SCENE TWENTY- NINE: E Coli Puffs

Dumbledore: Hogwarts has suffered a really terrible loss. We've lost a friend, a student, a prefect, a Quidditch player, the only hot Hufflepuff, and most importantly, a very strapping young man. I am speaking, of course, of none other than… JARVIS COCKER! Psych!

Draco: I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry… aw shucks… WAAAAAAH! (He sobs into Crabbe's shoulder. Crabbe sobs into Goyle's shoulder. Goyle sobs into Ron' shoulder. Ron sobs into Hermione's shoulder. Hermione sobs into Neville's shoulder. Neville sobs into Trevor's shoulder.

Trevor: What a bunch of pansies.

Pansy Parkinson: I resent that!

Snape: I will not laugh maniacally, I will not laugh maniacally, I will not laugh maniacally…

(Cut to the dormitory. Harry is sitting on his bed, gazing moodily into thin air.)

Dumbledore: Hi, Harry. You look unhappy. You need to find an outlet for your stress.

Harry: Yeah, I tried singing. Bad things happened. And believe me when I say 'bad things.'

Dumbledore: Why not try setting fires for fun and profit? I showed a young emo boy named Tom Riddle how to set a wardrobe on fire, and he's since grown up to be a prominent dark lord offended by cheerful songs!

Harry: And that's supposed to be encouraging why?

Dumbledore: Shut up. Basically, I came here to tell you something deep and meaningful about making choices. So do it wisely, okay? Especially at Momma Morsmordre's Evil Pizzeria and Buffet, because the E Coli Puffs are not good at all.

Harry: Er, sir?

Dumbledore: Yes?

Harry: Can you just leave me to sulk and gaze moodily into thin air by myself?

Dumbledore: Fine. Be that way. You'll thank me when you're older. (He flounces away.)

(Suddenly cut to a happy and cheerful scene. It's the end of the year. Everyone's hugging.)

Krum: Here, Hermy-own. I really want you to write to me over the summer! Here's my address!

Ron: Oh, how sweet. Here, "Hermy-own", let me burn it, I mean, put it somewhere safe for you!

Hermione: Everything's going to change now, isn't it?

Ron: Yeah, whatevs… as long as the Hogwarts kitchen still serves treacle tarts, I'm good.

Hermione: Hmph! (She flounces away.)

Ron: We never get a quiet year at Hogwarts, do we?

Song: Four Short Years (Based on "One Short Day" from "Wicked.")

Choir: Four short years Harry's spent here at Hogwarts!

Harry: Oh, it's always so hard coming home from Hogwarts.

Choir: Four short years Harry's spent here at Hogwarts!
Four short years Harry's spent here at Hogwarts
Four short years fighting off you-know-who.
Every way that you look here at Hogwarts
There's imminent danger
For him, Ron, and Granger
And magic to do!

Harry: There are dragons as tall as this darn place!
Ron: My dress robes are adorned with lace!
Harry: This chalice says that I have to compete!
Ron: There are girls here like I've never seen!
Harry: Dark Lord came back, he's really mean!
Both: We have to dance, but both have two left feet!

Choir: Four short years that they've spent here at Hogwarts
Four short years, but a lifetime of trials!
Four short years!

Harry and Ron: Both of us and our cohorts
Through the time we've been here
All that we've seen here
Shocks, awes, and reviles!

Ron: (spoken) Harry, come on, you'll be late to catch the train home!

People on the train: Who's the boy, the boy who's life has been scarier
Than anyone's? Why, Harry here!
Who's the boy who likes to risk
His life to save our posteriors!
Whose enthuse for Dark Lord defeating?
Has prevented much Death Eating?
OooOOooOO, isn't he wonderful?
A wonderful wizard?

Harry and Ron: Four short years that we've spent at this school here.
Four short years, and four best-selling books!
What a way to be spending our teen years.
Harry: But the year is done now.
Ron: We're going home now!
Both: But through all our hopes, dreams, and fears…
Harry: We're just two friends.
Ron: Two good friends.
Harry: Two best friends!
Both: Sharing the magic in FOUR… SHORT…

Conductor: The muggles will see you now!

Both: YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARS!!!!

THE END!!!!!

A/N: There you go. I hope you liked it. :) :) :) Thank you for reading it. :) :) Please tell me what you think of it. From Luna-Lovegood-Fan.