Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I wish I did, as I'd be fuggin' RICH, but I don't. Also, if you're offended by male/male relationships, and again, male/male that may or may not make fangirls squeal and jump for joy or my batshit-insane writing, please turn back now as I don't want to scar your delightfully virgin little mind.

Author's Notes: Teddy Talkin' is about, as I'm sure you'll find out quickly enough, Teddy Lupin as a small child. Not quite old enough to walk, but enough to know what's going on around him. This one is slightly AU, as it's Teddy living with Remus. You'll get more about what's going on as things progress. This 'fic will throw Remus a curve ball and we'll get to see it through Teddy's adorable little eyes and hear his thoughts over everything happening in the post-Voldemort world.

I looked up at my Daddy. He was holding me, after all, and I liked to be held by him. There was a lot of talking going on, most of which buzzed loudly enough to where I couldn't understand more than a few words here and there. I really hated when a lot of people were around like this. It made me feel smaller when he set me down in my playpen. And I was already too small as it was.

My Daddy was talking to a guy with messy black hair and glasses. I think Daddy called him 'uncle Hairy' or some such nonsense. The guy wasn't really that hairy. Anyway, uncle Hairy had big news. It was hard to hear with all the other people talking, but somebody had come back. People could come back when they left? I looked up at Daddy for confirmation and let out a loud squawk of anger when he ignored me.

"Aww, Teddy, are you hungry?" I was NOT hungry, I wanted to know if people really could come back from when they'd left! "Teddy, hang on. Daddy will get you a biscuit." I did want a biscuit, though... "Harry, will you hold Teddy for me? I'll be right back."

Before my furious wrath at being left with a stranger could even begin, Daddy had disappeared from sight after handing me off to uncle Hairy. It was rather alarming, really. Would he ever come back? Would I ever get my biscuit? It made me want to cry!

"Hey, Teddy, it's okay. He just went to the kitchen is all." Uncle Hairy was NOT helping me relax. "The kitchen with your high chair and sippy cup?" Sippy cup had left me too.

When Daddy returned, it was a huge relief. I held my arms out to him and told him EXACTLY what I thought about him leaving me behind again, accepting the biscuit as an apology and chewing on it as soon as I was being held by my Daddy again.

I offered him a turn on the biscuit while he was talking with uncle Hairy and he mouthed on it, making a rediculous "nom nom nom" noise that made me giggle. Truth be told, he made that same noise when he mouthed on my fingers or toes or belly, and it never grew old. I offered the biscuit to uncle Hairy and asked--very politely, I may add--if he would like some.

"Thank you, Teddy, but I'm on a diet." What in my Daddy's name was a diet? "Draco swears up and down that I'm going to end up wider than I am tall if I eat sweets. I have flashbacks about Dudley every time he mentions it..."

My Daddy and uncle Hairy laughed, so obviously it was a good thing to do at the moment. I had no idea what we were laughing about, but laughing was good! I went back to chewing on the biscuit and looked up at Daddy. They were talking again, but I guess it didn't really matter. Nothing would come between my Daddy and me. Except maybe a pudding cup, those were tasty. Or bedtime...which reminded me, I was exhausted.

The last thing I remembered was yawning and setting my head down on Daddy's shoulder. I love falling asleep that way.

All the people had left after Daddy had put me to bed. I was glad. Too many voices and movements made my head hurt. I crawled across the carpet, hoping to reach that stick Daddy carried with him everywhere. He'd dropped it while setting my toys out on the floor, and he played with it all the time, why couldn't I?

Of course, the guy who had shown up that morning had to spot my intensity as I made my way slowly and awkwardly to the stick. "Now now, little Teddy, Padfoot will just take that." I told him quite loudly where he could stick it, too. I'm sure my Daddy would be proud. "Moony, your sprog just swore at me!"

Mooy? I shouted for my Daddy. He knew everyone. He would know who this Mooy was. This Paffood bloke was new around here, so maybe Mooy was too.

"And now he's speaking cow! Just like Harry used to!" Paffood was so loud... "I like your little sprog, even if he came from Tonks' naught bits." Toks? Not beets? What? "He's like a little parrot!"

"That he is, and I would appreciate if you didn't swear around him. Ron Weasley got him saying a variety of colorful words about the Malfoys when Harry wasn't around and he doesn't need to know any more of them." This was an opportunity for me to show off how well I remembered the words that I'd learned! Just as Daddy walked in from the kitchen, too. "You see? The damage has already been done to my son's innocent ears, he doesn't need any more of it."

Daddy had sippy cup! Sippy cup hadn't left me after all! I took it politely from him when he offered it, thanked him properly and proceeded to down the juice inside. Mmm, grape. My favorite.

"Damn, Moony. You've even got him saying thank you! I don't understand his 'peas,' though. Does Teddy like those awful green things?" Merlin, no! I pitched them across the kitchen like marbles! "Oh, look at that face! He's just as devastated by them as I was at his age!"

"You were devastated by peas as a child, Padfoot?" A comrade! Fight the peas! I gave this Paffood a cheer and tipped sippy cup to him. "I dare say James would be laughing his arse off if he were still here--" Arse? A new word! "Oh dear." Oh, right. I'd forgotten to ask about that Mooy character. Was he the 'arse' in question? "Teddy, that's a naughty word. You shouldn't say 'arse.'" Why not? Daddy had said it! At any rate, I asked again about this Mooy chap. "Sirius is right, you ARE speaking Cow."

How dare he? I decided a tantrum was in order and threw sippy cup across the room. It was empty, so that didn't bother me too much. Paffood looked more than a little shocked by this, which gave me a sort of satisfaction. Daddy was NOT, however, and he picked me up off the carpet.

"Now, now, Teddy. Calm down." I glared and tried asking, again, who this Mooy bloke was. "Moony, Teddy. Moooo...ny. Nnnny." Mooooooo...ny? "There's my big boy! A little faster now. Moony." Mooy. "Moony." Moo...ny. "There we go! That's Daddy's nickname."

Daddy's nickname was Moony? Well, I wanted my nickname to be 'M&Ms'! I loved those candies! I only got them when aunt Heminy came over, she knew where to get them. I decided to ask when she would drop by again.

"Aunt Hermione? She's off with uncle Ron right now, Teddy. She won't be able to visit for a few days."

"You talk to the little sprog like he's an adult, Moony." I was an adult! Damn it! "Hah, he said 'damn it.' That's the most adorable thing I've seen in ages!"

"Don't encourage him, Padfoot!" It was time this Paffood got a good, stern lecture. I was the perfect person to give it to him. I even wagged my finger like Daddy and aunt Herminy did! "You see? He agrees." I liked when my Daddy looked proud like that. "Now, Padfoot, why not explain the reason you dropped by?"

"I thought it would be obvious, Moony." I didn't like that tone change. I also didn't like how close he was getting to Daddy. "I came to see if those horrible stories told to me by Harry were true." The man's pout could rival my own, which didn't help his case with me at all. "I don't see Tonks anywhere, Moony, did you two break up?"

"She died, Padfoot. In the battle at Hogwarts." Daddy was serious. I didn't like this kind of serious. He looked like he needed a bottle and a nap. "It was Bellatrix who killed her. Just like I'd thought she killed you." He REALLY needed a nap. "I thought I'd lost the both of you--"

"Remus, why on earth did you ever marry that woman?" The both of them looked almost looked as though they were about to mimic my earlier tantrum. "I thought you LOVED me, for Merlin's sake."

"I did, Sirius. I still do. Tonks and I were both devastated at the loss of you. She clung to me for support, I did the same with her, and eventually, we focused the energy from the misery into--" He looked at me for a few moments, then continued. "--something else. I do admit that I didn't feel for her the way I felt for you. But I wouldn't change things for the world. I have Teddy now--WE have Teddy."

Why were they being so serious? Someone had to make a funny noise or do something silly! It was my duty to do so, as these two were obviously incapable of it. I will admit, my stroke of genius was amazing, even to me. I jammed my fist into my mouth and started to imitate Daddy's hilarious 'nom nom nom' noises. That lightened the mood considerably, in my opinion.