Thank you so much for the reviews! I feel like a broken record, however, with apologizing for how long this took to get out. I don't have a beta and I keep editing my own chapters which can be hard. RL keeps kicking my ass right now and I am trying to balance it out. Anyways I will shut up so you can finally read the next chapter that you have all been patiently waiting for.

BPOV

I must have stood there frozen like a statue for what seemed like hours when it was only mere seconds. My heart was beating like a jackhammer and my head felt light. My breathing was coming out in short spurts and I knew I was going to have a panic attack. Memories that I have been trying to suppress were pulling me into the darkness and I felt my body starting to sway and move without control. My body started falling down to the ground and I was powerless to stop it. The last thing I remember was Emmett screaming and a voice yelling in the distance that I could not figure out. I was drowning in the darkness of my past and then all became black.

July 15, 2008

My mother was driving me insane. My birthday was over 2 months away and yet she keeps hounding me on what I want to plan for this year. She must have sent me literally 10 texts messages in the last 2 hours asking me when I was going to be home so we could start planning. She got way more excited about my birthday than I ever did. I hate pretending that I am enjoying myself when really I just want to be by myself or with my boyfriend James.

I loved James so much. He was such a gentleman and the best part was that my father approved of the relationship. This pissed my mom off to no end considering she couldn't stand him. I kept asking her what James ever did to her but she would just simply look at me and plead with me that it was just a bad feeling that she had and that I was too young to date anyways. I told her that she started dating dad when she was 13 so I didn't see what the big deal was. It wasn't like I was having sex with him or anything.

James was 17 which is a bit older than me but no different than the age difference from my mom and dad. He was always so sweet to me and he never pressured me into doing anything I didn't want to. Not like I was locking up my chastity belt though, as he was my first kiss, make out partner, and the first dick I had ever seen or touched.

I met James at a family gathering at my Uncle Phil's house. My dad and Uncle Phil had been estranged for many years. My Uncle Phil was adopted and got into some shit when he was younger and was shipped away for school. My dad isn't a man of many words so I never really got the full story there. All I know is that they hadn't seen each other for like 15 years or something until they met up this past Christmas and decided to get everyone together for a family gathering. James was my Uncle Phil's godson and he was there participating in the festivities. Phil introduced us and we hit it off right away. There wasn't many people my age there so we just kept to ourselves and talked most of the night. I was smitten almost instantly. He asked for my number and we had been inseparable since.

When I had finally gotten home I went to look for my mother, just wanting to get this dreaded planning over with before James came over later. It was our 4 month anniversary today and I had something special planned. I looked all over the house and couldn't figure out where the hell she was. As I was about to give up and go to my room to get ready for tonight, I heard a small whimper coming from the guest room down the hall. Curiously I went over to the room and put my ear to the door, wondering who the hell was in there and what they were doing. What I heard made me start to panic.

It sounded like my mom whimpering and 2 male voices that were grunting and moaning simultaneously. Immediately I was concerned and tried to open the door. It was locked. Worried about my mom I started banging down the door yelling at someone to open up. The room grew quiet right away and I heard a bunch of muffled voices and bustling around. Finally after what seemed like hours, the door finally opened and I felt sick when I got to see the faces that had come out of the room wearing no shirts.

Uncle Phil and James.

I vaguely remember screaming and crying in my fit of rage. I called my mom every name I could think of, the betrayal feeling so raw and hurtful, making me keel over in the pain. She was crying and saying "my sweet Bella, I am so sorry" and I think I may have spit in her face; I couldn't be sure, it all happened so fast. I made my way to the bathroom and threw up repeatedly until I had nothing left and passed out. I remembered waking up in my bed, with my uncle leering over me. I had never felt so scared in my life. Then the words he said changed my life into a nightmare...

"Bella...Bella...damn it Emmett she isn't waking up! Go get Carlisle!" Edward's voice sounded so clear yet so far off in the distance as he barked out orders to my brother. I felt like I was having an out of body experience; I was floating away and I couldn't stop it. After what seemed like seconds the voices started getting louder. Suddenly I felt a piercing in my head that was so painful it made me want to cry out. I tried to move but felt an incredible weight that kept me paralyzed. All I could do was sit there and endure the pain. After a few moments, I started feeling sweet relief as the initial piercing in my head subsided, however it was replaced by a pound and throb which almost made me wish for the blackness to take me again.

"I think she is coming back to us...I saw her eyes flutter" Alice cried and I tried to smile. She really was such a caring person. I finally felt like I could move again and I tried to open my eyes. Slowly my eyelids started to open and everything looked blurry and unfocused. I couldn't figure out what the hell I was looking at. As my vision started to clear, the one thing that I did notice was the most beautiful green eyes staring right at my side. .

So beautiful

I realized then that I was staring at Edward, and he was chuckling and looking very relieved. Suddenly it dawned on me that I may have said that out loud.

Shit I think my brain filter stopped working.

"Yeah it did" he chuckled and I was completely mortified. I blushed and looked away, completely embarrassed that I just called Edward beautiful out loud. I felt his fingers as he gently placed them under my chin and turned my head to him. The feeling made my stomach flutter and my heart pound furiously. He gave me the most heartbreaking smile that made his eyes sparkle. I thought I must have looked like a tomato to him and everyone else around me but I couldn't bring myself to turn away. My brother decided to ruin the moment by going all brother bear on me by pushing Edward away and hover over me. Edward did not look happy.

"Fuck Emmett, you could have just asked me to fucking move!" Edward picked himself up from where my brother pushed him and stormed over to the lounge chair, throwing himself onto it pulling out a smoke and lighting it. My brother completely ignored him and started assessing me for injuries. I thought I almost saw tears forming in his eyes as he checked to see if I was ok. Then when he caught my questioning look, he put his mask back on, cleared his throat and pulled away from me letting Carlisle assess me. I closed my eyes and sighed, relishing in the fact that even though it was only for a few seconds, I got a glimpse of the brother I lost so long ago.

Once Carlisle assessed me and deemed me ok enough to get up off the balcony floor and back into my bed I was feeling quite irritated with myself. I hated not being in control and falling weak like that. There isn't much that can tear me down, but just the thought of James knowing where I was made me want to curl up into a ball and cry like a fucking baby. And that pissed me off.

Carlisle instructed Alice to keep me awake since I had a mild concussion from where I fell. We both got out of going to school the next day and that didn't really sit right with me. After that incident with Tanya, being away from school will most likely make me look like I was a coward. Even though she won't be in school for a week her minions would be there and I didn't even want to think of the rumours and stories they were going to come up with. I mean it isn't like I cared what people thought, especially those bitches, but I don't need any unwanted attention coming my way, especially knowing that James may know where I am. Emmett doesn't know anything about the story of James and my mom, however, I don't think I will be safe in Forks anymore and we may need to leave. My problem was convincing Emmett that we had to leave. For some reason, the thought of leaving Forks made my stomach turn and I didn't understand why.

Alice did a great job at distracting me. We played Wii and watched several movies to help keep me awake. I coerced Alice into watching a few Halloween movies, using the excuse that I would fall asleep if it were any other kind of genre and by the middle of the first movie I was laughing hysterically at her when she was clutched to me and jumped out of her skin every time Michael Myers came onto the screen. She hated scary movies and didn't think it was at all funny that I was laughing at her expense. She decided that I owed her a shopping and makeover day to make up for it. I stopped laughing after that.

Finally after mid afternoon the next day, Carlisle decided that I was ok to get some rest. I was eternally grateful for that fact. Alice only made it until like 6 in the morning and I was running out of things to do to keep me awake. I all but collapsed on my bed and fell asleep instantly.

I was awoken at around seven by Esme, letting me know that dinner was ready and that I shouldn't sleep the evening away or I would screw up my sleeping schedule. I groaned and begged for more time but she insisted and told me that I could get more rest in a couple of hours. I huffed and dragged myself out of bed, throwing some clothes on and followed her down the stairs, not caring at all how I looked. All I wanted was to go to sleep and forget everything that happened hours prior.

After I tried very unsuccessfully to eat dinner, every thought I had was about how to keep James away from me. The gut feeling of panic was trying to consume me and it seemed like I was looking over my shoulder everywhere I went. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of being watched and I jumped over every little thing. No one seemed to notice but Edward. He kept looking at me intensely, trying to analyze and figure me out. His eyes bore into me and that made me feel more panicked in case he figured something out. No one can know the truth, the consequences were too dire if they were revealed.

Emmett was finally able to corner me alone just as I was trying to leave the kitchen after dinner. I knew he wanted to know about my reaction when he spoke of James. He doesn't understand anything that happened back in Italy except that it was a bad break up. Even back then when he found out that James broke my heart, I had to get both Laurent and Marcus to restrain him. He was so protective over me and that was one of the many reasons why I couldn't tell him anything. The last thing I needed was my brother getting killed by some psychopath trying to protect someone who doesn't deserve it anyways. My silent suffering was my penance for what happened to our mother. Plus if Emmett found out he would disown me and because I am such a selfish person, I couldn't let that happen. I would carry this burden as long as I had to. Somehow I needed to convince him that it wasn't safe for me to stay here in Forks if James knew where I was. To be honest, I wasn't sure how safe Emmett would be either. I had to do everything in my power to ensure that another family member doesn't die because of me.

"Il Bella possiamo parlare per un minuto nella mia stanza? Ho voluto parlarle di ciò che è successo sul balcone."

"Actually Em, can we talk tomorrow? I am dead tired and really don't want to have a long conversation right now."

He narrowed his eyes at me and assessed whether I was trying to avoid him or not. I wasn't really lying to him, I was dead tired. I think he noticed that too as his face softened a bit.

"Alright Bella, but we are talking about this after school tomorrow."

I nodded and he pulled me in for a quick hug. He kissed my forehead and wished me a goodnight. I was so relieved I had successfully postponed this conversation and bought myself time to come up with a story to tell him. I had to think of a reason to get the hell out of here before everyone was in danger. I wasn't out of the woods yet though, as Alice and Rosalie decided to drag me into Alice's room as soon as they saw me try and escape into my room.

"Ok what the hell happened? Who the hell is James and what the fuck did he do to you?" Rosalie hissed at me the second I got into the room. I was shocked at the fierceness in her voice. She almost seemed mad that I blacked out. My pride reared its ugly head and I felt compelled to put Rose in her fucking place. How dare she speak to me like that.

"I don't think it is any of your fucking business who James is. I am not sure where your hostility is coming from but I don't fucking appreciate it at all. You can't just drag me in here and intimidate me into talking to you. If I wanted you to know I would have told you. Just back the hell off Rose if you know what is good for you."

"You know what Bella fuck you! There is something going on around here and I intend to find out what it is. There has got to be more of a reason of just studying abroad for why you are here. I am not an idiot and frankly, it is insulting that you think I am just going to roll over and pretend that I am not bothered with your secrecy. If you won't tell me then I will talk to Emmett, or better yet my father and find out your dirty little secret."

I really didn't fucking need this right now. Between having to convince Emmett to leave Forks, without revealing too much information about James, and now having to deter Rose into finding out the reason why we are even here in the first place, is making me want to hyperventilate. It really didn't matter to me if she knew why I was there, and it already bothered me that they didn't know the truth while everyone else in the house did. I could understand where she was coming from, and respect her for speaking her mind to me about it.

"Fine Rose, if you want to know about me and my brother and why we are here, you need to talk to your father. I am not at liberty to discuss anything as I have been instructed not to. I understand where you are coming from and I would probably react the same way. Just trust me and talk to your father alright?" I then proceeded to leave to go to my room before she had to ruin the moment again.

"What about James?"

I froze at the door and slowly turned to look at her. Alice was sitting on her bed, her face sad and nervous, I felt bad that she was in the middle of this. Then when I looked at Rose my blood boiled. She looked almost smug, like she won in her intimidation tactics with me. That bitch has a lot to learn if she thinks she that will fly with me.

"That is none of your fucking business and if you were such a smart girl Rosalie, you would stop pushing because in case you hadn't noticed, I push back" I spat at her and stormed out of the room, slamming the door in the process.

When I finally got to my room it was about ten pm and I was restless. I went through with my night routine and after an internal debate, decided to have a small hoot. I packed a bowl in my one hitter cigarette pipe, being too lazy to roll a joint and concerned that maybe having too much weed would make my paranoia worse, I stepped onto the balcony to light it up noticing that I was not alone.

Edward was casually sitting on his lounge chair smoking a cigarette. I was beginning to notice that he does this every evening as well. I nodded to him and leaned on the balcony about to take a hit.

"Do you think it would be wise for you to smoke that right now considering you hit your head 24 hours ago?"

I turned to look at him, trying to find the sarcasm in his eyes from what he had said. His eyes looked very sincere so I decided to not get upset with him trying to tell me what to do. My feelings were still raw with what happened between me and Rose and I didn't want to take it out on him.

God I can be such a controlling bitch sometimes...

"Ya I am just having a hoot or two, I need it to relax enough to fall asleep. I will be fine, it isn't like I haven't hurt my head before. I have had a love hate relationship with gravity since I was 8. But thanks for asking." I started chuckling lightly remembering all of the "incidents" I have had with my lack of coordination.

After studying me for a moment, Edward smiled and nodded at me and proceeded to run his hands through his unruly hair. I just stood there and watched him and those long fingers working their way into his cooper locks.

God his hair is so fucking hot...

"See something you like?"

It was then that I got caught once again fucking ogling him. I blushed and cleared my throat, turning away from him and lighting my hoot. After I exhaled I started to feel the backs of my hairs stand up and that fluttering feeling in my stomach. All of a sudden I heard his velvety voice in my ear.

"Just for the record, I think you are beautiful too." My breath hitched and goosebumps started covering my whole body. By the time I had turned around to look at him, he had retreated back into his own room, closing the sliding door behind him.

Once I was done on the balcony, I stripped myself down to my boy shorts and fell onto the bed, and for once in my life instead of dreaming of blood and violence, I was dreaming of green eyes and copper hair.

I had to throw in a special moment between Bella and Edward. These two still have a long way to go but they will form some kind of kinship over the next few chapters. Let me know what you think!

Il Bella possiamo parlare per un minuto nella mia stanza? Ho voluto parlarle di ciò che è successo sul balcone. - Bella can we talk for a minute in my room? I wanted to talk to you about what happened on the balcony.