Disclaimer: I do not own KHR!

Adult (TYL) Tsuna: Want, Need, Love

He always says he wants you with him. He says he wants to stay together. He says he wants you, and only you. And though you are not as strong as his Guardians you believe you can return his love by helping him; even if it meant doing the mundane tasks of cooking, cleaning, and organizing. Or in simply knotting his tie for him.

You helped with his tie every morning, always more than happy to do it. It was a daily routine: wake up, he walks over with a tie in hand and a smile on his face, you happily oblige, knot it neatly, and then share a kiss. Every day, without fail. If on occasion there was no time, he opted to go without a tie.

It is selfish, but you had always believed that in order to be with him, he shouldn't just want you—he should need you as well. How else were you justified in being lovers with a mafia boss? Doing even the smallest tasks meant you were needed and it gave you purpose.

Until the day he woke up much earlier than usual. You knew he didn't want to wake you; it was still dark out. But you wished he had. When you had felt he wasn't in bed with you, you forced your eyes open to search for him and you saw him getting ready as he walked across the room. The first thing you saw clearly was the way he effortlessly and skillfully knotted his own tie. Admittedly, it's a small issue but it devastated you.

Thoughts of He can tie it himself? and How long has he known how to knot a tie? circulated through your mind as you silently watched him finish dressing before he headed out the door. You could tell he was in a rush.

The discovery was a silly thing really but you despaired in knowing he wasn't as helpless as you thought. Despite proving himself time and time again, he had been Dame-Tsuna in most things. That's why you loved taking care of him and feeling needed by him. You thought, or hoped rather, he would remain endearingly hopeless forever. True, it was awful for wanting him to continue being helpless and rely on you, but you were terrified at the possibility that he wouldn't want you when he realized he didn't need you.

When had he grown completely independent? Until now, for years he had been Dame-Tsuna who was socially awkward and physically inept but you wondered if it was all a guise. Was it all for appearances?

Is his affection toward you a sham as well?

You remember wondering if Tsuna had forgotten giving you a goodbye kiss or maybe had kissed you while you slept, before you awoke. The doubts start to make your eyes swell with tears so you force them away.

Today is another day after all.

You look at him as he finishes buttoning up his dress shirt. His eyes flick to you as he picks up his tie. You don't look him in the eye as he hands you the silk fabric but you smile as you slide the tie around his neck.

You knot the silk slowly and just as you begin to tighten it, he asks softly, "_(Name)_, is something wrong?" You look into his concern-filled eyes and stare wordlessly for a moment. Slightly resenting his intuition, you decide it is no use in insisting nothing is wrong.

"It's just that…" you hesitate before continuing, "you don't really need me to tie this for you, right?" You flush upon realizing how trivial the issue is and you feel pathetic. But you smooth the silk down as you ask, "Why didn't you tell me you knew how to tie it?"

"I didn't mean to hide it from you," he replies with a reassuring smile. "I knew how much you liked doing it for me so I never said anything."

You nod, realizing he was just being considerate and your belief that he needed you was all in your head. He already had so many assistants and the girls always took turns cleaning and cooking. There was not much you could do to prove yourself. "Please tell me you still need me."

"What?"

"If you tell me you don't need me, I think I'll die," you say a little too seriously as tears flow freely from your eyes. "You'll leave me behind right? Or throw me away? I don't want that," you say between sobs. "Even though I love you…please tell me now so I can leave before you do."

Tsuna panics as you cry but the instant you say you will leave he envelops you in a desperate hug. He doesn't want to hear you say any more. "I need you! Of course, I need you!" he insists with a raised voice, desperate for you to understand his words. "I need you to stay with me…I need you here! I need you…" He squeezes tighter and presses his face against your hair. "I need you, but not just in the way you think—not in the way you serve me. That's not it at all. If you're not here I wouldn't know what to do with myself. But knowing you're here, I feel like I can keep going and I can do anything."

You try to sneak a glance at him but he continues to firmly lock you in place. Deciding to relax in his embrace you suddenly feel that he is small, weak, and vulnerable. It is an ironic contrast to his now towering figure. An overwhelming amount of guilt plagues you.

He continues, though his words are shaky and his voice is cracking as if he would breakdown at any time. "I feel better about myself and I feel like I'm not such a failure. Your love and acceptance doesn't make me feel so pathetic. Because when you're with me, when you love me, I love myself too. I'm able to accept myself: flaws and all. So stay with me…please. Please stay."

Deciding you've heard enough, you muster enough strength to pull away and look into his eyes. A new wave of guilt sweeps over you when you see his harrowed expression, and eyes glazed with uncertainty and desperation. And you brought him to this state. Instantly your arms circle around him in a tight hold. "I'll stay. I'm sorry and I promise I won't ever say those things again."

"I do need you," he affirms, letting out an unsteady breath as he returns your hug. "I need you."

"I know," you reply quietly, on the brink of tears once again. "I know."

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For akira45 I changed a few things, added some words and phrases but it's the same. I sincerely hope this end result was worth the wait :)

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I can't promise this will be the last time I'll write a self-deprecating character. I'm sorry.

I really hope that I successfully implied the feeling of love despite never having him say it. Can we assume he already says he loves you often?

The idea for this sprouted from a theory that Tsuna has a very hard time accepting and loving himself because he's so used to being looked down on and made fun of. Even though he handled those criticisms well as a teenager, I imagine it would plague him and distort into quite the heavy burden as an adult as his struggles intensify.

*I feel like I've touched on a controversial or sensitive topic by writing Tsuna to be in such a heavily dependent relationship. And I'm not trying to preach, I just wish to clarify… Similarly most of us battle these insecurities of not being good enough to the point of hating oneself, so I thought I would further give my input here which you are free to disagree with and disregard. It's just that I feel I may have given the wrong message here, despite this being a work of fiction.

**Obviously it will be different for everyone but just know that the gaining of self-love and self-acceptance should not only come from finding a significant other. You don't need to rely on someone else's love so that you can love yourself, but if that's how life is and you do gain a self-love from the significant other (ex. by becoming a better person with/around them), rejoice, it's not a bad thing. For others, it may just take time and understanding to learn to love and accept oneself.

(Don't let my opinion stop you from enjoying the rest of the series!)