101 rules for Finland to live by
1. I should not offer to cook. No one will eat, except Sweden and he only does it to be nice.
2. I should not bring Hana-Tamago to any meeting.
3. I should not bring Sealand to any meeting.
4. I should not let Sweden bring Sealand to any meeting.
5. -Even if he sulks for weeks afterwards (Sealand, that is).
6. If I should lament not having a relationship like the one Norway has with Iceland, make sure Estonia is not within earshot.
7. -I didn't know he was there!
8. Hungary might be a relative, but this does not mean I should listen to her suggestions.
9. I know Prussia's ideas are bad, but I should still not try to shoot him because of that.
10. Carrying a gun to meetings also attended by Russia is inadvisable.
11. -Borrowing guns from Switzerland in meetings also attended by Russia should also stop.
12. No one wants to be reminded of how Sweden and I used to kick ass.
13. -Not even Sweden.
14. -It's the past tense that does it (see #24).
15. If Denmark tries to pull the "Russia"-card, I am not allowed to bring up Germany.
16. I should not mention the war.
17. Reminiscing about the Winter War is only fun when Russia is around.
18. -This does not mean I should bring it up every time he is around.
19. -If Russia mentions Karelia I am not allowed to shoot him.
20. I will not speak of 1809 in front of Sweden.
21. -I shouldn't say I am an independent country because of that.
22. -It implies Russia wasn't that bad.
23. -Well, he wasn't, at the time.
24. -It also makes Sweden sad.
25. I will not punch Sweden if he ever mentions us having been married.
26. I will never, ever, ever again give Sealand coffee.
27. -Ever.
28. Ignoring Ahvenanmaa when she decides to do something or other is bad parenting.
29. Stay away from France.
30. Stay away from Prussia and Spain, too.
31. English food is fine. England just can't cook. I should still not mention this to his face when he tries to get me to join him in lamenting the fact that no one will eat our food.
32. Italy is nice but dim, and I shouldn't insult him (because he never gets it anyway).
33. -Even if his boss is an idiot.
34. Sweden gets jealous if I spend too much time with Estonia.
35. -I'm an independent country.
36. I should not try to insinuate that Norway and Denmark are in a relationship.
37. -Even if it's true.
38. -Norway doesn't like it.
39. -Neither does Sweden.
40. -Or Iceland.
41. If Sweden decides to recite wars won and treaties signed in an effort to prove he is better than Denmark, make sure he leaves out the Theater War and includes the 1814 Treaty of Kiel.
42. -If Norway is present, make sure it's Sweden who mentions the 1814 Treaty of Kiel.
43. I should not insinuate that there was ever anything between Sweden and Denmark, even if it's fun to see them both try to deny it.
44. -Sheesh, I lived in the same house for two hundred years. The walls were not sound-proof.
45. -Even Norway agrees.
46. -Iceland doesn't appreciate being reminded about it.
47. -I wonder if I have any part in ruining his childhood?
48. Iceland's puffin is not an acceptable play-mate for Hana-Tamago, even if Hana-Tamago likes the idea.
49. I must be patient when dealing with the Balkans.
50. Germany does not remember the Thirty Years' War, and bringing it up only confuses him.
51. Poland dislikes being reminded of the Deluge.
52. There was never anything between Poland and Sweden.
53. -I don't remember a Sigismund.
54. -I wonder if I can get Sweden to pay for my therapy bills?
55. The war is still off-limits.
56. Poltava only results in a wish to get drunk.
57. -Getting drunk with Ukraine is a bad idea. She never stops crying.
58. -I'm really sorry!
59. Something really ought to be done about Sealand waking up in the middle of the night.
60. -It's getting awkward.
61. I was never a Viking, and Denmark will try to forcefully correct me if I make that claim.
62. -Why does he still have that ax?
63. If I must reminisce about ravaging villages and burning towns there is always the Thirty Years' War.
64. Latvia might be frightened of me, but he is a good influence on Sealand, so I should try to be nice to him.
65. America knows I'm Santa. Giving him presents in June doesn't make him leave me alone.
66. -I hope I'm a better parent than England.
67. I shouldn't encourage Sealand's antics. He gets enough of that from Sweden.
68. Asking Denmark on how to deal with autonomous regions is not an entirely good idea.
69. -Keep Ahvenanmaa away from Faroe. He's just as much of a bad influence as Denmark is.
70. -Greenland is better behaved. And further away.
71. Remember that Sweden understands Finnish.
72. -Even if he can't speak it without mangling it.
73. -I will not complain about that. He makes an effort (see #24).
74. No one listens if I try to mention the dangers of Russia.
75. I shouldn't ask Sweden on how he plans to defend his borders. He might take it the wrong way.
76. -I didn't mean it like that.
77. -I might have meant it like that.
78. -I am allowed to hit Denmark when he starts sniggering in that manner.
79. I shouldn't teach Sealand how to handle a gun.
80. -Not even if he's surprisingly good at it.
81. -Sweden is right when he tells me weapons are not for children.
82. Which brings me to how I should also not show Sealand where Sweden keeps his sword.
83. Guns in meetings are out, and so are knifes, even if Russia is there.
84. -He says he doesn't try to make everyone come live with him anymore.
85. -I should ignore any and all disbelieving laughter when he says this.
86. -I should also not laugh disbelievingly when he says it.
87. -Empires Anonymous needs more members anyway.
88. Take Norway's word for it when he says the supernatural exist. I don't want him trying to prove me wrong again.
89. Drinking contests are discouraged, even if I stand a chance of winning.
90. I shouldn't complain when my naming suggestions for anything is voted down.
91. It is very easy to make Sweden embarrassed.
92. -Even if it's funny, I should stop doing it (see #24).
93. One day I'm going to find out who has been teaching Sealand all those rude words, England.
94. -When I do, I am not allowed to shoot them.
95. -I'm better at parenting than you are anyway.
96. No one wants to hear the Kalevala in its entirety, even if England never stops quoting Shakespeare.
97. I shouldn't show up drunk for meetings even if they are more fun that way.
98. I should not join the former Soviet states in plotting revenge against Russia.
99. -If I do, make sure no on invites Belarus.
100. I should not say anything about Stockholm Syndrome.
101. -Even if I think it's true (see #24).