Disclaimer: I don't own Kim Possible.

Because I Loved Her

Chapter One

It was only them; only their breathing that filled the air; only their grunts that broke the silence of the lab; only their passion that mounted. No one else's. Because no one but them mattered.

Shego's back hit the ground and she winced after an admittedly great leg-swipe knocked her off her feet. Princess was getting pretty good. It wouldn't be long before the villain would start to worry about the teen surpassing her, physically speaking. But not today. Today was Shego's day. Today, Shego would win and make sure Kimmie knew her place.

The older woman rolled back onto her haunches then kicked her legs forward, vaulting herself to her feet just in time to block a well-aim, powerful kick intended for her cheek. The force of the blow hit her forearms and she absorbed most of the momentum, wincing once more. God, she'd be hurting tomorrow. But not today. Today she felt great. Today, Shego was on top of the world and couldn't imagine anywhere else she could possibly want to be.

She grabbed the leg within her reach and tugged, lifting the redheaded teen off her remaining foot and throwing her rather harshly to the concrete floor. Kim rolled into the fall and, within milliseconds, was on her feet again, crouched low and arms up, ready for the next attack. She smirked at Shego, challenging her. Shego accepted.

They tussled, they fought, they flirted and they bickered. They were all they knew, all they cared about. Their boys were off somewhere else in the lair, slap-boxing, more than likely. But they didn't care about them, didn't even think about them. Because…they were all that mattered.

Kim rolled over in bed, her arm tucked under her head as she tugged the light cotton sheets up around her nude torso, more for peace of mind than to chase away any chill in the air. She sighed heavily and tried, desperately, to ignore the sound of light snoring from the boy behind her. Something was wrong with her; she could feel it.

He was still on her skin, still inside of her. She felt him there. She hurt. And she bled. Not physically; it had been a long time since she'd had any discomfort while being intimate with her boyfriend. Physical discomfort, that was. Emotional pain was a whole different story.

Since almost the beginning, Kim found herself unable to emotionally return the affection Ron gave her. Sure, she went through the act; she'd never turned away from one of his kisses or denied him when he wanted her in his bed. But she hadn't felt it in…a long time. And that was starting to scare her.

Everyone talked about her and Ron like they were the "golden couple"; like they had the perfect relationship, or something. How could they not know? How could they not see? See that Kim was starting to fall apart; see that there was a rift, an irrevocable rip, cavern tearing through her chest, through her heart and no matter what she did, she couldn't seem fill it or ease the pain it brought. How could no one see that? Because Kim couldn't see anything but that.

A light, almost inaudible 'ding' filled the air and Kim recognized it as her computer receiving an instant message. The girl peeled back the covers and slid out of bed, blindly reaching for a discarded t-shirt she knew was somewhere near the foot of her bed. Finding purchase on the soft material, Kim flipped it right-side-out and pulled it over her head. Forgoing panties or sweat pants, the redhead padded quietly over to her desk and swiveled the chair around while moving the mouse to dismiss the screensaver and bring up her desktop. She wasn't surprised about just who it was that was IMing her that time of night.

GreenBabe85: Kimmie, are you awake?

Kim sighed and glanced over her shoulder at the boy sleeping in her bed. She shouldn't be doing this; she shouldn't be in correspondence with an enemy, least of all Shego and never while her boyfriend was right there, asleep, only hours after he'd made love to her. She should've ignored the first IM when it came in a few months before. She shouldn't have responded to Shego, shouldn't have had conversations with her; long conversations too, covering a range of topics from gay marriage to fashion to the economy to comedy and so on. She shouldn't have loved talking to the villain as much as she did. And now, at two-twenty-seven in the morning, in her parents house and in the presence of her boyfriend, Kim should have just closed out the box, crawled back into the blonde boy's arms and slept the night away like a good, faithful, loving girlfriend would've done.

KP911: It's two-thirty, Shego. No one in their right mind would be awake.

GreenBabe85: And yet, here we are.

KP911: Was there something you wanted?

GreenBabe85: Yes

KP911: And that is…?

GreenBabe85: To see you. Can you get away?

KP911: No

GreenBabe85: Why?

GreenBabe85: He's there, isn't he?

KP911: Of course he's here, Shego. He's my boyfriend. He's allowed to be here.

GreenBabe85: Being allowed someplace and being wanted someplace are two completely different things.

GreenBabe85: Meet me.

KP911: No, I can't.

GreenBabe85: There's no one stopping you but yourself.

Kim paused.

GreenBabe85: Still there, Princess?

KP911: Yes

KP911: And no, I won't meet you.

GreenBabe85: Please?

GreenBabe85: Pretty please with sugar on top? :'(

KP911: Shego, stop it. I'm serious.

GreenBabe85: So am I.

GreenBabe85: Why don't you ever believe that?

KP911: Gee, I wonder.

GreenBabe85: Explain it to me.

Again Kim paused. She could almost feel the vulnerability of the question seeping through the monitor. She had to end this. Now.

KP911: I've got to go. Bye.

GreenBabe85: Wait

GreenBabe85: If you won't meet me, will you at least stay on and we can just talk?

KP911: I shouldn't.

KP911: Ron's here. He could wake up and see.

It was Shego's turn to pause.

KP911: Shego?

No response.

KP911: Are you still there?

There was another long moment of silence before Shego finally answered.

GreenBabe85: He doesn't know you like I know you.

Kim's heart thudded uncomfortably and a small but sharp tendril of fear snaked through her chest. She almost, almost abandoned the chat, her finger poised over the Esc key. But Shego's next message made her stop mid-motion.

GreenBabe85: He'll never feel you the way I do and he'll never understand you the way I can.

KP911: He's my best friend. He knows me better than anyone on the planet.

GreenBabe85: That's not true.

KP911: How the hell would you know?

GreenBabe85: Because I do know you.

KP911: Bull shit!

KP911: You don't know anything.

GreenBabe85: I know there's a hollow spot in your chest and you have no idea how to fill it.

Hollow. That was a great word for it. Kim closed her eyes and took a deep breath, mentally tasting the word on her tongue. Hollow. Another breath. Yeah. Yeah, that was it. It fit. She was hollow. And hurt. And…and yeah, she couldn't fill herself.

GreenBabe85: He can't help you either.

GreenBabe85: He feels like a band-aid when you know you need surgical-grade sutures.

The teen's chest started throbbing and tightened painfully. She felt the want, the need to cry hovering just beneath the surface. Shego…was right. Fuck her.

KP911: How in the hell would you know, huh?

KP911: How dare you assume you know anything about me?

GreenBabe85: I felt it too.

Kim froze, her hands poised over the keyboard and scathing words of retort hovering in her fingers. Her face flushed and the wholly unfamiliar feeling of being understood bombarded her from all sides. Her whole body ached and she wanted it to stop. Her soul hurt and she wanted to be eased. Her head thundered with anxiety and a small amount of excitement. The answer to all of her problems caressed the edge of her being, pulling at the back of her mind, at the bottom of her heart. She knew, she knew what she felt and what was happening and what would eventually happen if she were to give in and accept it, who she was, why Ron couldn't fill her, why she felt-

GreenBabe85: Meet me

GreenBabe85: Please

GreenBabe85: I need to see you.

"Yes," Kim typed and graced Enter with her pinky when she heard the cotton covers in her bed ruffle together and Ron sleepily mutter, "KP? What're you up to?" Immediately her left hand shot forward and she hit the Esc key twice without thought, closing out both the chat session and her IM account and spun in her chair till she faced the boy sitting up, bare-chested in her bed. She forced a fake smile. "Hi. What? Nothing. Couldn't sleep. Decided to see if anyone was online."

He rubbed his eye sleepily with the heel of his hand. "Oh," he mumbled. "Who were you talking to?"

"Monique," the girl blurted on impulse. "She was just getting in from a date." Please buy that.

The blonde nodded and yawned. "Well, why don't you come back to bed? I know just how to put you back to sleep."

Kim tried to smile but knew it didn't quite reach her eyes. Ron didn't notice and made love to her like it was any other ordinary day. Kim tried to enjoy herself. She tried to come. But she couldn't. Because all she could think about was that Shego understood her and that she wasn't alone anymore. But alone in what? Kim felt the answer right there, staring her in the face. She was just too scared to open her eyes and take a look. So she pushed it to the back of her mind and faked an orgasm as Ron grunted above her and came in her belly.

Kim did her best to keep Shego from her thoughts and forced herself to go back to how it was before. She thought she did a pretty good job of it, too. She'd felt the ache before and she felt it now but she could live with it. The only difference was that this time around, she had a word for her pain, she had an answer that she still refused to acknowledge, and she had a woman who knew what she was going through and was offering her help. That was a lot to suppress. But she managed to do it…for a price; Kim suddenly found herself numb and cold, fake, masked. To supplement this new symptom of her pain, she had to put on a façade of normalcy and was surprised by how much it hurt. No one seemed to notice.

AN: So, that's the end of the first chapter. I've already started writing the second but I'd like to know what you thought of this one just the same so please review.