Scarface Forever

BLAST!

Darkness.

***

The first thing Tony Montana felt upon reaching consciousness were blasts of warm air against his face. Very warm.

The heat began to rise, and for the first time in what felt like centuries his eyes opened.

"What the fuck!" Tony saw miles and endless miles of flames, burning piles of human bodies, and creatures he knew from his Catholic upbringing to be demons.

"You're in Hell, Tony!" said a bellowing voice, emanating from a place he could not see.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"I am Lucifer - Lord of the Dark Realm, Prince of Evil, Master of this Eternal Prison. I am your ruler now - your SOUL BELONGS TO ME!"

"Yeah, ok," said Tony sarcastically.

"You were killed today, Tony, and now you will suffer here for all of time."

"Hey, fuck you mein!"

Two beings that looked like demons approached Tony with pitchforks. As they made to poke at him, he grabbed one of their pitchforks right above the prongs, and pulled it free from the demon's grasp. In one swift motion he stabbed the horrible being through the throat, pushing hard enough to partially decapitate the foul monster.

The demon that was still alive was shocked. "You are insolent, human," it said. "But you have balls. I like that. I think we might have a job for you here."

***

Two Thousand Years Later

"Please, Tony, I'll give you anything you want!" Lucifer said, quivering in fear, down on his knees.

Tony showed no mercy, decapitating his former boss with the sword of the angel Gabriel. Then he sat down upon the Black Throne of Hell, and smiled.

::cue "Push It To the Limit"::