How Would You Know?

Title: How Would You Know? Fandom: Lord of the Rings (movie) Genre: Humor
Word Count: 1,439
Rating: G
Pairings: None
Warnings: None
Summary: Did you ever wonder how Gimli was able to identify that the substance on the leaves in Fangorn Forest was Orc blood in the Two Towers? This is what my dad, my brother, and I came up with.

Gimli stuck his gloved finger into the dark liquid splashed over the leaves of a bush. He put his finger to his lips and licked the unknown substance. "Orc blood," he announced and spat on the ground.

Aragorn nodded and searched the ground for tracks to follow.

Legolas looked at the dwarf with a puzzled expression. "How could you possibly know that, Gimli?" he asked.

"Well…" Gimli began, but did not continue. His mind drifted back to a memory of long ago.

Gimli, a mere adolescent, walked through one of the many tunnels which made up the Mines of Moria. The sound of laughter drifted out from one of the passages to his left. He followed it, knowing it was his friends, Carrig, Halvor, and Artek.

As Gimli entered the large room where his three friends were huddled, Halvor, who was the unofficial leader of their group, looked up. "Ah, Gimli! Come on over here!" he called.

Once Gimli was close enough that shouting was no longer required to talk with each other, Artek handed him an old pipe filled with dried leaves. "Smoke some of that, my friend!" he instructed as he patted a small barrel packed with the weed. As Gimli followed the other dwarf's instructions, Halvor, spoke up once again.

"It's really good. We stole it from some hobbits!"

"It's the best in all Hobbit-land!" squealed the youngest of the group, Carrig. He had apparently forgotten that hobbits lived the Shire, not "Hobbit-land".

"Don't be an idiot, Carrig. It's called Hobbit-ville," Artek ridiculed in a know-it-all tone. Obviously he had forgotten as well.

Gimli had never seen a hobbit before so he was a little disappointed that he had not gotten to take part in that adventure. But the weed was indeed good and he puffed contentedly at the pipe. "What are you all doing?" he asked.

"Playing truth or dare," answered Halvor ominously. He and Artek turned their attention to Carrig. "So what's it going to be, truth or dare?" he questioned.

Carrig gulped. "Um, truth," the young dwarf replied, sounding unsure.

Halvor and Artek huddled close together to discuss what horrible truth they wanted to learn from young Carrig. After a minute they came to a decision. In unison they turned and looked at the unfortunate dwarf.

"Carrig, have you ever fallen for a dwarf women, only to find she was a man?" Halvor asked dramatically.

It actually was not as uncommon as it sounded, Gimli knew; dwarf women looked and sounded so much like men, it was easy to mistake one for the other. That did not make it any less embarrassing, however.

Poor Carrig was starting to sweat. He looked from Halvor to Artek, a panicked expression on his face. The two older dwarfs gazed back at him, an evil sort of expectant gleam in their eyes.

"Yes!" Carrig cried, finally giving in to the inevitable. He hung his head in shame. Halvor and Artek exploded with laughter. Gimli joined them, though only half-heartedly. He remembered the time he had made the same mistake, the dwarf and seemed like such a nice woman…

Gimli was snapped back from his memory as he realized that Halvor was talking to him. "So Gimli, truth or dare?"

Hesitating, Gimli looked over at Carrig. The young dwarf appeared to be trying to meld himself with the wall. Knowing he did not want to face the humiliation of truth, Gimli announced, "I choose dare." He was surprised that his voice was strong, he did not at all feel confident or brave at the moment.

Halvor motioned for Carrig to join him and Artek in a close huddle. They whispered to each other, occasionally glancing over at Gimli, who was puffing nervously at the pipe, waiting for his fate.

Five minutes passed and with every second Gimli became more anxious. Finally, the three conspirators nodded at some whispered decision. They turned to him, Artek and Carrig grinning sadistically. Halvor's face was grim, but a devious light shown in his eyes.

"Gimli, we dare you," he began, pausing for dramatic effect. To Gimli, it seemed like the walls of the vast room were closing in on him. "We dare you," Halvor repeated, pausing once more, "to lick an Orc."

"What?" Gimli asked in horror.

"You heard us!" Artek yelled.

"You have to lick an Orc!" Carrig piped in excitedly.

"But, but, but I could be killed!" protested a now panicking Gimli.

"Then you should be careful that you're not," replied Halvor sarcastically.

"I won't do it!" announced Gimili, white faced.

"You have to, you have to!" chanted Carrig, who now seemed to have recovered from his humiliation.

"Why don't you go sweet-talk a pretty man?" Gimli growled at him. Carrig gave him a dark look.

"Come now Gimli, Carrig is right, you have to do the dare, it's in the rules," explained Halvor reasonably. Gimli shook his head defiantly.

"You have to or… or… or no more hobbit-weed for you!" exclaimed Artek, hugging the unmarked-barrel possessively. Halvor and Carrig nodded their agreement.

Gimli looked from one face to the next, all were determined, all seemed to be enjoying his discomfort. He let out a sigh, giving in to the inevitable. After all, he had no choice if he still wanted to be in the group, and smoke more of the hobbit-weed. His friends grinned sadistically.

Hours later, Gimli was crawling on his stomach through one of the narrow, natural tunnels that led to the caverns in Moria where Orcs and Goblins still existed. With every inch he moved forward he came up with a new string of curses to call his so-called-friends. Halvor, Artek, and Carrig had followed him to the small cave where the natural tunnels started, just to make sure he fulfilled his dare. He could still smell the smoke from their shared pipe.

"They've been smoking too much of that hobbit-weed," he mumbled to himself.

Finally, the narrow passage opened up into a small cavern where he was able to stand up straight. To the left and right, more entrances to tunnels marked the walls. Straight ahead the cavern floor rose at a sharp incline to the ceiling. Gimli walked towards it, he knew at the top was a hole big enough to stick his head through where he could look into the Orcs' cave; this was not the first time he had been to the untamed side of Moria. He hoped to get a glimpse of an Orc near one of the natural passages that led from this cavern to the larger one.

It was difficult to climb up the steep side of the cave, but Gimli finally made it. He slowly stuck his head through, only to pull it back quickly. Standing right above the small hole was an Orc.

Gimli's heart was racing. Just my luck! he grumbled to himself, I can't even look around the blasted cave. Then he realized, it was luck, the good kind too. There was an Orc standing right in his reach! He did not have to enter that dangerous cavern after all!

That still left the matter of licking the Orc, something he dreaded. He wondered if he could get away with not doing it, but he knew that Halvor would know, he seemed to know everything. There was no way out of it; he had to complete the dare.

Again he pushed his head up through the hole. The Orc was still there, its right leg inches away from Gimli's face. Grimacing, the dwarf moved his head closer to the Orc's leg. He could already smell the creature's stink. Hesitating, he wondered once more if he really had to do this. Resolved, he stuck his tongue out and closed his eyes.

He licked the Orc's leg.

The creature jumped straight into the air with a pig-like squeal of surprise, drawing its jagged blade, but Gimli was already gone. As soon as he had tasted the foulness of the Orc, he had lost his footing and tumbled down to the bottom of the cavern. There he lay, spitting and gagging. The Orc heard him and pressed its face through the hole, making confused grunting noises.

After a long while Gimli settled down. He still could not get that horrid taste out of his mouth though. Slowly he began dragging himself back down the tunnel towards the Mines.

Legolas was looking expectantly at the dwarf. Gimli shook himself, dispelling the unpleasant memory from all those years ago.

"That's a rather long story, perhaps another time, lad," Gimli said, fully intending on never, ever telling the Elf.

Ridiculous wasn't it? It was supposed to be.

I know it doesn't exactly address the question of how Gimli knows what Orc blood tastes like, but if you mix what Orc tastes like with what blood tastes like, you get what Orc blood tastes like!

This is my first ever Lord of the Rings fanfic. It's totally based on the movies, I have never read the books. I plan to soon, but that's beside the point. Let me just repeat this because some people aren't listening (no not you G.A. Clive, my friend) I haven't read the books, that's why this story is catagorized under "movie"!

Thanks to G.A. Clive and figliedellatempesta for pointing out that I spelled Orc "Ork" at first, I fixed that. Let me know if I missed one.

Gimli might seem a little OOC (Out Of Character), but then again he might have been one of those adolescence, the ones how do anything to fit in. Who knows

This is a school assignment, but I don't need to turn it in until January, so if there's any grammar mistakes please let me know.

So I hope you liked it and I'd love to hear you feedback.

Thanks so much for reading!

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or any of its characters.