Greetings~ This was a long overdue oneshot written for a dear friend and is loosely based on a dream she had (lucky duck!). Kaworu and Shinji are one of my favorite pairings ever so I tried really hard on this. Finally finished it after letting it collect dust for a couple months after hearing Beautiful World.

Disclaimer: Evangelion, its characters, and Ode to Joy do not belong to me, never have and never will.

Shinji watches the water fill the empty tub, mesmerized by the sound of rushing water and the wafts of steam that have begun to rise up and make the air thick and wet. He was hoping that the bath would help him clear his head. There was just too much crowding in there lately, so many sharp thoughts that threatened to throw him over the edge. Thoughts of the Evas, what it meant to be a pilot. What was his purpose? Did his existence have a purpose outside of piloting Unit one? If so did it even matter? Did any other existence matter to the people he desired to please in his life? His father, Misato, the people at Nerv, Ayanami, Asuka, Kaworu... Kaworu who had allowed him to use his bath...

With a sudden gasp Shinji comes back to himself. The water has almost overflowed. Shinji lets out a startled cry and hastily turns the knob. He stares at the water as it settles into a serene, flat surface. Slowly he begins to strip. He swallows hard as he stands naked before the bath. This was ridiculous, he knows it—after all he had taken baths every day—but somehow breaking the perfection of the clear surface seemed daunting, dangerous even. Like breaking sanity.

Shinji holds his breath, fighting the irrationality that was starting to make his heartbeat accelerate. If he wasn't careful he would start hyperventilating. Suddenly a drop of water falls from the faucet, sending out disruptive ripples and a sound that seems to echo like a shot on the bathroom walls.

Shinji blinks and takes in a few deep breathes. He stares almost distrustfully at the bath for a few moments more until the next drop echoes. Shinji feels himself becoming calm once more. While the surface is still marred Shinji slips into the hot water which threatens to pour over the sides as he disrupts the space around him.

He sinks down until only the top of his head is above the surface. His body relaxes even more from the warmth. He closes his eyes and allows himself to become hypnotized once more, this time by the steady dripping from the faucet. As each drop rings out in a pure tone it seems to be calling out to something within Shinji. As if trying to tell him something important, if he'd just listen closely enough. His eyebrows knit together as he concentrates. What was it saying?

Shinji is very aware of his now steady heartbeats. Of the shallow breathes he takes through his nose. The sound is piercing and the heat and steam cloud his mind. This wasn't what he was trying for. He wanted to clear his head. The dripping becomes louder, more unbearable. It wanted to pierce Shinji, to break him. His hands crash through the surface, instantly cooling out of the water, and clasp over his ears. Still, he can hear it. That noise.

With a final, deep breath he sinks under the water. Here the sound is dulled and far away, as if there is a safe, invisible barrier between the two. Like an AT field...

Shinji opens his eyes and looks up into the face of Kaworu, who smiles curiously down at him. Air bubbles escape from Shinji's mouth as he instinctively tries to cry out in surprise. He brings his head up abruptly, gasping and sputtering for air. "K-Kaworu, what are you doing here?"

Kaworu chuckles. "I just wanted to take a bath with you. Is that alright?"

A furious blush makes its way across Shinji's already heated face. "Wh-what? Why?"

Kaworu tilts his head. "We've taken a bath before, it didn't seem to bother you then."

Shinji looks away. "B-but that was different. That wasn't a private bath. I mean there's so little room in the tub."

Kaworu pays little attention to Shinji's babbling and starts taking off his clothes. By the time Shinji looks up and notices, Kaworu is just as nude as him. "Right, I'm coming in. Better move down Shinji." Shinji crowds to one side of the tub, pulling his knees up tightly. Kaworu climbs into the other side of the tub. His presence is enough to send water sloshing over the edge and onto the floor. It doesn't seem to trouble him in the least.

Once he settles in he gives Shinji a smile. "Well this is nice. I hope I'm not intruding."

Shinji shakes his head, unable to look Kaworu in the eye. While he was doing his best to subtly cover himself, the other boy seemed very untroubled by his nudity. Shinji tries his hardest to push away the memory of their last encounter in the bath. The weight of Kaworu's hand lightly on his own. His casual profession of love... The feeling of having another human being's kindness bestowed upon him. A kindness that had not been hard won but rather given as a sweet gift.

The two sit in silence for a few long minutes. Kaworu finally stretches out one leg which brushes against Shinji. Shinji jumps and tries to pull away from the contact.

"Sorry!" His insides were cramping uncomfortably.

Kaworu seems amused by his reaction. "Shall I wash your back Shinji? Or perhaps your feet?"

Shinji almost chokes. "N-no that's not necessary."

Kaworu leans back and lets out a small sigh, staring at the fidgeting Shinji. "Hm, you know, this side isn't very comfortable. The faucet is in the way."

Shinji finally looks up. "O-oh well I could switch with you. Or I can even get out. I told you the tub was too small."

Kaworu smiles pleasantly. "That's not necessary. I'll just move over there."

Without a moments warning Kaworu sits up and grabs Shinji's knees, pulling them open. Before Shinji can protest he slides into the now open space, coming chest to chest with Shinji, his chin resting in the crook of his neck, arms casually draped around his shoulders.

Shinji's whole body freezes. His hands stay poised in the air, twitching as they await a command. Throw him off? Embrace him? Shinji's whole body feels overly hot and he experiences a second of nausea.

When he speaks his voice is very strained and much too high. "K-Kaworu! What do you think you're doing?"

Kaworu nuzzles against Shinji. "Just making myself comfortable. I'm sorry, are you uncomfortable?" Shinji feels his heart accelerating once more, quicker than he's ever felt it before. It feels like it might burst. "K-K-Kaworu, that's...too close!"

"Really Shinji? I don't feel like I could ever be too close to you."

Kaworu shifts his position slightly and Shinji becomes horrifyingly aware of a sudden pang between his legs as the other boy moves against him. He shudders as shame and embarrassment overcome him. "Get... Get off Kaworu! This is weird! We're... we're both guys!"

Kaworu pulls back slightly so that he is face to face with Shinji, mere inches between them. "So? It's not a matter of gender. I told you didn't I? I love you Shinji. I love you very much."

He bridges what little distance is left and kisses him. Shinji's eyes widen and his hands, finally prompted, fall on the back of Kaworu's shoulders. His nails dig into Kaworu's skin but he neither pulls him closer nor pushes him away.

Shinji, however, does finally break the kiss, nearly smashing the back of his head against the ceramic edge of the tub. "Stop it! I don't like this!"

Kaworu gives him that pleasant, kind smile of his. "You'll come to like it. I want to make you happy Shinji. Allow me to do that."

Shinji shakes his head. "N-no! I-!"

Kaworu moves against Shinji again. "No? You don't like this?"

He moves a third time and Shinji chokes, the back of his neck pressed into the edge of the tub. "Nnn! That's... that's not fair!"

Kaworu chuckles. "Funny, you look like you're enjoying it. And what does fair have to do with anything?"

Shinji shakes his head from side to side. "S-stop Kaworu, please."

Kaworu sighs again. "My dear Shinji. You're so afraid of anything that you don't perceive as normal. Why do you have such a hard time accepting my feelings?"

He touches Shinji's face, trying to get him to look at him. "You're bright red. Your body is responding. Even as you deny it you hold onto me. You want this. So why are you making it such a process?"

Shinji looks stubbornly at the wall. "It's weird."

Kaworu brings his other hand up, grabbing Shinji's face and forcing it towards himself. "What's weird is your inability to let someone love you."

Shinji's eyes widen as Kaworu kisses him. Shinji's body shivers as Kaworu's tongue invades his mouth. The kiss deepens, passionate but so tender. Shinji has never experienced such a kiss in his life. Not that he's had many. When Kaworu finally pulls away Shinji is breathless. Kaworu smiles and rubs his bottom lips. "Was that so bad?"

Those red eyes are so piercing, just like the sound of water drops had been or the earlier stillness. "I just don't get it, why me?"

Kaworu kisses Shinji again, very lightly. "I told you already didn't I? You are deserving of my love. ...But you still lack faith in my feelings."

Shinji quickly shakes his head. "I...I believe you."

"Yet you still hesitate. Why? Is it because I'm not a woman?"

Shinji flushes. "N-no..."

"I would say you could imagine me as one, but then I'm afraid you would think of Ayanami. And I would say you could imagine me as a completely different woman, but then I would be afraid you would think of me as Asuka. And I refuse to let either of them in here with us. I want you all to myself. If it is my gender that is causing you to hesitate I apologize. You'll have to bear with me. I can't do anything about that. Think only of me Shinji."

He starts to kiss Shinji's neck, leaving a trail down onto his shoulders and across his chest. "Only me."

Shinji closes his eyes. No one had ever treated him like this, with such loving care. But a part of him is conflicted. This felt wrong...

Kaworu licks his nipple and Shinji gasps. "Not there!"

Kaworu glances up at him. "You're so precious Shinji."

He promptly ignores Shinji's command and nibbles it lightly. Shinji's fingernails dig deeper into Kaworu's shoulders. If he is hurting him, the other boy gives no indication. It felt good. It felt really good. Still, that wasn't an excuse. He couldn't let Kaworu sweep him away.

One of Kaworu's hands snakes down Shinji's body, gently caressing the slick flesh. Shinji's breath hitches as the fingers brush against his length, touching it teasingly. He resigns to silently shaking his head again. He tries to tell him to stop but it felt so nice... The words freeze in his throat.

Kaworu swirls his tongue around Shinji's other nipple, pleased that he seemed to finally be giving in. Seeing Shinji react this way to him was just erotic as the cute mewling sounds coming out of his mouth as Kaworu began to stroke him.

'Give in to me Shinji, become mine.'

As his strokes tease Shinji into full arousal he brings his lips back to Shinji's. Such a sweet taste. How could he have spent one moment knowing Shinji yet not knowing this taste? It was almost unthinkable. To love, so this was what it was to love...?

As Kaworu breaks the kiss Shinji whines. "K-Kaworu, it...I...It's embarrassing!"

Kaworu chuckles softly. "I don't think it is at all. What's embarrassing about it? Your body is reacting naturally. Please don't be so shy in front of me Shinji."

He kisses him again, aware that the difficult part was about to begin. He brings his lips to Shinji's ear and bites the lobe playfully. Finally he speaks in a breathy voice. "I'm going to prepare you now. It will be uncomfortable but we'll work through this together. I don't want to hurt you Shinji, so please try to relax as much as possible."

Shinji frowns, the uneasiness returning in full strength. "P-prepare me for what?"

Kaworu explains through action, pressing one finger in his as gently as possible. Shinji lets out a sharp gasp. "Don't! Don't! Oh Kaworu, please stop!"

"Shhh, Shinji, it's okay. Just relax or it will hurt." Kaworu tries his hardest to continue without causing Shinji too much distress. Such a delicate boy can't take much pain. To help distract from the pain he returns to stroking Shinji and begins to bite his neck gently.

Shinji shudders, his breathing accelerating again. What should he do? A part of him doesn't like this, doesn't want it. Another part did. His desires were divided, as always.

"Kaworu...I'm scared. I don't want it to hurt."

Kaworu rains small kisses reverently upon his face as he presses a second finger in. "I know love. I'm doing my best. Please believe me. Don't be afraid. I'm right here. I'm here for you."

Shinji feels the part of himself that was resisting weaken at these words. No one was ever there for him... He closes his eyes and leans back, trying to control the trembling of his body. While his breaths were still erratic Kaworu can feel him trying to relax beneath him, making his job that much easier. "Thank you for trusting me."

Shinji doesn't respond, simply nods once. One of his hands dislodges from Kaworu's shoulder and he presses the back of his hand across his eyes, trying to get used to the alien feeling of Kaworu's fingers inside of him. Once Kaworu feels he has done an efficient job he leans down and nudges Shinji's hand out of the way, softly kissing his eyelids. "I'm going to start now."

Shinji tenses nervously. Kaworu hugs him gently. "Please relax Shinji. I promise if you do it won't hurt as bad and the sooner it will feel good."

Shinji, near tears, presses against Kaworu. "I'm sorry... I'm scared."

Kaworu kisses him sweetly. "I'll go as slowly as you need me to."

Finally Shinji nods. Kaworu takes one of Shinji's hands, their fingers interlacing. "I am here with you Shinji. I love you."

With great care Kaworu positions himself and slowly starts to enter Shinji. Shinji takes a sharp breath. Kaworu pauses then presses in further. Shinji's toes curl. "I can't! Stop, please stop! I can't Kaworu, I can't do it!"

Kaworu pants softly, voice reassuring. "You can Shinji. Just a little more. It's okay. It's okay, just squeeze my hand. We're almost there. Please, trust me."

Shinji cries out as Kaworu finally enters him fully. He rests there, the two breathing hard. "I'll let you get used to it. The worst is over now. You're alright."

He locks lips with the trembling boy. For the next couple of minutes he simply concentrates on the oral stimulation of kissing. When Shinji feels less tense Kaworu starts to pull out then pushes in again, just as slowly as the first time. Shinji shudders, but it still wasn't as bad as the initial penetration. "Are you alright Shinji?"

Shinji glares at him. "Of course I'm not."

Kaworu can't help but smile at the reaction. He moves again and Shinji makes a pained face. Kaworu's smile disappears, replaced by a look of intense concentration as he works on building a slow but steady rhythm.

While Shinji is far from comfortable he eventually stops gritting his teeth and his body begins to adjust to the foreign sensation. Soon he can concentrate on more than his discomfort. Like the way the water feels as it sluggishly churns against his body. And that the water was becoming lukewarm. Or the oddly beautiful face of Kaworu who is trying so hard not to hurt him. With slightly pruned fingers Shinji reaches up and touches Kaworu's cheek. Kaworu immediately leans into his touch, eyes closed. Kaworu was so beautiful. He hadn't ever really noticed it before, but he was. Kaworu opens his eyes as if sensing the thought and smiles.

Suddenly Shinji gasps. What had simply been discomforting pressure had momentarily turned into something electric. Kaworu eagerly notes the reaction. He grabs Shinji's legs, pulling them around his waist. "Hook your feet together to get a better grip."

Still recovering from the burst of pleasure, Shinji clumsily does as Kaworu asks, slipping slightly against the slick side of the tub as he tries to adjust his position.

Kaworu grabs Shinji's hips and raises them slightly, his pace starting to increase. Shinji moans loudly. It was almost like a completely new experience. Suddenly it felt good. Oh there was still an underlying ache but nothing like there had been before. Shinji eagerly presses back, trying to recreate that first unexpected shock of pleasure.

Kaworu grips the edge of the tub hard as he presses deeper into Shinji. It felt so good inside of him and now he finally felt justified in reveling in this feeling now that Shinji had started to react positively.

"Does it feel good Shinji?"

Breathing hard, Shinji opens his eyes. "M-mhm."

"I'm glad I could make you feel good. I want only to make you happy."

Shinji blinks at him. "B-but is this really happiness? I mean, I do feel- Nnn! Ah!" He pants hard. "I do feel good, but isn't this just temporary pleasure?"

Kaworu leans in and kisses Shinji deeply, tongue swirling around Shinji's. He pulls away, a thin strain of saliva trailing for a moment before finally breaking. "I think you think too much Shinji."

Shinji blushes sheepishly before his whole face contorts with bliss. "Oh god, Kaworu, th-there. There please, again."

Pleased, Kaworu does his best to obey, humming a very broken rendition of Ode to Joy.

The water begins to slosh violently with their lovemaking, spilling with great crashes over the side and soaking the floor. They were creating a torrent fueled by passion and precious words. The air is filled with the sounds of splashing water and heavy breathing, punctured from time to time by a moan or a gasp.

Soon Kaworu is panting hard against Shinji's neck. He was getting so close... He leaves a clumsy kiss on Shinji's neck. "I lo-love you Shinji. I love you so-o much."

Shinji buries his hands in Kaworu's silky white locks. "I-"

His words are cut off as he finally peaks, the world blurring pleasantly as his whole body tingles and shivers with sensation. The world feels open, his mind finally, finally clear. All of the darkness, the pain, his troubles are for a blissful moment swept away in this one sweet window in time.

Watching Shinji climax is enough to send Kaworu over the edge. His body shudders violently and his grip on the tub tightens to the point of pain. The world seems very bright and for one glorious moment he can imagine, can feel, Shinji becoming one with him. Two entities joining as a single beautiful being, breathing together, hearts and minds in perfect sync. And then the feeling slowly slips away, leaving a slight buzz in the back of his brain.

The water slowly calms around them as they cease their rocking and only the sound of two boys trying to catch their breath remains. Kaworu slumps against Shinji as his muscles start to relax. He kisses Shinji's cheek fondly. Shinji blushes as the world and all its darkness came rushing back in to fill the void. He lets his arm rest casually around Kaworu's back as he tries to push such things away for just a little longer. Somehow having Kaworu near makes it possible. They close their eyes and lie in silence until both have recovered.

Finally Kaworu lets out a small chuckle. "I'm sorry Shinji. You got in the bath to get clean and I just made you dirty..."

Shinji flushes. "Um, I..."

Kaworu leans up and presses his forehead to Shinji's. "Well the water is cold now so you'll just have to take another one later. For now you should probably just worry about getting dry. Wouldn't want you to get sick."

Kaworu pushes away from Shinji, their bodies finally separating. Somehow the distance between them feels lonely to Shinji. He stands and steps out of the bathtub. "Hm, we made quite the mess. Come on Shinji, I'll get you nice and dry."

He extends his hand to Shinji. Shinji looks at it for a moment then takes it. He liked how it felt when their palms pressed together. Kaworu smiles down at him. "Here, careful when you get out. There's a lot of water. I don't want you to slip."

As Shinji stands a deep ache shoots up his spine. And when he crosses over the side of the tub he feels very sore. He winces. Kaworu brushes back a damp strand that is stuck to his forehead. "Does it hurt?"

Shinji nods. "A...a little."

Kaworu hugs him. "I'm sorry. I tried. I really did."

Shinji looks away. "It's alright, really."

Kaworu kisses his temple and leads him into the other room, grabbing a towel on his way out. He sits Shinji down on his bed despite his protests that he would get his sheets wet. "It doesn't matter Shinji. Only you do."

Shinji blushes as Kaworu slowly and thoroughly rubs his body down starting with his feet all the way up to his hair. "There we are. Nice and toasty."

Shinji grabs the towel and uses it to hide his face. "Kaworu I..."

He mumbles something into the towel. Kaworu leans down. "What was that? I didn't quite hear you."

Shinji's face turns bright red. "I...I think I might...love...you."

Kaworu looks at him in surprise then breaks into a warm smile. He holds Shinji tightly, his body slightly clammy from not drying off. "I'm glad. That makes me more happy than you know."

Shinji doesn't say a word. It was hard enough saying that... and who knew what kind of unwelcome consequences that would cause. But in this moment he is glad that he had found the courage to say it.

He decides to change the subject. "Ah, a-about the bathroom..."

Kaworu takes the towel from Shinji and starts drying himself off. "Don't worry about it. Technically it's my fault water got everywhere so I'll take care of it."

He sits down next to Shinji and smiles mischievously before leaning in and whispering something in his ear.

Shinji blushes and puts a hand over his ear as if the other boy had pinched it. With a small laugh Kaworu stands and walks towards the bathroom, humming Ode to Joy.

Shinji hugs himself, very aware of his current nudity. Still, the words Kaworu had whispered linger like the steam from a hot bath.

'From now on let's take more baths together.'

End~