ElleCC and I wrote this what feels like 18 years ago for the NaughtyHeels Anonymous "I Love 80's Music" One-Shot Contest. Thanks much to Heelstominivan and the NaughtySparkle ladies for hosting the contest. It was a great idea for a contest and we had a blast writing this. Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, and voted for us over there :)

Thanks to Legna for being the best beta a couple of girls could ask for. At least we saved her some work by collabing :)

SM owns the characters (except for Gil) and Bon Jovi owns the storyline and lyrics.

Name of Song and Artist of Inspiration Song: "Livin' on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi (lyrics at the end)

If I thought about it too hard or for too long, I could no longer remember how we'd gotten to this place.

Really, it didn't even matter. We were here and there wasn't much we could do to change it. Not right now, at least.

I sighed and stared out at the choppy ocean, glad for today's gray sky and heavy air. It wouldn't have been right for the sun to be shining - not when I felt as if I was about to abandon part of myself. But was it really abandoning if it was for a greater good?

Because it was for a greater good. The greatest good I could imagine. It was for her. It was always for her.

My fingers slid easily over the strings as my mind wandered elsewhere, thinking back to days that had been easier and happier and sunnier. Days when we laughed more and our biggest concern was whether we wanted to go out for Chinese or Italian.

Loud voices startled me out of my daydreams; an afternoon work crew was congregating a way down the dock. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and tilted it in the light to read the scratched display, surprised it was already so late. It had been two hours that I'd been sitting out here, just thinking and playing and, in general, being lost inside my head. I would have to rush to get things done before she finished her shift.

Her.

Bella.

I couldn't think about her too much now or I'd never be able to go through with this. I could already picture the disappointment that would pull at her face and how she would try, and fail, to hide it from me. But that was my girl, always trying to shoulder our burdens. I couldn't do anything but love her for it and it killed me to think I would have to add to that little bit of sadness that always lingered in her eyes these days.

I picked up my padded guitar case and stored my guitar. After the glossy black disappeared behind the zipper, I sat for another few minutes and watched two gulls circle above the water. The pattern of their flight was soothing, but it didn't help the heaviness in my chest. With a last glance around, I slung the case over my shoulder and started walking toward the street. The 3:50 bus had just passed, but if I walked two blocks over, I could pick up another one going in the same direction. The route wasn't perfect, but it would get me where I needed to go.

The bus was crowded even though it was still an hour before quitting time, and I stood and grabbed one of the handles when an older woman laden with grocery bags boarded.

The seven-minute ride seemed to take fifteen seconds and I nearly didn't get off the bus when it came to my stop. But I did, and stood staring at the storefront for five minutes before I could bring myself to walk inside.

While Bella was at work, I spent a lot of time at the little library down the street from our apartment. During the past couple of weeks, I'd researched pawnshops in the area and had been lucky to find a reputable one on our side of town. Online comments said the owner, Gil, was always fair and the items he took in were stored with care.

Even after reading all of that, I was still surprised when I walked into the shop and found it was well lit and clean. Glass cases lined the walls with more free-standing in the middle of the shop. It was far from what I'd expected, although my expectations were based pretty much on what I'd seen on television.

A big guy, who I guessed was Gil, was sitting behind a case at the far side of the shop. I didn't linger looking at all of the items on display, as I knew Bella would have. She would have oohed and aahed and made up a little story about each thing. But there was a purpose behind my visit and I had to get it over with at soon as possible, or I knew I'd change my mind.

Gil looked up as I approached and I could tell he was trying to figure me out. I laid my guitar case on the counter in front of him.

"I would like to pawn this."

He looked at the case and nodded. "All right. Show me what you've got."

I unzipped it and flipped the lid open. The black lacquer shone under the fluorescents; I was proud of how well-cared for she was despite her age.

He reached for her but halted. "May I?"

"Sure." She was all but his now, anyway.

He lifted her from the case and I was quietly relieved to see that he was treating her carefully. He turned her over and plucked a couple of chords.

"Case, too?"

I nodded.

"Son, this is a pretty nice piece of equipment. Gibson J-200, if I'm not wrong? Fine condition, played but obviously well-maintained."

"Yes, sir." He didn't look even as old as my dad, but in the face of being called "son," my upbringing brought "sir" to my lips naturally.

"You must have a pretty serious need if you're willing to part with this."

Was this how it always worked – weren't they just supposed to stick with the financial and stay out of the personal? I probably would have taken offense to his questions or at least been irritated, but there was something unassuming about him and I found myself responding.

"Yes, sir. I have a pretty girl at home who's counting on me." I spun the inexpensive ring on my left hand, a nearly subconscious habit I still had after six years of wearing it.

"And she's okay with this?"

His perception was surprising although I imagined he dealt with many cases like mine. Guilt flared through me as I imagined what Bella would say when she found out I'd been here.

"Uh, no, sir. Probably not. But we need it and she'll understand."

He looked at me for a moment. "So, what are you thinking you'd like for it?"

I knew from research what the guitar was worth and that I'd never get anywhere near that amount. Hopefully, he'd at least be fair. I tried to keep from fidgeting and showing how unsure I was about this process. It was hard to exude confidence when all I wanted to do was grab the case from the counter and bolt. Even though I knew that being here would have killed her, I wished Bella were with me. She'd always been good at helping me relax in tense situations. I imagined her hand gripping mine and that helped shore up my confidence.

"$900?" That would be enough for a month's rent plus groceries. Maybe we could even stop and have dinner at Carmen's, a little Italian place on the way home from the diner.

To my surprise, he agreed immediately and pulled out some paperwork. I filled out a simple information sheet while he photocopied my license and then explained to me how it worked. He told me to hang on to the ticket and that I'd have sixty days to come back for the guitar. I immediately shoved that idea far, far into the back of my brain. By choosing to do this, I was voluntarily giving up this part of my life. There would be no returning. This money was already as good as spent and we certainly wouldn't be coming across anything else like it anytime soon.

He counted out the cash for me, twice, and then put it in a small envelope. Just before he handed it to me, he paused. "You sure about this, Jasper?"

I quickly looked away from him and took a deep breath. "Yes, I'm sure."

He handed the envelope to me and we shook hands. I knew the exchange would be tough, emotionally, but I hadn't expected Gil to be so... sympathetic. I hoped he could sense my appreciation.

As I walked out of the shop, I kept my eyes on the door, not wanting to see the little bits of other people's souls that were on display for anyone to buy.

I leaned against the front of the building for a minute, enjoying the refreshing light breeze, letting the sadness engulf me as I let go of something that had been an important part of me for not much longer than I'd had Bella.

It hurt even more when I thought about how my grandfather would have been disappointed. He had always encouraged my sister and me to be creative. He taught us that someone who could paint pictures with notes, ink, or paint would carry happiness with him wherever he went. I hoped that wherever he was, he'd understand my reasons. He'd always loved my grandmother so much... I had to believe he would get why'd I'd done it.

. . .

I caught the next bus and made it to the diner a few minutes before the end of Bella's shift. She was nowhere in sight when I walked in so I seated myself at an empty seat at the counter.

Kate, another one of the waitresses, noticed me and slid a cup of black coffee down to me with a wink. "She'll be right out, Jasper. Garrett has her grabbing some stuff from the back."

Someone had abandoned a half-completed crossword puzzle on the counter and I filled in a couple of answers while I waited. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of heading to Carmen's if Bella wasn't too tired. She'd been lucky today and only had an eight-hour shift. I hated the days she worked twelve hours, but Garrett was good to her and she never complained, so I tried not to bitch about it. Who was I to complain about her work schedule, anyway?

A few minutes later, she came through the door carrying a big cardboard box. I automatically hopped up to help, but when she scrunched her nose at me, I sat back down and rolled my eyes.

"Hey, handsome." She dropped the box unceremoniously behind the counter.

"Hey, beautiful." I grinned and leaned toward her; our lips met somewhere in the middle over the pale blue laminate. I let the kiss linger for as long as she'd allow in front of her coworkers. She pulled back and the light flush in her cheeks made me wish we weren't in public, and made the nine hours since I'd seen her feel like nineteen.

The cash was burning a hole in my pocket and my anticipation of her reaction was making me anxious. I knew she'd be happy to not have to worry about the rent for a month, but would be disappointed by where it had come from. Hopefully, the happiness would outweigh the disappointment. I wanted to give it to her and just get it over with but figured it would be better to wait until her shift was over.

"Your day been okay?"

She smiled and nodded as she unpacked bundles of napkins from the box. "Yeah, it's been fine. Pretty light for a Wednesday until about an hour ago." She walked to the other end of the counter and filled a dispenser. When she turned back toward me, she was biting her lip.

"What's up, baby girl?"

"Irina isn't here yet and I told Garrett I would stay until she showed." She looked nervous. Even if I never told her how much I wished she didn't have to work long hours, she probably knew I didn't like it.

If she had to stay much later, she would definitely be too tired to go out for dinner, but I hid my disappointment.

"Of course, that's fine." I forced a smile that became more genuine when her face lit with relief. An uncountable number of times in the past ten years, I had wondered how I'd been so lucky to find someone like her; I wasn't sure if I'd ever felt that as strongly as I did right then.

I polished off the crossword puzzle and a small piece of peach pie while Bella hurried around, tending to the customers. Garrett spent some time telling me about some job opportunities he'd heard about in the area. He and Bella had just started to get really worried when Irina finally barreled in about an hour late for her shift. She mumbled something about an irresponsible boyfriend and headed for the back room. Bella mouthed "two minutes" to me as she followed Irina.

Bella finally reappeared holding her sweater, purse, and a mug of tea. "Do you mind if I sit for a few minutes before we go? My feet...." She rotated one of her ankles and made a face.

I patted the stool next to me and she hopped up. I swiveled toward her, my legs knocking into hers, and smiled as a relaxed look crossed her face. "Better?"

"Much." She grinned and rolled her eyes back exaggeratedly, although I knew it must have felt good to finally be seated and resting.

"Good." We leaned into each other at the same time and a small giggle escaped her before our lips met in a kiss longer than the one from earlier. I caressed her neck softly, enjoying the feel of the smooth skin under my fingers.

As she pulled back, I dug into my pocket for the envelope. Now was as good a time as any. Even if we didn't stop to eat out, maybe she would want to run by the grocery store for a few things before we went home.

I took the money out of the envelope and placed it on the counter in front of her. My eyes didn't leave her face.

The first expression to grace her features was happy surprise, but when it was quickly followed by confusion and then sadness, my heart fell.

"Jasper, what's this?" she asked quietly. She ran her finger along the edge of the stack of bills.

"I-" She turned her face toward mine before I could get anymore out and I immediately stopped speaking. My voice would crack if I said anything else and there was no way I was fucking crying in front of my girl, not when it looked like her heart had just been ripped from her chest. I stared at her, unable to speak and willing her to understand – afraid she would but more afraid she wouldn't.

"Oh, baby," she murmured, picking up my hand. "Why?" She wrapped her fingers around my much larger ones and squeezed.

I cleared my throat. "It doesn't matter. We need it."

"It does matter." Her eyes were pleading with me. "Baby...." She looked away for a minute, at the money. When she looked back, my stomach tightened in agony. Her expressive brown eyes – truly little windows into her soul – were filled with tears. "You love your guitar. Why would you do that?"

I silently wiped away a single tear that spilled onto her cheek. She grabbed my thumb and drew it down to her lap where she tightly gripped both of my hands.

"We have to pay the rent somehow. I'm not bringing in money any other way…." I shrugged.

She looked down at our clasped hands and I watched as two more tears slid down her face and dropped onto her lap. She raised one shoulder and swiped at her face with her sleeve to clear any others that might have been lingering. My heart broke at my little girl's attempt to shrug it off, but I could tell something bigger was wrong. Lately, she'd been sad more than her fair share, but she usually reserved her crying for when we were home alone. She hated to let anyone but me see her when she was anything but strong.

"Bella, why are you so upset? It's just a guitar." I nudged her knee with mine and she looked back up at me.

"I...." She grimaced and then sighed; I would have laughed at how cute her nose was when she was making faces, but the worried knot in my stomach was growing tighter every second. I was concerned that all of the shit we had to deal with was catching up with her; I didn't how much more she could take. Then she started talking, not quite meeting my eyes as she spoke. "Garrett's brother Eli runs a bar. Garrett told me last week that they're looking for a guitar player for a few times a week. I talked to Eli today and told him how good you are and how much you'd love to do something like that and he arranged an audition for you for next week. A little gig on Tuesday night. You'd get to play solo for an hour or so. He said they usually have a good crowd...." Her voice became smaller and smaller as she spoke and finally trailed off entirely. Another tear tumbled and I could see more trembling, waiting to fall. I quickly released her hands and pulled her into my chest.

I couldn't believe she'd done that. How long had I been waiting for an opportunity like that? She had finally found one and it had come at the worst possible time. I was serious when I pushed that part of me into the past when I walked out of the pawnshop earlier. As appealing as it sounded, I couldn't resurrect it already. I had to move on, grow up, find a real job, so I could support Bella and we could start saving for a family. I'd never be able to make that happen playing guitar a couple times a week… as much as I wanted to.

She was quietly shaking against my chest and I rubbed her back gently as I tried to rein in my own emotions.

"Thank you for doing that for me, baby. I can't tell you how much it means...." She sniffled and I kept rubbing her back. "But having a roof over our heads is more important than any stupid ideas I had."

"But, Jasper...." She pulled back and looked up at me. I could tell where this was going and I had to cut it off fast before she talked me into it.

"No buts. We are more important than any me. If something like that is meant to happen, the opportunity will come up again when we're more stable. Okay?" I wiped gently at the trails of tears on her cheeks.

"But your guitar," she whispered. "You've had it for so long. Your grandpa...."

I shook my head. "It's just a guitar, Bella. All I need is right here with me." I picked up both of her hands and kissed each one, never breaking eye contact as I did so. "Okay?"

She nodded slowly. "Okay." She looked at me sadly for a long moment and then scooped up the money from the counter. "You take it. I wouldn't feel comfortable."

The money was an uncomfortable lump in my pocket; I would go tomorrow to pay our rent. She bussed our dirty dishes before tugging on her lightweight sweater. I loved her little uniform and how it curved over her, but I knew she was self-conscious about wearing it out in public too much.

As we walked toward the bus stop, I decided not to mention my idea about Carmen's. I was afraid that eating out would make her feel even worse about the money and I wasn't willing to hurt my girl any more tonight if I could help it.

I nodded toward a little mom-and-pop store that we passed, tightening my arm around her shoulder. "We need to go in and get anything?"

"No. I'd just like to go home, if you don't mind?" She looked up at me and the tiredness in her eyes was overwhelming.

"Of course." I kissed the top of her head and hoped that someday I'd be able to take away all of the worries that bogged her down.

. . .

I unlocked the door to the apartment and pushed it open for her. She smiled weakly as she stepped past me. I locked up while she tossed her sweater over her chair at our small table.

"We have stuff for sandwiches, if that's okay?" she said.

I nodded and followed her into the kitchen. I went the fridge and pulled out a beer. I held it up to her and she shook her head.

"No, thanks. I'll have a Coke."

I put the beer on the counter and pulled a can of Coke out for her. I stepped away from the fridge and she took my place, grabbing the fixings for the sandwiches.

"Turkey?" she asked, turning to me.

"Turkey sounds good."

I watched as she assembled the sandwiches. Two slices of Wonder bread, turkey, lettuce, tomato, and a neon orange cheese slice.

Bella loved those fancy French cheeses, the smellier the better. Back when I was working, I sometimes used to stop at the gourmet deli on Butler Street to pick her up a whole wheel of Camembert. One of those cost about as much as ten packs of the orange stuff we were having tonight. She'd dig in to it as soon as I got home and I'd never seen anyone make eating a piece of soft, smelly cheese look so good. I loved watching her really enjoy something she was eating, her expression so appreciative. But now that money was as tight as it was, Camembert just wasn't on the menu anymore.

I hadn't realized I was frowning as I watched her. I unintentionally started thinking again, about how we got here – to a point where I couldn't play her music or even get her some damn cheese that wasn't made out of chemicals.

"What's wrong? You want something else instead?" She looked concerned.

I shook my head and walked over to her. I didn't want her to know how much I worried about her, or how her reaction to me pawning the guitar affected me - I didn't need her feeling guilty on top of being upset. "Nope, that sandwich looks good." I kissed her shoulder and then headed for the living room. I sat on the couch and grabbed the paper and the remote.

A few minutes later Bella came in with two plates: two sandwiches and two pickles for me; one of each for her. She joined me on the couch as she handed me mine.

We ate in silence; she watched the news and I read the paper. She liked the bad news told to her, and I liked to read it for myself. Nobody ever talked about anything good, and we ate it up every day.

"That's so sad," she said, after watching a segment about a woman who killed herself and her two babies.

"Why do you watch this stuff?" I asked, setting aside my paper before grabbing her feet off the cushion next to me and pulling them into my lap.

She shrugged. "It's good to know what's happening out there."

"What good has it ever done you to know that stuff?" I asked, kneading the ball of her foot.

Her foot nudged me playfully in the stomach. "You'll think I'm horrible."

"Not a chance."

"Sometimes it actually makes me feel better."

Because there were people out there who had it worse. I hated that she sometimes had to seek proof of that. I squeezed her foot and moved my thumb and forefinger to either side of her Achilles tendon. She threw her head back against the pillow and sighed.

"That's nice."

I smiled and mouthed the words along with her because she always said that when I massaged there.

She lifted her head again and flipped the channels until she came across a rerun of The Golden Girls. She giggled at the television and put down the remote. I patted her legs and she lifted them so I could get up.

"I'm gonna go outside for a bit."

I put our plates in the kitchen sink before grabbing two more beers, and then went out to the small patio in the backyard. It was just large enough for two lawn chairs and a little table. Beyond the uneven patio stones there was a small stretch of patchy crabgrass, fenced in on all sides. Usually, I'd sit out here on nice nights with the guitar and often she'd sit here and listen to me play while reading her magazines.

Tonight, I sat and drank my beer and tried not to think about the look on her pretty little face when I laid out that money on the counter at the diner.

When I'd finished the second beer and had enough of the outdoors, I got up and went back inside. The television was off and the apartment was quiet and dark except for the light in the bathroom.

I slipped into the bedroom. The blinds weren't fully drawn and the room was bathed in a bluish light. Bella was asleep on her stomach, the bed sheet around her waist, her hair covering her face. I walked around to my side of the bed and undressed, tossing my jeans and shirts onto a chair in the corner of the room.

I got into bed slowly and moved close to her. I pushed her hair away from her face and kissed her temple and then her shoulder. Her cool, smooth skin smelled so good that I was tempted to wake her up. But after the day she'd had, I figured she needed her rest.

She was wearing the black slip dress she usually wore to bed and when I ran my hand down her arm and back up, I frowned as I felt the trail of goose bumps there. I pulled the sheet and the blanket up to her shoulders and then turned onto my side.

I fell asleep quickly but not deeply. When I woke up again and glanced at the clock, only an hour and a half had passed since I'd gone to bed. I rolled onto my back and lay awake, staring at the ceiling.

I thought I felt the bed shake a little and then a few minutes later I heard a faint, wet sniffle.

She was crying again.

I turned my head and she was on her side, her back to me. Her shoulders trembled almost imperceptibly and I moved instantly to her. I pulled her against my chest and kissed her head as I slipped my arm underneath her and wrapped it tightly around her.

"Baby," I whispered.

She sniffled again and shook her head. "I'm sorry."

I pushed the wet strands of hair from her face and kissed her moist, salty cheek. This wasn't the first time I'd woken up to find her crying, but it hurt me more this time than it ever had in the past. I had nothing left to give her. I had sold the very last possession that was worth anything and I did it for her, but still I made her cry.

"Beautiful, please don't cry."

"I can't stop," she choked. "It's not fair." I kissed her again and pulled her closer, curling myself around her small body. "Why does it keep getting harder?"

"Maybe this means it'll start getting better soon."

"Your guitar!" she cried, burying her face in her pillow.

"Baby, I don't need it."

It was true. Right now, I didn't need anything else but the girl I had in my arms. I'd sell it a thousand times over if it meant taking caring of her.

She turned around in my arms and buried her face in my chest. "I just wish we could leave, Jasper. I wish we could just leave here in the night and move somewhere else. Maybe we can go somewhere where there's more jobs, like L.A.? You could try to play music and I could get a job at a restaurant and maybe try to be an actress." She looked up at me and smiled a little through her tears. "You know, like every other waitress in L.A."

I grabbed her chin and tilted her head up to kiss her wet cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm not taking care of you right, baby. You shouldn't have to work like you do, and you shouldn't have to worry about shit all the time."

I had more to say but she shook her head and moved up to grab my face. She kissed my lips, my jaw, my chin, and my neck. "No! No, don't ever say that. You take care of me in the only way I need you to. I love you. God, Jasper, I'd live in a cardboard box with you if I had to. I'd live in a cardboard box right now if it was between that and you selling your guitar."

That was my girl. She'd sacrifice everything for me. For us. It was the reason I loved her more than anything or anyone in this whole shitty world; it was the reason I fell in love with her in the first place, back in high school.

I took her tiny face in my hands and swiped my thumbs beneath her eyes. "It's so hard to watch you cry, baby."

"It's not about you, Jasper. It never is. It's just... life."

The only life I could give her.

As if she was able to read my thoughts, she shook her head. "It's about the all stuff neither of us has control over. I just get so tired."

I pushed her shoulders back and rolled over, so that she was on her back and I was partially on top of her. I buried my face in her neck and then moved it to her ear.

"I love you. It'll be okay. I swear, I'll make it okay."

She nodded and closed her eyes. Softly, I began to hum her favorite song. When she smiled, I quietly started to sing

I might not be a savior, and I'll never be a king. I might not send you roses, or buy you diamond rings...

I kissed her temple, her jaw, her earlobe.

But if I could see inside you, maybe I'd know just who we are. 'Cause our love is like a hunger, without it we would starve...

She smiled and sighed and I kissed her forehead and whispered, "Go to sleep, baby."

When her eyes opened again, they held a completely different expression. All the sadness in them seemed to have disappeared.

"I don't want to go to sleep," she whispered, bringing her hand to my cheek.

For a moment, we just stared at each other, and then she ghosted her fingers along my jaw, down my neck, to my chest. I hesitated, knowing she had to wake up early for work, but in the end, I would always give my girl what she needed, especially when I needed it, too.

I slipped one hand beneath her neck and pressed my lips to hers. She opened her mouth against mine and I could taste the spicy cinnamon of her toothpaste. The minute I tasted her, I became ravenous, as if I had been deprived of her for too long. I pushed upwards against her neck to deepen the kiss and she moaned a little, moving one hand around to my back and bringing the other to rest against my abdomen. Her wandering touch, as always, left a trail of fire on my skin in its wake.

I moved my hand from beneath her neck to her shoulder, and there my fingers gently traced the outline of her collarbone. When they came to the strap of her nightgown, I pushed it off her shoulders and down to her elbow. I moved my hand between us to push the other strap down and then nudged the silky fabric covering her chest down to her waist. Reluctantly, I broke the kiss to admire all the newly exposed flesh. Bella's body was perfect – every creamy, soft inch of it. The sight of her still affected me the same way it did the first time I saw her naked and damn near came in my pants, in Peter Bennett's basement in 11th grade.

Her voice pulled me out of the reverie. "Jasper," came her impatient whisper, "touch me."

I obliged, moving my palm over her breasts before cupping one. She let out another quiet moan, followed by a louder, more desperate one when I brought my mouth to her nipple.

She arched her back and I felt her hand moving along my abdomen, searching. I shifted so that I was fully on top of her, and brought my mouth back to hers. The kiss was broken again, this time by my own gasp when I felt her hand grip me roughly over my boxers.

"Baby," I groaned. My hands froze briefly as I tried to adjust to the sensation.

I pushed more of my weight onto my forearms and resumed the kiss as I moved my hips against her hand. When I couldn't take it anymore, I pulled her hand away and pushed it above her head, moving the other to join it right after. I moved to my knees for a moment and she followed, her hands flying to the waistband of my boxers.

"Off," she whispered impatiently, tugging them down.

She got them to mid-thigh and then her mouth was on mine again, one hand wrapped around my dick. My fingers drew lines on her arms, but after a few moments, I gently reached down and wrapped my thumb and forefinger around her wrist, pulling her hand from me.

"You're too good at that, baby," I whispered against her lips as I resumed touching her breasts.

She ignored me and brought her mouth to my earlobe, pulling it gently between her teeth.

I moved my hand between her thighs and slid it upwards until my fingers brushed against damp cotton.

"Jasper." My name slipped from her mouth enveloped in a sigh, her warm breath tickling my neck. I loved the way she said my name when I touched her like this.

I pushed my other hand beneath her slip and tugged her underwear down. She shimmied out of them and then I removed my boxers the rest of the way. I gently nudged her back down onto the bed and she watched as I pulled her slip over her hips and down her legs.

I climbed over her again, keeping one hand between us. For the first time today, I felt right, maybe even good, because this was something she needed that I could always give her.

I lay over her, balancing most of my weight on one elbow. "I love you," I whispered against her ear, as I pushed my index and middle finger into her.

She let out a long sigh, punctuated with a tiny whimper. "I love you, too," she responded, lifting her head up off the pillow, her eyes closed as she blindly searched for my lips.

She was warm and wet and perfect, both in my mouth and around my fingers. I pressed my thumb firmly against her as she moved her hips steadily against my hand. I pulled my mouth from hers so that I could watch her. She threw her head back and bit her lip and I groaned, feeling like I could come just from the sight of her.

She slid her hands slowly up my arms to my shoulders and then clawed her way back down, whimpering and moaning, pleading with me as if she were being tortured.

"Baby, please. Please! Now," she begged, spreading her legs a little wider to accommodate me.

I brought both hands to her face, rubbing my thumbs along her cheeks. I carefully laid my weight over her, groaning as our bodies aligned in all the right places.

I ran my thumb roughly over her lower lip. "Do you need me?" I asked, leaning in close. I knew the answer, but I needed her to say it, needed to hear it out loud.

I gripped the base of her neck, running my thumb over the hollow, while she wrapped one hand around my jaw, her fingernails gently pressing into my skin. "So much. I need you so much."

My mouth was on hers before she finished speaking. I slid the hand on her neck lower, cupping her breast and teasing her nipple with my thumb. I reached down with the other hand and slipped it beneath her knee, running up and down the back of her thigh as I positioned myself against her.

When she whispered my name again, her voice heavy with anticipation, I thrust into her completely and then slowly withdrew myself. She gasped a little but was cut short when again I pushed into her until our hips met. I slid my hand along her thigh, pulling her leg to my hip. She wrapped her legs around my waist and locked them there as we found a natural rhythm.

I leaned down to kiss her, but as I did, she threw her head back and cried out, so I nipped and sucked at her neck instead. She pulled at my hair, which always meant she liked what I was doing. I watched her face for a while as I moved inside her; the sadness in her expression had completely vanished for the time being and the sight of her flushed cheeks and tangled hair only served to increase my own pleasure.

I brought my hands to her face and tugged her chin down so that I could kiss her. I gripped the sides of her face as I kissed her lips, her nose, her cheeks, and her chin. I increased the intensity and speed of my thrusts and soon her hands were on my face as well, as she kissed me and breathed my name.

I smiled against her lips as I pulled a strand of her hair from between our mouths. Again, I pushed her hair away from face and tucked it behind her ear before leaning into it. "Baby...." I whispered. "Fuck, you are so gorgeous."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me repeatedly. "I need to be closer," she pleaded.

As I pulled her bottom lip between my teeth, I moved my hands to her ass and held her against me. I moved to my knees and then sat back against the foot of the bed and squeezed her hips, pushing her down onto my lap. She wrapped her legs tightly around my waist, her arms around my neck, her mouth firmly pressed to my chest. I let out a long groan at the sensation of being so deep inside her.

My fingers dug into her hips as I guided them and she tore her mouth from my chest with a gasp.

"Oh God, Jasper. Oh God...."

I wrapped her hair around my hand and pulled her to me. We tried to kiss but both of us were unable to stifle our moans long enough for our mouths to connect, so instead we simply pressed our foreheads together.

I slid my hands down her clammy back to again wrap them around her small hips, and after a few more moments I felt my climax approaching. I slipped my hand between us to help with her release, and surprisingly, just moments after I began to touch her, she raked her fingers down my chest and I could feel her muscles spasm around me.

"Oh... oh, baby... baby, I'm coming...." She threw her head back and gasped, still clawing at my skin.

I pulled her hips hard against me and, as she wrapped her arms around me again, my own orgasm ripped through me. We sat wrapped around each other for several minutes, at first panting and eventually kissing again. Finally, despite her protests, I lay her back down on the bed and pulled the blankets over her.

"You have to wake up early, beautiful. You're going to be exhausted tomorrow." I kissed her temple and then lay next to her, pulling her against my chest.

"I don't care," she whispered, shimmying as close as she could to me. "I love you, and I love us. I feel so silly for crying, Jasper, when everything is so perfect."

She was right - at least in this moment, everything was perfect, and it was actually difficult to remember why were so troubled earlier this evening. Of course, then my mind drifted back to my guitar and I felt a pang of sadness, but I pushed it back and pulled my girl closer. I turned her head just enough so that I could kiss her. "I love you, too, baby girl. Get some sleep."

She fell asleep quickly, with a peaceful smile on her face. I watched her for a little while before I drifted off as well.

The alarm woke us both at the ungodly hour of 5:45, sweaty and still wrapped up in each other. Bella groaned and whined but just the feeling of her naked body shifting against mine was enough to wake me up.

She made a move to get out of bed but I held her tightly and kissed her neck.

"Jasper!" she squeaked as I wrapped my arms around her hips.

"What?" I asked, smiling. "I'm happy you're awake."

"Baby, I have to get ready for work," she said, although she began to push herself back against me.

As much as I was loathe to let her go, I didn't want to be responsible for making her late to work, so I pulled my arm back and released her.

I tried to argue that showering together would save time, but she locked me out of the bathroom; I ended up making her breakfast while she showered, and then I took my shower while she ate. I was sitting on the couch watching the morning news when she came out of the bedroom, buttoning her uniform; she always dressed after she ate breakfast, just in case she spilled anything in the kitchen. The irony never escaped me.

I jumped up from the couch and eyed the clock. "You're ten minutes early."

She giggled. "Hmm, I guess I have a bit of a spring in my step."

I walked toward her, and kept walking until she was pressed against the wall by the bathroom door. She had just finished doing her top button when I pushed her fingers away and began to undo them all again.

"Jasper, it's only ten minutes," she said, her voice now a little huskier.

I brought my lips to hers and after I kissed her, I knew I had won her over. I pushed the skirt of her uniform up to her hips and hooked my thumbs over the elastic waistband of her underwear.

"I guess ten minutes will have to do then, won't it?" I said with a wink.

. . .

I decided to ride with Bella to work before paying the rent. We were both punch-drunk and giddy after our eventful night and morning, high on each other, and we had a hard time keeping our hands to ourselves on the bus. We finally calmed down enough to realize a public indecency charge would do nothing good for my job search, and chuckled into each other's necks when we saw an older couple glaring at us from across the aisle.

I walked her to the diner, planning to just drop her off since I'd already eaten, but she asked me to hang on for a minute. While I waited outside, a bus passed with an ad for a construction company on the side, and I tapped their number into my phone before I could forget it. At this point, I would try anything.

Bella appeared a minute later, still all smiles. "Here you go, handsome," she said, pushing a paper to-go coffee cup into my hands.

"Thanks, beautiful." I kissed her deeply, my fingers twisting around her ponytail, before raining tiny kisses along her forehead and little nose. "I'll be back at 4:00. Love you."

"Love you. Good luck today." She kissed my fingers before disappearing back into the diner.

My good mood lasted for about an hour and then it seemed like every step I took chipped away at it a bit more. By the time I was standing in front of the library, I just wanted to go home and crawl back into bed. But it wouldn't have been the same without Bella there, so I wandered into the library, like I'd planned.

I sat in front of a computer for almost an hour before I gave up. All I could think about was my damn guitar, the look on Bella's face at the diner, and a whole lot of other things that didn't make me happy. On the walk back to the apartment, I pulled the pawn ticket out of my wallet and carefully studied the details. I allowed myself to daydream for five seconds about going back in to pick it up, and then I shoved both the thought and the ticket away, swearing to myself I wouldn't think about it again.

It became my routine over the next few days: dropping Bella at work, wandering around, studying the pawn ticket. I didn't let myself look at it more than once a day, because it inevitably led to a lost hour as I would just lose myself in thoughts about how nothing was how we dreamed it would be. I knew my mood was rubbing off on Bella and I swore that I'd be over it, once and for all, by the time she had her next day off, on Tuesday. I was already planning to put together a picnic with a little of the extra money from the pawnshop. I wanted to take her down by the water and just enjoy being with her for a day, like we were a regular couple with regular lives. I was even going to surprise her with some Camembert.

But two things happened on Monday that shot my plans to shit. First, when I went for my daily pawn-ticket-examination, it wasn't in my wallet. I had been careful about always tucking it into the same spot, behind my license, but it wasn't there. There was no way I could even begin retracing my steps to look for it. I told myself that it was good, that it didn't matter. I was never planning to go back and get the guitar, so it was for the best. This way, I would stop daydreaming about it, stop wasting time on something that would never – could never – happen. But I was upset about it, regardless.

The second thing was that Bella came home from work Monday night and told me that Garrett's brother had asked if he could borrow a waitress the following day, for a shift at his bar. Because it was her day off and he knew she could use the extra money, Garrett had offered her the opportunity. It was all I could do not to stomp into the bedroom and slam the door like an angry teenager, but I kissed the top of her head and told her I'd rub her feet extra when she got home Tuesday night. Who was I to throw temper tantrums when she was willing to give up her day off, just to bring in extra money for us?

"Baby, will you come pick me up tomorrow?" she asked, as she got undressed for bed. "I'm really sorry, I just couldn't turn Garrett down. He knows I'm always looking for shifts."

I looked up from my book and forced a smile. "Don't apologize, beautiful, I'll be there. 7:00 sharp."

She smiled warmly and crawled into bed and over to my side. I lifted my arm and she snuggled against my chest to fall asleep while I read.

. . .

As promised, at 7:00 I stood in front of the bar, looking up at the blinking vinyl record on the neon sign. The sign read "Eli's" with the 's' continuing underneath the name and over to the record where it formed the needle. The outside of the bar was nondescript; only a green door and a small awning adorned the front, beneath the sign. I'd passed by this place so many times but never really thought to go in. I frowned, wondering if I should have checked the place out before sending Bella off to work here - a bar was a very different atmosphere than a diner, and I felt irresponsible for not coming to scope it out first. Of course, she was there on Garrett's recommendation and I knew he was nearly as protective of her as I was, so it must be a decent place.

I opened the door and was surprised to find that in contrast to the quiet street, this place was already bustling. Most of the tables inside were full of people eating and talking, and the jukebox played loudly over them all. I scanned the walls; photos of famous musicians and music memorabilia hung everywhere.

"Hey there, handsome," I heard Bella call from the bar. She walked over with a tray of drinks and, after a quick kiss, she said, "I'm almost finished. I saved you a table over there - I'll be right there."

I sat down at the table and a few minutes later, she came up and pulled out the chair next to me. I leaned into her as soon as she was seated, sliding my hand up her thigh as we kissed.

"Easy," she whispered, laying her hand on top of mine.

"I want to take you home," I murmured against her lips. The bar made me feel a little down, considering the music theme and the fact that I knew they had that open gig spot. I wanted nothing more than to just go home with my girl and spend the night distracting ourselves again.

Before she could answer, a tall, middle-aged guy with longish brown hair came up to the table. He wore a pair of faded black jeans and a Stones t-shirt. "You must be Jasper," he said extending his hand. "Bella's only been here for a day and I feel like I know you." He smiled and it was genuine - much like Garrett's. "Listen, dinner's on the house tonight. You guys like burgers? We make some mean burgers here."

I smiled but shook my head. "Thanks, but you don't have to, really."

"No, no, I insist. Bella was a lifesaver today. We run lunch and happy hour specials on Tuesdays and it gets nuts in here."

Bella turned to me with a sheepish expression. "Baby, I could really go for a burger."

I laughed and pulled her closer to me. "All right. Two cheeseburgers, I guess. Thanks, man."

We talked about our days while we waited for our food and I noticed that she seemed a little edgy, a little too bouncy and talkative for having worked a full and busy shift on her day off. When our food came, she only seemed to pick at the burger about which she'd been so enthusiastic. I put my burger down into the basket, wiped my hands, and turned to her.

"What's going on, baby? You're making me nervous with your fidgeting."

She took a deep breath and I was filled with dread, now certain that something was wrong. "Okay, well, I did something…." she started, before stopping to bite her lip.

"What is it? You know you can tell me anything."

"Look at the stage, Jasper."

I looked up and, at first, I didn't understand what I was looking for. Then my eyes moved to the back corner and zeroed in on a black guitar that was unmistakably mine, sitting on a stand.

"Bella.... What is my guitar doing here?" My hand instinctively moved to my back pocket, over my wallet where the pawn ticket had been.

"I took the ticket from your wallet and I got the guitar back... and you're playing here tonight." Her face was nervous, as if she was bracing for... something.

I put my hands on her knees and squeezed. A million questions ran through my head. "Baby, where did you get the money? I paid the rent with the cash."

"The leftover from the guitar money, and the rest of what was in the coffee can, and... and Garrett gave me a... bonus." She looked down at her lap and I pushed her chin back up.

"A bonus or a loan?"

"A bonus. I.... He... he saw us on Wednesday and the next day at work, he asked what had happened. I told him and he was so upset, too. On Sunday, he offered me the money and he said it was long overdue and that I deserved every penny of it."

I still had so many questions but when I looked back at my guitar, none of them seemed to matter anymore. I pulled Bella to me and kissed her, and then kept pulling until she was in my lap. She wrapped her arms around my neck and held on tightly. I couldn't believe she had orchestrated all of this, and in the face of it all, all I wanted to do was drag her into some back room and show her my gratitude and my love. I was more certain than ever that I'd never figure out how I had come to deserve this girl.

She managed to pry her lips from mine, panting as she said, "Baby, we're in the middle of a restaurant!"

She climbed off my lap and Eli appeared a moment later at our table. "I'm guessing she told you," he said with a wink.

"He's in shock, I think." Bella laughed and rubbed her fingers along the nape of my neck.

"Well listen, we'd like you to go on around 8:30, and there's a sort of a green room backstage if you'd like to warm up a bit. I know this was a surprise and all." He gave me directions to get backstage and then headed back behind the bar.

I felt Bella's hand squeeze my thigh. "Go warm up for a bit. I'll finish eating and I'll be out here waiting for you to come on stage."

I nodded and stood up, pulling her up after me. "Baby, this is... I can't believe you. I love you so much," I said before kissing her.

"I love you, too. You deserve this, Jasper. I'm just so glad someone was on our side for once."

"Come back there with me," I suggested, wrapping my hands around her waist and nuzzling my nose against her temple.

She giggled and shook her head. "Not that kind of warm up. I don't want to distract you! Just go, I'll wait here; I want to experience it just like the rest of the audience."

I pulled away, keeping hold of her hand for as long as I could. I kissed her fingertips and then dropped her hand when her arm couldn't stretch any further. I turned toward the stage and my heart hurt at the sight of my guitar. I'm not sure I'd ever felt so good in my life.

I walked onto the stage from the back and grabbed the guitar before heading into the green room. I stayed there and strummed and thought of a set list until I heard Eli announce me to the audience. The place was packed.

I stepped onto the stage and the lights were brighter and hotter than I had expected. Rows of unfamiliar faces waited for me to begin and suddenly I realized that I had to entertain them, with just my guitar and my voice. I swallowed heavily and scanned the room, my nervousness increasing exponentially, until my eyes landed on her face.

Bella stood slightly off to the side near the front row, smiling brightly. When I caught her eye, she nodded excitedly and blew me a kiss. The nerves melted away when I realized that I didn't need to play for the people in front of me - I only needed to play for her.

So, I sang every song just like I was singing to my girl, and luckily the crowd didn't seem to mind too much. Near the end of the set, I looked down and noticed a crowd of ladies had gathered in the front row. I looked to Bella who stood with a smirk, arms folded across her stomach and one eyebrow cocked. I winked at her and started strumming her song.

If it came right down to me and you, you know it's true, baby I'd die for you….

When I finished, I looked back to her and rolled my eyes, because her fingers were touching her lips and I was pretty sure she was crying. I thanked the crowd and they thanked me back with generous applause. Then, with my guitar in hand, I hopped off the stage and made my way to my girl. She was heading toward me and as we neared, she dove onto me. I gripped her waist tightly, trying to steady her and keep us, and my guitar, from toppling.

"Oh, baby, you were so good. God, you were so good!" She was kissing me everywhere, not minding that I was a little sweaty from the hot lights.

I whispered a thank you to her and then attempted to pry her off as I saw Eli approach.

"Jasper, you're one hell of a player, and a singer. Good set, too, the crowd really got into it," he said, offering me his hand. I shook it and thanked him and he continued. "So, here's eighty bucks for tonight. I was thinking maybe you might like to do the same time slot Tuesdays, Thursdays, and a couple Fridays a month? And since those are our busy days, we could use an extra hand. Maybe Bella could work here those nights and you guys would still be able to hang out."

Bella looked at me, eyes wide, unable to contain her excitement. I smiled and asked, "What do you say, beautiful?"

She nodded vigorously and then pulled Eli into an awkward and excited hug. "Yes! I think that would be great!"

We talked with Eli for a bit to work out the details and then I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and tugged her toward the door. "Can I take you home now?" I whispered in her ear.

"Oh, I get to go home with the lead singer!" she giggled.

I laughed and adjusted the guitar case on my shoulder and then took my girl, well, both my girls, home.

Jasper sings Bon Jovi's "I'd Die for You" in bed and on stage.

Later this week, ElleCC will be posting a sort-of prequel to this in her Twi25 under "Jealousy." It's Jasper and Bella... with some Peter thrown in (so to speak). :)

Head on over to ElleCC's version and leave her some nice words :)

Also, if you liked this – Elle and I had so much fun working on it that we decided we needed to do more. Specifically we are collabbing on a multi-chap fic for Support Stacie. I was originally going to do it with Ooohlalaaa but we had a hard time meshing schedules and blah blah I'll give more background in the auc fic A/N but just trust that everyone is happy and we've got about 28k of it done already! We'll post it after it is complete and the winner, JAustenlover has read it. Stay tuned and alert us both.

Thanks for reading!

Livin' on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

Tommy used to work on the docks / Union's been on strike, he's down on his luck / It's tough, so tough

Gina works the diner all day / Working for her man, she brings home her pay / For love, mmm, for love

She says we've got to hold on to what we've got / It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not / We've got each other and that's a lot / For love, we'll give it a shot!

Oh, we're half way there / Oh oh, livin' on a prayer / Take my hand, we'll make it I swear / Oh oh, livin' on a prayer

Tommy's got his six string in hock / Now he's holding in when he used to make it talk / So tough, mmm, it's tough

Gina dreams of running away / When she cries in the night, Tommy whispers / "Baby it's okay, someday"

We gotta hold on to what we've got / It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not / We've got each other and that's a lot / For love we'll give it a shot!

Oh, we're half way there / Oh oh, livin' on a prayer / Take my hand, we'll make it I swear / Oh oh, livin' on a prayer / Livin' on a prayer!

We gotta hold on, ready or not / You live for the fight when it's all that you've got

Whoa, we're half way there / Whoa oh, livin' on a prayer / Take my hand and we'll make it I swear / Whoa oh, livin' on a prayer