A/N okay, this is my first lemon. Please be kind when you read and please review.

March

Bella

Jasper looked at me from across the room of the hotel, tasting my emotions. I met his gaze before quickly lowering my eyes, bitting my lip. "You're wrong, you know,"

"What?" I asked, without looking up.

"I can feel what you're feeling now — and you are worth it."

"I'm not." I shook my head in disagreement. "If anything happens to them, it will all be for nothing."

He smiled a small smile. "You're wrong,"

Everything after that moment seemed to change.

I saw him in a completely different light. I no longer saw him as someone to be afraid of. How strange.

Jasper watched me with gentle eyes and lifted my chin when I looked down. I didn't even realize he crossed the room.

"You don't have to be afraid of me Bella. Nothing is going to happen. You're completely safe."

"I know." I whispered, leaning into his hand. My eyes closed and I relished his touch. The familiar cool touch helped ease my panic.

"Then why are you frightened?"

I couldn't exactly tell him the truth. I was frightened about my feelings for him. I was afraid of being alone with him and it wasn't because I was afraid he could drain my blood without me even realizing. Was it possible that I was developing feelings for Jasper? Alice's husband? No, that can't be right. I love Edward. Right? My jumbled feelings only confused Jasper more so I gave him an excuse that was plausible and true.

"You heard what Laurent said." I whispered. "He said James was lethal. What if something goes wrong, and they get seperated? If something happens to any of them, Carlisle, Emmett… Edward…" Why did I not feel more worried about Edward? "What if that wild female hurts Esme…? How could I live with myself when it's my fault? None of you should be risking yourselves for me —"

"Bella, stop!" Jasper interrepted my rant. "Bella, you're worrying about all the wrong things. Trust me — none of us are in jepoardy. You are under too much strain as it is. Listen to me!" he ordered when I looked away. He grabbed my chin and turned my face until I was looking into his golden eyes. "Our family is strong. Our only fear is losing you."

"But you shouldn't have to fear losing me." I said, staring into those beautiful eyes. "Who am I to you but a nuisance brought onto your family?"

"You could never be a nuisance, Bella." Jasper said softly.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

He laughed his quiet laugh. "No Bella. I'm not. I truly mean it."

I chewed the inside of my lip and watched as his eyes gradually darkened. Fear consumed me before I realized that Jasper would never hurt me. I was safe with him. "Everything is going to okay, Bella. I promise."

"Bella!" Alice called from the door. "I brought you lunch!"

oOo

Waiting at the airport for Edward's plane to arrive was making me antsy. I think I managed to thoroughly annoy Jasper. He kept glancing at me and manipluating my emotions whenever he thought I wasn't paying attention.

Alice kept offering to get breakfast with me but each time I told her later. I wasn't ready to eat. God knows that when I do decide to get food, I won't actually be eating.

Instead I sneaked glances at Jasper each chance that I got. It was actually ridiculous how much my thoughts revolved around Jasper when I was sitting in an airport waiting for Edward to show up.

I suppose it didn't matter. I wasn't going to live long enough to see either one of them again. I knew the moment I left the airport, I wouldn't be surviving.

Jasper shot me dark look that obviously meant he was reading my emotions.

Keep your emotions in check, Bella! I scolded myself. I couldn't let either one of them realize what I was up to. Tears prickled my eyes as I realized that this would be the last time I saw my vampire family again. I didn't want to lose them.

So much for keeping my emotions in check.

"Edward will be here soon, Bella." Alice said, seeing my tears. "His plane is landing in ten minutes."

Ten minutes?! Fuck I was out of time. My gaze flickered to Jasper but he wasn't paying attention so hopefully he didn't sense the complete horror that was coursing through me. Relax, Bella, I coached. Breathe. I needed to get away now.

"I think I'll eat now."

Alice stood up. "I'll come with you."

I shook my head. "Do you mind if Jasper comes instead? I'm feeling a little…" I didn't need to say anything else. I'm sure Jasper got the gist of it. You could read it in my eyes.

Jasper nodded and stood up. Alice looked confused but at least she wasn't suspicious. He led me towards the airport café, his hand on the small of my back.

There were actually two reasons that I wanted Jasper with me. First, if Alice's vision changed, she wouldn't be able to catch me if she wasn't with me. Second, if I was going to die soon, I wanted to remember the last few moment I had with Jasper.

I knew exactly how I was going to get out of this airport. I just needed to wait for the perfect moment…

Coming across the level-three ladies' room, I paused. "Do you mind? I'll only be a minute."

He shook his head but gave me a strange look. "I'll wait for you here."

Swallowing back my nerves, I nodded and went into the ladies' room. Then I was running.

oOo

Pain. Buring, firy pain. God, make it stop, I can't take anymore.

oOo

September

Jasper

Today we were celebrating Bella's eighteenth birthday. Seeing how this was the first time since 1935 that we've celebrated a birthday, Alice went a little crazy with the decorations. Alice managed to cover every flat surface with pink candles and dozens of crystal bowls filled with roses. I knew for a fact that this wasn't what Bella would have wanted. She liked things simple. Nothing over the top the way it was now.

When Bella walked through the door with Edward, a tinge of jealousy coursed through me. I was surprised and squashed it down before Edward coud read my mind.

"Happy birthday, Bella!"

She blushed that beautiful shade of red, which I tried to ignore. Carlisle and Esme greeted her, their love shinning through. Rosalie stayed away while Emmett teased Bella about her blush. Things seemed to be going well.

"Present time!" Alice declared, handing Bella the present from Rose, Emmett and myself.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything —"

"But I didn't listen." She interrupted smugly. "Just open it."

With a sigh, Bella tore the paper off of it. I smiled when I felt her confusion. "Um… thanks."

Rosalie smiled and I couldn't help but laugh. "It's a stereo for your truck." I explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so you can't return it."

Bella thanked us for the gift, even calling to Emmett. His loud booming laugh made me smile.

Then everything went downhill. Bella was opening a gift from Alice and Edward when she got a papercut.

Usually, that wouldn't have been such a big deal. But with six other bloodlust adding to my own, and Edward throwing Bella back into the gass plates, I snapped.

Emmett and Rose grabbed hold of me before I could get to her.

I barely heard Carlisle tell Rose and Emmett to get me outside. Once out in the fresh air, all sense came back to me. I tried to attack Bella, proving Edward's fears. At any moment, one of us could lose control and it could be the end of Bella.

It was all my fault.

I needed to get away. I needed to get away from all the disappointment and sorrow. I couldn't handle that.

oOo

I don't know what led me to Bella's house that night. Maybe it was the idea that we had to leave. I wanted one last look at Bella before I had to say goodbye to her forever.

Was I ready to leave her? No. I knew that I needed her forgiveness. It was my fault to begin with that Edward decided to leave her. I was weak.

I climbed the tree and peeked inside the dark window. Bella was lying on the bed, curled up in a fetal position. One of her hands subconsciously held her chest, as though it were helping to keep her together. I opened the window and was immediately assulted by the grief, pain, self-loathing, and inadequate feelings. I fell into the room and her emotions nearly brought me to my knees.

"Bella?" I whispered.

I was surprised she heard me. She rolled over and lifted herself up onto her elbows. Her eyes were red and puffy and there were tear streaks down her cheeks.

"Jazzy!" she cried and stumbled out of bed. Her relief hit me like a ton of bricks and I really did fall. Bella launched herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I'm so glad you're here."

She started crying, her tears dripping down my neck.

"I thought you left." She whispered.

"No." I ran my hand down her arm, savoring the warmth of her skin. "But Bella, I need to apologize to you. What happened on your birthday —"

"Wasn't your fault, Jazzy." She whispered, lifting her head to look at me. "Jasper, I understand what happened. You were feeling six other bloodlusts, adding to yours." Bella ran her hand through my hair and I shivered from her touch. "I was never mad at you, Jasper. I told Alice to tell you."

I frowned. "She never told me."

"Why didn't you leave with the others, Jasper?" she whispered, hiding her face in my shoulder again. "Are you just here to say goodbye?"

I stayed silent, thinking through my answer. No. I didn't come here to say goodbye. Because I never wanted to let her go.

"Jasper?"

I looked at the fragile girl in my arms and lowered my head until my lips pressed tentatively against hers. She didn't respond for several moment and I feared I pushed her over the edge.

Realizing that she just broke up with Edward, I broke the kiss and moved to the window, my body as tense as wires.

I heard Bella stand up but I didn't look at her. I was afraid to look at her.

"Jasper?" she whispered. When I didn't respond to her, she sighed. "Look at me Jasper."

Her emotions were calm and filled with desire. I didn't understand her. I turned to face her. Bella's hands were on her hips and she was staring at me with hooded eyes.

"Come here, Jasper."

I went to her without a second thought and stood in front of her. Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my lips. I groaned as she her mouth parted and her tongue licked my bottom lip, demanding entrance. I obliged and groaned. She tasted even better than she smelled.

I broke the kiss to let her breathe but I moved my kisses down her jaw and neck. Her breathing hitched when I kissed the pulse point.

Bella moved her hands down my arms until they slipped underneath my shirt. I pulled back and looked at her. "Bella," I whispered.

"Please, Jasper. Make love to me."

Staring into her eyes, I felt no fear coming from her. Nothing but love and desire. Without speaking, I pushed her towards the bed and crawled on top of her, keeping all my weight on my arms. "Are you sure, Bella?"

She nodded and pulled her shirt up herself.

Fuck me. She wasn't wearing a bra. I stared at her, unabashed until I felt her self-consciousness sneak up. She crossed her arms across her beautiful, perfect breasts.

"No, don't cover yourself." I tugged at her arms and moved them until they were above her head. "You're beautiful."

Bella blushed as I moved and covered her bare nipple with my mouth. Her moan went straight to my cock as it got uncomfortable hard against my jeans. I moved my mouth to her other breast and suckled her pink nipple. Her hands moved to my hair and started tugging. I groaned against her nipple and she gasped.

"Relax, darlin'." I whispered, kissing down her stomach until I reached the waistband of her pants. I peered up at her, silently asking for permission. She nodded once and I pushed both her pants and underwear down and threw them onto the floor.

Fuck me to hell. She was completely bare and already wet. "Mmm. You're already wet for me, aren't you darlin'?"

"Yes…" she whispered. "All for you Jasper."

I found her clit and slid my fingers inside. I hissed. Fuck she was tight. Hot, tight and so wet. I rubbed her clit and she gasped. "Shh, darlin'. You have to be quiet or you'll wake your father."

I lowered my mouth to her womanhood and licked her folds.

Bella

God, what this man was doing to me!

"Please, Jasper." I groaned.

"Patience, Bella." He whispered. Jasper slid one of his fingers into my folds and began thrusting inside me. My body arched up to meet it. His tongue continued its dance as he lapped my juices. He added second finger and then a third until the feeling building inside me burst and I exploded. I lay panting as Jasper moved his body up so he was flush against mine, cooling me down.

"How was that?" He asked.

"Mmm. Perfect." I whispered.

"Well, there's more to come." Jasper lowered his lips to mine and I could taste myself on him. I groaned and tugged at his shirt, trying to pull it off him. I threw his shirt on the floor and worked at getting his jeans off.

Holy hell. He went commando. I stared at his cock and my nerves spiked. He was long. And thick. How the hell is he going to fit inside me?

Jasper chuckled above me. "Relax, Bella. I can help ease the pain but I can't stop it all together."

"I know, Jazzy." I felt his arosual against my thigh.

"Are you ready?"

I nodded and waited as he eased my legs apart and moved inside me slowly. I groaned in pain and pleasure. Jasper kissed my, long and slow, distracting me from what he was doing. When he got to my barrier, he paused. "Are you sure, Bella?"

I stared into his eyes, seeing his love for me and nodded. "I'm sure."

Jasper thrust into me, breaking through. The pain was a bitch but Jasper thoughtfully held still while I adjusted to the intrusion. When the pain subsided, I arched my hips. He smiled and moved slowly inside me. I arched up to meet each thrust, groaning.

"More… god… Jasper… please…"

My eyes shut as he picked up the pace.

"Harder." I pleaded. "Faster." My hands dug into his shoulders and I moaned as he complied.

"Fuck, Bella. You're so tight." Jasper hissed from above me.

"Mmm… Jasper…"

The coil in my stomach grew as I started to climax. "Jasper… I'm gonna… I'm gonna cum…"

"Cum with me, Bella." He whispered, with each thrust. "Cum! Now!"

I bit his shoulder to keep from screaming his name. Jasper's cool seed spilled into me as he came. As we came down from the high, Jasper pulled out of me and I immediately missed him.

Jasper pulled me against him as my breathing worked to calm itself down. I looked up at him and kissed his jaw.

"Jazzy? Can I ask you a question?"

"Course, darlin'."

"Why did you come back?"

He didn't answer for a couple of minutes. I could barely keep my eyes open. When he did answer, I was half asleep.

"Because I needed you." he breathed. "Because I love you."