Ohhhhh man. Bet you guys all thought I was dead. But no, just severely uninspired. I know I left you at a horrible cliffhanger. I'm sorry, don't hurt me! To make up for it, here's the next chapter in all its glory. Chapter 5 is dedicated to all you fabulous people who have been with me from the beginning, even when the first story was written. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be so dedicated to finishing my stories. *lol*
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believe (buh-`lív) v:
by Wakizashi
Chapter Five
I couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't *do* anything. It was as if all my senses had been ruthlessly snatched from me, leaving me helpless and destitute. But then, gently, like the voice of the waking world from the grave, I felt a small hand on my shoulder, bringing me out of my bleak reverie.
"Blank? Blank, say something!"
I turned abruptly to Mikoto, who jumped slightly at my sudden movement. Her worried face was like an anchor as the steamboat to Hell I was aboard persisted in dragging me out into an endless sea of despair.
"I... I..." I, I, what's the matter, Blank? Can't think of anything intelligent to say? I slowly turned back to the figure in front of me, her now hoodless face staring at me with penetrating golden eyes. Her freckled oval face was graced with very little creases, and wavy red hair tumbled down around her shoulders. Geneva Damascus.
My mother.
"Mother." The word felt foreign to my tongue from so little use, and even as it left my lips, it left a sour taste in my mouth.
She nodded wordlessly.
I turned to Zidane, whose eyes were shifting from me to the woman before me. He opened his mouth, then thought better of it, taking a resigned step back. Mikoto, on the other hand, drew closer to me, her delicate fingers stroking the back of my hand reassuringly. Thank God for her.
I was finding it difficult to breathe. After loosening my collar with a violent pull, I swallowed. What do you say to a mother who hated you from the day you were born, who tried to kill you at the defenseless age of four? I didn't figure "Hey Mom, how's tricks?" would fit the situation too well.
Instead, I took a deep, shuddering breath. "What are you doing here?" I asked, my eyes-- though she couldn't see them-- never leaving hers.
"I heard you were still alive," she replied instantly. How in the name of all that is good could she just brazenly hint at the fact that I had almost died by her own hand? "After a few false rumors, I found out you were in Lindblum. So I came to find you."
My response came to me sooner than I had expected, even though I was afraid of what the answer might be. "Why?" I whispered.
She sighed. "Why?" she repeated, a soft tone creeping into her voice. No! How *dare* she try to make me think she cared! "You're my son, Blank." My ears burned at the word "son". "I had to see you again."
I felt a sudden wetness on my cheeks, and to my horror I realized they were tears. Not tears of happiness, *hell* no. So many questions running through my mind, and so many I didn't want the answers to. I heard myself laugh-- a hard-edged, bitter laugh.
"And to think," I said slowly, feeling the hot tears roll down my cheeks and drip onto the cobblestone street, "To think I had tricked myself into believing I could be happy."
I wrenched free of Mikoto's grasp and began running blindly, ignoring her voice, mingled with Zidane's. I just wanted, *needed* to run away. Away from that hateful woman, away from all that her unwanted return meant... and away from the family I knew, deep in my ravaged heart, I would never have.
It's amazing how different Lindblum looks from hundreds of feet above. The lives of the inhabitants seemed so trivial as I leaned on the stone balustrade on the observation deck of Lindblum Castle, looking at the bustling city below. It's true that the famous kingdom was an endless swirl of airships, festivals, and all the other sorts of things that give a metropolis life and character. But sometimes it seems, at least to me, that in the grand scheme of things, our individual lives are insignificant in Gaia's eyes. If we were gone tomorrow, the planet would not miss us.
*One thing's for sure,* I thought, narrowing my eyes. *If my mother were gone tomorrow, I definitely wouldn't miss her.*
I personally could not see how she even deserved the term "mother". She certainly had given no evidence to back her parental position. So why had she picked this time, mere weeks from my wedding, to track me down?
"I had to see you again..." Her words echoed, unwanted, through my mind. What about me? Did she ever even consider how I might feel if I ever saw *her* again? I had gone about my seemingly joyful life, truly believing that my sweet Mikoto was going to make me the happiest man on Gaia. But before I even had time to think, my ignorant bliss that had formed a protective shell around me and those I loved had come crashing down before my eyes, thanks to one solitary woman.
Blank Damascus. What a joke.
"Blank?"
I turned and, to my surprise, saw Marcus walking toward me. Regent Cid, though he had come to trust Tantalus after the war with Alexandria and Mikoto's misguided brother, was still loath to visitors who didn't have his clearance. I had gotten easily past the castle guards, thanks to my small size and agility. How my burly companion had managed to get as far as he did was beyond me. Yet there he was, standing next to the telescope and taking in my close proximity to the guard rail with obvious wariness.
"Whatcha doin'?" he asked after a while. I guess Marcus was never one to chat about the weather when his friends were teetering at the edge of a nervous breakdown. Good man.
I rolled my eyes under my belt, though it was a futile gesture. "Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm not gonna jump or anything, you moron."
But my words held no hostility, and Marcus knew that. He shrugged, walking over to join me. "Just checking."
I stole a furtive glance at my fanged friend, who was seemingly more interested in a cargo ship as it rumbled through the afternoon sky. He absently kicked the stone wall a few times. Finally he cleared his throat. "Miki's worried about you, bro."
"I know," I said, closing my eyes. After all I had told her about my wretched life, about things I would probably never get over, she still loved me. Still wanted to be with me, still worried about me. I didn't understand it, but I was more thankful for her than for anything.
"She told me that she hopes you're not mad at her," Marcus continued.
This caught me by surprise. "What? What could she have possibly done to make me mad at her? If anything, she should be mad at me!"
He looked down at the stone floor. "She told us. Everything."
I nodded. I didn't really blame her; how could I? After the scene I had made, running off like that, my friends would naturally want to know what came over me. Yesterday, Mikoto Tribal had been the only person in my life with whom I had shared my deepest secrets. Now they all knew.
For some reason, I felt a sort of odd comfort in that.
"Where is she?" I asked after a moment's silence.
"Downstairs in the conference room. Along with Zidane, Dagger, Cinna, the Nero brothers, the boss, Regent Cid, and everyone else who cares about you."
I couldn't help but feel a lump form in my throat. Maybe I wasn't as alone as I felt after all. "And... is *she* there?"
Marcus didn't answer.
"Is she?" I persisted.
After an eternity passed, he shook his head. "No."
I let out a breath I had been unconsciously holding.
"She's waiting in the guest room."
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Aiya! What will Blank do? What could he possibly say to her? Why must someone so cute go through so much torture? *lol* Just kidding Fu, he's all yours. My my, this story has gotten much angstier than originally planned. Whoops! My apologies, once again, to everyone who was waiting forever to get this stinking chapter written. With any luck, the next one won't take *nearly* as long to get finished. But in case I just jinxed myself by saying that, do me a favor and hit me in the back of the head. ^_^;;
-Wakizashi
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believe (buh-`lív) v:
by Wakizashi
Chapter Five
I couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't *do* anything. It was as if all my senses had been ruthlessly snatched from me, leaving me helpless and destitute. But then, gently, like the voice of the waking world from the grave, I felt a small hand on my shoulder, bringing me out of my bleak reverie.
"Blank? Blank, say something!"
I turned abruptly to Mikoto, who jumped slightly at my sudden movement. Her worried face was like an anchor as the steamboat to Hell I was aboard persisted in dragging me out into an endless sea of despair.
"I... I..." I, I, what's the matter, Blank? Can't think of anything intelligent to say? I slowly turned back to the figure in front of me, her now hoodless face staring at me with penetrating golden eyes. Her freckled oval face was graced with very little creases, and wavy red hair tumbled down around her shoulders. Geneva Damascus.
My mother.
"Mother." The word felt foreign to my tongue from so little use, and even as it left my lips, it left a sour taste in my mouth.
She nodded wordlessly.
I turned to Zidane, whose eyes were shifting from me to the woman before me. He opened his mouth, then thought better of it, taking a resigned step back. Mikoto, on the other hand, drew closer to me, her delicate fingers stroking the back of my hand reassuringly. Thank God for her.
I was finding it difficult to breathe. After loosening my collar with a violent pull, I swallowed. What do you say to a mother who hated you from the day you were born, who tried to kill you at the defenseless age of four? I didn't figure "Hey Mom, how's tricks?" would fit the situation too well.
Instead, I took a deep, shuddering breath. "What are you doing here?" I asked, my eyes-- though she couldn't see them-- never leaving hers.
"I heard you were still alive," she replied instantly. How in the name of all that is good could she just brazenly hint at the fact that I had almost died by her own hand? "After a few false rumors, I found out you were in Lindblum. So I came to find you."
My response came to me sooner than I had expected, even though I was afraid of what the answer might be. "Why?" I whispered.
She sighed. "Why?" she repeated, a soft tone creeping into her voice. No! How *dare* she try to make me think she cared! "You're my son, Blank." My ears burned at the word "son". "I had to see you again."
I felt a sudden wetness on my cheeks, and to my horror I realized they were tears. Not tears of happiness, *hell* no. So many questions running through my mind, and so many I didn't want the answers to. I heard myself laugh-- a hard-edged, bitter laugh.
"And to think," I said slowly, feeling the hot tears roll down my cheeks and drip onto the cobblestone street, "To think I had tricked myself into believing I could be happy."
I wrenched free of Mikoto's grasp and began running blindly, ignoring her voice, mingled with Zidane's. I just wanted, *needed* to run away. Away from that hateful woman, away from all that her unwanted return meant... and away from the family I knew, deep in my ravaged heart, I would never have.
It's amazing how different Lindblum looks from hundreds of feet above. The lives of the inhabitants seemed so trivial as I leaned on the stone balustrade on the observation deck of Lindblum Castle, looking at the bustling city below. It's true that the famous kingdom was an endless swirl of airships, festivals, and all the other sorts of things that give a metropolis life and character. But sometimes it seems, at least to me, that in the grand scheme of things, our individual lives are insignificant in Gaia's eyes. If we were gone tomorrow, the planet would not miss us.
*One thing's for sure,* I thought, narrowing my eyes. *If my mother were gone tomorrow, I definitely wouldn't miss her.*
I personally could not see how she even deserved the term "mother". She certainly had given no evidence to back her parental position. So why had she picked this time, mere weeks from my wedding, to track me down?
"I had to see you again..." Her words echoed, unwanted, through my mind. What about me? Did she ever even consider how I might feel if I ever saw *her* again? I had gone about my seemingly joyful life, truly believing that my sweet Mikoto was going to make me the happiest man on Gaia. But before I even had time to think, my ignorant bliss that had formed a protective shell around me and those I loved had come crashing down before my eyes, thanks to one solitary woman.
Blank Damascus. What a joke.
"Blank?"
I turned and, to my surprise, saw Marcus walking toward me. Regent Cid, though he had come to trust Tantalus after the war with Alexandria and Mikoto's misguided brother, was still loath to visitors who didn't have his clearance. I had gotten easily past the castle guards, thanks to my small size and agility. How my burly companion had managed to get as far as he did was beyond me. Yet there he was, standing next to the telescope and taking in my close proximity to the guard rail with obvious wariness.
"Whatcha doin'?" he asked after a while. I guess Marcus was never one to chat about the weather when his friends were teetering at the edge of a nervous breakdown. Good man.
I rolled my eyes under my belt, though it was a futile gesture. "Oh, don't look at me like that. I'm not gonna jump or anything, you moron."
But my words held no hostility, and Marcus knew that. He shrugged, walking over to join me. "Just checking."
I stole a furtive glance at my fanged friend, who was seemingly more interested in a cargo ship as it rumbled through the afternoon sky. He absently kicked the stone wall a few times. Finally he cleared his throat. "Miki's worried about you, bro."
"I know," I said, closing my eyes. After all I had told her about my wretched life, about things I would probably never get over, she still loved me. Still wanted to be with me, still worried about me. I didn't understand it, but I was more thankful for her than for anything.
"She told me that she hopes you're not mad at her," Marcus continued.
This caught me by surprise. "What? What could she have possibly done to make me mad at her? If anything, she should be mad at me!"
He looked down at the stone floor. "She told us. Everything."
I nodded. I didn't really blame her; how could I? After the scene I had made, running off like that, my friends would naturally want to know what came over me. Yesterday, Mikoto Tribal had been the only person in my life with whom I had shared my deepest secrets. Now they all knew.
For some reason, I felt a sort of odd comfort in that.
"Where is she?" I asked after a moment's silence.
"Downstairs in the conference room. Along with Zidane, Dagger, Cinna, the Nero brothers, the boss, Regent Cid, and everyone else who cares about you."
I couldn't help but feel a lump form in my throat. Maybe I wasn't as alone as I felt after all. "And... is *she* there?"
Marcus didn't answer.
"Is she?" I persisted.
After an eternity passed, he shook his head. "No."
I let out a breath I had been unconsciously holding.
"She's waiting in the guest room."
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Aiya! What will Blank do? What could he possibly say to her? Why must someone so cute go through so much torture? *lol* Just kidding Fu, he's all yours. My my, this story has gotten much angstier than originally planned. Whoops! My apologies, once again, to everyone who was waiting forever to get this stinking chapter written. With any luck, the next one won't take *nearly* as long to get finished. But in case I just jinxed myself by saying that, do me a favor and hit me in the back of the head. ^_^;;
-Wakizashi