Miko: I know I failed horribly with PP, and I can promise you now that there will be a period of time that I will have to give infrequent updates, but I'm super excited about this story. It will be my first multi-chapter story that focuses solely on L and Light. This was inspired after reading the Prince and looking up the term "Machiavellianism." I then learned about the dark triad, and Light was the first thing that came to mind. Several drabbles latter, I came up with this chapter. Enjoy!

Background: This is AU. L is not dead. After capturing Higuchi, Light regained his memories of the death note, but the note was burned. For some reason, this made Light go crazy. He confessed to being Kira and is now in England in an insane asylum. Misa will enter this eventually, only she will not have any memory of the death note (at first, anyway). There will be no Near, Mello or Matt in this unless I feel very random. If you have any other questions, leave them in a review. (:

Penance

This is my penance. This is my daily routine to remind myself what my actions can lead to, and warn me just how easily I could have died. The institute was close to my headquarters in England. His family had not stepped up to claim him, and I refused to burden them with the cost of his medical care. I refused to let Watari drive me. It was the only place I walked, always in the same over sized clothes despite the weather.

That day, it was cold and overcast, but my mind was not focusing on my physical discomfort. Instead, I remembered the first time I had gone to visit the boy after his breakdown. The institute was cold and remote, despite being situated just on the outskirts of down. People seemed to avoid walking in front of it, instead crossing the street as if physical closeness to the inhabitants could infect them. I was the only person who made the walk down the sidewalk to the door.

The first day was the worst. He was conscious, and waiting for the doctor to examine him. I didn't let him see me that day, but just looking at him was enough to force the reality down my throat. I hated seeing him when he was conscious. The monster sitting before me had no resemblance to the boy I had known for so long. He was so dangerous to himself and everyone around him he was normally sedated, a lump of bones and skin pale from lack of sunlight.

"Hello, Ryuzaki." The receptionist no longer asked for my ID, just slipping me the visitors badge. "He was talking about you this morning." I refused to engage in her useless chatter; instead I turned and walked after the nurse who was waiting for me. He knew I had no desire to talk, and did not attempt anything after the initial greeting. We passed several other nurses as we continued our silent trek through the cold hospital. Several times we passed one way windows showing patients interacting with a therapist.

"This way, Ryuzaki." The nurse led me towards doors labeled 'High Security' and I braced myself. The walls between the High Security rooms and the public rooms was sound proof, but a high wailing assaulted my ears as the door opened and I hurried in. Each individual room was sound proof, but at this time of day, several prisoners were being led in strait jackets by large men. They were the source of the shouting. I let my gaze drift over each in turn but I knew none of them were the boy I wanted to visit.

"He hasn't been sedated yet today. It really isn't safe for you to go in." I blinked at the man. Every day we had the same conversation. Every day I walked into the room and spent a few brief moments with the boy I had forced so low. Today, however, it was well past noon so I had expected him to be sedated already. The thought of facing him, cackling and wailing at me made me flinch.

"Why has he not been sedated? It is well past time. Unless he has shown improvement and no longer requires sedation." The nurse met my gaze solidly.

"I'm afraid I do not know the details of this patient, but…." From behind him, a woman in a white coat strode forward. She extended a hand which I took reluctantly.

"Forgive me. I am Dr. Jennifer Lovell. You must be Ryuzaki." I nodded reluctantly, and my gaze drifted to the door. "If you wouldn't mind coming with me for just a moment I would like you to observe the patient and perhaps tell me if this type of behavior is typical." I followed the doctor up a short flight of stairs up to the observation platform though a two way mirror.

"Nothing is typical for Light." I said, trying to delay the moment I had to look at the boy in the room. When I looked, though, my mind flashed back to another scene, long ago. That time I had been sitting in front of a TV screen, but the view was the same. Light, sitting on the floor, pleading for release. I could hear him with the headphones connected to the speaker in the padded cell.

"Ryuzaki. I know I wanted to be locked up, but it is pointless. I'm not Kira. Let me out, Ryuzaki. Please." He repeated it over and over, adding other useless pleas. I put the headphones down and faced the doctor.

"I have seen him do this once before," I admitted. My eyes locked with Lights, even though there was no way he could know I was watching. "When he lost his memory of being Kira. But that was when he gave up the note. I do not believe it is possible for that to happen now. Perhaps he is simply reliving the past."

"I am afraid it could indicate a much more serious personality disorder than the original diagnosis. We have been treating him for intermittent explosive disorder, which has been explained to you. We know that when he was acting as Kira he displayed advanced signs of Machiavellianism and quite probably sociopathy. All we need to add is narcissism and he would be one of the only people to display all three disorders in the dark triad. However, this sudden shift in behavior indicates he may be displaying multiple personalities. The question then is, which of them is the original, and which is the created?" I looked blankly at the doctor.

"The Light I knew was narcissistic. How could someone styling themselves as a god be anything less? However, from my observations, I believe that Light suffers from multiple personalities. Or rather, two. The dominant one, Kira, could be diagnosed with any and all of the dark triad. Light created this personality in order to cope with the weight of murder. Of course, with such a dominant personality, it is possible that the being known as Light no longer exists. I brought him here in hopes you would have the means to suppress Kira enough for Light to resurface." The doctor nodded and wrote something on a notepad she had in her hand.

"I understand, Mr. Ryuzaki." She said. "Now that he seems to be displaying signs of improvement, we can begin with that. It is first important to get him to a state where he is not dangerous to himself before we can come to a full diagnosis. I will take your words into account and examine him after you are gone." Dr. Lovell walked away and the nurse opened the door for me to enter the cell.

"Ryuzaki!" Raito flung himself at my feet, looking up through oval eyes the color of honey. I could see tears welling in his eyes. "I knew you would come for me, Ryuzaki. Please. I'm not Kira. You know me. You lived with me. You would have noticed if I was a serial killer. Please let me out, L!" I was taken by surprise. He remembered the time we were chained, but not being Kira. I took a step back from him and turned my head.

"I know you are Kira, Light." I forced myself to look at the beautiful boy as his face twisted in pain. "Light – k…You confessed after I burned Higuchi's note. Please stand up, Light – kun." The tears burning paths down his face were real and I knelt to help him up. He lunged at me and spat in my face.

"I hate you, L!" Whatever had brought Light to the surface was gone. "I will make Light kill you! Ohh…He doesn't want to, but I have more control than him. Light will kill you, than I will be God!" His face contorted into a horrible sneer and twisted with maniacal laughter. The change from Light to Kira was complete. Kira lunged at me again but I had recovered and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him close to me as he flailed against me.

"I will destroy you, Kira. I will find Light and save him. And you will not kill me." I whispered fiercely as the nurse rushed in and quickly injected the sedative into Light. Almost instantly, Light went slack in my arms and I lowered him to the ground gently.

"Thank you." I walked out of the room and wanted to fall to the ground, but I feigned indifference as I did every day. When I made it back to headquarters I would have time to express my emotions, but not in front of so many people. "I will see you tomorrow." I handed the receptionist my badge and walked out the doors and on to the street. No one looked at me as I hung my head and made the slow trek back. I never looked back at the institute as I walked away. I had completed my penance for the day and had work to get back to. Perhaps one day I would be able to fix Light, but for now, Kira was still living in his body.

A/N: I fixed the dialogue dealing with Light's diagnosis. Thank you for pointing it out, Serria!