A/N: The title of this crackfic is obviously taken from a song (PS/Disclaimer: I do not own that song whatsoever). I guess one could say that I was 'inspired' by the song to write this ridiculous story, and I figured that since L's birthday was just a couple days ago, it would be perfect to use the song's title & connect it to that oh-so-special day. This entire thing isn't planned to be long. Just one or two chapters after this one. Like I mentioned, it's a crackfic. Hmm, and oh yeah. L x Light. Hence the rating, folks.
Enjoy~
Birthday Sex
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Chapter I: Birthday
It wasn't every day that an obnoxious, vulgar American hip-hop tune decided to blare from the speakers of the head detective's laptop computer; actually, this sort of thing had never happened before, and the episode was quite random. The brunette counterpart flinched in his seat at the startling sound, his violent twitch almost sending his usual morning cup of hot tea spilling onto his dark sweater and just-ironed khaki pants. Biting back a curse, he played off the embarrassing reaction by clearing his throat, running a hand through his hair and forcing himself to suppress the groan of exasperation. The delicate cup of tea lowered beside his personal laptop computer, as his red-brown stare cast a rather pissed off glare in the older male's direction and the stupid song continued blaring.
It was too early for this.
They were the only ones on this floor; for a moment, he feared the others conducting meetings upstairs would be able to hear the blaring song. Such a thought spurred his glare to worsen and his finger to twitch as he suddenly wanted to lash out, clutch the laptop and end the song, although he remained composed, on the outside. Inwardly, he was anything but composed. Emotions swirled within him amid utter turmoil. There was so much stress weighing down on his shoulders, various worries and contemplations about the case and his clandestine alias as Kira. With a subtle shake of his head, he forced the vexing considerations to escape him. His callous stare prolonged on the man hunched in his seat, until the song's lyrics finally registered somewhere within his head.
He flushed.
What was this song?!
Something about switching positions on a waterbed and getting ready for action, waking up in the middle of the night beside one another, hitting that spot and grinding in passion, kissing, improvising between your legs; his heart started to quicken at the chorus, those overly-repeated words: "birthday sex."
He choked, though the detective pretended not to hear him. Light sat frozen, unable to even stammer the slightest sound. He felt so embarrassed, so unnerved in such an awkward situation, such an uncomfortable position to be trapped in. What was he to do? He wasn't about to sit here and act as though he did not hear the obnoxious song; no, he couldn't. The words kept bombarding him, impacting his mind like persistent projectiles, to the extent where the urge to cover his ears irked him, where he wanted to pour his cup of tea onto the detective's laptop. He couldn't understand: Just what the hell was this?
Birthday sex?
The words repeated over again, echoed in his head.
What was the meaning of this?
What day was it?
He thought.
Halloween…
L's birthday.
Well, that explained the birthday part, but the "sex?"
What?!
Light felt his lips shudder agape as the song's risqué, monotonous chorus returned for the second time, and he flicked his eyes in the older male's direction, the flush on his cheeks making him seem more like a humiliated young man than an infuriated counterpart. His blushing diminished the effect of his cold glare, and his hands curled, the chain connecting their wrists rattling as he gave it a violent yank. "Ryuzaki-san, would you please - "
"Is there something wrong, Light-kun?" the impassive murmur. "You're flustered."
The brunette stammered. "Yes. Would you care to explain - "
"It's my birthday."
A pause. "…I understand that, but -"
His black eyes shifted from the screen of his laptop computer and he cast an unwavering stare over his counterpart; at last, the song had ended. His thumb prodded at his bottom lip as he uttered a soft demand. "I would like whatever I desire. Whatever I want." He stared at the brunette, remaining wordless for ensuing moments of silence. Without warning, his hunched form made a dramatic lean forward as he sought to better look into the younger male's eyes, as his own unnerving stare seemed to widen. Absentminded, Light held his breath as a small sound escaped him, and his mouth twisted into a frown.
"Realize there will be no cost on your part, Light-kun. Nothing, besides some of your time."
Light let his eyes squint in suspicion.
What was this?
He was so childish.
It was exasperating.
A newfound sense of agitation refused to let his heart calm. He didn't like the way the detective's words sounded. They were so impassive and deceptive in that monotone voice of his. It unnerved him, how misleading he was behaving, how he chose to use such an ambiguous choice of words to foreshadow a little, unknown scheme, to attempt to persuade him into abiding with this vague contract.
Well, the attempt worked.
Light decided to not decline.
What was the worst that could happen at a mere birthday get-together?
Seriously.
He couldn't allow himself to become so paranoid.
His head made a gracious bow as he nodded. "Fine, Ryuzaki-san."
The smile that formed on the detective's mouth almost spurred Light to change his mind, a supposed hint of glee that seemed to cause his black stare to glimmer in some twisted emotion of delight, the way he gawked at his counterpart with such awkward pleasure; it was almost perverted, how blissful he was. His expression persisted as he arose from his chair and moved one of his pale hands into one of his pockets, his second hand making a gentle clutch around the brunette's arm. He pulled him to his feet, and gave their bonding link of chain a tug.
"Join me upstairs for cake," the command, almost a purr. "…The rest is a surprise."
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L'Adore.