Snowfall
The day the truth comes out, it snows.
It is the first snow of the season. Fluffy white snowflakes fall from the gray sky above, dusting the ground below in white. A shimmering, glittering, pristine white. Everything old is made new again.
It happens outside, in front of the school, while the snow shakes down from the heavens. School has been out for hours, so the only ones to witness the scene are the nine misfit members of the glee club who have just disbanded from rehearsal. The other three members take center stage.
In awed silence their friends watch as the story unfolds and truths are revealed.
Quinn stands in the center, sandwiched between the two boys. She is nearly crumpling to the snowy ground below her feet as sobs wrack her body and she attempts to reason with them.
Finn is yelling at both of them. His voice is booming above Quinn's. He doesn't even hear a word she says. His fists are clenched at his sides and he is shaking with anger.
Puck remains stoic. Silent. Though his smug face belies the shame and sorrow that is brimming just below the surface.
There is more yelling. There is more crying. There are even a few punches thrown. All while the snow continues to fall and the glee club watches on.
To Rachel, everything happens in slow motion. The initial accusation, the denial, the defense. And eventually, the truth. Everything blurs around her - the words, the whispers behind her, the snow. The fear on Quinn's face and the anger on Finn's, however, stand out clearly.
The relief she sees etched across Noah's face is the sharpest thing she sees. Though she expects to find the same look of shock she finds on Finn's, it is not there. There is shame, relief, sadness. But not shock.
Staring at Noah, it all clicks for her. The way he watches Quinn. The secret looks she sometimes catches them sharing. The way he has softened considerably in the past few months. It has not been because of glee. It's because he's about to be a father and he wants to prove to Quinn that he'd be a good one..
The realization takes her breath away.
She is shocked by all that is happening around her. But she is most surprised at herself when she does not feel a certain sense of betrayal from Noah or Quinn. They have lied - not just to poor, poor Finn - but to all of them. Rachel prides herself on being an honest person (sometimes even too honest) but she does not feel wronged by either member of her team with this truth they have chosen to conceal.
She believes with the utmost conviction that it is wrong to lie. Wrong to lead someone on and make them believe a lie like they have done to Finn. And she feels sorry for Finn because what his girlfriend and best friend have done to him. But she cant help but feel sorry for Quinn and Noah too.
Quinn has lied to protect herself, Rachel can see that clearly even if she cant process every word that Quinn is pouring out to Finn. She was looking out for herself and Rachel knows a thing or two about that.
And then there is Noah. Silent, stone-faced Noah who was keeping the truth because he knew it was not his to tell. Even Rachel can admire that.
When everything is said and done, the three main players march off in three opposite directions. They create three separate paths in the snow-covered ground.
As soon as the players have left their stage, their audience breaks into a harmonious murmur.
But Rachel does not join the chorus of voices. She cant even make out what they are saying she is so focused on the three disappearing figures that she is compelled to go after.
She wants to race after all three and salve their pain. Finn, Noah, even Quinn.
Especially Quinn.
They are not friends, not even close, but she cant help but want to help the newfound underdog. When the rest of the world abandons her (and they surely will with this newest bit of information) Rachel feels compelled to step into her corner.
She knows what it's like to be left behind and despite her feelings towards Quinn and these recent developments, she feels a certain kinship with anyone who's made to feel that they have been forgotten.
But, she must pick one path to follow and she is torn in three opposite directions.
The other glee club members look to her - the silent, watching Rachel (which is a novel concept for them all) - and practically will her onto the path that they expect her to take. The path that leads away with the biggest footprints.
The path that might even have the strongest pull on her heart.
She is tempted - beyond tempted - to follow those footsteps and make Finn forget all about Quinn and the lie she has lead him to believe as his truth.
But it is Quinn's tears and terror and Noah's look of rejection that make her reconsider. She's not the selfish girl she once was. Slowly but surely she is growing. She is learning that it's not always about her and what she wants.
Her heavy heart is proof enough of that.
She looks back at her fellow glee club members and sees that they are all waiting for her to make the next move.
She surprises them all.
Rachel does not follow in any of their paths. Instead, she forges her own.
She doesn't mind their stares as she goes forward, she's used to it.
On the snow-covered ground there are now four separate paths all leading in separate directions.
But the snow continues to fall, blurring the paths that have been created.
---
Life is often black and white for Rachel, so when she stumbles into a gray area, she struggles. She did not know which path to choose, so she simply refuses to choose.
Finn, Quinn, Noah. Their faces combine in her head and make her want to combust into tears at the pain that they are all clearly in.
She thinks that maybe this is really what it's like to be a team player. To feel their pain almost as sharply as they do.
Maybe that's more than being a good teammate. Maybe this is what friendship - real friendship - feels like.
She isn't sure. But she is certain of the sadness she feels for all parties involved. Especially the innocent little baby Quinn is carrying around.
Quinn and Noah's baby. She's having trouble getting used to the idea.
Part of her is relieved. For Finn. For herself. For the possibility that now exists.
There is another part of her that is conflicted about what this means. The part of her that was beginning to accept that Finn would never be hers. The part of her that sneaks glances at Noah. The part of her that distinctly remembers what his lips felt like on hers. The part of her that wonders what could have been if she hadn't been so hung up on a boy she never thought could be hers.
When she falls upon Quinn in the parking lot those thoughts any thoughts of either boy are pushed from her mind. Neither are to be found and the blonde leans against her car, hunched over as she cries, her body visibly shaking with the effort.
Rachel quickly changes course and her footsteps merge with Quinn's.
"Quinn?" she calls softly, getting the other girl's attention.
Quinn's head snaps up. Normally, she would glare and hiss something mean to ward off her advances, but she doesn't have the energy for it. And she rather appreciates the kind look on Rachel's face.
Carefully, Rachel approaches her, but retains a respectable distance. "Are you okay?"
"Why do you even care?" she sighs.
"Because I think you could really use a friend right now."
"You want to be my friend?" she huffs. "I would have thought you - little miss high and mighty - would hate me for what I did. Making Finn think he was the father."
"I don't hate you," she tells her simply, softly. "I don't think it's right what you did to Finn. Or to Noah. But, I imagine you had a good reason for doing what you did. I cant judge you for wanting to protect yourself."
Quinn looks at her skeptically, her arms coming to wrap around her protruding middle protectively.
"I cant imagine what you're going through. But I'm willing to bet that this entire mess isn't making any of this easier for you."
"I'm the one who started this," she says resolutely "I'm the one who lied."
"You are," Rachel agrees carefully. "And you were wrong to do it. Sometimes we do all the wrong things for all the right reasons."
Quinn looks over Rachel in disbelief, unsure of what to say. The soft way she speaks to her and her kind words throw her off guard so she says bitingly, "I would have thought you'd run after Finn. He's a free man now. No girlfriend, no baby. He's all yours. Just like you wanted."
The words sting, just as they were intended to, but Rachel refuses to react like Quinn expects.
"I wouldn't do that," she insists. "Just because he found out this baby isn't his doesn't mean he instantly stops caring about it. Or you."
Quinn opens her mouth to speak but snaps it close just as quickly. She cant think of a thing to say. She's tired of pushing people away. Just this one time, she wants someone to stay. Even if that someone is Rachel Berry.
Seeing her begin to soften, Rachel moves to stand beside Quinn, leaning against the car just like she is doing.
"Were you scared Noah wouldn't be a good father?" she asks quietly.
"It doesn't matter. I'm not keeping it."
"Oh," Rachel breathes. She had heard as much from Finn and the gossip in the halls, but she didn't quite believe it until this moment.
"It was just easier this way. For Finn. For Puck. Especially for me. I didn't want everyone to hate me because I got knocked up by my boyfriend's best friend. I didn't want Finn to hate m. I know what I did to him is pretty horrible, but I do care about him." Quinn sighs. "I didn't want to be that girl. The girl that cheats on her boyfriend. The girl that gets pregnant in high school. But, here I am."
"I think what you're doing is brave."
Quinn laughs. "I don't know how anything I'm doing could be considered brave."
"You're giving this baby up for adoption. That's brave. That's selfless."
There are a thousand reasons Quinn can come up with as to why giving her baby up for adoption is purely for selfish reasons, but she chooses to not to voice a single one and instead remains silent beside Rachel.
The snow swirls around them as they stand beside each other, silence reigning for a long beat.
"I never knew my biological mother," Rachel blurts.
"Do you ever wonder about her?"
"Yes. Of course." She ducks her head, looking away from Quinn's wondering eyes. These are the things she thinks about alone in her bedroom, when she's especially lonely or lost, and she has never told another living soul these deep, dark thoughts of hers. She wonders for a moment why she's telling Quinn now, but the words continue to spill out. "I wonder if I look like her. If she sings. What she's like. Why she…"
"Why she let you go?"
Rachel nods, but it is tight and controlled, her heart squeezing in her chest. "But I know I have a life because of her. A great life. She gave me that chance and I think that's what you're doing for your child. Without you, it wouldn't have anything."
"Her," Quinn corrects. "It's a girl." She rubs a hand softly across her round stomach.
"I heard Finn wanted to name her Drizzle," she giggles.
Quinn laughs too, unable to help herself as she begins to feel lighter. "Maybe it's a good thing she's not his, after all. Not like I get to name her since I'm not keeping her."
Rachel hears the sadness in her voice. Sees the pained look on her face despite how much Quinn tries to conceal it. And she cant help but notice the sweet way her hand glides across her stomach.
"Do you want to keep her?"
She shrugs, attempting nonchalance. "I cant. I'm 16, I cant raise a baby."
"What would you have named her?" Rachel asks suddenly.
Quinn looks up at her in surprise. Although she is caught off-guard by the question, she answers without missing a beat, "Violet."
"Pretty." Rachel smiles. She reaches out and takes the hand the hand that is still pressed against her stomach and squeezes tightly. "It's going to be okay," she assures her.
Once more, Quinn dissolves into tears. But instead of leaning against the car for support, she leans into Rachel who easily embraces her in a hug while the snow continues to fall.
The snowflakes join with the tears on their cheeks.
---
After Rachel has driven Quinn home (entirely in silence) she makes a detour on her way home.
When she pulls into the driveway, her nerves begin to show themselves and she considers forgetting she ever came. But she cant help but turn off the engine and make her way to the door.
She waits nervously at the door after she has knocked. Part of her hopes he wont even be home and that she'll have just wasted five minutes of her time. She'd be okay with that.
Finally the door swings open and Rachel is being looked over with big brown, curious eyes.
"Are you Noah's girlfriend?" the little girl asks her bluntly.
Rachel laughs. "No. Just a friend. Is he home?"
"NOAH!" she screams. "Your girlfriend is here!"
Noah appears and he stumbles towards the front door, blinking confusedly when he spots Rachel.
"What are you doing here?"
She doesn't answer, instead glances at his little sister, so he pushes past the little girl, taking Rachel by the arm and leads her outside onto the porch.
Outside, he releases her arm and looks at her expectantly.
"I wanted to make sure you were okay." Instinctively, she reaches towards him, her fingers skating carefully across his bruised jaw.
"You wanted to make sure I'm okay?" he repeats skeptically. "I'm the bad guy, remember? Finn's the one you should be worried about." He grabs her wrist and pulls her hand away, is fingers lingering against her skin for just a second too long.
"I don't think you're the bad guy."
"No?" he retorts with a sadistic laugh. "Then what am I?"
"Lost," she answers softly. "I think you were trying to do the right thing by keeping Quinn's secret. Trying to show her that you could be a good dad to the baby. I certainly don't think having sex with your best friend's girlfriend was very noble, but I think you wanted to take responsibility for your actions and that's something not every16 year old boy would want to do."
"Why are you giving me so much credit? You don't even like me."
"Yes, I do," she asserts. "You don't like me."
He smirks but says nothing.
"And I think, sometimes, you can be a good, decent guy when you want to be."
"Sometimes, Rachel, I don't know if you're too damn smart for your own good or too damn stupid."
She chooses not to reply to that.
"I would have thought you of all people would be yapping on about truth and honesty and loyalty. You are such a beacon, after all."
"I do think what you did was wrong," she tells him. "I think it's wrong to sleep with your best friend's girlfriend. I think it's wrong to lie. But I also think that you both had your reasons for doing what you did."
"Oh yeah? So what was my reason?" he asks and the way his words drip from his lips and the way his eyes flash tauntingly make it sound more like a dare than a question.
"You love her," she answers simply.
Noah is speechless, but he holds her gaze.
"And you love Finn," she continues when she does not elicit a response from Noah confirming what she believes to be true. "You didn't want to hurt either of them, so you kept Quinn's secret. As much as you'd like to think you're a badass, you're just like the rest of us. Trying to survive, trying to protect the people you love, trying to get out of this stupid small town."
"You really are making me sound a hell of a lot more noble than I am, Rachel."
She shrugs. "Maybe," she says coyly. "But, you had your reasons and I think that you were just trying to do what you thought was right."
"Sometimes," he laughs, "you surprise the hell out of me."
She smiles, a blush blooming on her cheeks.
When she manages to look him in the eyes again, she finds that he is smiling too. The bruise that stands out proudly on his jaw catches her eye again and once more, she cant help but reach towards him and press her cold hand against his equally as cold cheek.
"Ditto," she whispers, stroking his cheek with soft, chilly fingers.
"I thought you'd go running to Finn as soon as you found out the truth."
Rachel drops her hand from his face as he mentions Finn's name and she meets his eyes.
"Why'd you come to me?"
"Because I knew you needed me more."
He's the one who reaches for her this time, clasping his hand around her wrist and pulling her into him. He wraps his arms around her waist and holds her close against him.
The snow is still falling when he finally releases her. She leaves him with one sweet peck to his now-warm cheek.
---
When Rachel finally finds her way home, her headlights catch both the shimmer of the snow and the boy who sits on the steps of her porch as she pulls into the driveway.
Though her heart is hammering against her chest, she makes her way quickly from her car to the porch where Finn waits for her.
"Hey," he breathes brokenly as soon as she is before him. "Where have you been?"
She is unable to answer him for the sad, lonely look she finds in his eyes, so she clamps her mouth shut and just shakes her head. She cant bring herself to tell him that she's been with the enemy - both Quinn and Noah - all afternoon instead of here with him.
So, instead of answering him, she poses a question of her own, "What are you doing here?"
"I just…" He sighs, raking a hand through his hair. "I had to see you."
"Oh." She eases down onto the porch step beside him. The house is still dark so she knows her fathers are not home yet. The snow is still fluttering down but it does not even occur to her to ask him inside.
"Everything that happened today… I don't even know…"
"I'm so sorry, Finn." She reaches for his hand and she squeezes tightly. "I know how much you care about them. About Quinn and Noah. And the baby. I'm sorry that they hurt you."
"Rachel," he cries. He reaches for her, dragging her into his arms. She is pressed tightly against him with his arms wrapped strongly around her middle and his face pressed into the crook of her shoulder. She feels his body shake beneath hers.
"It's okay," she soothes, whispering the words into his ear as she strokes his back, his arms, his hair, curling her fingers into the ends on the back of his neck. "Everything's going to be okay. I promise."
Her words are convincing because she believes them herself.
Besides, she'd never make a promise that she didn't intend on keeping.
She believes that this really is the best for Finn. The truth is best. He's free.
The other two heartbroken faces she saw this afternoon are still chained down by this truth and always will be, but Finn - her precious, sweet Finn who is crying on her shoulder - is free from all of it now.
He says her name again. It is quiet and trembling. He raises his head and their eyes lock. Before either knows it, his fingers are pushing through her hair, that's damp from the snow, and his lips are sliding against hers.
Finn devours her. One hand is tangled in her hair and the other is wrapped around her waist. His mouth is greedily covering hers and hi tongue is slides possessively against hers. He wants to breathe her in - take all of her. He wants to use her goodness to make the bad things go away. Use her warmth to make the emptiness he fells go away.
He wants her.
If he can just concentrate on the heat of her body and the softness of her curves as she presses into him or the velvety softness of her tongue as it dances with his he thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can forget about everything else.
"Wait, wait," she breathes, pushing against his chest. Her chest is rising and falling quickly as she struggles to catch her breath. The cold air is harsh against her lungs as she drags it in. "We cant."
Finn is in a haze and he fights to pry his eyes open. "What?"
"We cant. You're upset about Quinn and Noah," she reasons, though it is taking everything in her power not to fall back into the warmth of his arms and pretend like nothing matters save the feel of his lips against hers.
But there are other things at stake.
A few broken hearts, for one.
And despite how much she wants Finn to be hers (at least, she thinks that's what she still wants. It's hard to know for sure anymore when she is still thinking about the feel of Noah's arms wrapped around her and the feel of his jaw beneath her hand It's startling for someone who always knows what she wants.) she knows that it's much too soon for them.
If she were to let this continue, she knows she'd only end up as heartbroken as Finn looks.
"I do like you, Rachel. I do," he insists.
She smiles sweetly at him and even though his words make her melt a little, she knows that she cannot fall for them. "Let's not worry about any of that tonight. Let me just be your friend."
She stands abruptly and extends her hand to him. He takes it, his fingers curling around hers and with a slight tug from her, he stands, easily towering above her when he does so.
"Come on, it's freezing out here. I'll make you some hot chocolate."
Finn wraps his arm around her waist, letting her lead him inside the warmth of her house.
"You're a good friend, Rachel," he tells her.
She smiles as she shuts the door behind them.
Outside, the snow continues to fall.