Sorry for the delay but I'll admit I have been preoccupied with updating my other fics first.

Thanks again to those who reviewed the last chapter, I hope you enjoy this just as much!

Enjoy!

It seems I may have been mistaken about Damien. There's something I never thought I'd say. But it's true, as hard as it may be to believe. Apparently there's more to Damien then you'd think.

Now I'm obviously not talking about the whole, him being an insufferable prick, thing he has going on. Although I'd like to point out he bloody well is. Nor I am talking about him being the son of the devil, I mean come on that's the first thing anyone knows about him. I am in fact referring to those times, extremely rare as they may be, where Damien almost acts human.

Okay fair enough he's half human and all, but I still say the demon side of him is pretty much in complete control. I mean really it's like you've got a demon wrapped up in a human casing. I must say though that would certainly explain some things. I must admit, there are certain areas of Damien's body that seem strangely out of proportion. In a good way I mean. A very good way.

Ahem…forgive me; I seemed to get a little lost in thought there for a moment. Terribly sorry chaps, now where was I? Oh yes, Damien acting human.

Now considering his upbringing, it's understandable why Damien is the way he is. I mean his love of blood, guts and torture far exceeds that of a normal teenager, except for perhaps Eric Cartman but I don't even want to think about him right now. Trying to get me expelled the wanker. But anyway that's another story. So yes, Damien. Now I'll admit he's a little rough around the edges, in a homicidal, insane sort of way, but to be perfectly honest in this town that's kind of a given. I mean for heaven's sakes look at Eric Cartman. He's a sociopathic, quite possibly psychotic, homicidal lunatic with serious denial issues. I mean the way he chases after Kyle, teasing him and driving him bloody insane, he's like an overgrown toddler. Who happens to know how to operate a machine gun. Isn't that just a lovely thought?

Damien, right yes. Terribly sorry, I do seem to be getting awfully distracted lately. But honestly If I just had five minutes alone with that son of a bitch Cartman. Although I must admit I would fear for my life. Or at the very least my dignity. Hang on what am I thinking? I haven't had dignity in years. It's how I've ended up the town's whipping boy. Pricks the lot of them. That's what they are.

Now as I was saying, lately Damien has been acting rather strangely. Now whenever I've tried asking anyone about it; Kenny, Christophe you know the ones used to dealing with his shit, they'll just ignore me. Okay when I say ignore me it's not that they'll ignore me, my arse can attest to that, but they'll certainly ignore my questions. Which I must admit is so bloody infuriating. It's not even that Damien's behaviour is bad. I mean he's being nice to me, which I must admit set alarms bells ringing throughout my mind the first time. But it's just so strange to see him behaving in such a manner.

Don't get me wrong it's a nice change. A very nice change as a matter of fact. Before this I was little more than a convenient hole, for him to get in whenever he needed a spot of relief. Nowadays he treats me as if I were human. As someone with actual feelings and capable of being in pain. I must say it's most refreshing. It's just so weird though.

So yes anyway, I tried asking Kenny and Christophe to see if they knew what was going on. Now Christophe I'll admit I'm not particularly fond of. I'm sure he's a lovely chap and all, Gregory seems to like him at least, I just can't get over the fact he's bloody French. Too many traumatic childhood memories I suspect, I mean it's only recently people stopped calling me French. Of course we were playing dodgeball at the time. And I did have Cartman and Damien on my team. You can only imagine the carnage that unfolded that day. Though I must admit they bloody well deserved it. The nerve of them calling me French.

Now I'm sure I can guess what you're thinking. You're probably wondering why, if I proclaimed to dislike Christophe so much, then why did I let him bugger me more than once? Now the first time was partly out of despairing loneliness, but mostly because he and Gregory were really hoping for a threesome. Though I have to wonder how many they asked before they got stuck with me? The times after that though, well in South Park and by extension Park County, sometimes there's just that need to screw into the next pretty piece of ass that walks by. And while it truly hurts me to admit it, I'm man enough to admit that some people may consider me pretty. You know as opposed to being rugged or handsome. It seems I take after my mother a bit too much in that regard. Then of course there's those times when everyone's in a bit of a frenzy. Where no one can be sure of where they're sticking it, as long as it's tight and warm they rarely complain. So yes, that's usually how I end up being shagged by the Frenchman.

Anyway, since no one would tell me what was going on, I must admit I was getting rather freaked out by Damien's bizarre behaviour, I decided to go to someone I hoped would have the answer. Damien's father, Lucifer himself. Now I know you must be thinking I've become quite daft, I mean the man (or is it goat?) is certainly a dangerous being to encounter. But I've known him for ever so long now, I'd say it's about six years now. And he does put on the most delightful tea parties, with proper English tea I'll have you know. Not to mention those fancy little cakes and sandwiches, a real proper gentleman (gentlegoat?) I must say. And he was ever so helpful in answering all the questions I had about Damien.

Apparently Damien is quite a coward. I know I know, it sounds preposterous. But according to his father; the way he stalked me, fucked me, beat me and then approached me while I was in hospital, was all part of this bizarre demon courting ritual. You know to ensure the mate they chose could handle all kinds of shit. Well apparently I passed. It seems living in South Park has its uses after all.

Of course rather than telling me why he kept manipulating and abusing me, Damien decided to make things as difficult as possible for the both of us. Which as you know, ended up with me in hospital for the umpteenth time, a nice fat bill over my head and my chances of a future permanently squashed. So you can imagine when I found out what all this was, I didn't react too well at first. You know Satan said he'd never seen anyone turn quite as white as I did. And considering he's the ruler of hell, bloodless corpses are pretty much all he sees. It's always nice to learn something new.

Now as you can imagine, I kind of went off it a little. For those who don't know what that means, well I may or may not have grabbed the nearest thing at hand, searched high and low for that bleeding wanker and proceeded to bash his head in. I must say I don't think I've ever seen Cartman look so proud before.

Now they say every action has consequences. Boy do I know that now. As you can imagine, Damien was mightily pissed that I'd managed to kill him. Or rather I killed his body; I mean it was human and all. But funnily enough he didn't even try going after me. It seemed Satan failed to mention that by committing murder, even if it was someone who would never stay dead; it only proved my worth more in the demon's eyes. If I'd known that I'd have done away with Cartman years ago. But I suppose there's always next time.

So basically, to make a long story short, Damien decided that we should go out. As a couple. I'm still trying to get my head around it. I mean usually when you try to kill someone, they don't react by asking you out on a date. Although I must admit, being the ruler of hell sure makes it easy to get reservations.

Don't get me wrong, he still pisses me off almost as much as Cartman. But seeing as how he has been torturing that godforsaken North Park lot, wankers the bleedin' lot of them, I put up with it. If for nothing else than the free food, hey an orphan's got to eat. The sex is pretty good too I'll admit. He's even been trying out foreplay on me which is a nice change. You know from the usual, bend over and let me stick it in you. Hardly original.

Now I know I've been rambling on quite a bit, I'm sure you're all tired of listening to me prattle on like this. But I have been badmouthing Cartman quite a lot without giving you nice folks an explanation. So I suppose I owe you one.

Remember when Damien put me in the hospital; after he found out I slept with Kenny and Butters? Well after I got back to school, obviously by this point I had crutches on; Eric Cartman came over to me. I was struggling to get things out of locker. You see at this point, poor sweet Butters was too afraid of Damien to approach me. So I was on my own, Damien had nicked off somewhere and obviously Kenny wasn't about to risk talking to me so soon after what happened.

So Eric came over, cocky little smirk on his face as per usual. I should probably point out at this point everyone knew what had happened, to get me in such a state. So naturally Eric began with calling me a whore, in full view of everyone. Then he asked me to get down on my knees since it was all I was good for. Naturally at this point I was so blinded by rage I was pretty much catatonic. Since I wasn't reacting the way he'd hoped, Eric then told me quite clearly I was off the track team. Apparently having a busted leg as well as a reputation in tatters, meant I was disposable.

Well I'd quite like the four trophies I won.

Now normally I have a high tolerance for bullshit. I have lived in South Park for an awfully long time you see. But it seems I have a limit. That limit is Eric. So while he was publicly degrading me and everything I'd worked for, well I had enough.

Did you know it doesn't take much force to have a man positively squealing and rolling around on the floor? Well now I do. I didn't even hit him all that hard. I just rammed one crutch into his ribs, another into his balls and pressed as hard as I could. I'm surprised he could even feel it, the lardass. Apparently there'd been a bunch of parties the last few weeks, all that alcohol and junk food really didn't agree with him. He's not as heavy as he was obviously, but he's certainly packed on a few pounds.

So naturally being the crybaby that he is Eric wanted me expelled. In all honesty I was all for the idea. I already knew my life sucked, quite frankly I was amazed I'd lasted this long. But no. I wasn't expelled, much to mine and I'm sure everyone else's shock. Apparently our dear principal had wanted to kick Cartman's ass for years. Of course that would be wrong, they'd get arrested. But a student doing it for them? Well that was perfectly fine, especially as it was obviously in self-defence. I mean I was in crutches after all.

So no expulsion for me. No punishment of any kind in fact. Although Cartman certainly got reamed for what he'd said about me.

Now Damien's reaction when he heard the news, well I must say that was simply splendid. Never before have I admired someone so much for making someone else cry. I mean having being bullied mercilessly for years, I abhor bullies. Usually. But seeing Damien finally give Cartman his comeuppance? Well I just might have fallen in love with him.

Did I really just say that? Good lord I did. I think I've actually fallen in love with the son of Satan. Oh if only my sister could see me now. No doubt she'd call for an exorcism or something crazy like that. As much as I loved her, pretty sure she's dead now, I sure don't miss her screaming. Joe on the other hand, I liked Joe. He was nice.

So to sum everything up since you saw me last, I'm now dating the son of Satan (officially), I'm no longer on the track team (I've always been overly fond of staying alive) and thanks to my boyfriend (I will never get tired of saying that) I have a future to look forward to. And no before you ask it isn't ruling hell alongside Damien. I don't have the stomach for all that blood and gore I'm afraid. No instead, I will be doing something I've always wanted to do. Come next year I'll be attending college. A proper college mind you, not that community college crap.

Apparently sleeping with the son of Satan has its perks. Aside from the usual protection from bullies and amazing sex, it seems Damien's very generous with his cash. And while I certainly wouldn't want to sound like a money grubbing whore, like many of the girls in our year, if he demands I let him pay for me to go through college then I certainly won't refuse.

I may be many things; a limey, a twink, an orphan and a homosexual, but I'm not an idiot.

I'm also not French. Please remember that.

Okay so I might be doing another chapter for this. I had considered making this the last chapter but I'll see what kind of response I get. If people want me to continue this then I will.

As always please review and let me know what you think!

KB