All the standard disclaimers. I don't own Chuck. All mistakes are my own. I hope that this story moves you in one way or another.
This is my very first attempt at creating a fanfic, so please let me know what you think in the review section. It would mean a lot to me.
Enjoy!
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Prologue
It's 3am. He can't get to sleep. He wants that more than anything, to close his tired eyes and shut off his endless thoughts. But it's just not going to come. Not tonight. With a short sigh, he sits up in bed and puts his aching head in his hands. He knows that he'd made the right decision earlier that night. He knows that his life is never going to be the same, never going to be anything anyone would call "normal," but that just doesn't really matter to him anymore. He's spent the last two years of his life fighting with himself, wrestling with his feelings, letting outside events and situations push and shove him all over the place. He's done being pushed around by external forces; he's done being a passive victim who scrambles to react in the moment to whatever's happening to him. It's time for him to take a hold of his own life. It's time for him to start shaping his own future. He's known this truth for a long time, but he was only able to finally act on it a few hours ago.
No one forced him to place his hand on that screen to activate the new Intersect computer. No one used a gun to make him open his eyes wide as the images started to flash everywhere around him. No one threatened him into his actions. He made a choice. He came to a decision. It had nothing to do with fear. It was something else that drove him.
As he thinks back to that fateful moment, he lifts his head from his hands and gets up from the bed. He walks down the hallway to the bathroom, closes the door and turns on the light. Looking at his haggard appearance in the mirror, he can't help but start to smile. The word he's been looking for comes to him in that instant. The word that perfectly describes what he was feeling in that Intersect room, the feeling that drove him to choose a life he never thought he could want. The feeling coursing through him right now. The perfect word for that feeling is hope.
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It's 3:30am. She can't manage to fall asleep. She just can't stop replaying it over and over in her head. The moment on the beach when she finally admitted to herself that she wasn't going to be able to leave him. Not now. Not ever. The quiet conversation they almost finished during their dance at the reception party. The feeling of belonging that overwhelmed her as he whispered his heart and soul into her ear and held her close. The words she wanted to say that she didn't say before they were suddenly interrupted. Words that would have changed everything.
But everything has changed anyway. She smiles sadly at how ironic it all is. On the same night that she made the choice to walk away from her world so that she wouldn't have to walk away from him, he made the choice to courageously step all the way into her world. A world full of lies and violence and pain. Did he reach that decision because she'd never managed to tell him how she really feels about him? Did he think that the only way they could ever really be together was for him to be the one who left his old life behind? She shakes her head, angry, wondering how she could've ever done that to him. How could she let that confusion keep existing between them? If her lack of honesty with him about the true nature of their relationship is the reason he threw away his last chance at a normal life, she knows there's a good chance she'll never be able to forgive herself. For being selfish. For being scared. For being less than he deserves.
She sits up in bed and stares at the large mirror on the wall across her hotel room. The moonlight is softly filtering in through the white curtains just enough for her to see her own reflection. Even in the dim light, she can tell that her eyes are swollen from the moments of crying that've been coming and going all night. Why did he have to put his hand on that damn screen? Why did he keep his eyes open as all those horrible secrets implanted themselves into his innocent brain? And what else entered into his mind along with those secrets? What kind of power was enabling him to perform the awe-inspiring martial arts that saved all three of them? Was he even the same person? With all of her questions, one thing was for sure…the tired woman looking back at her in the mirror had a hell of a lot to answer for.
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It's 3:45am. He looks at the clock for the twentieth time. The hotel bed is nice enough, but he just can't get to sleep. He gives up and walks into the bathroom and turns on the water to the shower. He's supposed to be halfway around the world by now. This mission is supposed to be over. Finished. History. He steps into the shower and lets the warm water rush over him. He suddenly feels just how exhausted he really is.
He doesn't know whether to be frustrated or excited. Part of him wants nothing more than to be alongside of other elite soldiers, aggressively pursuing the enemy in the hardest and harshest places imaginable. He misses the adrenaline rush that always comes with international covert missions. Jumping out of planes in the middle of the night, firing a bullet from the barrel of a sniper rifle half a mile away from the intended target. And yet, he has grown very close to his partner, and in his more honest moments (this being one of them) he knows that he's developed a deep respect for the asset as well. The nerd has managed to survive everything that's been thrown at him, and somewhere along the way, the civilian loser with the stalled-out life has become something more. He smiles at the thought of just how far that lanky awkward twerp has come. Even if he can't be with his fellow assassins in a foreign battlefield, he knows there are much worse places to be than "babysitting" the walking computer. He knows that he can make the world a better, safer place here just as well as somewhere out there.
And the thought of what he witnessed taking place a few hours ago excites him even more. Apparently, the asset downloaded a hell of a lot more than data and information. His flash in the Intersect room empowered him to amazingly incapacitate and neutralize five highly skilled enemy agents. He and his defenseless handcuffed partner had just watched in wonder as the asset saved them from certain death. It was mind-blowing. The potential the kid now possesses because of the new Intersect is obviously off the charts. With the right kind of training, he might be nearly unstoppable. He'll certainly be the best.
He steps out of the shower and dries off. Time to get to Castle. He has a few thoughts he wants to share with the General before the other two members of his team arrive.
Chapter 1
Chuck decides to get out of bed. The sun is just starting to peek through his bedroom blinds. It's been a long night of not sleeping, and he's ready to start the day. The first day of the rest of his life. Smiling, he laughs to himself at how dramatic that thought seems, but it can't be more true. After a quick shower and a bowl of Fruit Loops, he decides to go out for a walk. He's wearing his watch with the GPS chip in it, so Sarah and Casey can find him if they need to. As he slowly breathes in the cool morning air, he turns on his iPod and starts humming along with the music.
Sarah is standing alone at the beach. It wasn't hard to find the area where Ellie and Devon's wedding had been the day before. Once she reaches it, she tries to find the exact spot she was standing when she chose a life with Chuck over any other kind of life. There are too many footprints in the sand to be sure that she's standing in that precise place, but she figures she's close enough. After what happened last night, she wants to stand here and make the same promise all over again. Whoever Chuck turns out to be with the new Intersect inside of him, wherever he has to go, she still wants to commit to staying with him. She wants to renew her secret vow to never leave him. She closes her eyes and tries to listen to her heart. It's not easy for her. She's always trying to hide from her deepest emotions. But the longer she stands there in the early morning air, the more confident she is about how she feels. Even though so many things have changed since she stood here just yesterday, her feelings for Chuck have stayed the same. If anything, they've grown. He needs her. She needs him. More than anything else. Whatever challenges are coming their way, they're going to face them together. She's going to make sure of that much.
Filled with a sense of determination, Sarah turns back and starts to walk towards her car. It's time to stop talking so much to herself about Chuck. She needs to talk to Chuck. And even though she's never been good with words, she knows that her words are what he needs to hear. Words that finally tell him clearly how she really feels about him. She starts the engine and heads the black Porsche in the direction of his apartment. A few moments later, her phone rings. Her heart lifts at the thought of hearing Chuck's voice, but the image on her phone is Casey. Sighing, she picks up. "This is Walker. Secure."
"Get over to Castle. You, me, and Bartowski have a lot to figure out."
"Casey, I don't think that's the best idea. Give me some time to help Chuck sort out his feelings about what happened to him last night before we go to work on a plan." Sarah knows it's a long shot, but she has to try.
"Look, Walker, the last thing I'm gonna do is wait while the two of you share your lady feelings. Last night was a game-changer. And do I need to remind you that in the game we play, people tend to wind up dead? Get here now. Bartowski's already secured. I picked him up 10 minutes ago." Sarah hears a click. Casey's gone.
She shakes her head, slams her hand on the steering wheel, and lets out a frustrated sigh. She's angry that Casey's pushing things forward so fast. Chuck needs some space and a little time. Sarah knows it, and Casey should know better, even if he doesn't.
Nine minutes and twenty-three seconds later, she pulls into a parking spot in front of the Orange Orange. Glancing around the nearly empty parking lot, she unlocks the glass door and walks to the freezer. After scanning her eye and thumbprint, the blast door to the Castle slides open with a sharp hiss. Walking down the stairs, Sarah catches her first glimpse of Chuck. He flashes her one of his trademark smiles, and she can tell it's genuine. He looks good. Really good. He looks like himself. Relieved, her heart warms as she discovers that Chuck, her Chuck, is still there. The new Intersect may have changed all kinds of things about him, but not his essential goodness. Not his heart. At least not yet.
Fighting to hold onto her emotions, she smiles widely at him and wants nothing more than to reach out and take him in her arms. Instead, under Casey's watchful eyes, she settles for sitting down in the chair next to him and gently touching his hand. Still smiling, Chuck grazes her wrist lightly with his fingers. She wishes they could be alone right now more than anything, but that's not going to happen. She reluctantly pulls her hand away to keep things appearing somewhat professional between them.
"About time you got here, Walker. Bartowski, how are you doing after everything?" Casey looks and sounds as tired as I feel, Chuck thinks to himself. He can sense both Casey and Sarah staring at him intensely, waiting for his answer. He's trying to put his confusing emotions into the right words, but the look of sheer joy that Sarah just had on her face when she saw him is still distracting him.
She interrupts his daydream by simply saying his name… "Chuck?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to keep you guys waiting like that. I feel…I feel really good, to be honest. Pretty tired, but good. I mean, my head isn't pounding. I guess I'm a little sore from my, uh, my Kung Fu moves last night, but nothing a few Advil can't handle."
Casey nods. "Good. Now what about any sudden urges or strange impulses? Have you been different in your behavior since last night? Are you feeling completely in control of your actions?"
"What are you talking about Casey? I didn't flash on anything, since last night in the Intersect room, if that's what you mean." Frowning, Chuck pauses for a second and then asks, "What do we actually know about this new Intersect? Have either of you spoken with Beckman yet? It seems pretty important for me, for us, to know what to expect."
"I just got off a video conference with her," Casey responds. "It sounds like she's pretty confused about everything herself. She was aware that the new Intersect included additional software encryption that should enable you to access survival information when you need it the most, but she's as shocked as any of us to find out that the new Intersect can give you physical skills on demand. She thought you'd be able to access files on how to pick a lock or jump start a car…but nothing like going from a nerd from the Buy More to Neo from the Matrix in a split second. Her only guess is that very special brain of yours has taken things to the next level…again."
Chuck, groaning at Casey's explanation, asks, "So what you're basically telling me is that we're back to square one in terms of knowing exactly how this freaking computer in my head's gonna work, how it's gonna affect me, right? I mean, it sounds like Beckman is nervous that the new Intersect software could take control of my body anytime, anyplace. It sounds like maybe I can't even trust myself…you know…to be…me."
"I don't think you can trust yourself, Bartowski, I don't think any of us can completely trust you until we know what we're dealing with here. You seriously wounded three of those men last night and killed two. We need to know what might set you off next time. I need to know." Casey's voice sounds harsh as usual, but Chuck thinks he sees a bit of compassion in the big man's eyes. But maybe it's only his imagination.
"Chuck…we're going to get through this as a team, I promise." Sarah reaches out for Chuck's hand as she tries to make him feel better. As comforting as those words should be, they aren't what Chuck wants to hear from her at the moment. She can see it in his eyes. She clears her throat and continues, "So things are going to be a little more…complicated. So what? We know how to deal with complicated; it's what we've been dealing with for almost two years now." Sarah wishes she knew something better to say, but the words just won't come. It really doesn't matter, though, because just then, Chuck lets go of her hand, stands up from his chair, and walks away from the two agents. When he reaches the blank computer screens on the wall, he turns back around to face them.
"Why in the hell is my life always so freaking 'complicated'…and why isn't there a better word to describe it? I'm sick and tired of thinking and telling everyone that my life is complicated. When I put my hand on that screen last night, I don't know, I guess I thought that this new Intersect would have all the bugs of the old one worked out and smoothed over…I thought that I'd be even better at helping you guys save the world. But now, I don't know…I didn't mean to kill those men. I didn't realize that's what was going on. It was an accident…a horrible accident. I was just trying to save you."
Chuck is fighting – with everything in him – the temptation to let the tears that are quickly forming in the corners of his eyes to fall, when the door to the Castle unexpectedly slides open. The three of them look up to see who's walking through the doorway.
It's General Beckman. With six armed guards. She issues a single command. The guards start to move quickly towards them. Casey, Sarah, and Chuck can't believe their ears. This can't be happening.
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Please, leave a review! I'm begging you. I'll try to get chapter 2 posted quickly regardless, but reviews would definitely help motivate me.