Double Helix

epilogue
~ family ~

"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on." -Carl Sandburg

It unnerved her the way he would study her sometimes, with his eyes moving over her form and expression carefully neutral. She knew he hadn't been able to see inside her mind for months, but now she wondered if he could - if he was actively trying. Regardless, she tried her best not to look to eager, too hopefully, as she was certain he would see that as a weakness and leave. She didn't want that. She wanted to see her daughter.

Meryl waited as she absently fidgeted with the hem of the bed sheet. In spite of her best efforts to appear patient and calm, the room was starting to feel heavy with her unvoiced hopes and fears. The request to see her was on the tip of her tongue, thick and painful, and she was about to speak the words when he said, "I have named her Tessla."

Hope fluttered in her chest. "T- tessla?" she asked.

The corners of his lips twitched upwards. "The name is very fitting. My sister, Tessla, was the first like me and she," he lifted the infant in his arms ever so slightly, "is the first like her."

Meryl raised an eyebrow but said nothing as she watched Knives cradle the infant closer to his chest. She had to use all of her willpower not to beg Knives to allow her to see the three-day-old child and she wondered if he was really there just to torture her.

"The birth was difficult," Knives continued. "You were not expected to survive."

Meryl had heard only bits and pieces about what happened after she became catatonic, and then the birth itself, but she had no memory of it. The nurse, Angela, seemed reluctant to tell her too much and Knives was not forthcoming at all. She wondered if Zazie would be willing to give her details.

"Would you like to hold her, Meryl?" he asked.

The question hung in the air and Meryl felt her throat go dry. Had she the energy, she would have gotten out of the bed and gone to the child on her own. All she ever thought about was the baby.

Knives watched her as she stared at the bundle in his arms and knew the answer to his question before she voiced it.

"Y-yes," she whispered, just before raising her eyes to look at Knives. "Yes, please."

"Sit up," Knives commanded in a strangely gentle tone. He sat down beside her as Meryl repositioned herself, when she was finished he offered her the child. With great care, Meryl took the child from him. The blanket she was wrapped in was soft and warm and Meryl carefully pulled back the folds to get a better look at her. Silver eyes peered up at her from a tiny face crowned with fine, dark hair.

Without meaning to, Meryl cooed at the infant and smiled when the child seemed to look at her in wonder. "Hello," she whispered. "I'm your momma." Impossibly, Tessla's lips quirked upwards into what could only be described as a smile.

"Is she... can she...?" Meryl looked at Knives and said, "She can't be smiling... can she?"

"She is not human, Meryl," Knives said. "Do not judge her by human standards."

"Yes, but..." Meryl's voice died in her throat when a tiny hand grasped the tip of her finger. Tears pricked at her eyes and she lowered her face toward her tiny body and breathed in her scent. She was hers - her daughter, her baby, her flesh and blood - hers.

'When did I fall in love with this tiny, little thing?' she asked herself in wonder. It wasn't so long ago that she hated herself and the child growing inside of her, hated enough to want to kill herself, but those feelings felt so distant and foreign now. She still resented Knives for kidnapping her, experimenting on her, using her - but she couldn't hate him for this.

And she should. She knew she should. It didn't make any sense. He had turned her life upside-down, torn her from friends and family, used her body as an incubator...

'All acts of a man desperate to save one tiny little life,' she thought. 'Still not his right to use my body without permission.'

"Meryl," Knives said and she lifted her eyes to regard him. "Do not forget her purpose, her destiny. I am going to train her to exterminate humanity."

Lowering her gaze, Meryl gently stroked her finger across Tessla's cheek and smiled as the infant plant turned her head toward the sensation and began to make soft suckling sounds. "She's hungry," she murmured.

If Knives heard her, he gave no indication. "She is just one of many yet to come," he continued as she inhaled Tessa's scent once more then kissing her on top of her head. "My brother didn't even try to rescue you," he continued. "He fled and left you behind. I saved your life because you are still useful to my plans."

Meryl looked at Knives for a brief moment at the mention of Vash and asked, "You're planning to use me again?"

"Of course." A spark of anger zigzagged up her spine at his words and she glared at him. Undaunted, Knives continued, "You love her. You will love the others, too."

"That's hardly the point," Meryl ground out before Tessla began to cry. Knives immediately reached for the girl, but Meryl turned away from him as she tried to comfort the child.

"You're upsetting her!" he said, voice slightly shrill with worry. His tone of voice sounded bizarre coming from his lips.

"You are the one upsetting her," Meryl said. "Not me."

"She has not cried before!"

Instinctively sensing that the anger brewing within her was the cause for Tessla's disquiet, Meryl took a deep breath and willed herself to be calm. "She is upset because I am upset," she held Knives' gaze, "because you upset me."

"Give her to me," Knives ordered and Meryl immediately refused.

"She's hungry," she said. "Let me feed her and then you can take her."

Carefully supporting the infant with one arm, she began to unbutton her shirt. She didn't want to expose herself in front of Knives, but she knew that if she didn't try to feed her daughter right away he would just take Tessla from her. As she bared a painfully milk swollen breast and offered it to her newborn, she said, "I will not help you teach our daughter to destroy humanity, Knives."

Knives blinked at her use of the term 'our' but he did not verbally acknowledge it. He simply sat quietly beside her as he watched Tessla nurse. After a long pause he said, "Your help isn't needed, Meryl, but if you wish to pretend to be that child's mother for any extended length of time you will behave."

Meryl ignored the 'pretend' comment. She knew that he knew better. Otherwise he would not have allowed her to see their daughter, nor would he make plans to use her again. Knives needed her - and not just as an incubator. He wanted something from her, something Meryl was certain he had yet to fully understand himself.

"I'll tell her about you and Vash," she said. "I'll tell her what you've done to me and other humans. I'll teach her that humans are not all evil, that she came from a human."

Knives scoffed, "I'm shocked, Meryl. Do you really plan to lie to her already?"

"I'm not the one planning to lie to her."

"I will not lie," he said as he moved closer to her, his eyes trained on Tessla as she suckled. "I will not have to. Nothing is more damning to humanity than the truth."

"I am human, Knives. Do you really believe that you can brainwash her into hating all humans when her mother is human?"

He said nothing and Meryl actually wondered if he was silent because he was thinking about what she had said, or if he had simply grown tired of talking to her. It wasn't always easy to read his expressions but she was fairly certain that he was thinking about what she said.

"Can you read my thoughts again?" she asked quietly.

He glanced at her and the corners of his lips quirked downwards for a split second. "No... Not like before." He hesitated for a moment, almost uncertain, then he lifted his hand to her face, cupping her chin. He was trying to see into her mind, she knew, but she didn't feel his thoughts touch hers.

"No, not thoughts," he said. "Mood... emotions..." A satisfied expression settled across his features. "I'm glad to feel that you love her."

"I do," she said, "Do not keep me from her."

"I would only consider doing so if I felt you were a danger to her," he said quietly. "But I think it is good for her to be near you. My only desire right now is to protect her."

Meryl nodded but said nothing. When Tessla finally finished, Meryl pulled at her top in an attempt to properly cover herself. She nearly jumped when Knives fingers brushed against her skin as he helped adjust her top. "You will not turn her into a monster, Knives," she said. "Do not taint her with your hate. I won't let you."

"There is no hate," he said and Meryl flinched when she felt back of his hand gently touch her temple and slowly slide down her cheek. The caress was almost loving and a swirl of confusion moved through her. "Only logic. You'll see, too, in time, Meryl."

"In time," Meryl murmured. "We both will."