A/N: My roommate was doing this 'How to' poem for her writing class and I got this idea from her. It is basically Draco listing off the things he needs to do in order to fall out of love with someone. It is rather ridiculous, but there you go. I should be writing my English Theory essay, but instead, I give you this.
WARNING! SLASH! Male/male, boyxboy, relations of a homosexual nature. There! No complaining I didn't warn you.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and I am simply borrowing her characters for my own use.
How to fall Out of Love
By Draco Malfoy
1. Be born a Malfoy
2. Be raised by Lucius Malfoy
3. Go to Hogwarts and be Sorted into Slytherin
4. Become rivals with the Boy-Who-Lived and all around Gryffindor Golden Boy Harry Potter
5. Fight. A lot
6. Continue fighting for six years
7. Remember that in order to maintain respect and demonstrate self-desirability, a girlfriend is required
7. Snog Pansy
8. Realize that Pansy just doesn't do it for you
9. Snog Astoria Greengrass
10. Realize she doesn't do it for you either
11. In a blind panic, snog most of the female portion of Slytherin above 5th year
12. Realize that maybe girls just don't do it for you
13. Don't tell your parents to avoid being disinherited
14. Don't tell anyone else to avoid being laughed at
15. Tell Pansy so she'll stop groping you
16. Realize that perhaps you were too hasty in assessing her trustworthyness
17. Wonder if trustworthyness is a word and then decide since you are a Malfoy it entitles you to make up words to suit a given situation
18. Dig up dirt on Pansy
19. Blackmail Pansy
20. Live through the next week of her ugly, scowling face
21. Wonder if turning her into a pug would make her less ugly
22. Decide it wouldn't make a difference
23. Tell her so
24. Avoid Pansy
25. In doing so, accidentally smash head-first into arch-nemesis
26. Fall over with arch-nemesis on top of you
27. Decide to treat arch-nemesis to scathing tirade about their clumsiness
28. Wonder where Potter's glasses went
29. Wonder why you never noticed how green Potter's eyes are
30. Feel horrified that you actually have noticed
31. Flee in desperation
32. Once safely in the common room, consider that since you don't like girls, you must therefore, like boys
33. Consider the attractiveness of most of the male population of Hogwarts above 5th year
34. Decide they are below you attention
35. Consider the attractiveness of one Harry James Potter
36. Feel your heart twist in a weird, twingy sort of way
37. Wonder if you have some sort of heart disease
38. Go see Madam Pomfrey over this issue
39. Are sent away because there is apparently nothing wrong with you
40. Know for a fact that there is something wrong with you
41. Marvel in a horrified sort of way that it is quite possible that you find Harry Potter attractive
42. Try to understand how this could happen
43. Carefully watch Harry Potter over the course of the next week to try and discern this
44. Decide by the end of this period that maybe he is a bit attractive
45. Continue watching him
46. Decide after another week that maybe he is more than just a bit attractive
47. Sneak out to watch the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice
48. Watch Harry Potter do amazing Wronski Feint
49. Decide that Harry Potter in Quidditch leathers on a broomstick is a hard-on waiting to happen
50. Notice that this is particularly true in your case
51. Leave unobtrusively and feel glad that robes are so loose and concealing
52. Have a shower
53. Take care of the hard-on
54. Try not to think of Potter
55. Fail at trying not to think of Potter
56. Curse yourself for a fool
57. Bang head against shower wall
58. Realize that giving yourself a concussion is not the answer
59. Curse Harry Potter for being such a damnably attractive idiot
60. Decide that you do not care and will ignore him in the future
61. Feel your plan go out the window once you set eyes on him the next morning
62. Thump your head on the table
63. Ignore the curious stares you are receiving from your fellow Slytherins
64. Also ignore the devious smirk on Pansy's face
65. Keep ignoring Pansy even as she asks you who it is
66. Try to avoid staring at Potter throughout the next week
67. Fail miserably because Potter has a very nice arse
68. Wonder if you yourself have a nice arse
69. Check out you own arse in a mirror after classes end
70. Decide that you do, in fact, have a nice arse
71. Wonder if it is nicer than Potter's
72. Wonder if Potter has noticed your nice arse
73. Sink to the floor in despair as you realize how far you are gone
74. Slink about disconsolately the next day
75. See Potter coming down the hallway towards you
76. Think that this could be your chance to prove to everyone how much you hate Potter
77. Attempt to sneer at Potter and insult his mother
78. Wonder why you instead avert your eyes and blush as he passes you
79. Run away when he raises his eyebrows questioningly at you
80. Be paired with him in Potions class
81. Curse Snape for doing so
82. Try to avoid looking at Potter as he sits down next to you
83. Go collect the Potions ingredients from the storage cupboard
84. Come back and tell him to prepare the ingredients
85. Pointedly avoid looking at him
86. Ask him to hand you something
87. Feel his fingers brush yours as he does as you ask
88. Blush profusely and snatch your hand away
89. Watch as he tilts his head and looks at you as if you are a sort of bizarre puzzle
90. Hope he hasn't figured out what your blushes mean
91. Realize you have added too many beetle eyes as you've been pondering this
92. Tackle Potter to the floor as the potion explodes
93. Feel your heart pound and your breath catch because you are on top of Potter
94. Hope that he decides that it is your wand poking him in the thigh
95. Scramble off him and pretend that saving him from an exploded potion was nothing at all eventful or surprising
96. Blush more, because he is gazing at you curiously
97. Run away again when he tries to corner you after class
98. Think you are doomed when he pursues and catches you
99. Feel shocked when all he does is thank you for saving him
100. Feel the bottom of your stomach fall out when he smiles at you
101. Wonder why just his smile can completely melt you
102. Decide you want to learn more about the Gryffindor boy
103. Follow him around without him noticing
104. Discover that he is kind, generous, brave, thoughtful, and sweet
105. Also discover that he can be brooding, depressed, sad and lonely
106. Wonder why, as his rival, you never noticed this before
107. Wonder also why you want to hug him whenever he is like that
108. Try and figure out why you like him so much, especially after all you know of him
109. Feel like crying when you come to the inevitable conclusion
110. Actually do cry
111. Don't tell anyone, when they ask, that you are lamenting the loss of your heart to Harry Potter
112. Spend the next week wondering why it took you so long to realize you were in love
113. Decide that this does not bode well for you future endeavors
114. Think about Potter for a while
115. Feel your heart contract painfully
116. Realize that he will never return your feelings
117. Cry some more
118. Stop crying, and decide right then and there that you will fall out of love with Harry Potter
119. Realize that this is much harder said than done
120. Refuse to watch Harry Potter anymore
121. Whenever you catch yourself looking at him, mentally berate yourself and look away
122. Do not think about him or his delectable arse
123. Do not think about any of his other body parts
124. Especially do not think about his evergreen eyes
125. Mope about miserably for another week
126. Avoid Potter at all costs
127. Pretend not to hear the Gryffindors when they comment on the 'defanged' Slytherin
128. Glare balefully at your own Housemates whenever they talk about Potter
129. Threaten to disembowel Pansy when she smirks knowingly at you
130. Turn paler than usual when she asks how being smitten with Harry Potter feels
131. Feel defeated as she in turn blackmails you into going out with her
132. Try not to throw up when she prances about clutching your arm like a demented boa constrictor
133. Try not to sneer when she coos nonsense at you
134. Feel completely disgusted when you are forced to snog her to keep up the charade
135. Wish you were snogging a certain green-eyed Gryffindor instead
136. Wonder which of the two prospects is worse
137. Decide that you might die rather than choose
138. Shoot disgusted glares at the evil woman whenever she isn't looking
139. Feel sick when you realize that Harry notices your expression
140. Realize that you just called him Harry
141. Decide not to care because you are already carrying out a sentence worse than death
142. Put up with Pansy for two weeks
143. Try not to think longingly of Potter
144. Curse constantly, because you always forget not to
145. Also try not to stare at Potter
146. Feel completely exposed when he catches you at it
147. Blush and turn away when he turns a questioning gaze on you
148. Wonder if you will ever be rid of Pansy
149. Discover that the answer could be never if you don't escape now, because she wants you to marry her
150. Rebel, because you would rather face down a lion than marry her
151. Realize that you might have to, because Pansy tells Granger about your desires toward her best friend
152. Watch as the male Weasley explodes at the breakfast table when he learns this
153. Quietly and rapidly leave rather than be torn apart as the rest of the Gryffindors quickly discover the reason for his outburst
154. Hear the rest of the Great Hall begin babbling behind you as news spreads
completely humiliated because everyone knows your carefully kept secret
156. Hide in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom
157. When she asks you why you are crying, tell her, because there's no reason not to
158. Feel somehow grateful when she attempts to console you
159. Feel your heart ache because the one you love probably hates you more than ever
160. Sob bitterly
161. Stay in the bathroom the rest of the day
162. Sneak out once curfew falls to get food from the kitchen
163. Curse the day you ever fell in love with Harry Potter
164. Wonder why you haven't succeeded in falling out of love
165. Endeavor to try again as soon as you've recovered from having a broken heart
166. Press a hand to your chest in an attempt to relieve the pain
167. Try not to cry even more, because it's not working
168. Tickle the pear to open the door to the kitchen
169. Freeze when you discover in complete horror that the object of your desire is sitting there having a late-night snack
170. Watch in terror as he stands at the sight of you and moves towards you
171. Finally break and run – again
172. Know it is hopeless because he's faster than you
173. Feel him pin you to the wall in the corridor to stop you from fleeing
174. Struggle to break free
175. Feel him spin you round to face him and pin you with his green gaze
176. Give up struggling and refuse to look at him
177. Feel a tear work its way out from under your eyelid
178. Try to hold back the rest that threaten to break free
179. Feel his arms go around you
180. Collapse into them and sob into his neck, because it seems he's letting you
181. Realize how warm and strong those arms are and burrow further into them
182. Stop crying as you marvel how safe you feel right at this moment
183. Fall even more hopelessly in love with him because of it
184. Feel him tilt up your chin so you have to look him in the eye
185. Think briefly that your face must be a mess of tear-streaks
186. Also think that your eyes must be all swollen and red
187. Feel lost, because you're staring into his eyes and he into yours
188. Tremble
189. Feel butterflies in your stomach when he gives you a breath-taking smile
190. Notice that the two halves of your heart are mending as he leans towards you
191. Exhale shakily as his warm breath slides over your face
192. Hold on tightly when he carefully presses a fiery kiss to your mouth
193. Continue to hold him as he continues to kiss you
194. Shakily return the kisses
195. Feel your insides burn
196. Stare at him in wonder when he finally draws back
197. Marvel that it is your fault his mouth is all red and wet like that
198. When he asks if you'll be his and his alone, nod once because you lack the words
199. Be deliriously happy because you have your heart's desire
200. When you enter the Great Hall the next morning hand-in-hand, laugh at the shell-shocked expressions on everyone's faces
201. Smile at Harry and squeeze his hand, because you can
202. Feel your heart flutter when he smiles back and leans in to give your lips a chaste kiss
203. Decide that maybe being in love isn't such a bad thing after all
204. Promptly throw out current list and start a new one titled: How to Live Happily Ever After
Not too sappy, is it? ^.^