Dear Diary,

God hates me. I swear it… actually, no. I don't. God doesn't exist. He can't. There is no way he could exist after what I've been through. There is no way that I did something so horrible at the age of nine that could have possibly caused a punishment of this magnitude for so many years. There is no way that I have caused someone the pain that I have felt.

How unlucky does a guy have to get to be beaten and abused practically his entire life? My brother went psycho and killed my parents and raped me; every carer I had seemed to find it immensely entertaining to dress me up in girls clothes or sex outfits or invite their friends round to torture and humiliate me all night long, in my new school, I am immediately thought of as a target and the gayest bullies of the school decide to ruin my life even more and want to fuck me, but they have to break up me and my boyfriend first don't they.

The first friend that I've ever had, the first person I am able to trust after what my brother did. I thought my life was turning around. He was my gentle lover. But of course, let's not forget Murphy's Law – if something can go wrong, it will go wrong. And so, due to the plotting and careful planning of those damn queers, he turned against me and hurt me with the rest of them.

Even as I am writing this and the memories are flashing through my mind, forcing me to remember everything, I'm wondering, why haven't I killed myself yet? Why haven't they killed me? But then I remember; that some of them nearly did kill me, but I was 'saved' and I tried to kill myself many times – I have the scars to prove it – but I was always 'saved'.

So there is no way that God could exist, Diary. Because if he did, and he loved all his children like he says, then he would have let me die by now.

But no. I'm still here. Still able to write to you. And tomorrow I will be back again, having 'survived' another day of pain. Another round of torture. Of being used like a toy to pass around.

Another day of being abused.

Sasuke.

Slightly edited from the first time I wrote it... did you even notice a difference? nah didn't think so, but oh well...

Do you want more?

Are you craving it?

I started writing this story ages ago and I said that I would post the prologue when I think of it but I just never get a chance to type this up.

As I am writing this, I am in the process of writing chapter 9 on paper although by the time I actually copy all this up on the computer I will probably be writing up the final chapters on the computer. I look forward to your comments and reviews and hope I haven't wasted my time writing this fic :P

Reviews are love.

m. kai .m

see my profile for my email address :)