I am sorry for being inactive for so long/ I was deprived from internet.

Disclaimer: Nothing but the plot is mine.

Pairings: RoCHu.

Summary: family.

Enjoy~!

Hong Kong realized something was not right. His mother looked so gloomy on the journey home and his Ivan looked like he was on the edge of a cliff. The fascinating thing was his mother still trying to smile while his Ivan tried to be cheerful like usual. But something was off, the atmosphere had gone awkward and Hong Kong is not going to buy this.

"Mom, are you OK?"

"Yes, Xiang Kang, I am fine, aru."

"then… Ivan, are you OK?"

"What make you say that?" Russia smiled and looked back.

"Ivan! Watch out!" China screamed, and they were saved by a second from crashing onto the safety iron line rod. Ivan chuckled.

"Oops… sorry, Yao."

Russia laughed it off like it was nothing. Hong Kong laughed when he saw his mother's facial expression. China was blushing furiously, hand clutching his big belly and the safety belt.

"Ivan…."

"….you sounds dangerous, da. I am really sorry; don't go mad at me…"

"Bad boy should be punished, aru." China suddenly bent over and kissed the driver on his cheek. Russia was surprised from the sudden attack that he pulled the car out of the road immediately.

"Tha's cheatin' da!!!! You might kill us, da!!! I don't mind if I am ready, but…"

"You don't like it, aru? That's why I called it punishment, qing ai de (my dearest) Ivan." China smiled slyly while Hong Kong giggled. "You want to have your go too, Xiang Gang?"

"Yes!!!" he bent over and smooch his Ivan a big, sloppy, wet full of saliva kiss on top of Ivan's cheek. Now Ivan is blushing furiously.

"Stop this, both of you…"

"Ah, Ivan is angry. Scary~ aru!!! Right, Xiang?" China tugged the boy's hand and put it on his cheek. Hong Kong laughed and nodded. Russia sighed. But then, the atmosphere had returned. The usual cheeriness came back in full throttle and they sang children songs (both Russian and Chinese) on their way home.

******

"Where's Hong?"

"He's in bed. He's tired I think, and we won't see him much tonight… aru."

China swallowed hard while Russia preparing his heart. They awkwardly took their usual seat on the dining table and looked at the ceilings. And then, they spotted the same dark stain on the white ceiling.

"… I think we need a plumber, aru."

"I will do that tomorrow."

"No need, aru. We will call a plumber."

"I will do that, da. I know my pipe very well."

"It's better with them, they know what happened."

"Don't you trust me to do those small things? I am a man, right, da?"

"I am a man too, for your information, and I don't want to risk myself to get that plumbing myself because I don't want to risk my baby and this estrogen level is killing me and I also don't want to see you admitted into hospital because you fall when repairing the damn plumb, aru! Do you understand?"

"…uhm. Yes, da."

"So, where were we, aru?"

"… You start."

They fall into a silence.

"I think… we don't need this talk, aru. I mean, you are getting better and I have nothing to worry since Xiang Gang also could take care of himself…"

Russia held his hand up. China stopped blabbering. The husband sighed. "I was a centimeter away from pushing him over the cliff. It's not healthy and safety, da. I need to know, da. At least I need to know what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you, aru, believe me."

"… Yao, I never tell you the details, but… she… my mother, I mean… she left me because one reason: I am freaky. I never understand what she meant, so I need to know the truth. So I can… judge myself, thinking it over… and choose the best option for you. For us, I mean."

"…what do you mean by option, aru?"

"If I am really am Freaky… I am better gone. I can… disappear from here, you see. You will be fine, I will send you the monthly money, we get divorce, I will see you once a month, you can be happy with normal England and I… I will be gone for good."

"Ivan." China sighed. He came around and get nearer to the bigger man. Russia flinched; trying hard to decide between letting China comforted him or stayed away from the pregnant beauty. China didn't like being running away from, and grabbed the man's hair tightly, pulling the pained man into his chest. "calm down, Ivan. I never say I wanted either of us to leave. Weren't you the one who asked me will I ever abandoned you? And I said no. I am a man of my words, aru. Come on… this is nothing, OK? I want you to remember you are not alone, unloved. I am here, Xiang Gang loves you, and our baby needs you. Come on, Ivan."

"But what if I did make trouble for you guys next time? What if I did really something bad to you and Xiang Gang, or our baby? I couldn't forgive myself if something happen. I wouldn't want to put you into any kind of danger. Was I the one who caused you so much stress? Is it the reason why you get so many… miscarriages?"

China paled.

"Fine, aru. You know you are not stable. You know you almost kill Xiang Gang. You blamed yourself on my miscarriages. You think I am too stressed out with you that I lost my babies, aru. Well, let me remind you some facts. First off, I am a man. My body is not programmed to have a baby, aru. Second, if I am stressed with you near me, I will already blow you up with my Kung Fu, aru. Third, who wanted to stay with somebody who bothers them and licked their penis? Forth, Xiang Gang realized it and he didn't even think badly about you. Don't you realize how much he loved you, aru? Fifth, I am not a single parent material, so if you dare to do something stupid I am going to chase your ASS until I get you in my bed, you hear me?"

Russia smiled in pain. "Yao really sounds scary, da."

"I meant it." China kissed his husband's nose. "So get over this. You just have some unstable moments and that's all. I can keep you in check."

"But… I don't want to trouble you guys… and maybe… out of my own egoism… I want be the one who left, and not the one who left behind, da. I mean… it's hurts to be left again, so it may be better if I leave…"

"and make us feel how bad it is being left, aru?" China laughed through his nose. "Noble. Great. If you do that, you are a greater loser than France. And talking about France, I heard he just proposed to Canada, aru. Finally, after breaking that poor nice boy's heart for so many times…"

"Yao… stop blabbering. It's hard being pregnant, is it?"

China smiled and touched Russia's temple with his. "That's why, please work out the math yourself, Ivan, aru. I was down from loneliness when you found me. You gave me a reason to stay, you needed me, you loved me despite your past. You tried your best to love me. You even love Xiang Gang, just because he was a part of me. Now let me return the favor. Just be sure I love you too, aru. Everything about you."

"..really?" The voice was small, hard and bit off.

It wasn't Russia's talking. It was the small child inside his brain. The one who had been waiting for the confirmation all of his life. The one still waiting despite the numbers of abandonments he had been through. The one who believed someday somebody will say yes.

"Yes, aru. I promise."

The moment finally came. Russia kissed the smaller man's lips tenderly. "Thank you, da."

******* (FYI: this is the scene I wanna write so much, but turns out sucks, I really suck.)

"He looked like you, aru… look, his blond hairs…"

"But his eyes are golden, just like you."

They kept complimenting each other's on their baby's appearance. It was a nice Sunday afternoon. Both of them was finding the new mornings as a parents of a new baby boy fascinating. They had been spending the whole day fussing things about the small creature.

"Mongolia… you are so handsome. I bet you will be as big as your father, aru."

"But it will be good if you are as good in cooking like your mother."

Suddenly Hong Kong came in without looking both of them. He just came home from his father place, as usual.

"I am home… Ivan, mother."

"Ah, Xiang Gang, welcome home! Come here, play with us!" China smiled while patting the empty place by the sofa beside him, but Hong Kong smiled awkwardly.

"No, Mom. I… I have some homework for tomorrow… I haven't done it in father's place."

"Really? Then please do it first." China kissed Mongolia. "Then afterwards we will eat special dinner. Today I made special dumplings."

Russia looked at the 7 years old boy. Somehow Hong Kong wasn't as cheerful as usual. His hands were clutched tightly beside his hips and Hong Kong was unusually quiet. He didn't even looked up to them and smile. Usually he will come and sat beside them, hugging the little brother.

Russia then understood something. He remembered how he felt when he saw Belarus and her parents the first Christmas he spent inside a nice house with a real decorated tree. He saw how Belarus and her parents acted like real family, without awkwardness and pretence. He could see how they love each other, the father praises the mother, the mother adores his father and how both the parents and Belarus loves each other.

Painfully sick. Yes, he felt like he was an outsider. Some stranger, random people out there. He never felt like he could blend in. because he had no blood relation with them and he was just an adopted son. Russia never thought he could be their son either, since he never knew how to be so full of loving like Belarus. He never knew how to make people love him, and in turn, has learnt not to love people.

Maybe that was what Hong Kong felt that time. Maybe Hong Kong felt he was foreign since he wasn't his real child. Maybe Hong Kong thought that now the baby was there, he had lost his place inside his parent's hearts. Maybe after coming home from England's place he felt left out, lonely.

Russia noticed that China didn't even understand the situation. He was busy cooing the baby. Hong Kong left the room before Russia could say anything. He felt rather bad. He should say something to Hong Kong, just as Belarus' parents said something to him that made him started to feel like he was part of the family.

******

Hong Kong clutched the paper inside his hand. He had decided. It was a pain on his chest when he saw how perfect it was when his mother, Ivan, and Mongolia was playing with each other. Since the baby came, he started to feel left out. He wasn't Ivan's real son, and his mother was really trying hard to get Mongolia because Mongolia is Ivan's child. He could clearly see the difference, while Mongolia clearly is receiving Ivan's bone structure and hair; he was short (like England) and awkward (like England). Maybe it was even painful for Ivan to see him because he reminds them about the affair. Maybe they didn't even want him to be there. Maybe his mother also didn't want him, and he might end up living with England now…

The paper was a school pamphlet. It was a Christian School with dorm and good reputation in England. His father asked him to decide whether he wanted to go there or not, for a better education. Initially Hong Kong wasn't even thinking of looking at the pamphlet, but now he had decided to go. So he wouldn't be a burden to his parents and Ivan. So the unwanted him will gone from the picture out for good.

He swallowed and entered the dining room. His mother was in the kitchen, filling the room with his special dumplings scent. Irresistible. Even when Hong Kong was down, the food his mother made never failed to make him felt hungry. Ivan was sitting on the sofa, cuddling the bundle of clothes with Mongolia inside.

"Hong, come here." Ivan suddenly called out to him, making Hong Kong flinched a bit and dropped the pamphlet. Ivan noticed the paper. "What's that, da?"

"This… This is… father just gave me. This is a pamphlet for a good dorm Christian school in England. He wants me to go there for my junior high."

Ivan stared at the boy.

"Do you want to go?"

"… Father said it is a good school, and it is the best 3 inside England, so I think this is quite good. Furthermore, father had agreed to pay the school fee…"

"Do you want to go?"

Hong Kong flinched, but continued smiling and talking, although his legs were frozen and he couldn't move. "I think this is a good opportunity to study. Father also moved there for half a year, so I could live with him until I adapt to England weather…"

"Hong, come here." Ivan stared hard at the boy. Hong Kong finally walked to the big nation's side and stood there. Ivan put Mongolia safely inside the crib, and then gently pulled the boy's hand to make him sat down beside him.

"Hong Kong, I am asking you. Forget about your father. Forget about me and Yao. Do you really want to go?"

"…" Hong Kong was silenced. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to go? Never in his wildest imagination. He was happy here with his mother and Ivan and a new baby brother, it was supposed to be his family. He was supposed to be happy. He was crying non-stop when he saw Mongolia for the first time. He was happy his lovely brother finally came. He was sure he could be a good big brother, so that his mother and Ivan will love him more.

But then… when he saw how happy his mother was with Mongolia made him think. Has China ever looked so happy like that? Did they really happy when Hong Kong was born? Did they love them like they love Mongolia now? Wasn't he half England and half Chinese? Did he actually deserve to be born?

"Hong, look." Ivan smiled and pulled out his water pipe. "This is my treasure. This is the first Christmas present I ever received. I get it from the sewer. I get it for myself, since I was alone with nobody who will remember to give me any present at all. This is precious to me. And I want to give it to you, once you are older and ready to receive the responsibility of a man."

"… you were alone? How about your father and mother?"

"They are not qualified to have children. Irresponsible people. They are the root of broken homes. But I don't really care now since I have you and Yao and Mongol, da. Well, back to topic. I think you and Yao and Mongol are the best thing that ever happened to me. I would never want to lose you. I love you, son. "

"But… I am not your… real… son." Hong Kong started sobbing. "I… I feel bad…"

"Why, da?"

"Because… we have no blood relation…"

"People can be family without blood connection. Like me and Yao. I like you, Hong. Not only because you were a part of Yao, but because you are you. Not many like my pipe, da. And not many people can like me like you guys do."

"I…Ivan… can I really stay?"

"Of course." Russia hugged the sobbing boy. "You are a part of this family. You think too much, Hong. Just be a happy child and me and Yao will be happy. We always want our children to be happy. Don't we, Yao, da?"

"Yes? What did you say, Ivan?" China asked from the kitchen, tilted his head. But when he saw the sobbing Hong Kong, he paled, put off the stove, pulled off his apron and rushed to calm his son. "What happened, aru? Is something wrong? Did father say something bad? That Arthur…!"

"No, No, mom! It wasn't dad! It's just…" Hong Kong tried to stop crying, but looking at his worried mother's face near him made him cried louder. Russia laughed and hugged the boy tighter. "Hush, hush… it's fine, calm down, Hong Kong. It's fine."

"Ivan, what happened?" China looked worriedly at his husband, when suddenly Mongolia screamed. China was shocked for a moment before he put out the baby from his crib. The baby was crying, jostling from his mother's arms and tried to grab something in Ivan and Hong Kong's direction.

China smiled. "Xiang Gang, look. Mongol wants to be with you." China put the small baby inside the crying boy's arm. Hong Kong stopped crying when he saw Mongol. The baby suddenly stopped crying and smiled to him. Mongol reached out his arm to his brother, as if he was trying to calm him down.

"see? He likes you too, da." Russia patted Hong Kong's head. "So don't worry too much."

"What is the matter here, aru?" China asked, placing himself comfortably on top of Russia's calf. Russia smiled, while holding China nearer to his body.

"It's just a proposal from England to take him away to England for attending some boarding school. Hong Kong was just confused."

"Of course Xiang Gang won't go, aru!" China pouted. "That man, Arthur, aru… he always thinks western education is the best…."

"Mom, Ivan, I decide to go."

"Hong Kong?" "Xiang gang?" Both Russia and China was surprised when the boy suddenly said he wanted to go. Hong Kong smiled while playing with Mongolia.

"I will go, and do my best. When I return, I will be the best brother for Mongol. Just you see." He smiled. "This is my love for you."

END

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Thank you for reading till the end.