COMPUNCTION

This is some oneshot I wrote today…bored in my classes LOL. It's a Zero/X fic, based around where X9 would take place. I'm not saying this is what'll happen in the game xD No, it just was a perfect thing to work with. Angst stories are always fun to write. Since it was the topic in English Extension. So it was fitting lol. Anyway, hope you enjoy it! Sorry that I actually haven't edited this. But I defiantly wanna write some more oneshots, believe it or not I don't always write as dark like my Rockman X fanfic, Tenacity xD! Although I do love angst stuff. (But don't get me wrong, I swoon for loveydovey yaoi lol!!)

This story is a much shorter version of a longer one I will probably never get around to writing lol.

NOTE: This is written in first person. The regular text means its Zero's pov, the italics indicate it X's pov.

I can't remember anymore how it started. I think it was something over a conversation about our 'Axl' issue that wound up having an aggressive remark sent my way, so I retorted. Only, X raised his voice, and in suit, I raised mine. Yelling at one another. I regret it now, but I was left fuming at the time. I really wish I hadn't, but when he accused me as the reason for people's suffering, I hit him. Yeah, stupid move, I can see that now. But I guess the truth hurts; I was the cause of the Maverick Virus, but the last person I wanted to have reinforcing that was X. When he recovered from the shock of my first violent strike, he returned to blasting me, hitting back. Leading me to only lash out on him again. Both of us struck at each other, cussing. I wonder how it would've ended if Signas and the others didn't see us brawling and dragged us apart. When they tried to get out of us what the heck was going on, X turned away crying. His words: "what the hell are we doing?" the only thing he said before he ran off. I claimed I didn't give a shit to the others, and stormed off in the other direction without explanation. I'm ashamed over the fact at that moment what I felt for X was hate. I'd never hated him before. And I feel stupid for it. Apparently no one has seen X for the past two days, I'm guessing he hasn't left his apartment. I know this is my fault, given the time to cool down and think it over, I see that now. And I'm sorry for it…

***

I feel stupid for crying so much about it. Its obvious Zero doesn't care. I was surprised at how much I now miss having Axl around; his over bubbly attitude would be helpful to cheer me up right now. In the beginning I complained about that side to him, but since he's been gone there's no 'light stupidity' to make us laugh or be distracted by.

I couldn't be happy, my heart hurt too much. I might have been out of line yelling at Zero like I did, but…he didn't have to hit me. He'd never hit me before. Physically, it didn't hurt that bad, no, I've felt worse fighting against Mavericks. But it was the fact he hit me. HIT me! At that moment, everything he once told me, all those words of love became a lie. They were hollow…void of their former meaning. I'd never felt so disconnected and alone. I know since we lost Axl there's been a lot of pressure. But if I can't rely on Zero through hardship, then who can I rely on? I can't trust him…now all he's done is hurt me. What if we argue again, will I get hit then too? Worse this time? I actually ended up being afraid of him after the first strike, so stupidly, I hit him back. I think that only made things worse.

When Signas and a few others found us lashing out at each other, they had to physically drag us from one another. I tried fighting off my tears, but I still felt betrayed by him. Having been forced back a moment, everything sunk in. I turned away and asked, "What the hell are we doing?" in reference for fighting amongst each other, before I simply ran off. Unable to stop crying. I went to my apartment, dropped to my knees and found myself shattering. I didn't mean to fight with him, but I didn't deserve being hit either. Everything he said hurt me; everything he did gave me pain. Usually when I broke down like this, he was always there for me, but I didn't have anything…or anyone…

I really was alone.

I doubt Zero was even sorry.

***

Deeply, I sighed. I knew I had to apologize; I wanted to tell him I was sorry. I wanted to take back what I'd said. I knocked on the door, but there was a silence afterwards. I tried again and called out.

"X…" I tried, but still had no reply. "X, open up, I wanna talk".

"Go away", he finally snapped back. He sounded angry, not that I blamed him.

"X, here me out! I'm sorry…at least me apologize to your face".

"I don't want to hear it Zero. Get lost".

It was obvious X was livid at me. I really shouldn't have yelled at him, and even worse, I shouldn't have hit him like I did. I was an idiot and knew it; I let my anger get the better of me. Both of us has been stressed out over our inability to save Axl from Lumine, who was now using the former Hunter like a puppet after we'd destroyed that Maverick's body—and thought we'd won—we lost Axl to the nutter soon after, I wonder if Axl's aware of what's going on, I hope not, that'd be too cruel. I realize my frustration that turned to anger wasn't X's fault, anything small was ready to knock either one of us over the edge. So when it got too much, we just snapped at each other. I should've known better…

X continued to ignore me, and I doubted at that moment I'd ever get X to forgive me.

"I'm sorry, X. Please, can't we try and talk about this?"

There was a silence, I figured he was thinking it over, leaving me slightly hopeful he'd agree to open the door and talk.

"X…?" I broke the silence, trying to see if I could get an answer from him.

"Leave me alone!" X rasped, he was more angry than before now. "I don't want to see or talk to you again. Just go…just go AWAY!"

The silence returned, and bitterly I saw this wasn't going anywhere. I questioned if it was best to press him more, or leave and try again after he had some more time to cool off. I think X thought I must've left by then, seeing as I wasn't replying. I heard him sob and wanted to try again for him to let me in. I couldn't stand it when X cried, even if that was often, you got use to it, but it was always just as horrible to see him broken like that. Plus, I hated the fact this time…that I was the reason he was so upset. It was my fault. I submitted the fact I wasn't being forgiven anytime soon and turned away. I figured I'd try again later. Hoping X would give me the chance.

***

I tried to hide the fact I was hurt, but I ended up just yelling at Zero again, I just couldn't take any of this. After Zero left, I couldn't stop crying. Feeling pathetic. I guess I was still too hurt, I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't get why I rejected Zero's apology. I knew if we made up I'd feel better. But I just couldn't face him right now.

I picked myself up after a while, sitting on the floor and crying had left me tired. I moved to the bedroom, but lying down alone only let my heart sink. My mind drifted to thoughts of Zero. I was happy when I was with him…we use to always sleep together, I enjoyed his company. He was always keen on making love. For ages I was shy about it. Eventually I got curious enough to try it, and since then I can't really tell you how many times we've shared passion like that. I adore Zero…well, I thought I did for a long time. I felt so distant right now. I bitterly returned my thoughts to our fight, frowning. But I reminded myself of how hollow that left my relationship with Zero.

Well, former relationship now.

At this point, I doubted this was ever going to blow over.

***

I couldn't sleep that night, too restless with my desire to talk to X. I hadn't slept by myself in a while, and even though I hadn't met with X—minus the failed conversation before—in over two days, it was only now the isolation from X was really kicking in. We'd been a couple for a while. When off duty it was pretty common for us to go to one of our apartments for the night. When me and X first got together, X was awfully shy, and it took a while to get him to feel comfortable enough to share a bed with me. He was always so cute when he blushed. I found myself smiling over the memories; they were a lot better that the present, at least. Everything about X was amazing; he was beautiful, so kind and gentle. He'd even become a great kisser too. The first time we made love he was so nervous. But X had trusted me not to violate or hurt him. It was no surprise after how much he enjoyed it that he was keen come the night after. I guess I'm thankful that humans' twisted fetish had us made very human, in all senses. The ability to express love and share such pleasure has always been an amazing thing. And I only wanted to share that with X

The more I thought about it, the more it reminded me of the present, and I couldn't help but frown…the X I'd come to love was hating me right now. I wish he'd let me talk to him…I wanted to say sorry, remind him that I love him. I know I hurt X, I know he's still mad at me. Furious. What if things stayed like that? I don't think I could take it…this war was hard enough, but if I lost X, I couldn't see any reason to keep up the fighting. I wouldn't be able to see a point.

***

I wish I didn't, but I left my apartment the next day after being called out for a mission. Trust me, if it were anything else I would've declined.

But they'd found Axl again.

Well, what was once Axl, at least. It pretty well looked like him despite the colour change. But it wasn't Axl anymore. I didn't know if we'd ever get Axl back from Lumine. But we had to try. Just had to…

As I left I couldn't stop replaying the memory of losing him to Lumine. Me and Zero tried our best, but both of us were now stuck with the bitter memory of being unable to save him. We still were trying, but the longer this went on the more we started to come to the realization the most we might get back is a cold and still body. We were unsure if Lumine had merged too much with Axl's system that we couldn't separate the two. If that was the case; to stop Lumine we'd have to destroy Axl.

I didn't know if I had the heart to do that.

Zero showed up to the briefing, late like usual. I tried not to look in his direction, being around him only stirred unkind emotions. All of them only serving to hurt me.

***

X spared only one glance when I walked in, before bitterly he looked away. I tried to remember the point of the briefing. Since Lumine…Axl…had disappeared behind the scenes for a while, having him out in the open gave us a chance to save Axl. Although our personal mission would have to come second. The mission was to find out what the new Maverick leader was up to; and to stop him if possible.

Stopping him meant killing him.

How could we kill Axl?

Or, was the Axl we once knew no longer there; unable to be saved anymore.

The thought only served to darken things even more.

Once given all the information we needed, we were dismissed; although were to head out right away. In the hall, X had walked off ahead of me. I paused to think a moment, before I picked up the pace to catch up.

"X…look, I'm sorry…"

"I don't believe you".

I was frustrated again, I stopped, grabbing X's arm to jerk him around to look at me. He was still livid, I saw in his eyes what I started to fear was a hatred. And the only reason it was there was because of me. I sighed, but I tried to be stern and clear about what I wanted to say.

"Just let me go, Zero!"

"I don't want to fight with you anymore".

"Lately, all you've done is hurt me; if things weren't bad enough on their own without you around! Just keep away from, you don't care!"

"Don't care? That'd ludicrous X…"

"I know you, you probably only want to make up so you can get me to screw with you again!"

"That's not what I'm up to!" I yelled, although I probably shouldn't have raised my voice at him again. "I never forced any of that onto you, don't turn it on me like I've been doing you wrong!"

"I don't care, you don't care. So just leave me alone!"

"X! Stop it, you know I love you…and I'm sorry".

By the silence that fell between us, I started to hope he was listening to reason now. He averted his eyes with a bitter expression. I loosened my hold to let him go, but her jerked his arm back before that. His eyes moved back to meet mine, mirroring nothing but hurt.

"Liar…you're just a liar".

"I mean it X…" I tried, but he shook his head, his voice soft and controlled, even though I could see he wanted to cry. "Look, I'm not lying…"

"Love is some stupid lie. What was I thinking? Leave me alone Zero…it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing does".

***

I turned, not wanting to see his reaction. I couldn't explain it to you why, I just knew. This fake thing called love was a hollow lie. I use to believe it when Zero told me he loved me over and over, but I couldn't even consider it to exist anymore. If there was love…if me and Zero shared love for one another…I wouldn't be hurting like this. He wouldn't have hurt me, none of this would've been happening!!

I stopped myself from crying, moving ahead to tackle my half of the mission. The sooner this was over with the sooner I could go back home. I didn't want to be out, I still felt lonely, and so far I'd regretted leaving today.

I tried to remind myself that this was only for Axl's sake.

If our Axl still existed in the puppet Lumine was using, that is.

***

I couldn't let myself be distracted; I was on a mission after all. I wished things with X hadn't gone down so badly, but I could change that right now. Even though I finally got to talk to him, he wasn't willing to listen. And now he claims love is a lie? Did I really hurt him that much? I guess I must be a serious bastard…

No, I was letting my mind drift again. I was on my own in the ruins of a city, near the area of where Lumine was last seen. I tried to remain unseen, knowing he could be anywhere…he mightn't even be here anymore. Usually I would've called X over the comm. link and asked if he was having any luck. But he probably wouldn't answer. Well, okay, defiantly wouldn't answer. And like heck he'd ask me for my status. I just hoped neither of us ran into trouble.

***

I felt stupid still, pathetic even. I couldn't stand fighting with Zero like this. I wanted to say sorry, I really did. But something in me kept telling me what I use to believe was a farce. If Zero could turn on me once like that, what would stop it from happening again? He loves me, so he says, but he wouldn't have hit me if that was true. Not that I think love is true, not anymore.

The area was way too quiet, I tried not to let my thoughts wander too much, or else I'd become a target if a Maverick was nearby. I continued forward, I guess I really was still too distracted to know I was being trailed. It was only when a gunshot struck at my heels I pivoted around in defence.

That's when I saw him.

Lumine.

And what was left of Axl.

I tried to act unphased, but the Maverick only sneered to me from the higher ground he'd been standing on. That chilling laughter of his left me feeling sick. It'd been a good three months since anyone had seen Lumine, or known what he was up to. But every time I heard that wicked voice I was only reminded of how weak we were compared to him. How much we'd lost to him. How much he'd taken from us.

He made a sudden movement, leaving my sight. I flung around in a panic, moving my arm canon forward in aim when he had jumped down to my level behind me. I was left standing in offence, ready to attack, but the sight before me stirred twisted emotions. That face belonged to Axl, yet the hollowness now in his eyes, mirrored the fiendish creature that controlled him now. Lumine smirked, the wicked look unnatural to see on Axl. I grimaced at the sight, trying my best not to show my hesitation about aiming my weapon at both my enemy, and a dear friend.

"Now, X…" Lumine derided, lifting one of Axl's twin guns up in preparation for a fight. "You wouldn't really fire that on your dear friend Axl, would you?"

"You're not Axl!" I snapped back, furious at how much enjoyment he got from playing his twisted mind games.

"I'm not…but this body is".

I frowned as he sneered darkly to that, he knew that I would think twice about firing to kill, and he was abusing that.

I backed away, unsure of how to take the advancing steps. Lumine always too confident, leaving me uncertain if there was something new about him to be afraid of. While in the past encounters we'd had, Lumine had proven all of Axl's hidden potential, exploiting and using them in battle against us. Out of the many times we'd faced him, even outnumbering him, me and Zero failed at even getting close to stopping him.

He made a sudden movement, without thinking I fired without aim in fear. I think he found it amusing with how he sneered before raising a weapon and striking at me again.

I winced, snatching my arm back into me. The shot having disarmed me by making my arm canon useless. I looked to it, wary of the now exposed wires that could harm me on their own too. Looking back, I tried to stay brave, but was failing at it.

I know, I'm an idiot. I had a chance to get out of the situation in one piece, but I was too headstrong at the time. I should've called over the comm. link for help. Zero would've come. He would've saved me. I had a chance, but I let it go. No one would know if Lumine killed me right now.

They'd never know till it was too late.

I tried to run, but he blocked my way, the gun firing a shot into my leg to force me to fall back, another shot ripping through my arm, making me shriek. His wicked laughter continued as he watched me, enjoying the fact he could see fear in my eyes. The pain numbed everything else out. Everything was replaced with the consuming feeling of pain. In a sense, I liked that, my troubles with Zero weren't plaguing me at that moment, leaving me to make the choice not to fight back when Lumine raised both guns and aimed at me…

I gagged as my breathing hitched. I'd tried to get up beforehand, but failed, dropping down and falling forward. He pain tore through my side, blood and oil leaking out in thick rivulets. I grabbed at my side, but it did nothing to stop myself from feeling dizzy and nauseated.

I was pathetic, unable to move when he walked over, a powerful kick tossing my helmet from me violently, I saw it crash and crack when it hit the ground. I got hit again, and I remember he thrashed my head down into the ground, striking again. The rough terrain leaving cuts on my face. Lumine leaned down, ripped me up by a grip on my hair to get me to look at him.

I wished Zero was here.

But I kept trying to tell myself I didn't need him to save me.

Didn't even need to be saved.

***

Nothing, I couldn't find anything. Maybe Lumine was gone by now? I still had no idea what foul plan he was conjuring up, but it probably was going to involve abusing the fact we were so reluctant to harm Axl.

I was thinking about calling in to HQ, wondering if the mission was already a waste of time. I didn't think X was having luck with this, though, he wouldn't have told me if he did. He didn't want to talk to me. I figured I'd leave him alone, maybe some space would help him calm down…then he might be willing to talk things over.

I really wished he'd talk to me.

***

"P…please…" I begged, grasping painfully at my side, hearing him step closer. "K-kill me…please just kill me!"

If I'd have looked up, I would've seen a half shocked and half amused expression on my attacker, however it soon removed itself in place of a dark smirk. I can't remember how many times he'd shot a bullet through me now. I was aching all over. My body was trembling as it bled, I grasped tightly at myself, but it couldn't stop the pain.

"Kill you?" he repeated, in his fake innocent tone. "If you want to die, that takes the fun out of stealing your life whilst you're unwilling".

He stepped forward, glaring down as he mused to himself. I was sobbing now, yet felt pathetic for doing so. I was about to die, hell, I had begged for it. Because right now I was desperate. I don't know why my thoughts reverted to Zero. Why now of all times? Would my last thoughts twist between the 'once was' and the pain he now left me in? I clutched at my wound still, the artificial reploid blood, seeping out of my body and running down my hand that was failing at stopping the bleeding.

I heard Lumine load one of the guns, I cringed to the sound, sure by now it was aimed at me again.

"You're no fun anymore, X".

The sound of the gunshot was blocked out as my body tried fighting the pain that ripped through it one last time. I cried out.

Yet I still couldn't stop thinking about Zero.

***

I paused to take the call coming through on my comm link.

"Zero?" the navigator asked.

"What is it, Layer?" she sounded a little panicked, I wasn't sure why. "Any updates on Lumine?"

I didn't get why there was a silence before she answered.

"We've lost contact with X…do you know where he is?"

"Lost contact?" I raised my voice. "What happened!? Where's X?"

Worried couldn't describe I felt. The other end of the line silent. I knew they had no idea, it was a stupid question. Of course I feared for the worst. My guess was that he ran into Lumine on his own…and he didn't call me. And now I blamed myself if something had happened to me.

I cut the call, now trying to contact X desperately. I didn't care if he hated me right now, I needed to know he was okay. But the line was dead, like it didn't exist. I ran ahead, I mightn't have known where X was exactly, but I needed to find him.

It took a while, but I finally stopped when I saw him lying there. Wincing to the sight I moved forward, studying what I found, regretting the visual details that were now locked into my memory.

His blue armour conflicted against the red of the blood and black of the oil that drenched it. I can't really explain what I felt or thought when I saw him there, motionless on the ground. I stood there, staring. I managed to step forward, a tremble coming over me.

"…X?" I whispered in freight, moving close now. I lent down next to him. "X?"

He managed to move to look at me, while I was happy, I was also mortified. He still held a look of distain in his eyes.

"G-Go…go…a-way…" he bitterly tried, his voice half failing him. I reached out and touched him, he was too weak to pull away, even if that had been what he wanted to. He fought against tears, but lost to it, sobbing weakly in front of me.

"X…I'm sorry", he started, pausing a moment. "I'm so sorry".

He averted his eyes from me, I don't think he could bare it. Gritting my teeth, I felt to blame. If we hadn't have been fighting he would've called me for help. I moved to gather him up in my arms, he struggled against me, trying to hit me, but didn't have enough strength to make it hurt, or to bring me to release him.

"Let…me go!" X cried, trying to hit me still to make me let him go.

"I'm not leaving you, X", I sternly replied, holding onto him tightly to stop himself from getting free, in case he managed to actually successfully hit me. He struggled against me as I carried him, but gave up only to sob. He must've been hurting. The wounds looked agonising, it was a surprise he was alive. He seemed tired, his breathing awfully laboured, unwillingly he relaxed into my hold, merely because he couldn't move anymore. I think the pain had kicked in completely now. His head was resting against my chest for support, I hugged him slightly, he winced at that but didn't fight it, merely because he couldn't.

***

He took me back to HQ, I ended up complaining to him again, trying to make him let me go. I ended up in the ward, funny, I was too busy being angry with Zero to remember my body left me feeling like I was dying. It took a while to get fixed up; the rest would have to wait on my auto-repair system fixing me up. They left me in bed now, only, Zero hadn't left me, I couldn't stand him being around though. His armour was stained in my blood, but he seemed too concerned to worry about such a small detail. He turned to look back at me, as he sat down next to where I was, I frowned. He gingerly touched my hand, before grasping it and entwining his fingers with mine.

"I should've been there sooner…" he sighed, a defeat to his tone. He looked away from me. I bit my lip. I hated how much he now seemed to care and how that conflicted with my current situation with him.

"Zero…" I trailed off; he looked up to me, bringing himself to smile.

"Can we talk?" he asked, I paused in silence. "I can't stand fighting with you".

I nodded, fighting with him was so tiring. He was showing he cared somewhat still.

"Want me to start, or do you want to?" he asked me, giving me the chance to speak my mind first.

"Why'd you hit me?"

I was blunt, but that was ailing me most. Sure, my body was agonising right now, even with the medics help I was sore all over, yet him hitting me had been what ailed me most these past few days. He paused at that.

"I shouldn't have. I'm sorry X. I was already so frustrated for being useless to help Axl…when you accused me, I got mad, and I let out all my problems on you. I'm sorry, but I don't ever expect you to forgive me".

"How do I know you won't hit me again?"

He clasped my hand tighter, I looked to the hold, before I glanced up to him. He leaned closer to me, ready to take my lips, but he paused.

"I'm not going to ever hurt you again. I especially won't hit you, I promise. I didn't mean it…"

He trailed off, I felt him press his lips to mine, I don't know why, I parted them and welcomed his tongue to slip inside. I kissed back. I'd closed my eyes and used the sensation to block out the pain still surging through my body. He drew away, repeating what he'd always said to me.

"I love you, X…"

I looked to him, by the way he smiled I figured my face was flushed from that. Kissing always tended to do that to me, I couldn't help it. The almost amused look to him eased the tension a little.

I brought myself to smile back.

***

We didn't really talk much, but the tension between us had died. I still held onto his hand, I knew I almost lost him. It was hard to get the image of when I found him out of my head. I tried blocking it out with his soft smile before me. I was glad we'd basically made up now, although I knew things would be uneasy for a little while longer till be built the trust between us again.

I saw X's smile fade and turned away from me, I went to speak, but he began first.

"Are we ever going to get Axl back?"

There was a silence we both shared, thinking over those words. Lumine was gone again, who knows where he was now. But Axl…our Axl was out there. We needed to get him back. We couldn't give up…we couldn't let Axl down. I nodded to him, trying to force a smile.

"We will…"

He managed to bring himself to a smile at that, although I could tell the thought still burdened him.

"Zero…?" I looked to him, after turning away in thought a moment. He's trailed off, pausing a moment as if to reconsider saying it.

"Thanks…" he managed. "For saving me, I mean".

I leaned forward again, running my hand through his hair—avoiding where he'd been bandaged around his forehead—he smiled to me again.

"I don't want to fight with you again".

"Neither do I".

He lightly laughed at that. I liked seeing that brighter expression on his face.

I'm sorry X, especially about hitting you". His smile laxed, but didn't fade as he kept looking at me.

"Well…I kinda hit you back, so can we call it even?"

That brought me to smirk. I moved in again to claim his lips, kissing him again.

"I love you Zero…" he breathed, I still enjoyed how easily flustered X got every time we kissed.

I sat next to him still and continued talking, breaking down the barrier our fight had put up like the Berlin Wall or something. While the past few days stood as a bunch of misadventures, we were both still hopeful we'd get a chance to face Lumine again; get a chance to save Axl. He sometimes got doubtful, but that was just how X was. I made a point to assure him it'd be okay. Somehow, things would turn out alright.

A/N: Bah, its probably lame, I should've re-read though this and done proper editing, but I'm too lazy xD It's back to writing Tenacity!! I'll try and update the censored version, as well as finish the very overdue Chapter 13 I promised a friend at the beginning of the week I'd get done lol. This is the result of getting very bored in a very unproductive lesson. It was annoying, I wanted to sit by myself so I could draw my BL, but I guess I'm not good at hinting that too my friends, since they all sat near me LOL. Ahh well xD