"I want to..."
"Don't tell anyone..."
"Let's go bowling..."
"Come back to Glee..."
"Look I know what i did was wrong, i get that, but that kiss was real."
Rachel Berry woke up in a thin sheet of sweat. She dreamt about him again. Finn Hudson, football captain, male lead, insanely hot man she can never dream of having as her own.
Rachel convinces herself that her crush already has a girlfriend. A pregnant girlfriend. A pretty, popular, pregnant girlfriend who wasn't on the bottom of the pack known as McKinley High School. She threw the covers back and turned on her lamp. It was 12:30 am and she decided to take out her STAR book out from under her bed.
Rachel's STAR book was basically a scrapbook containing everything she could ever want in life. It had various pictures of different awards, houses, roles, etc. that she aimed for. She would look at her STAR book everytime she doubted her future, or would get distracted from it (which almost never happened). Right now, she was seriously doubting it. She wanted to become a star, yes. But is that really worth being alone for the rest of her life? Rachel thought about all of her friends in Glee, she would sacrifice anything for them.
The singer ran her fingers on the pink paper cover adorned by gold stars. Although her brown eyes were looking through the pages within, her mind didn't seem to be processing it at all. The pictures were all ones that she has seen before, it wasn't until she stumbled upon a picture of an actress playing as Eponine from Les Mis. It is at that point where she has to throw back her head and laugh.
She could definitely see the similarities in their situations though, definitely. They were/are in love with a guy who will never love them back. Now she knew why On My Own was the perfect song for her. Her laughter died down when she felt her eyes sting and the first wave of tears streaming down her face. If she were destined to have this role forever, she would rather crawl into a hole and never come out.
Of course Rachel tried to forget about him. After all, she dated Puck for a while (approximately one week, three days, and seven hours, but she wasn't counting). Noah was an extremely nice boy, there might have been a chance that they would've been happy together, but she didn't want him to be second string. She would never do that to a person. Plus, he liked Quinn. What is it about her that made guys go all goo-goo? Oh, right. Beautiful and popular. Almost forgot.
Rachel lay back down on her bed, the STAR book still in her hands, and sobbed. She was afraid to dream that night, because she knew what she was gonna dream about.
"You really are awesome, you know that?"
"I'm gonna make it up to you, I promise..."
"My dreams are a lot bigger than that, they're bigger than you..."
"You can kiss me if you want to..."
Finn woke up in a rush, gasping for air. He dreamt about Rachel Berry again. That girl just wouldn't leave her alone, even when she wasn't there. Not that he hated that, of course. He actually found it cute how she would look at him during Glee, or how she talked to him using higher vocabulary that he couldn't even begin to understand. Normally, he would wake up with a smile on his face, but he wanted to scream.
He dreamt about Rachel leaving him. And he thought he was going to die.
Sure, she was annoying, selfish, and conceited, but that was part of who she was and... he loved it. He loved her.
But he couldn't. He shouldn't. But he did anyway. Even though they were both in different worlds, even though Quinn was pregnant with his baby, even though the world wanted to set them apart, he would still love her. That in itself was a horrible yet wonderful thing.
Don't get him wrong, Finn loved Quinn, but now she is pregnant, he feels more suffocated. Of course, he doesn't have anything against the baby, but he is scared to death. He's not ready to be a father! Then he thinks about Rachel and how he's going to lose her. Then again, she deserves better than what he's given, stolen kisses and betrayal. Maybe Rachel does deserve to be with someone like Puck.
Finn's heart nearly broke when he heard that Rachel and Puck were going out. He should've seen all of the signs, them looking at each other during rehearsals, their constant clinging to each other in the hallways, Puck seranading her. God, it was painful to see. He knew that it was too late at that point. But, after he quit Glee Club for football, he saw them talking on the bleachers, he was watching their expressions. Finn saw Puck walk away with a pained look on his face. It gave him hope. Then, after Mr. Schuester talked to him, he came back, for her sake (partly).
But, things were never the same, still. They became close, yes, but they never kissed again. Which should have been a good thing. It wasn't, not for him. He ached to have her lips on his again. But the words "Quinn" and "Baby" entered his head. It was frustrating.
Finn Hudson lay back down on his bed and closed his eyes. Then, he said the thing that he could never really say in front of an audience. "I love you, Rachel." He slept calmer, dreaming about her voice and dreaming about holding her tight and never, ever letting go.
Finn was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't realize how hard it was raining.
"Your heart is on the left side of your chest..."
"I did it to protect you..."
At school, things would be undeniably different. They talked less, so that Finn would keep appearences, Everyone in Glee watched as they danced around each other, it was like a cheap soap opera (next thing you know, an evil half-brother/twin will come along).
"I cannot take this anymore," complained Mercades after Glee. "Don't get me wrong, I love me some drama. But this one is painful to see, I feel like bawling my eyes out just seeing them."
"I know what you mean," agreed Kurt, linking his arm with Mercades. "I'm contemplating whether or not to do a peace dance to stop something from blowing up."
"We need to stop this."
"S-stop what?" asked a voice from behind them. It was Tina wheeling Artie, who were looking curious.
"Oh, we're trying to solve the problem that is the constant sexual tension of Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry," answered Kurt, acting nonchalant. "It's sickening and we want it to stop."
"I-I totally agree."
"So do I," said Artie. "Even though I can't walk or move my legs, I'm contemplating whether or not to do a peace dance to stop something from blowing up."
Mercades and Kurt laughed.
"What?" Artie asked, confused.
"Nothing, man, nothing" said Mercades in between giggles.
"I don't understand whats going on."
"Don't mi-mind them, b-babe," said Tina, cooing him. "T-they're just w-weird."
"Thanks, babe," said Artie, smiling up at her.