Last First Kiss

*Author's note: Ok, so this is a story I want to write. It kinda came to me in a dream. It's a little twisted, but I think I can make it work out. This has the same characters as my "Child of my Enemy" story does, just a different plot. Try and hang with me, I am trying out a new theory here. If people like it, I'll keep working on it, if not, I won't post anymore chapters. I just want to know if this is worth spending time on. Leave reviews and tell me what you think. Much love out there to all who help me with this!! You know who you are!!*

"Normal Talk"

"Comm Talk"

'Bond Talk'

~Chapter One: Dark of Despair~

~Silverstar's POV~

I sat in my room, leaning against the wall as I rested my CPU in my hands. My spark thundered loudly against its chamber as I tried to wrestle my emotions into submission. There was no denying it; my spark had fallen for someone. How to tell him was the question.

"Frag it, why me?" I sighed out loud. "Primus, why him!?" I shouted, slamming my fist into the wall next to me. I cringed and chuckled at my stupid act of rage. "Great, knowing me, I just broke my hand." I hissed, running my fingers across the knuckles on my right hand. "Yeah, okay, know that feeling. Great, guess I'll go see Ratchet." I stood to my feet and cradled my broken hand against my chest, opening the door and stepping into the hall. Just in time to be knocked down by Sunny and Sides. They attempted to dodge me, but the two of them slammed into me, sending me sliding to the floor, Sunny and Sides on top of me.

"You fraggin glitches!" I hissed, shoving them off of me. There was thundering and I glanced up, seeing Firestorm come from around the corner. My optics widened as Firestorm struggle to slow down, grabbing the nearby wall.

"Oh slag…"Sides muttered. Firestorm managed to slow down in front of Sunny and Sides.

"Get off her, you glitches!" Firestorm grabbed Sunny and Sides by their feet and dragged them off of me, Sunny yelping in pain.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!! Leggo!" Sides had managed to wiggle free as Firestorm fought with Sunny.

"That is what you get for jumping me from behind!" Firestorm hissed, gaining the upper hand.

"I assume that you guys were running from Firestorm?" I asked, sending a sidelong glance to Sides.

"Yeah, something like that." Sides chuckled.

"What did you do?"

"We just…kinda tricked Firestorm into a trap we made for Rainsong."

"What kind of trap?" I asked, watching Sunny and Fire wrestle on the floor.

"Well…I'm not sure Firestorm would want us to tell you…it has to do with Rainsong, bonds and…"

"No, no more! I don't want to know!" I growled, covering my audio receptors with both my hands. I hissed in pain as I remembered my hand was broken

"Silver?" I heard Sides ask, sitting on the floor next to me, Sunny behind him, laughing his aft off. Firestorm was next to him, scowling deeply at Sunstreaker.

"Oh, that was slaggin awesome!!" His brother smacked him across the helm and Sunny growled. "What was that for!?" He snarled.

"Silver is hurt!" Sides snapped back.

"Oh frag, really? Did we do it?" Sunny had stopped laughing as I pressed my hand against my chest again.

"No, I'm okay, it wasn't you." I told them, smiling and standing to my feet.

"You sure, you don't look okay." Frag Sideswipe for his ability to read emotions!

"Trust me, I'm okay. I am on my way to Ratchet now, I'll be okay." I turned and walked down the hall, leaving Sunny and Sides on the floor.

"She's lying." Sides whispered to his brother.

"She's not okay?"

"No, not by a long shot. She's spark broken."

"What?!"

"Yeah, and when I find the mech who did that to her, I'm gonna beat the slag out of him." Sides hissed.

"You and me both, bro."

I stepped into the med bay and saw Ratchet treating someone. The mech squirmed and I saw it was Bee. I managed to bite back my chuckle as he winced in pain. Ratchet glanced up and frowned at me.

"Unless you have a reason to be here, Silver…"

"I do, I broke my hand." I told him, moving it away from my chest. Ratchet moved towards me and I saw Bee's sigh of relief.

"Let me see that…" He took my hand in his and turned it over, examining the knuckles. "You did a number on this, what did you do, punch the wall?"

"Actually…" I glanced sideways as Ratchet looked up to me.

"That was a joke, Silver. Did you really punch the wall?"

"Yes?"

"Is that a question?"

"Alright, I punched the wall! I was angry, so sue me." Ratchet folded his arms across his chest and I squirmed under his stern glare.

"Go sit over there. I'll be with you when I'm done with Bee." He pointed to a free med berth and I nodded.

"What did he do?" I asked, sitting on the berth.

"Got into it with Sides and Sunny. He's got a few dings here and there, nothing serious. Mostly just scratched paint." Bee sighed and closed his optics as Ratchet finished repairs. "You're done, you can go. Not more fights or I swear to Primus I'll lock you in the brig myself!" He shouted at a retreating Bee. I watched the yellow mech hurry out of the med bay before Ratchet made good on his promises. Ratchet turned to face me with a frown on his face.

"Why did you punch the wall?"

"I told you, I was angry." Ratchet's frown deepened and I sighed slightly. "It's nothing to worry about, I'm fine. Just treat my hand so I can go, ok?"

"That doesn't sound like Optimus's niece."

"What does it matter anyways?!" I snapped, trying in vain to keep my anger in check. I didn't notice tears ran down my faceplates until I saw Ratchet's worried expression.

"Sweetspark, you can tell me anything. You know that, I'm your friend." I shook my head and glanced away.

"This is something I'd rather not talk about; I've already given up on him."

"Him?!" I winced as Ratchet took my face in both his hands. "Who has done this to you?!"

"It's not his fault; I'm the one who fell for him. I just wish…it wasn't him…" I finished, staring at the ground.

"You don't even want to tell me? Or Prowl, does he know?" I cringed at the sound of his name, shaking my head.

"No, he doesn't know. I'd rather he didn't know that I was here."

"He's second in command, but I suppose I won't put it in my report. I don't put everything in my reports to Prowl and Prime. I'll keep this incident out if you tell me what's wrong, who has caused you to be so…" He trailed off.

"Spark broken?" Ratchet nodded once and I sucked in a breath. "I'll tell you if you promise that it won't leave this room."

"Doctor/patient confidentiality. I promise." I sucked in an unsteady breath and let the air cycle through.

"I've fallen for someone." I sighed.

"I gathered as much, care to say who?" I bit my lip and struggled to fight my tears.

"I don't know, it's wrong, I shouldn't love him…but I do."

"Who?" I glanced back up to him, my optics rimmed with tears.

"Prowl." Ratchet's jaw dropped and he stared at me, blinking a couple times.

"What? But he's…"

"My surrogate father, not to mention he's bonded with Jazz. Why do you think I punched the wall?" Ratchet had sat down in a nearby chair and ran his hands over his faceplates, sighing.

"Primus, Silver. Prowl? Are you sure?"

"Unfortunately, yes, I am." I clutched my still broken hand to my chest and let my tears fall. "Why did it have to be him, why do I feel like this?! Why can't I just die?!" I screamed, tightening my grip over my broken hand, ignoring the warning flashes in my processor. Ratchet grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me, hard.

"Don't say that, don't ever say that!" I cried hard into his shoulder as he pulled me close. "You'll get through this! You'll be fine. Listen to me!" He shook me again, grabbing my faceplates again and forcing me to look him in the optics. "You are strong, you have been through worse before, remember? You'll get through this just as well." He told me, softly whispering in my audio receptor. "You'll be just fine, Sweetspark." I shook in his arms as he rocked me, humming to me gently.

My sobs eventually died down to choked gasps, my tears drying. Ratchet ran his fingers under my optics and stared at me.

"You can recharge here if you want. I won't tell anyone. Recharge in my room, if you so choose, but get some recharge, doctor's orders." I nodded as Ratchet started to work on my hand.

Within the next hour or so, Ratchet had welded my hand back together. I lay down on the med berth and allowed my recharge system to take hold, sending me into deep recharge.

I dreamt while I recharged, and not a peaceful dream. It was the painful reminder of what I could never have. Every gesture, every look he gave me tore at my spark a little more. His hand traced down my faceplates, his fingers softly caressing my faceplates, stopping at my lips. He was in front of me, then, his optics locking with mine. Before I could react, his lips were on mine, tasting, teasing. His hand had slid down my hips and pulled me closer to him, our warm bodies pressed against each other. My processor raced, trying to deduce what brought this on, knowing he was bonded with Jazz. I wanted to protest, but my spark thundered against its chamber as his lips roamed further down my neck, biting at the cables.

"Silver…" he whispered.

"Prowl." I choked.

"Silver, wake up…"

"No, no I don't want to."

"Silver!" I snapped awake, smacking my helm against someone else's. "Ow, frag it Silver!" I glanced out from under my hand and saw Ratchet rubbing his own CPU.

"Sorry." My spark fluttered in irritation at being woken from the pleasant, painful reminder.

"No need to be sorry, you should be thanking me." I cocked an optic ridge.

"Thanking you?"

"You nearly overloaded on the spot." I felt heat rush to my faceplates as I remembered my dream. Frag it, if this was going to continue… "Just give it time, Silver. Have you decided if you are going to tell him or not?" I shook my head and pushed myself up into a sitting position.

"I don't even know where to start…"

"Even though it's not common, it's not unheard of for a bonded pair to take on another, being three." My optics widened in shock.

"There's no way I could do that to Jazz!! To even have him consider having me as a bonded with Prowl, I wouldn't dream of it!" I heard Ratchet chuckle and I scowled at him. "What?"

"You sound much like your uncle is all. You wouldn't dream of hurting Jazz, and making Prowl choose between you and his bondmate is out of the question. You are very admirable."

"That…or a coward." I sighed.

"Why would you think that?"

"Oh, I don't know, the fact that I'm afraid to tell Prowl how I feel, afraid of the rejection I know I will receive." I let out another heavy breath. "I know I need to tell him…but I'm afraid to."

"That's not cowardice, it's being cautious. You don't want to get hurt, that's natural." Ratchet told me, taking my hand in his, examining the work to see if it healed properly.

"Natural…there is nothing natural about this."

"It happens more often then some care to admit. I myself fell in love with a bonded femme." I looked up to him in surprise.

"What, you, really?" Ratchet nodded as he grabbed his datapad.

"Yes, Nightfall. Prettiest femme since Moonracer. She was willing to try and keep a relationship with me and her bonded, but her bonded wasn't so game. So, I walked away, be the bigger mech. It's something I've never forgotten. You get over it, but you never forget. Same in your case, but you are more transcendent. You put Prowl and Jazz before yourself, thinking of their feelings first. Very honest of you." I sighed and nodded slowly.

"So it never really goes away?" Ratchet glanced back up to me, concern flickering in his optics.

"Not, not completely. You'll move on and find someone else and love them with your entire spark and then some. But you never forget the first time you fall in love. Especially this powerful." I nodded again and examined my hand, running my fingers over the welding.

"I've decided."

"And?"

"I'm going to tell him. I think he should know. I owe him that much, don't I?"

"I don't know, do you?"

"I think I do. I know I do. I'm going to tell him."

"Do you want company?"

"No, no. I should do this alone. Thank you though; I may come back in tears." Ratchet ran his hand across my cheek.

"I'll be here. For anything you need." I nodded again and pushed myself off the berth, heading towards the door. I stopped and turned slightly.

"Anything?" I asked him, looking over my shoulder.

"Anything at all."

"I may have to take you up on that one day." I walked back out into the hall and sighed, closing the med bay door behind me. I leaned against it as I fought against the tears welling in my optics. I closed my optic lids and let out another shuddering breath.

"Silver?" I glanced up and saw Bumblebee standing in front of me, concern crossing his faceplates. "You okay?"

"I will be, in due time." I smiled weakly at him, brushing past him. I felt his optics follow me as I walked down the hall and around the corner, heading for Prowl's office.

I stopped in front of the closed door and lifted my hand to knock on it. My spark thundered loudly against its chamber and I was so sure Prowl would be able to hear me outside his door. I knocked on the door and heard some muffled scrambling. I chuckled as I heard Prowl swear loudly at the scattering datapads.

"Yeah, come in!" Prowl called. I opened the door to see Prowl organizing the datapads. "Oh, Silver, I was expecting Prime."

"If you need, I can come back…"

"No, no, you're here. It's okay. Sit." He pointed to the chair in front of his desk and I sat down, folding my hands in my lap. I winced once as I felt a twinge in my knuckles. "So, Silver, what's up?" I glanced back up to him and saw he was still organizing his mess.

"I need to talk." Prowl stopped and looked up to me, hearing my voice was thick was seriousness.

"Okay, what's the matter?" Prowl had stopped fidgeting and faced me completely. I sighed and dropped my CPU into my hands, letting out a shuddering breath.

"Frag it…this is so hard." Prowl had moved to sit on his desk in front of me, his hands on my faceplates.

"You can tell me anything, you know that."

"Almost anything…" I sighed. Prowl frowned and made me look up at him.

"Anything." I nodded slowly and leaned back in the chair.

"Alright. I love you Prowl." I heard him chuckle and I glanced up to him.

"Love you too." I shook my head and glanced away.

"No, you don't understand. I love you Prowl." Prowl blinked a couple times as he stared at me.

"What?"

*Ho ho ho! Talk about cliffhangers!! I am so mean! . Evil is my middle name! So, what do you think? I hope people like this cause I want to keep writing it. Well, even if people don't, I think I will still write some more. Whatever, I am going to continue this…maybe…I don't know ^.^ Anyways, leave reviews and tell me what you think!*