The Rules

Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's Naruto and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece. All situations, plots, and other parts have been constructed by me and are my own creations

Summary: Kakashi finds the Rules harder and harder to follow

Author's Note: Contains spoilers for events up until chapter 450. Possible out-of characterness,

Constructive Criticism is always welcomed

Published: 12 November 2009

Rating: T

The first and most important rule was you never ever picked someone you knew or might get to know later. Not only did this lead to even more awkward and tense social situations—and heaven knows that you'll have enough of those without this making things worse—but it meant that you were setting yourself up for some pretty serious disappointment if you acted on them and things didn't work out. You had no room in your life for emotions like disappointment.

The second rule was never ever pick a ninja. The last thing you wanted was to find the person you had picked dead or mutilated or in a bad way. Those sort of psychological scars tended to fuck you up even worse and leave you hesitant to try again, thus causing more stress and tension to build up, and that lead to mistakes and death and failure.

The third rule was never pick someone you might have to kill someday. This meant no-one from a foreign village or anyone who you got funny feelings about. Nothing said 'mental scarring' like having to kill the star of your masturbation fantasies.

These rules didn't leave a large pool to pick from. Many ANBU members turned to civilians, but the war and destruction of Konoha by the Nine-Tails put an end to much of that when so many civilians were killed and they had to face the dead bodies of those that helped them—unknowingly—relieve stress.

Icha Icha and other such novels gained immense popularity afterwards. There was no chance of meeting a fictional character and they would remain perfect and whole forever, thus making the ideal thing for masturbation.

Kakashi had been a pretty strict follower of the rules—he had seen what happened to Monkey and Rooster, who hadn't and paid the price—until one day he was returning home from a mission to the Grass country.

It was the laughter that had caught his attention. He looked to see what had made such a joyous, happy sound and that's when he saw him.

He was surrounded by a variety of chunins and tokujous and genins. It looked like everyone was congratulating him and patting his back and musing the fluffy ponytail. From the way he kept touching his vest, Kakashi got the feeling that he'd just been promoted.

He had brown skin, brown eyes, and brown hair—it almost seemed that everything about him was brown; even the scar across his nose was brown. But it was a warm, inviting brown; not a dried-blood, death brown.

He looked so…so…so happy. Kakashi actually paused for a moment—even though his feet hurt and he was tired and the Hokage was waiting for him—just because such delight was a foreign thing in his world. He wondered what it was like, being that happy.

He hadn't intended to use the newly-appointed chunin—violation of Rules Two and Three—but Kakashi had always had a weakness for brown hair and all that delight pushed Kakashi's solo release in a new direction.

He realised that he was in trouble when the chunin started to make regular appearances in his fantasies. Determined that he would not fall prey to the mistake of disobeying Rules Two and Three, he turned his attention almost obsessively to things like Icha Icha.

And it worked.

Until he was walking home with his groceries and he happened to walk by Ichiraku and there was that chunin, buying the demon kid ramen. Ramen! And he didn't mind doing it, either! In fact, as the kid bounded off loudly, the brown ponytail only shook in affectionate exasperation and sighed as he emptied his pocket book to cover the kid's enormous tab.

The sheer…kindness that shown through the simple and clearly familiar act hit Kakashi just as hard as the joy had in the chunin's laughter. How could anyone be so kind in this hard, brutal world? Especially to something like the demon container!

Rule Two and Three went out the window that evening.

He went back to his Icha Icha because it was safe, but it didn't seem to stop the main character from morphing, from time to time, from a busty blonde who was good with her hands to someone who looked suspiciously like the chunin and was strangely kind and happy.

Kakashi realised that he had been too lenient on himself when—after the Hokage forced him to retire from the Black Op to take on some snotty little brats—he went to pick up a mission to pay for some bills before he was stuck watching gennins trying to do D-ranked ones and there, right there, sat The Chunin.

Fuck. Now he had broken the most sacred and cardinal rule of them all: He had broken Rule Number One.

The Chunin didn't seem to notice his off-putting behaviours. He only smiled a bright, polite smile. "What kind of mission would you like, Jounin-san?"

Kakashi knew that voice would be making an appearance tonight during his nightly relaxation routine—whether he wanted it to or not.

When he handed over his identification papers for the Chunin to look over, the brown eyes did a double-take on the name. "Hatake Kakashi? The Hatake Kakashi?"

Kakashi waited for the hero worship and the awkward stuttered questions to start.

The Chunin leaned forwards. "You're going to be Naruto-kun's jounin sensei! He told me about your test. I can't tell you how happy I am that he passed. It means so much to him."

Kakashi blinked, the words only filtering in as an afterthought as he stared at the suddenly very warm and very genuine smile in front of him. It wasn't helping his shell-shock that the Chunin was talking about the demon kid and not…anything else.

He was so, so very screwed.

He tried going at different times, but it was like the Chunin was waiting for him, so he could ambush Kakashi and get status reports on Naruto. He'd ask Kakashi to join him for ramen so they could swap notes. He'd see him in the street and wave. He'd call out to Kakashi as he was buying fruit and insisted that Kakashi call him 'Iruka-sensei' and nothing more formal than that.

Dedication of that level was not something Kakashi had been prepared to deal with. It made things worse at night. He could only imagine what it would be like, to be so very important to someone, just because he was someone worth caring about. And the idea of being that someone didn't help the nightly routine, at all.

Then he nominated the surprisingly scrappy little brats for the Chunin Examination. The Chunin—Iruka—spoke up, way out of line and with little regard for that fact. No matter what Kakashi said to try and put him off, the Chunin only got more vocal and madder. He refused to back down and it wasn't until the Hokage said something that Iruka unwillingly shut up—more, Kakashi felt, out of respect for the Hokage than the pecking order or the opinions given.

Defiance should NOT have been that hot. Kakashi barely made it back to his little apartment before things got out of control and he did something ridiculously stupid, like kissed that hard, angry mouth.

The fact that he was worried about kissing the Chunin and not so much about other things made him think that maybe he really go to those therapy sessions that were Highly Recommended for ANBU and the much smaller group of Former ANBU. He was going beyond breaking The Rules; he was moving into realms that were probably unhealthy for anyone, much less someone like him.

There was only two things that could be done in this situation: Avoid The Chunin as much as humanely possible and bury himself deep within Icha Icha and never leave it. He would get over this all and return to the safe existence of before.

Denial could go a very long way. It worked for Gai, didn't it, now.

Things probably would have worked out in the end, but then Sound and Sand attacked. It took everything that Kakashi had not to rush out to see if his Chunin was safe. The relief he felt when he saw that brown scarred face—out of harm's way, down protecting the civilians and students—was indescribable. He almost touched that smooth-looking face, just to reassure himself.

But it would be too damaging.

And he didn't think Iruka would take kindly to such a gesture.

So he didn't and after he mourned the Sandaime—yet one more he had outlived—life got busy. There was the introduction of the new hokage and the discovery that he wasn't worth any of his students. There were hundreds of new missions to take and missions were easy. He didn't have to think about how he failed—yet again—and how The Chunin didn't want anything more to do with him, now that he had lost Sasuke and neglected Naruto and let the blond boy leave with Jiraiya-sama.

Kakashi went to work being a tool and tried to go back into the safety that the Rules provided.

But like anything, once one has ventured into forbidden territory, it's hard to stay within the fences of Acceptability. When he was tired and drained—which happened more than he cared to admit—he'd fall back on Iruka because it was easy and Iruka was…dedicated. Happy. Kind. Defiant. Something to fight for.

Iruka was everything he was not.

And the relaxation that settled into his body afterwards was always better than if he used Icha Icha or went for a mindless wank. Somehow, it was almost…more satisfying when he used The Chunin.

He went back to avoiding The Chunin. It was the least that he could do if he couldn't always follow the Rules. Not that it was hard, considering he'd all but wore the white mask again.

And then Naruto returned and turned everything upside down again—as Naruto was wont to do. Suddenly, there was no escaping The Chunin again. He'd train Naruto and then Iruka would be there, telling Naruto how much he had grown and maybe that Naruto should pay for the ramen. Then a brown eye would wink at Kakashi as Naruto yelped in protest and Kakashi would find himself in deeper than before.

Everything changed when Pein attacked. He saw the Akatsuki member there, standing in front of his Chunin, with his hand rising up to kill. Kakashi would not let Iruka be killed in front of him. If Iruka was to die, he wanted it to be of old age or far, far away from him so he never would have to see those brown eyes cloudy and empty. His last memory of Iruka was not going to be of his broken body.

Pein was probably the hardest person he had ever fought before. He gave it his all and more, finally feeling that he had served his village to his complete ability. He had fought, and he was going to die on the field, close to home, doing what he did best. Most importantly, he had given Iruka a chance to live on and he never would have to worry about the Rules again.

Kakashi was slightly surprised to only see his father in the blackness, but then his father said that he couldn't move on to join his mother and Kakashi vaguely wondered what he would have to wait for before he could move on.

Not that it particularly bothered him. He had a lot of unresolved conversations with his father and now he had all the time in the world to get everything he wanted said out there.

He had forgotten how nice it was to just sit and talk to someone important. His father seemed to relax when he found out that Kakashi understood why he had done what he had done.

Kakashi had finally gotten the conversation to a place where he could ask his father his take on the Rules and what could be done to stop oneself from breaking them all the time when his father looked out into the darkness. He told Kakashi it seemed that his time hadn't come and that he would wait with his mother on the other side.

Before Kakashi could say anything else, blackness swam over him and obscured everything. Moments later, when he got his eye open, he found himself looking at the ruins of Konoha and Akimichi Chouji.

Apparently, he wasn't dead any more.

Apparently, Naruto had kicked a few of Pein's butts.

Apparently, Iruka was still alive.

The fact that The Chunin had survived eased knots Kakashi hadn't realised that had been tied. It made him feel like he had done something right, for once.

The next day, he was walking to the Memorial Stone—the whole nomination and Danzo thing had left him with a deep and burning urge to talk to those who had left him behind—when he heard that familiar voice calling out to him.

Iruka caught up to him and scratched the side of his nose as politely thanked Kakashi for not only saving his life, but making sure Naruto got home safely.

As the Chunin chattered on, Kakashi suddenly knew what he had to do.

He had already lived passed the usual life expectancy of most ninjas. Chances were that he wouldn't make it much further—he had already died one and came close too many other times to count. It was only a matter of time.

And for the first time, he might have a choice in the matter when it happened.

He had spent so many—too many—years and nights on The Chunin and he was tired of it. He didn't even know what the brown man tasted like.

Iruka was so going to kill him for this.

"Kakashi-sensei? What…?" The Chunin stuttered when Kakashi turned sharply and walked Iruka back against a wall in a deserted alleyway, stopping only once he had planted his hands on the wall on either side of the Chunin.

A small part of his battle-worn consciousness noted that Iruka was palming a kunai, but he decided having Iruka kill him wasn't the worst way to go. It'd serve him right, too, considering how many of the Rules he had broken.

He pulled down his mask and before the Chunin could blink, he moved in.

It was clear within the first two seconds that Kakashi had been missing out for the last how many years. Iruka's slack and surprised mouth was delicious. The noises coming from said mouth were addictive—even if they were muffled and shocked. The warmth that he could taste there was deep and consuming.

The nervous battle part of his brain noticed that Iruka had dropped his weapon.

Good. That meant Kakashi could have a couple of seconds of full body contact before the Chunin gathered his wits.

The moment the strong body started moving, Kakashi pulled back. He pulled his mask up and wondered why Iruka hadn't killed him yet.

He saw that brown hand move and he braced himself for impact. He knew that he could dodge it easily, but figured that he probably had it coming.

Iruka—surprisingly—didn't punch him. He instead grabbed Kakashi's ear and—snarling out a few well-chosen insults—dragged Kakashi down the street.

Maybe Iruka fancied killing jounins in the privacy of his apartment instead out in public where one of his students might witness it.

It would be Kakashi's luck that he'd been masturbating to the one psychotic mass murder in the village for the past couple of years.

Iruka shoved Kakashi into his tiny little flat and glared at him. "Do you think," he growled, "that kissing me just like that is going to endear you to me? Do you think that it's funny?"

Kakashi scratched the back of his neck. "I don't think it's funny."

"Then explain yourself."

…Okay, that firm and hard demanding voice was not going to help matters. Kakashi also got the feeling that was going to show up a lot in the near future—assuming that he lived that long, that was.

"I'm attracted to you?" It would have been nice if that had come out like a statement and not a question, but Kakashi decided that it was better than what could have come out of his mouth.

Iruka's eyes narrowed further.

Kakashi's battle senses went wild and he talked fast, figuring he only had a few moments left on this earth. "I nearly died—I did die—and…it seemed like a shame, dying and never having kissed you."

Iruka blinked. "What?"

Strange, all the murderous anger seemed to be gone. "I'm attracted to you and I thought maybe I should kiss you before I die?"

"You're attracted to me."

"Yes?" Kakashi hazard. ANBU training hadn't prepared him for this. Was there a certain protocol that one was supposed to follow when confessing attraction? He highly doubted that the Icha Icha-standard of groping and wild sex—while fun and good and written by a true literary genius—weren't exactly the most realistic way to go.

And what did one do after said confession? Were there rules for how one should die afterwards? Did one try not to bleed everywhere or go for maximum blood splurtage?

"For how long?"

Ten years, eight months, two weeks, three days, thirteen hours—"Too long," Kakashi said immediately.

"And you just thought to tell me this now?" Big, brown eyes blinked again. "Why didn't you say something earlier?"

"Because of The Rules."

"What?"

"I had good reasons." Of course Iruka wouldn't know about The Rules; he had never been in ANBU.

Frankly, Kakashi would rather not explain The Rules to Iruka; while Iruka was not a genius, he was smart and would put two and two together rather quickly.

Kakashi—having come to the conclusion that Iruka was not going to kill him—had decided that he was rather fond of living and would like to stay in this state just a little bit longer.

"And…?" Iruka glared at him. "That's it? You're not going to do anything more? Just kiss me and tell me that you like me and then go on your merry way?"

"…Yes? Is there a standard that I should be following?"

Bright, surprised laughter bubbled out of Iruka and it reminded Kakashi of what pulled him to the teacher in the first place.

"Normally, you ask someone out first," Iruka finally managed to get out between chuckles.

"Out? Like to a mission-out or to ramen-out? Or are we talking about cherry-blossom-walks-out?" Kakashi asked carefully. He only had Asuma and Kurenai, Icha Icha, Sakura, and Gai to go by here; none of the four were exactly reliable sources for this sort of thing.

"Like 'on a date' out." Iruka was smiling a small, contained smile.

"Ah."

Iruka was looking expectant. Kakashi wondered why.

"Let me get this straight," the chunin finally said slowly, as if he talked fast Kakashi wouldn't understand him any more. "You have no qualms about kissing me in the middle of the street and telling me that you're attracted to me, but you take issue with asking me out on a date?"

"I didn't kiss you in the middle of the street," Kakashi muttered, a bit sullenly. "And I don't know anything about dating for real."

Iruka shook his head. "Kakashi—I can drop the 'sensei' part, can't I?—would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

"Dinner?"

"Yes."

"Here?"

"I don't see why not—unless there's a restaurant you'd rather go to instead."

"Why?"

Iruka rolled his eyes. "So we can go on a date and see if I like you back."

"…You don't know if you like me? I thought that you considered us to be friends."

"You're an idiot." The insult was said with a surprising amount of affection. Kakashi wondered if that meant something. "And I'm beginning to think that dinner's going to be a moot point."

"I thought you said wanted to have dinner." He wished Iruka would make up his mind. Now he could see why The Rules said that you should avoid—

"Kakashi."

"Yes?"

"I think I could be attracted to you if"—here Iruka grinned a roguish grin—"if you take off that mask and kiss me again, properly."

"I didn't do it right before?" What the hell? He thought he was decent at kissing!

"No. Before, you see, I didn't get a chance to kiss you back." Oh. OH! "And we should probably try that out before I make short work of that vest you're wearing."

…Okay, when had he left reality and started a fantasy?

"Fantasy? You've thought about this before?"

And there was another voice that was going to make an appearance tonight!Where had Iruka learned to purr like that?

"Well, of course." Of COURSE Kakashi had thought about it. Denial or not, he'd been thinking about it for the past ten years, eight months, two weeks, three days—

Iruka, it seemed, had gotten tired of waiting. He closed the distance between the two of them and put his hands at the top of Kakashi's mask. He waited until Kakashi garbled out something that could pass as an affirmative, and then the mask was around Kakashi's neck and his mouth was on Kakashi's.

This kiss was a thousand times better than the first one—a million times better. To think that he had been willing to settle for so much less!

The Rules were right—fantasy had nothing on reality.

Iruka pulled back slightly. "So. Dinner."

Kakashi yanked him forwards again.

The Rules were now no longer applicable in his life, but he had the feeling that he was going to be better off without them.

After all, he had Iruka and he didn't need them any more.

x Fin x