Let's get this straight to start with, shall we? I do not own Torchwood in any way. If I did own Torchwood a lot of people would still be alive and I would have a lot more money.

It's rated T, because it's Torchwood. That said, there's only really some mild swearing (have you tried to write Owen without using swear words?) and possibly some Janto. You can probably spot some other pairings if you squint.

This is set just after 'Adrift', though that doesn't impact much on the story. It's my first ever Torchwood fic, so please be especially kind and review it for me. That way I might feel confident enough to write some more. (Alternatively if you review telling me how much you hate my writing I will make a point of not writing any more. I would prefer it if you didn't do this, though it might mean that I'd get more schoolwork done)

Chapter one

Owen sighed pointedly as he settled down in the last chair surrounding the conference table. If Jack had called them together for a meeting it did not bode well. Nothing good ever happened after one of Jack's meetings in Owen's opinion. It either meant that some alien was on the rampage and that Cardiff needed saving again or it meant that Jack had had one of his ideas. Noting the way Jack was trying not to grin gleefully Owen had a terrible feeling that the second reason was the correct one.

"Ok team, seeing as we haven't had much Rift activity recently I thought it might be a good idea if we did some training so that we're prepared for whatever it's saving itself up for." Jack looked round at his team to see how they were taking this. Gwen was looking at him expectantly whilst Tosh and Ianto were watching warily. Owen had his eyes closed and seemed to be trying to block out whatever Jack was going to say next.

"So we're all going to do a team building exercise."

Owen groaned aloud, vividly remembering the last time Jack had decided to make them all do one of his 'team-building exercises'. He'd fallen off the assault course Jack had designed to run around the hub and broken his arm, just after he'd been taunting Ianto for going round so slowly. Suzie hadn't stopped laughing at him for a week, he recalled bitterly. Glancing across at Ianto he could tell he wasn't the only person who had just been reminded of the incident.

"What kind of team-building game Jack?" asked Gwen, trying to make up for Owen's obvious lack of enthusiasm.

"It's called Killer…"

The same image popped into everyone else's heads at the same moment.

"Sir." said Ianto carefully. "I can see why you might find a game like that amusing, but don't you think being immortal might count as cheating?"

"No, I like it!" Owen's eyes had lit up, thinking of all the possibilities a game with a name like that might offer.

"I think you'll find you've already lost, Owen." Tosh pointed out coolly.

"Do you seriously think I'm giving you permission to try and kill each other?" asked Jack incredulously. "It's a game – no one actually dies!"

Everyone sank back a little. Owen raised a hand tentatively. "Can I not play because it's an insult to my condition?"

"No. Everyone's playing or it won't work. Now why don't you keep off the criticisms until you've actually heard what it's about?" The others stayed quiet so he started to explain: "In the game you each get a piece of paper with a person, an object and a place written on it. What you have to do is hand that object to that person in that place, and if they accept it that means you've killed them, and they're out of the game. Then you get their piece of paper and have to kill the person on that. When you find your own name you've won."

Gwen spoke up sceptically. "Will it not be a little difficult to do our job if we're running around pretending to kill each other?"

"Well, obviously we pause the game as soon as the Rift alert comes on…"

Ianto asked the question that was puzzling them all. "How does this count as team-building?"

Jack ignored him and instead pulled three bags full of folded-up slips of paper out of his coat pocket. "Here, take one out." he commanded, passing the first bag to Tosh. She reached in and took one, quickly unfolding it and scanning it with her eyes.

"I've got me."

Owen sighed as the paper was put back and the bag shaken up, before they started again. But as the bag made its way round the table he started to imagine a scene in which he had just handed a rubber duck to someone – Jack would be good, or maybe Ianto – and was quietly saying 'you're dead' to their shocked face...

"Take one Owen!" Gwen demanded, shaking the bag under his nose.

Two bags later and there were some very thoughtful faces around the table. Jack grinned down at his own three slips in pleasure, feeling certain that his first 'kill' was not going to be hard and vaguely wondering what the others had got, in particular who had got him. He'd put some quite strange objects in the list; hopefully enough of them that he wouldn't be at too much of an advantage for having written the list himself.

He glanced down the table at the others. Owen was positively grinning, whilst Tosh and Ianto were both looking thoughtful. Gwen was biting her lip.

"So, when does this whole thing start?" Owen asked expectantly.

"Tomorrow." Jack replied as he stood up. "So you've got the whole evening to start laying plans. Don't forget when you walk in next morning! You can all go now, by the way. I doubt anything will be happening tonight."

He smiled to himself as he watched them leave, all of them scheming furiously. He'd forgotten how much fun this game could be.

Thoughts from the team

Ianto

'A piece of personal clothing'; only Jack could have come up with that. What he's got in mind is probably a bit too personal though - I'd probably be better off just nicking Owen's coat. The pterodactyl's nest… hmm, it's a good thing Myfanwy likes me. But getting Owen up there's more of a challenge. I think my best bet's to pretend Myfanwy's attacking me… no, he wouldn't fall for that - she'd actually have to be attacking me before he'd do anything. Suppose I put chocolate in my pocket? It would be painful, I suppose, but she's not that vicious really, and it would be worth it. Better not wear a good suit though.

Owen

How lucky can I get? I mean Tosh - who never suspects anything - in the autopsy bay – which is hardly suspicious - with a chocolate-chip biscuit. Well, the biscuit might look a bit odd, 'specially since she knows I don't eat now, but if I distracted her… Computers, she never notices anything when she's absorbed with them. Can I break the equipment in the autopsy bay so it doesn't look too obvious? Oh, I can't wait to see her face…. I'll have to find out where Teaboy hides the biscuits first though; no way am I buying them just for some stupid game…

Tosh

Jack, Jack… There must be a way of getting him somehow. But the lift, that's a tricky one. And sun-cream? In Wales? You can't even buy sun-cream in Wales, much less pass it to an on-the-alert boss without them suspecting. Especially when that boss is Jack. Mind you, it never says it has to be a whole bottle of sun cream. Maybe I could just shake hands with him or something, just as he's getting onto the lift. Or pass him something at the last minute with sun cream smeared on it. But I'll have to wait until he uses the lift first, and that might take a while. Not that it matters really; it's only a game after all. I wonder who's got me?

Jack

I could manage any of them, of course, but it turns out that I've got the most gullible person in the team. Gwen will probably have forgotten the whole thing by tomorrow morning – I don't even need to use Retcon, which is just as well because I banned it in the rules anyway. Now that would be amusing. But it should be easy enough anyway: I'll just stroll up to her first thing tomorrow whilst she's sat at her desk, pass her the book and say it's an artefact that needs analysing. Though she'd probably believe me if I told her it was a late birthday present.

The team will probably suspect a set-up when I get her so quickly; I guess I'll have to turn on the old charm and persuade them all that getting her at her desk was just the luck of the game. That shouldn't be too hard though; you could probably get Gwen with a teapot in the showers, so there wouldn't really be much point in cheating. Showers… I knew I'd missed somewhere off the list.

And I've got to remember to keep a close eye on how the rest of the team are doing. I'll look out for Ianto especially - I've got a feeling this is something he's good at – and maybe Owen too. I doubt Tosh poses much of a threat, but we'll see.

Gwen

Well, of all the bloody objects in this junk-heap I could have got… An 'acatulater'. How the hell am I supposed to know what that is? The others all got normal stuff -, I could tell - so how come I was the one who ended up with some piece of random alien tech that Jack put on the list for a laugh? And of course I get Ianto Jones, who will obviously suspect something if I try to hand him the bit of equipment I've just asked him to fetch from the Archives. The only feasible part of this is probably the hothouse bit… but before I get that far I've got to work out what the bloody thing is in the first place!

One thing's for sure: there's no way I'm accepting anything off any of them until this stupid game of Jack's is over and done with.