her voice quakes with each desperate plea.

"Edward!!! Edward!!!"

I moan in despair as I watch her legs collapse, and she falls against the cold, damp forest floor.

I deserve this punishment, as well. I force myself to remain still. To watch the visual evidence that proves that I am, indeed, a monster.

She doesn't appear to be injured as she curls into a ball and allows the agony to overtake her. My entire body convulses - the magnetic pull so strong that I almost forget why I made this choice.

She needs me.

God, I need her.

My brain screams at me, urging me to go to her. I want, so desperately, to go to her. To take away the pain I've inflicted. To gather her in my arms and beg for her forgiveness.

I listen to her mournful sobs as I begin to negotiate with myself.

We can move away. Far away from any danger that may present itself because of my presence in her life. I would miss my family, and she would miss hers, but we would be together.

And then I remember –

The danger is me.

The incident with Jasper – a simple papercut – had proven to be the catalyst I needed to finally acknowledge that my very existence is keeping her in jeopardy. I had become overconfident – almost arrogant – in regards to the perils of my world. Convincing myself I could always protect her. Believing that my kind could ignore our primal natures and simply love her and treat her as one of the family.

My brother – who adored her - had wanted to kill her as soon as that single drop of blood had fallen onto the carpet. He'd craved her. He had wanted to drain her dry. I could hardly fault him for such behavior. Hadn't I, not less than a year ago, wished for the same?

As I watch her drift off to sleep against the soggy ground, I contemplate her future without me. She will forget me, eventually. The love she feels for me is no where near comparable to my eternal feelings for her. Her emotions for me are young and fleeting. Human memories become clouded with time, and the pain of this night will someday be forgotten. Bella will move on with her life. She will marry someone. She will have his children. While these two scenarios cause an intense jolt of jealousy to slice through me like a knife through my stomach, I understand that this is what I want for her. She deserves these things - those precious moments and milestones that I would be taking away from her if I remain a constant in her life. Bella is much too young and stubborn to realize that, in time, she will resent me for not providing her with everything life has to offer. I have seen the sadness on my mother's and sister's faces each time they come in contact with a human child. It is the one aspect of human life they miss the most, and I will not deny Bella the pleasure of motherhood.

But most importantly, I will not endanger her life.

Not anymore.

Her next birthday will be spent surrounded my friends and family – individuals who can hold her hand and offer a Band-Aid if she repeats the papercut incident. Not ferocious immortals who crave the sweet taste of her blood. I will keep my promise.

"It will be as if I'd never existed."

It is hours later when the aroma of werewolf permeates my nostrils. I whip my head around, ready to throw caution to the wind and protect her from another type of monster that lurks in our forests. Moments later, I stare below as Sam Uley pulls Bella into his arms. I watch as her tiny arms entwine around his neck, and the skin on my neck twitches with envy. His nostrils flare, and I know he can smell my presence. He sniffs Bella's clothes and shudders lightly, concluding that her attire is the cause of the offensive aroma. His thoughts confirm that he is here as a favor to Charlie, and I watch as he carries my whole heart out of the thickness of the forest, taking the trail that will lead them back to the Swan residence.

I am rooted to my spot in the giant spruce, afraid to leave. Afraid to separate myself from my very last connection to her. I gaze in agony at the spot on the ground where she had laid only moments before. Now that I am truly alone, I succumb to my guilt. My Shame. My misery. It tears through me like the wildest of storms, ripping at my heart and leaving nothing but destruction in its path. I roar fiercely – sending the night owls scurrying from their homes in the trees.

When her scent is finally washed away by the rain, I spring from the trees and dash with urgency through the rainforest. I run until I hit the Canadian border. I stop just short of the Pacific Ocean and peer at it with untamed fury. Even the ocean is worthless to me. I wish I could dive right in and allow the water to flood my lungs, effectively ending the misery of which I have chosen to subject myself. Agonized, I snap my eyes closed and screech into the blackened night.

Love. Life. Meaning.

Over.

Okay, so here's the thing. I've been cautioned that this story may not be interesting to my readers who are used to my fluff and romance. This won't be a fun read, at all. It's going to be sad and depressing, but I hope, fairly original. I've pointedly not searched for stories related to Edward's lost months. I'm sure they are out there and that they are wonderful. I just want to stay unaware and write my own thing.

So here's my question to you. Is this worth continuing? Remember – it's going to be a short read. One chapter for each month he is away. And the chapters will be longer than this prologue. Should I keep going? Be honest, because really, what's the point in writing if no one wants to read it?

Thanks!

SydneyAlice