AN: To honor the perfect trifecta of couples on GG, Chuck/Blair, Nate/Serena and Dan/Vanessa. I am truly loving this season, and so glad these couples are getting it right.
At First Sight
The first thing he notices is her hair, it's blonde. It whips in the wind, and when she dances around (he'll come to find later that she's always dancing) the tips of it sometimes reach the edge of her skirt. He yearns to touch it, tangle his little fingers through it and fly right along with her. He's too shy though, so he just sits back, smiles, and nudges the toe of his shoe into the mud. It's easier on the sidelines, he's never been eager to play in the big game. Nathaniel Archibald, the new Vanderbilt heir, is nothing if not a bystander.
~*~
She has a stout little maid that follows her around and gives him dirty looks. He just smirks. He's 6 and three quarters and he's already planning world domination. He's a king and he's looking of his queen. A crown would sit perfectly on her shiny brown hair. He thinks she'd wear one nearly as well as he would, and that makes him respect her. He tips his little beret at her (a present from his French nanny) and she sticks her tongue out at him in retaliation. He can only smile. She's one of a kind, just like him. Chuck Bass has never known anything but the game, and he'll never stop playing it.
~*~
He spots her across an empty movie theater. She's the only other person who has braved the winter weather to come out and see the same eccentric art film he'd been dying to see for months. He's eleven, and she looks around the same edge. He splits his attention between the beautiful German actress on screen and the girl with wild black curls, and the coolest grape sneakers he's ever seen before. The credits begin to roll and he realizes he missed the last twenty minutes entirely because he was so busy trying to figure out what she had scribbled on her shoes. Suddenly, those purple sneakers are right in front of them and so is she. He looks up and she laughs and the rest will be their history. Dan Humphrey had always been an outsider, until now.
~*~
They're eight when they plan their first play date, just the four of them. Blair takes the lead reign and has Eleanor contact all their mothers. Anne is thrilled, she's found two future candidates for her Vanderbilt ring. Lily isn't in town but Serena's nanny is more than willing to pawn her off for a couple of hours so she can go and visit her musician boyfriend that Serena fancies herself in love with already. Chuck has no mother, and his French nanny is out of town so Eleanor has to fight her way into getting a hold of Bart Bass. He is curt with his response, but at least it's a yes. Blair makes Dorota set up a tea party even though her maid insists little boys don't like those types of things.
"I'll make them like it." Blair responds, and goes back into her closet to pick out the perfect outfit for her soiree. Nate will be her partner she decides almost immediately. He's more easily manageable and Chuck will go off script. Serena can have him, she's just as crazy.
Chuck arrives first. His limo driver drops him at the door, and Dorota tries not to scowl at him. Chuck goads her though and eventually she tells Meester Chuck that Mees Blair is upstairs. He can see to it himself. He smirks and takes the steps two at a time. Chuck is always in a hurry to get somewhere, the present is never too appealing. Blair can appreciate that as she watches him from her hiding spot on the top ledge. He's just like her. She greets him with a smile, and he pulls at her hair before running past her into her room. Her following yell could probably be heard through most of the building.
Nate and Serena arrived at the same time. Their mothers had decided to accompany them, and spend some time with Eleanor Waldorf. Three of the most influential UES mothers all gathered in one room, it was a scary thought. While Anne and Lily discussed couture and the latest charity gala, Nate and Serena whispered in the corner. Nate told her dress was pretty, and she giggled, and told him his eyes were the same as hers. We could be twins. Nate frowned, he was no girl.
"But you're pretty," she squealed.
He gave her a sour look, and to make up for her mistake she reached for his hand and linked their fingers together. All became right in Nate's world again. When the elevator doors opened and Dorota greeted them, Nate and Serena were still holding hands, whispering in the corner. Not much would change in the coming years. Chuck and Blair played their games, and Nate and Serena held onto each other as tight as they could. It worked for all of them for a time.
~*~
Vanessa is thirteen the first time she uses Dan's window, and he's so surprised he falls of his bed.
"You scared the crap out of me." He admonishes her, and she just shoots him a teasing smile, before stealing the book off of his lap.
"J.D Salinger." She whistles. "Aren't you a little too young for this?"
"I'm three months younger than you." He rolls his eyes, and steals his book back. He'd been reading it all morning, but with her in the room it held no more luster. When Vanessa was around nothing else could hold his interest. He just wished he could find a way to tell her this.
"I'm only kidding. I read it last month. Amazing book. Finish is fast so we can talk about it." He nodded, glad there was one more thing they could share. "So, there's this new art film showing at the park. Maybe we could grab some grub and go…" Her dark eyes lit up, and he nodded immediately.
"Let me tell my mom and we can go." He jumped up, and rushed out of the room, and then quickly back in. Both his parents were out again. They were on their me time adventures, and Jenny was at a friend's house. It was just him and Vanessa. "Hey Vanessa…" he decided it was now or never.
She turned to him expectantly, her new red sneakers scraping against his floor. "Yeah?"
"I…" He wanted to tell her she was special. That he thought maybe he loved her. The words wouldn't form though, and she just stood there waiting, holding her breath as he was holding his. "You're my best friend." He settled on the obvious, because he had to say something, and nothing could be more true than that.
Her smile stretched across her entire face. "Well, duh." She teased him, but it was clear she was thrilled with his declaration. "Come on slow poke, I'll kill you if we miss the opening."
He dropped his book, grabbed his sneakers (red like hers, they'd bought them together) and they both snuck out of the window. It would become their thing, their secret for the rest of their lives. The loft window, best friends and movies in the park. Nothing could touch that, nothing could touch them. That night when he got back from their little adventure he picked up a pen and paper and began writing everything he could never say out loud. It started with 'I love you' and ended with 'always'.
~*~
Blair meets Georgina Sparks the first day of sixth grade, and she knows she'll hate her for the rest of her life. Georgie first takes Serena, making her laugh by telling her outrageous stories that Blair sincerely hopes aren't true. She doesn't much care though because Georgie is a lost soul if she's ever seen one, probably sold to the devil when she was nine. Serena refuses to see the evil right in front of her so Blair comes up with scheme after scheme to open her eyes. When nothing else seems to work Blair brings out the big guns and calls Chuck in. If his devious mind can't find a way to get rid of Georgina, then nothing will work.
He comes over on a Friday night, forgoing his usual party ritual to help her, and even though she can't bring herself to say thank you, she tries to show him in other ways. She makes Dorota prepare his favorite foods, and before he leaves she slips him a tiny wrapped package that contains a Burberry scarf with his initials sewed in. He doesn't open it in front of her but she knows he'll be pleased when he finally does. She knows Chuck Bass almost as well as she knows herself and that thrills her. He's barely twelve years old but he's already a force to be reckoned with.
The next Monday she finds him in the school courtyard and drags him off into a secret corner. For once she's not that worried about people gossiping about them, she needs to know if he's taken care of the Georgie situation like he swore he would. Chuck has always come through for her in the past, so she sees no reason to doubt him now.
"Did you take care of it?" She asked eagerly. Her cheeks are flushed from the chilly winter air, and her dark chocolate hair is blowing all around. He takes a minute to just stare at her, and she has to look away so she doesn't blush. Chuck always finds a way to make her feel totally exposed. Nate never does, and that's why she loves him. He makes her feel safe.
"I handled it." He answers her cryptically, and now he is the one looking away. She appraised him slowly. His expensive shoes are scuffing the ground, and his hands are shoved deep into his pockets. If she didn't know he didn't feel such things, she'd think he looked guilty.
"Well…" She pushed impatiently. "What did you do? Did she cry? Is she already on her way out of town? Has Serena been saved?" Blair fired off question after question and he still wouldn't look at her. "Chuck!" She demanded, and she sounded a bit too much like her mother but she didn't care.
"I…" He looked anywhere but at her, and she grabbed him by the scarf (the very one she bought him) and pulled him closer.
"Tell me, now." She gritted it out through closed teeth, and he flinched. She knew it wouldn't be good. "Did you fail?" She was astonished. It hadn't even crossed her mind that he could. He was Chuck Bass.
"Not exactly." He hedged, and pried her fingers off his scarf. He placed it carefully back down, and finally lifted his eyes to meet hers. "We had sex." He sounded a little bit proud, a little bit ashamed, and Blair almost gagged in response.
"I didn't hear that." She decided immediately and turned away from him. She needed to be as far away from him as she could be. Her ballet flats slid against the slick ground, and when he reached out for her arm to stop her she almost fell flat on the ground. She ripped her arm away from him. "Don't touch me. Anything that has touched her, can't touch me." She sounded petulant but she didn't care. There was a pinching feeling in her chest that she didn't recognize, and the look on his face made her want to puke.
"Blair… please." He sounded more like a little boy than Chuck Bass. "She just…" he started to explain it, but the look on her face stopped him. There was nothing left to say. "It's none of your business anyway." He snapped.
"Your right, because I don't care a thing about you or the diseases you probably contracted. You're filthy just like her." Blair gave him the meanest look she could muster up before rushing away from him, and into the nearest bathroom stall. She puked up her breakfast and didn't speak to Chuck Bass for the next five days.
~*~
Serena is ten the first time she kisses Nate Archibald. Chuck dares her to do it while they're all playing in the park, and she decides it's one dare she just can't refuse. Nate is standing by the swing set playing one of Blair's make believe game when Serena walks right up to him grabs him by his soft golden hair and kisses him right on the lips just like it's always done in the movies Blair makes her watch. Nate is surprised when she pulls back, but it never gets awkward. Instead they both start laughing so hard their stomachs hurt and they fall onto the ground together. Blair squeals about kissing being disgusting and runs over to Chuck to force him to agree with her. Nate and Serena don't agree though. Kissing was nice, not as fun as hugging or holding hands, but it was nice all the same.
The next time they kissed they were fourteen and it was totally different. Nate was officially Blair's boyfriend, and Serena had kissed many others after that first time with him. They were hanging out at Nate's house like they usually did. Blair was at a charity luncheon with her mother, and Chuck was hanging out with one of the West Side girls, so it was just the two of them, hot chocolate and a shared pop tart. It was snowing outside and Serena was trying to convince Nate to come with her to make snow angels.
"My mom gets made when I ruin my clothes…" He tried to beg off. In truth he enjoyed the heat inside, and the way that Serena was practically sitting in his lap on the couch while they shared their food. Nate never wanted to move when she was this close.
"Lame, Natey, lame." She chastised him, and her soft whimsical laugh made him smile in return. There was nothing about her that he didn't enjoy, and that scared the hell out of him. Chuck always teased him and called it love, but Nate knew he loved Blair. At least that was what she said, and Serena had never claimed to love him either. This had to be different, more special, something words hadn't been invented for yet.
"Let's just stay here… please." He used his best puppy dog face, and Serena nodded without further argument. She could be just as soft as him. They laid back against the couch, their legs thrown all together, and her skinny arm looped through his. Her bright blond hair laid against his shoulder, and her head rested against his head. They were touching at every point and Nate was certain it would never be better than this.
"Natey?" She turned to him and their nearly identical shade of blue eyes locked.
"Yeah?" He couldn't tear his gaze away from her. She was perfect. She was everything.
"You ever just wish we could run away from all of this… all the parties and people and just… disappear for a while?" The look in her eyes was so earnest that it burned itself inside him, and in that moment he wanted to run just as much as she did, maybe more. But only with her, only ever with her.
"Every day." He answered honestly. Something new came onto her face, a sense of longing, of belonging. They'd always felt it when they were together but they'd never said it out loud. Nate knew they wouldn't say it today either. He had Blair, and she had to be Serena van der Woodsen, the most desirable girl on the Upper East Side. But none of that mattered in that room, on that couch, that cold winter day. It was just Serena and her Natey, escaping for a while.
"I'd run away with you," she whispered. And then she did the most amazing thing. She closed the remaining few inches between them and slid her cherry glossed lips against his and kissed him. It wasn't the same kind of kiss she'd given him at ten. This kiss was all Serena, wild, exciting, beautiful… alive. His entire body buzzed with feeling as passion finally exploded between them. This wasn't about old friends, this was something else. He tightened his hold on her, and tangled his fingers through her silky hair holding her to him for as long as he could.
The moment passed and she slid back down beside him. Between them their hands locked, and they just sat there listening to their own heavy breathing and thumping hearts. This would be the moment Nate would always point to and say he'd found love, real love, the kind that made his heart ache and his eyes water. Serena van der Woodsen would always be the one for Nate, and he found himself hoping he could be the one for her too.
~*~
The worst day of Dan's short life was the day he finally told Vanessa he loved her. He had the whole thing planned out, he'd even written out his speech so he could get it just right. He would explain to her that the first day he saw her in that theatre was the first day he stopped feeling so alone. He would tell her that everything about her made him smile. Her crazy clothes and wild hair, and her ever changing shoe style that fascinated him every single day. He would tell her that they might be young but he knew for a certainty that what he felt for her would never change. He would make her believe, and then he would know true happiness. They would own each other in a way they never had before.
Things started going bad the second Vanessa arrived. She used the front door instead of the window, and Dan's heart sunk into his chest. There was something wrong. Her warm brown eyes were distant, and she was wearing sandals instead of her usual sneakers. He pulled her into his room past his goofily smiling parents, and his annoying little sister and firmly shut the door in all their faces. He was fifteen and he might die of a heart attack if he didn't get this out soon.
"Hi." She smiled at him shyly and sat on her usual windowsill.
He sat on the bed in front of her, and grabbed for his journal. He flipped it to the well worn page he'd been rehearsing for days and took a deep breath. "Vanessa," he began nervously. "I've wanted to tell you this for a while-" He looked up from his journal to find her laughing softly, and he had to laugh himself. He shut the journal and put it aside. "Sorry… I'm a little nervous. You know how I get when I'm nervous. I get-"
"You ramble," she filled in for him. "Yeah, I know. Maybe I should go first." She didn't sound so sure she wanted to though, so Dan shook his head. He knew he needed to get this out, even if she did tell him he was crazy and she didn't feel the same.
"Vanessa," he began again and she sat as still as a statue as she listened. He was momentarily rendered mute when she grinned at him reassuringly. She was so beautiful. Not in the normal way, like all those prissy girls he went to school with. They were no doubt gorgeous but they had nothing on Vanessa. She was so full of life, so smart and accomplished, so determined to be the very best person she could be – how could he not love her?
"Dan…" She laughed nervously as she folded and unfolded her hands in her lap. She seemed just as scared as he was, and that bolstered his confidence. No matter what happened, at least they were doing it together. He could do anything with her by his side.
He sucked in one final breath and decided to go all out. She was worth the risk. "I love you. I think I've loved you since that first day in the movie theater and it's just gotten bigger and bigger ever sense. I love how you smile and laugh, and how you know me better than anyone and still want to hang out with me. I love that we read the same books. I pretty much love everything about you and I just… I had to tell you." He finished with a long exaltation and waited for her response.
She just stared at him for a moment, memorizing every piece of his face. His cheeks and his lips, and his eyes that always made her feel so special when they were focused on her. Dan Humphrey was like no one she'd ever known, and she loved him too.
"I'm moving, Dan."
Her words were deafening in the room, and he looked away from her immediately. Vanessa felt like her chest was caving in as tears pricked her eyes and silently began falling down her cheeks. She wanted to tell him she was sorry, and that she loved him too. She wanted him to know that she'd barely seen the movie that day they met because she'd been too busy sneaking peaks at him and wishing he would speak to her. She didn't say any of that though. She just sat there silently crying, wishing he would look back at her and know she felt the same as him. He never looked back at her though, and she used that window one last time disappearing from his life, and breaking both their hearts.
~*~
Nate is furious with Serena when he comes by her home and the doorman tells him she's left town. It feels like his whole world is spinning out of control and nothing makes sense anymore. Blair is his girlfriend but he's betrayed her and he can no longer look her in the eyes. Serena is his everything, and she's left him. He gave her his heart, and she couldn't even say goodbye. It's a weird feeling being angry at Serena. He's been mad at Chuck and Blair plenty of times, but never at her. They're too in sync, he gets her too well, but this he doesn't get at all. This makes no kind of sense. That night at the Shepherd's wedding should have been their beginning and now he's finding out it's their end.
He walks all the way home ignoring the nice weather, and all the happy people around him. Their lives are still spinning with some purpose, his purpose up and left town and he's more confused than he's ever been. His mother greets him at the door with a package when he gets home. There is no return address, and he barely looks at it before throwing it on his floor and climbing into his bed. He digs around in his drawer and pulls out a joint Chuck had given him earlier. He cracks the window in his room, and lights up. He would rather be numb than feel what he's feeling now.
Blair comes over that night. She's angry too. She says Serena is selfish and ridiculous, and accuses her of getting knocked up by some lame guy she hooked up with. Nate just nods, lights another joint and pretends he's anywhere but where he is. Blair doesn't even notice. She's hurt and furious, and after an hour of Nate saying nothing she tells him she has plans and will call him later. She puts a perfunctory kiss on his lips and then disappears. Her perfume lingers and it suffocates Nate. He prefers the smell of sandal wood and that flash of blonde hair, and he hates himself for not appreciating what he has. But he doesn't and when Blair calls the next day he ignores her calls and instead heads to Chucks to get high and play Halo.
Chuck knows he's upset and presses him for details but Nate says nothing. It's not that he wants to keep secrets from his best friend, he just doesn't know what to say. He loved her, and she left him. He loved her, and he's not sure she ever loved him. He simply loves her, and it's not enough. Chuck brings out the hard liquor and Nate drinks more than he should. He ends up puking in the bathroom all night, and when he goes home he finds a million missed phone calls from Blair, and a single lone text from the girl he could never forget. He deletes it without reading it. He didn't want a lame goodbye.
The next two weeks go by much the same. He smokes, ignores Blair, and drinks with Chuck. She never calls of texts, and he finds himself wishing he hadn't deleted her so quickly. He dreams about running away and finding her, but then he becomes bitter because he remembers she's already run away and she didn't take him. She was supposed to. It was the unwritten rule, they would always go together.
He's searching his room for his lighter when he comes across that long forgotten package he'd discarded weeks ago. He picks it up and examines it before finally ripping in. He's surprised to find his white dress shirt, the one from the Shepherd wedding that she'd run away in, and he'd never thought he'd see again. There's a little note pinned to the front and he thinks about ripping it up without reading. He can't do it though. He's too weak where she is concerned, and he carefully unfolds it to find her messy scrawl. All it says is "I'm Sorry". His anger dissipates, and the hurt floods back in. He's sorry too. He hides the shirt in his closet and finally calls Blair back. He's ready to forget the blonde he was never supposed to love and focus on the brunette he really should have.
~*~
Chuck finds her standing outside of his hotel room, big black sunglasses on, wrinkled clothes, messy hair. She looks nothing like the Blair Waldorf he knows and for a minute he feels a real shot of fear. She's Nate's girl, but she's his partner, and he would never want anything to happen to her. She's too important for that.
"Waldorf…" He approaches her like you would a scared animal, and when she lifts her head he can tell she's been crying. "Come inside." He puts his arm around her shoulders and ushers her in, and for once she doesn't push him away. There is no artifice in this interaction and that worries him. He's used to the banter and the bickering, but he has no idea what to do with her vulnerability.
He pulls her into the room, and guides her over to the couch. She sits down and waits as he pours them both a glass of Scotch. She takes it gratefully and swallows deeply before pulling her sunglasses off and turning to face him beside her. She looks devastated, and his heart squeezes. He'll kill whoever did this.
"My dad is gay," she sobs. "He's leaving my mom. Nate is being a jerk. Serena is gone. It's all a mess. What happened? How did this happen?" She leans her head onto his shoulder as she cries, and he tries to come up with something to say. He can think of nothing so he simply holds her. He runs his fingers up and down her arm, and lays his head on top of hers, holding her as tightly as he can.
Sometime later after the sun has gone down and the room is relatively dark besides the moonlight she finally pulls away from him. He'd gotten so used to the feel of her body pressed against his he misses her immediately. He doesn't reach for her though. Chuck learned long ago that is was a mistake to need anyone. He certainly couldn't need this girl. She belonged to Nate, and even if she didn't she would never belong to him.
"Tell me it will be okay." She whispers. She sounds a little bit more like herself, but she's still sad and miserable. It gets to him, and he's silent longer than he should be. "Just lie to me, Chuck." She demands, and that's more like the Blair he knows.
"It'll be okay." He says simply, and he decides right there and then that he's going to do everything he can to make that true.
For the next two weeks while Nate smokes and plays Halo, and ignores all the pain his girlfriend is in Chuck takes up the slack. He chauffeurs her around in his limo, and lets her take him shopping. He even comes to like it after a while, especially when she lets him pick out a dress. His gut tightens when she models it for him, and he knows they need distance again. He knocks on Nate's door, steals his pot stash and demands he get it together. The next week Nate and Blair are the perfect couple again, and Chuck has his limo back. She's smiling but it doesn't reach her eyes, and Chuck wishes he could be the one to fix her, but he's too broken to try.
~*~
When Nate sees Serena again it's like he can finally breathe again. The world has started back up, and she's in his life. He wants nothing more than to start again with her. He wishes it could be easy, that there was no Blair to hurt, but there is and he feels bad for that. It doesn't stop him though. Nothing is going to stop him. He's been sleep walking through his life since she left, and now he's alive again.
It cuts like a knife when he goes to her and she turns him away. He hears what she's saying. He even understands. Blair does exist, and Serena loves her best. Nate doesn't though. He loves Serena, and he's losing her again. Except maybe this is worse. He gets to see her now, every day at school, at night during events, but nothing is the same. She no longer belongs with him the way she used to. The night he sees her step into a cab with some boy he's never seen before he drinks himself into oblivion and tries to forget she exists. He wakes up the next morning in Chuck's suite with a hangover, and the same crazy feelings for Serena. He wonders if he can ever escape her.
~*~
Vanessa returns with a giddy feeling in her heart. They can be together now, pick up right where they left off. The past year had been hell without Dan. She'd met some good people, even made some friends but no one got her the way he did. She sneaks through his window, and when he hugs her she knows she's home. Everything turns on its head though because there is another girl for him now, and while she can tell he still cares their passion has burned out. She tells him they can be just friends, and that feels good while she's with him, but when she goes home that night she cries into her pillow and wakes up with red eyes. She's well and truly lost him. Time to start again.
Vanessa plays the best friend to a tee. She is kind to his girlfriend, accompanies him to lame UES events, and tries her best not to roll her eyes at people who will never get how truly fabulous he is. She can tell he's never felt more alone, or more like an outsider and she wishes she could save him again. It's not her place though, so she steps back and lets another girl come in. He doesn't know what it costs her and she'll never tell him. She has another plan of action: fall out of love with Dan Humphrey. It's not easy, but she's determined.
~*~
The first kiss with Blair is a shock to him. He'd always thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever known. There was something so classic and untouchable about her. He would never understand why Nate didn't appreciate what he had. That was all in the past though, Chuck had her now. He had her lips, and her arms, and her legs, and every part of her he ever thought mattered. In the end the ultimate shock to him is that her heart means more than her body, and the broken boy who never thought he deserved her leaves even more broken in the end.
He loses her at a dance, and watches her go back to Nate. His anger is momentary, his sadness lingers. He wants to punish her and make her hurt the way she makes him hurt. But then he loses her, and even more of himself. He's never felt this way for anyone before so he's not sure what it is or what to do with it. He tries getting her out of his system and he fails. He tries punishing her, and he comes out hurting worse. She has somehow found her way inside of him, and he's scared to death he'll never get rid of her.
~*~
Nate finds himself falling again and again. One is blonde, another is brunette, then blonde, then brunette – they become interchangeable. He latches onto each one, praying he'll be able to feel it again, that indescribable feeling. He never does. Sometimes he gets close, so close he thinks he can reach out and grab it, but the feelings are fleeting, and he's always left lonely in the end. Eventually he finds that even when he has one of them by his side he still feels alone. None of them fit right into the mold.
Serena is still somehow perfect, but he avoids her as much as he can. He's afraid that if he's around her too much he'll drown in her again, and he's come too far to go back to that. She smiles at him, jokes with him, leans on him, and he lets her because he'll never turn her away. But it's not what it used to be, and when he lets himself he misses that time before. He misses letting her in, he misses that feeling. He thinks about asking her to run away with him, finally. But every time he opens that door he sees her with another guy. They're too alike he realizes, they'll never get it right.
~*~
Blair isn't sure she's felt true happiness until he finally tells her he loves her. The words have finally found meaning as they leave his lips, and everything in her world rights itself. She has lost so much in the past few years, a father, a mother, a best friend and a boyfriend, but she caught him, and she knows she'll never let him go.
"You're mine now." She whispers one night as they're laying in bed when she thinks he's sleeping. Her head is resting on his chest, and his hand is slung casually over her hip. She feels like she's home, like she can breathe, like nothing will ever touch her. He's in her corner now, an army of one.
His breath whispers in her hair, and she tenses up in his arms. She never meant for him to heard. She sneaks a peak at his face, and adores what she finds there. He's smiling. He is hers, and she knows she's his. They can own each other, safe in the knowledge that no one will ever mean what they have become to one another.
"Love you." He murmurs in his half awake state.
"I know." She whispers back, and his arm tightens around her as he drifts back to sleep.
Forever she thinks, this is forever.
~*~
The first time they kiss isn't conventional, his girlfriend is in the room, and he's feeling a little nervous, and a lot excited. He used to dream about kissing Vanessa, his best friend, the girl who knew him best and now he was finally doing it. She kisses him back, a shy tentative smile on her face. He sucks in a tiny breath surprised at how much he feels… she's beautiful. He can't say it out loud, but the words are screaming inside of him. She's so beautiful.
That night as he holds her in his arms, Olivia asleep beside him he feels content. He doesn't think about what has just happened, that will come at another time. All he thinks about is Vanessa, is her soft black hair, and her warm slim body cuddled into his. He holds her a little bit tighter for the rest of the night, and when they wake up they share a secret smile. He holds that warmth inside for the rest of the day. Nothing will ever touch that moment, the moment they finally found each other again.
Later, when Olivia confronts him and forces him to remember that night he knows things have changed. He can no longer deny what has always been there. He loved her once, and he loves her again. He needs her in a way he'll never need another person. He wants to say all of this to her, finally get it right. But the words get stuck inside him as he watches her smile with another guy. Maybe he missed his chance.
~*~
She comes to him heart in her hands. She's made a big mistake and she needs him to fix it, fix her. He's angry with her, disappointed, aching that yet another person has her when he doesn't. He forces that all down and does what she needs. He tries to be her knight in shining armor, and she rewards him with a hug. They fit just like they always have. Everything comes back at him at once, and he's drowning without even meaning to. She's still everything, but later when she leaves with another guy, always another guy, he's left with nothing again. Their story will never change.
She calls him early the next morning and he hits ignore. He can't talk to her. Can't think about what he's lost again, what he truly never had. She doesn't call back. Five minutes later he reaches for his phone and dials her. She's relieved when she answers, and they don't talk about the day before, or what mistake she's just made. They talk about pop tarts and Thanksgiving, and that time she busted her knee on the jungle gym. He's the only guy she can reminisce with, and she's the only girl he's ever come back for. They end the call laughing, but the second her voice fades away he feels empty again. He wishes he could erase her. He wants more than anything to finally have her.
~*~
Vanessa is shocked the second time Dan tells her he loves her. They're sitting on a bench overlooking the water. The warm spring air is thrilling to them both, and Vanessa has just told him about some funny guy in one of her film classes who will not stop asking her out. Dan smiles at her, and says why would he, you're amazing. The words linger between them, and before she can brush it off he dives right in.
"I love you, Vanessa." His words are direct, his eyes meet her head on. He's not running away this time. He's confident, and assured. He knows without her saying it that she feels the same way, that perhaps she always has even when she didn't want to.
"I love you too." She says even if he doesn't need to hear it. He leans in slowly to kiss her, and she sucks in a quick nervous breath. This is something they have never done before and she's not sure what will happen next. She pulls back at the last second, and he stops with questioning eyes. "I'm scared…" She whispers. "You're my best friend."
"I'll always be your best friend," he assures her. And then he leans in again, and this time she doesn't pull away. Their lips meet, sweet at first, and then quickly passionate. They pull back after a few minutes and just stare at each other. He finds her hand beside him, and wraps it with his own. "Let's go see a movie."
She nods. "Okay."
They sit in the back and make out the entire time. Later, they will swear it was their favorite movie ever.
~*~
Serena comes to him in the middle of the night. Her life has fallen apart weeks ago, and she's just now finding her feet. He's worried when he opens the door, and she dives right into his arms holding onto him for dear life. He hugs her back because there is nothing else he can do. It's freezing outside so he pulls her in to Chuck's penthouse and shuts the door behind her.
"Did something happen? Are you okay?" He's scared of what has gone wrong now, and desperate to help her any way he can. This is how he loves her, completely and without reservation. She's just the one for him, and he's finally learned to except it, even if she never does feel the same way back.
"I missed you." She says this shyly, and glances over his shoulder at a spot on the wall. He's never seen her look so unsure of herself and it worries him. People have been taking from her her whole life, and he's worried they finally broke her. A tiny smile plays on her lips though, and he sighs in relief. For tonight, she's alright. "Can we go for a walk?" She asks hopefully.
"It's ten degrees outside, Serena." He laughs at the notion of going out in that, but she just looks at him, and he finds himself grabbing for his coat without another word.
They walk down the street arm in arm, barely saying a word as they pick up coffee from a vendor. He wishes he knew what she was thinking, why she's come to him like this, and what she needs. He knows he'll give it to her whatever it is, no matter what it costs him.
"Nate," she turns to him finally. They stop, and she pulls him out of the way of others, not that there are many, it's so late at night. "I need to tell you something…" She waits, and he just nods.
"Did someone hurt you?" He asks, sure he'll find Tripp and kill him if he's weaseled his way back into her life. His cousin already had one black eye from him and Nate was not afraid to give him another. No one should hurt her.
"No," she shook her head quickly. "I'm good. I'm really good actually. I guess that's why I came over… why I wanted to talk to you." She met his eyes again, and he smiled at her softly, glad to hear she was well. "Thank you, Nate. Thank you for putting up with all of my craziness the past month – hell, the past years of my life. I just… I don't know what I would have done without you."
"You would have been fine," he assures her.
She shakes her head. There is something she desperately wants him to know, but it's hard to get it out. Serena is used to running. She's been running all her life, mostly from him, and she's tired of it. Still, saying any of this out loud scares the hell out of her.
"Not without you." She is firm on this. He has to know. She has to make him know. "I…" She still can't find the words, so instead of standing there like a fool she grabs him and pulls him to her. When she kisses him he resists for a minute, shock and fear warring inside of him, but she doesn't let him go this time. "Nate." She whispers against his lips, and then they're both lost.
Or maybe found for the first time.
~*~
Chuck gets down on one knee on her twenty second birthday, and all she can think at the time is what took you so long. She says yes, and dives into his arms as all their family and friends watch them. He's more successful than anyone could have imagined, and she's well on her way. The king has finally found his true queen. That night as they lay in each other's arms they talk about their future, secure in the knowledge that it will be bright.
"I want two children." She tells him firmly. "You and I were only children and it was lonely. I want a boy and a girl. The boy first so he can watch out for his sister. She'll look like me, and he'll look like you. They'll be perfect." She says this all with a dreamy sigh as she rests against him.
He fiddles with the ring on her finger a smiles, feeling like the luckiest man in the world. "Whatever you want." He whispers, and then he leans in and kisses her, and they explode all over again. If they're not careful they're going to have their son sooner than later, but passion was never a problem for them, and turns out neither was love.
~*~
Serena and Nate beat them all to the punch. They run off to Barbados and get married on the beach. They send post cards to Chuck and Blair and Dan and Vanessa, assuring them they will have pictures when they come back. They stay gone for an entire year though, enjoying each other and their travels. One night as they're walking alongside the Arno, Serena stops him and pulls him aside.
"I have a surprise." She tells him with a giddy laugh.
He just smiles, whatever she has he wants.
"I'm pregnant."
He doesn't say a thing he just pulls her into his arms and holds her tighter than ever. His dream girl has finally become his reality. She's his wife, the future mother of his child – she's his life. Nate never knew what it was to feel this happy, but he should have known she would be the one to give it to him.
~*~
Dan answers the phone in the middle of the night and listens to Nate and Serena talking all over themselves to tell him they're having a baby. Vanessa is asleep beside him and he wakes her up so she has to listen to their loud giggling as well. She takes the conversation in hand, tells them congratulations, and then warns them never to wake them up in the middle of the night again, 'some of us have jobs' she reminds them. They don't mind, and when she hangs up she congratulates them again.
Vanessa cuddles up to Dan and silence lingers around them. Chuck and Blair engaged. Nate and Serena married with a baby on the way. It all seemed surreal to them.
"Are we slow?" She wonders out loud.
He smiles. "We've always been smarter than them."
She laughs. "You're right, but someday…" She looks up at him hopefully.
He nods. "I always wanted a big family."
~*~
Chuck and Blair get married a year later in grand style. Blair finally got her fairytale with the man she'd belonged with all along. Chuck gave her the full reigns to everything and simply showed up on the day. He repeated his lines, and looked into his brides eyes with so much love that there wasn't a single disbeliever left in that church when the vows were finished.
The reception was filled with all their friends and family, Nate, Serena, Dan, Vanessa, they all made it. The six of them found themselves left alone at a table as the clock hit midnight. Chuck and Blair were about to disappear for their honeymoon, and knowing them they would never come up for air.
"Congratulations!" Serena squealed for the five hundredth time and wrapped her best friend in her arms. "You deserve it all, B." She whispered, and when the girls pulled back they both had tears in their eyes.
Nate stood beside them by Chuck, checking his phone on and off. Chuck just rolled his eyes. "Your mother is babysitting. How bad could it be." Nate gave him a look. "Your daughter is fine, Nathaniel."
Nate nodded with a small smile, and finally put his phone away. "I'm a little over protective."
Chuck laughed. "A doting father, I never would have thought."
"You just wait." Nate warned.
Chuck nodded with a small smile. Maybe he wouldn't have to wait that long. He turned towards all of them. His best friend, his wife, his sister, his kind of brother (but he'd never admit that out loud) and his beloved, and smiled at them. He never would have thought they would have ended up here.
He raised his glass in the air. "To getting it right."
Blair smiled widely, and toasted with him. "Perfectly right." She agreed.
Nate wrapped his arm around Serena's shoulder and they raised their glasses as well. Vanessa laughed as she raised hers, and Dan was the last one to complete the trifecta.
"Perfectly right." He nodded as their glasses clinked in unison.
Perfectly, right.