To be sung to the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer." Happy Holidays!

Kolya Got Sucked up by a Wraith Dart

Kolya got sucked up by a wraith dart
Running for the Stargate yesterday
You can say there's no such thing as karma
But as for Colonel Sheppard, he believes.

He'd been planning to wreak havoc
On the Colonel and his team
But he was forced to run for cover
And he fell into an oncoming dart beam.

When John returned the next morning
To the scene of the attack
There were only Kolya's footprints
Ending halfway down the narrow, muddy track.

Kolya got sucked up by a wraith dart
Running for the Stargate yesterday
You can say there's no such thing as karma
But as for Colonel Sheppard, he believes.

Now the city's all a-flutter
And a party's underway
Lorne is hanging paper streamers,
Dancin' jigs with Teyla, Ronon and McKay.

Life's much better without Kolya
That's a simple, basic fact
But John just can't help but wonder:
Will wraith feed on such a dirty, stinkin' rat?

Kolya got sucked up by a wraith dart
Running for the Stargate yesterday
You can say there's no such thing as karma
But as for Colonel Sheppard, he believes.

Now Atlantis is much safer
And a cheerful place to be
With big smiles on all the faces
Knowing that the galaxy is Kolya-free.

John warned all the Genii soldiers
"Better watch out for yourselves."
There are many other wraith darts
That could come along and suck you up as well.

Kolya got sucked up by a wraith dart
Running for the Stargate yesterday
You can say there's no such thing as karma
But as for Colonel Sheppard, he believes.