Into the Desert
by Sharlene
I wish I could stop her, throw my arms around her and beg her for a chance to show her what I feel.
I won't.
For months now I've gone through the agonies of the damned, having her so close and still not being able to reach out, to accept what she offers so freely. Now she's leaving and I want to stop her, but I can't. No matter how much I want to hold on to her, to strangle with my bare hands any popinjay who dares to think she could be his instead of mine, I can't. Honor demands that she go home and ensure the royal succession. How can I interfere with that? I don't even know if I _can_ father children, let alone whether they would be normal or if by their birth they would be condemned to be as freakish as Rezo made me. How can I ask her to choose between me and her kingdom and her father?
I watch her talking to Lina from between my lashes, barely breathing as I hear her giving me one last hope. Then she walks away and I close my eyes, not wanting to see her leaving me behind. The scent of her rose soap still clings to my clothes and blankets, just as it has since the first night she slept with my arms around her.
Gods, she's gorgeous when she sleeps. Her skin glows in the moonlight like the finest alabaster, the red of her lips and the onyx of her hair and eyelashes a sight almost painfully beautiful, but it's her serenity, the absolute peace and trust on her face as she holds me close that makes her seem like the angel she's been mistaken for before. An angel being held in a demon's arms.
My conscience tried to tell me to let her go, to move away, to keep her from wasting her time on a monster like me. For once, my conscience was overruled by my heart, clinging to the one way I could accept her affection and show her even a small part of what I felt. I started to grow accustomed to the miracle of her touch and would pray for night to come early so I could revel in her closeness.
I heard Lina and Gourry breaking camp and I broke away from my thoughts to get up and help. No one mentioned Amelia's absence and the three of us worked silently, performing out usual morning chores like automatons. After everything was packed and we were ready to leave, Lina walked over to me and held my hand out, open and palm up. She dropped the bracelet into my hand and then closed my fingers around it.
Still holding my closed fist, she looked into my eyes, the crimson burning accusingly. "She's given you one year, Zel. If you don't get with it and figure out what both of you want, she's going to end up married to someone else. Can you really make her to spend the rest of her life married to someone else, someone she doesn't love, just because you haven't found your cure?"
I couldn't answer that. My chest was frozen at the thought of all that had happened this morning. Could I survive, knowing that the right to hold her belonged to another man? It would tear me apart, and yet... Could I ask her to wait for however long it would take to find a cure, knowing I might never get it, never be human again? No. I love her too much to tie her to a freak, to expose her to the ridicule of others. If I could not find a cure in the year she had given me, I would stay away, go to a land far beyond the Barrier and never return. Better for her to be free and happy without thinking of me than to watch her marry another man and learn to pity my monstrous form.
After a few moments, Lina sighed and said, "Gourry and I are going to catch up with Amelia and escort her home. Are you coming with us or going off by yourself?"
She must have seen the answer in my eyes. "You're a coward, Zelgadis Greywords, and if you don't wise up and go to Amelia before the year is over, you're a fool."
She turned and walked away, following the same path Amelia had taken earlier, not looking back once. Gourry clapped a hand on my shoulder and said "Good luck" before turning to follow Lina.
All of the people I called friends were now gone. I was alone, with nothing and no one to distract me from finding a way to turn my body back to normal. Exactly what I'd wanted all along.
It sucked.
I started walking, trying to think of someplace I could go to search for a cure that I hadn't already searched in vain. I was toying with the idea of returning to the Valley of Dragons to ask Milgazia if I could see the Clair Bible when I felt a pair of hands cover my eyes and a familiar, used-horse-salesman voice say "Guess who!"
"Xellos, I don't have time for your games. Go bother Lina." The fruitcake mazoku hovered in front of me, sitting cross-legged in thin air, sipping delicately from a teacup that looked suspiciously similar to the one Filia always used, right down to the small chip in the rim. He noticed the direction of my gaze and brushed his hands together, the cup disappearing only to be replaced by his staff.
"Zelgie-poo, you always say the nicest things!" Xellos cooed, managing to bat his eyelashes without opening his eyes and giving me a sickeningly sweet smile that made me want to smash his face in... Even more than usual. I was ten feet away and still walking when his next words made me stop. "I know where your cure is."
"You're lying." He had to be lying, trying to trick me so he could get a sick laugh at my expense, as he had before. Who could forget when he burned the Clair Bible manuscript pages that were in my hands, or the "Claire Bibble" fiasco, or any of the other countless times he made me dance to his tune? He had to be lying, and yet I couldn't walk away.
He materialized in front of me, his staff at my neck and any trace of a smile gone from his face. His eyed bored into mine and he snarled, "You can be cured one of two ways. One is that you listen to what I have to say and the other is that I kill you right now. Either way, I need for you to be cured, and I'm not going to let you screw it up. So what's it going to be, rock boy?" I stared into his eyes and knew he meant every word. For some unknown reason, Xellos now wanted my cure to happen as badly as I did.
And so I find myself in the desert, crossing harsh lands that are barren of life as far as the eye can see. I screw the cap back onto my canteen, Amelia's bracelet seeming to give me an encouraging wink. I carefully secure the two most precious things in my possession, my hope for survival in the desert and my hope for the future, and set off again, following the path that Xellos directed me on.
Author's Note:
Why did Xellos flip out about Zelgadis's cure, you ask? Because this story is the first of several sequels for an earlier fic, Tryptich. Check out L-Sama's instructions to Xellos in chapter 2, "Warrior, Sorcerer, General, Priest", and then keep an eye out for the next several stories, in which Sylphiel gets married, Xellos joins Zelgadis in the desert, and Lina and Gourry come face to face with the Knight of Ceipheed, Luna Inverse.
by Sharlene
I wish I could stop her, throw my arms around her and beg her for a chance to show her what I feel.
I won't.
For months now I've gone through the agonies of the damned, having her so close and still not being able to reach out, to accept what she offers so freely. Now she's leaving and I want to stop her, but I can't. No matter how much I want to hold on to her, to strangle with my bare hands any popinjay who dares to think she could be his instead of mine, I can't. Honor demands that she go home and ensure the royal succession. How can I interfere with that? I don't even know if I _can_ father children, let alone whether they would be normal or if by their birth they would be condemned to be as freakish as Rezo made me. How can I ask her to choose between me and her kingdom and her father?
I watch her talking to Lina from between my lashes, barely breathing as I hear her giving me one last hope. Then she walks away and I close my eyes, not wanting to see her leaving me behind. The scent of her rose soap still clings to my clothes and blankets, just as it has since the first night she slept with my arms around her.
Gods, she's gorgeous when she sleeps. Her skin glows in the moonlight like the finest alabaster, the red of her lips and the onyx of her hair and eyelashes a sight almost painfully beautiful, but it's her serenity, the absolute peace and trust on her face as she holds me close that makes her seem like the angel she's been mistaken for before. An angel being held in a demon's arms.
My conscience tried to tell me to let her go, to move away, to keep her from wasting her time on a monster like me. For once, my conscience was overruled by my heart, clinging to the one way I could accept her affection and show her even a small part of what I felt. I started to grow accustomed to the miracle of her touch and would pray for night to come early so I could revel in her closeness.
I heard Lina and Gourry breaking camp and I broke away from my thoughts to get up and help. No one mentioned Amelia's absence and the three of us worked silently, performing out usual morning chores like automatons. After everything was packed and we were ready to leave, Lina walked over to me and held my hand out, open and palm up. She dropped the bracelet into my hand and then closed my fingers around it.
Still holding my closed fist, she looked into my eyes, the crimson burning accusingly. "She's given you one year, Zel. If you don't get with it and figure out what both of you want, she's going to end up married to someone else. Can you really make her to spend the rest of her life married to someone else, someone she doesn't love, just because you haven't found your cure?"
I couldn't answer that. My chest was frozen at the thought of all that had happened this morning. Could I survive, knowing that the right to hold her belonged to another man? It would tear me apart, and yet... Could I ask her to wait for however long it would take to find a cure, knowing I might never get it, never be human again? No. I love her too much to tie her to a freak, to expose her to the ridicule of others. If I could not find a cure in the year she had given me, I would stay away, go to a land far beyond the Barrier and never return. Better for her to be free and happy without thinking of me than to watch her marry another man and learn to pity my monstrous form.
After a few moments, Lina sighed and said, "Gourry and I are going to catch up with Amelia and escort her home. Are you coming with us or going off by yourself?"
She must have seen the answer in my eyes. "You're a coward, Zelgadis Greywords, and if you don't wise up and go to Amelia before the year is over, you're a fool."
She turned and walked away, following the same path Amelia had taken earlier, not looking back once. Gourry clapped a hand on my shoulder and said "Good luck" before turning to follow Lina.
All of the people I called friends were now gone. I was alone, with nothing and no one to distract me from finding a way to turn my body back to normal. Exactly what I'd wanted all along.
It sucked.
I started walking, trying to think of someplace I could go to search for a cure that I hadn't already searched in vain. I was toying with the idea of returning to the Valley of Dragons to ask Milgazia if I could see the Clair Bible when I felt a pair of hands cover my eyes and a familiar, used-horse-salesman voice say "Guess who!"
"Xellos, I don't have time for your games. Go bother Lina." The fruitcake mazoku hovered in front of me, sitting cross-legged in thin air, sipping delicately from a teacup that looked suspiciously similar to the one Filia always used, right down to the small chip in the rim. He noticed the direction of my gaze and brushed his hands together, the cup disappearing only to be replaced by his staff.
"Zelgie-poo, you always say the nicest things!" Xellos cooed, managing to bat his eyelashes without opening his eyes and giving me a sickeningly sweet smile that made me want to smash his face in... Even more than usual. I was ten feet away and still walking when his next words made me stop. "I know where your cure is."
"You're lying." He had to be lying, trying to trick me so he could get a sick laugh at my expense, as he had before. Who could forget when he burned the Clair Bible manuscript pages that were in my hands, or the "Claire Bibble" fiasco, or any of the other countless times he made me dance to his tune? He had to be lying, and yet I couldn't walk away.
He materialized in front of me, his staff at my neck and any trace of a smile gone from his face. His eyed bored into mine and he snarled, "You can be cured one of two ways. One is that you listen to what I have to say and the other is that I kill you right now. Either way, I need for you to be cured, and I'm not going to let you screw it up. So what's it going to be, rock boy?" I stared into his eyes and knew he meant every word. For some unknown reason, Xellos now wanted my cure to happen as badly as I did.
And so I find myself in the desert, crossing harsh lands that are barren of life as far as the eye can see. I screw the cap back onto my canteen, Amelia's bracelet seeming to give me an encouraging wink. I carefully secure the two most precious things in my possession, my hope for survival in the desert and my hope for the future, and set off again, following the path that Xellos directed me on.
Author's Note:
Why did Xellos flip out about Zelgadis's cure, you ask? Because this story is the first of several sequels for an earlier fic, Tryptich. Check out L-Sama's instructions to Xellos in chapter 2, "Warrior, Sorcerer, General, Priest", and then keep an eye out for the next several stories, in which Sylphiel gets married, Xellos joins Zelgadis in the desert, and Lina and Gourry come face to face with the Knight of Ceipheed, Luna Inverse.