Great, ff. net has again had a mood swing and the separation lines of X have gone missing from my fics. And before that, the horizontal lines went missing (because of which I switched over to the X system). *rolls eyes* What the heck are they doing? With every "update" this site gets even more annoying quirks.

Hm, the interest in this fic has fallen almost by half. How come?

Thanks to my lovely reviewers Bglswrth454, carolfd, Rittanicus, Michelle UK, anon (hey, you're back, long time no see! Nice to see you again!) and Lynnp (my oldest - not by age, lol - and most faithful supporter, without whom I would've given up writing years ago - thank you for still sticking with me Lynn!) and a much huger thanks to my lovely fiancee Eva, for bringing light to my life when I was starting to think it would stay dark forever.

Wonder if this new system will show...

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He'd had no idea how right he'd been. As he'd said, a long night, yet in a completely different way than he'd expected.

By 0400, which was the third time they'd been dragged out of dead-sleep by cries, even Jen's enthusiasm and wonder had been tempered in the face of sheer exhaustion. With having had no prior experience with children, nor having had 9 months to acclimate to crazy sleeping schedules, they had been ill prepared to deal with a constantly crying, sleepless, tireless newborn.

There had been no awkward decision about what to do regarding sleeping arrangements since the couch was too small for Harm and big enough for Jen and Harm's back had been making itself known. As it was, Harm barely fit on the bed, even with lying diagonally across it. Not that either of them was doing much quality sleeping, not with a week-old baby being thrust into yet another new situation, new people, new place. To put it plainly, the only time the little boy slept was when he exhausted himself into a fitful slumber with his constant crying, only to awaken again all too soon.

Needless to say, Harm and Jen were experiencing another side of parenthood, one not so well-publicized, much less cute.

Privately Harm wondered why anyone sane would want to inflict such a thing as parenthood on themselves.

Putting their luggage into their rental car Harm turned around to notice Jen still at the curb, looking in the direction the NCIS had disappeared in, only 10 minutes ago.

She stood mere 10 feet away, but was giving off such a lonely, miserable vibe as if she was standing on a deserted island, thousands of miles from the nearest human, facing certain extinction, only after a lonely, miserable life.

Closing the boot Harm sighed and leaned against the car for a moment, hanging his head and closing his eyes.

He hadn't had even an inkling this would be so hard on her, not having expected her to bond so quickly with the baby they'd known for only a few hours before it had left their lives for good again.

Sure, he'd always known she had a soft spot for children, but he'd hoped, quite naively he admitted to himself, that these few hours they'd been meant to take care of the child wouldn't be enough for her to get attached so much she'd feel the loss when she had to give it back.

He didn't know how to help Jen, how to get her out of her funk, but he had to at least try. Knowing they still had plenty of time he joined her on the curb, steeling himself up.

Coming to a halt a step behind her he lowered his large hand on her slim shoulder, squeezing it gently, silent in support, the same kind Jen had always so generously, freely, unquestioningly given him without him even having to ask for it.

It was a few minutes before she spoke, sad eyes looking down at the ground "We cared for him for less than a day, but already I feel as if something is missing from me."

Harm searched feverishly for the right thing to say.

"It's okay to feel that way, but we had to give him back, Jen, he's got parents who've been missing him."

Large, dark eyes were suddenly directed at Harm "I know and I was ready for that so I tried not to get too attached, but... my arms feel somehow... empty. You know what I mean?" she shook her head, exasperated at not knowing how to put it, since she didn't even know what she was feeling, herself.

Aaahhhh. So it wasn't about missing that specific baby, but missing a baby.

"Women and your ticking clocks." Harm chuckled in gentle amusement, shaking his head. He didn't dwell much on the fact that he didn't feel any pain at the what-could've-been with another woman who had talked to him about blaring biological clocks, that possibility had been killed long ago, even before Paraguay "You want one." it wasn't a question.

"Yeah." Jen sighed wistfully, folding her arms to her chest, not liking how empty they felt "It's strange. They're so much work, such a large investment of... everything, time, money, energy, love,... and really not much return in the first few months, but... but..." gesturing with her arms helplessly, unable to explain, Jen finally gave up and sighed in defeat.

"It somehow makes it worth while?" supplied Harm.

"Yeah." she nodded, happy he understood what she was trying to say "They smell badly, they're noisy, they spit and throw up on you, they don't let you sleep, all they do is scream, fill their diapers, eat and sleep in that order of importance, you can't go anywhere without dragging a whole trunk-load of stuff with you, you don't have any freedom anymore, they're extremely expensive, take up all the attention and energy but give nothing back, but somehow, in some strange way, they're worth it."

"It's called 'parental love', Jen." Harm mused "Or 'parental instinct'. Both, either, I don't know. But the thing is this is nature's way of insuring the survival of the species because otherwise it's doubtful any baby would've survived infancy."

Jen sighed, her exhaustion preventing her from being amused at Harm's joke. The theory wasn't something one could share with anyone but someone very emotionally close, since it was very politically incorrect. Yet, the fact that she was the one Harm had shared it with filled Jen with warmth because it spoke of their closeness, the strength of their friendship and their emotional closeness. She was relieved she wasn't the only one in this friendship feeling as if they could confide everything in the other.

"Thank you, Harm." she whispered into the wind, leaning gently back against his solid build.

He didn't have to ask what she was thanking him for, because he was sure it was what he was thankful her for, every day of his life, for friendship, unconditional support, trust, belief, everything another person can give you that allows you to soar to the skies and feel the safety of solid ground underneath your feet at the same time.

Harm squeezed her shoulder gently, smiling down at her, coming to a decision he now acknowledged he should've come to a long time ago, back when he'd first noticed the young woman's crush for him had deepened and evolved into something more solid, true.

"Then, when we get back to the HQ, I think we should have a talk with the Admiral." he said softly, looking down at her.

Her blinding smile was all the answer he needed.

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