WARNINGS: Language, mention of rape, (But it doesn't actually happen) Innuendo, language, and mentions of violence. :D

DISCLAIMER:I don't own any superheroes mentioned here, or the TV shows. I also don't own Naruto. Or Jamba Juice.

Suggested Listening:

Let's Get This Party Started-Korn

Bad Sun-The Bravery

Okay, first, you know how when you were a kid you always wanted to be a superhero? You would watch Batman the Animated
Series over and over again, cringing at Harley's annoying voice and secretly rooting for the Joker? Spiderman when it used to come on Fox?

(Shut up. I'm nostalgic.)

Did you imagine yourself defeating the villains? Dating Bruce Wayne? Or Barbara Gordon?

Well, guess what: It's not as fun as Stan Lee and whoever the hell wrote Batman (Bob Kane, Alan Moore, Paul Dini, Frank Miller? I forget.) Made it look. For one, some nights nothing happens. And when something does happen it might be really tedious or frustrating. Ever foil a theme villain's plot fifteen times in a row? Honestly, A, B, Forty two, under your mattress... Right punch, left kick, miserable attempt at a back flip, I knock them out, tie them up, drop them off at Sabaku Asylum and go home and watch reruns of The Nanny.

My arm is falling asleep. Hang on just a second…Okay.

When it's actually interesting it's usually painful, seriously. Puppet Master broke my right arm once, and stabbed me in the gut the same night. Bastard. But that was before I mastered my powers, when I was pretty weak.

I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'm Mitsu. My civvie name is Haruno Sakura.

Yeah, I'm a superhero.

I'vebeen in the business since I was twelve, when an old-skool hero named White Hound recruited me off the streets for a group called simply Team Seven. My two teammates-Hawk and Kitsune, plus two other supers, Ink and Rasil, joined us later. We are a small group that belongs to a bigger group, Konoha, which is part of another bigger group, Shinobi. Which was supposedly part of another bigger group, but there are only whispers about that.

Well, I took a quick break from Team Seven a while ago after one of my teammates joined the side of evil. Apparently they have those nice soft and chewy cookies. But I'm back now, stronger and better than ever. My physical fighting skills and healing powers are better than ever. I'm new, improved, and ready to kick some baddie ass.

Wait, I'm sorry. I'm a bit distracted right now-I'll explain that in a minute. But back to the 'being a super hero is kinda tedious' topic.

It is.

Well, it was, before I got my own arch nemesis. (Who is totally not boring. He's like the Joker to my Batman. I love that bastard.)

Which…comes back to the current situation. I'm on a solo mission, which I have been taking more of since I got back with Shinobi. THat means no backup. No cute little Kitsune-lookalike sidekick to save the day.

I am strapped to a gurney. The gurney is attached to a crank by a complicatedpulley system. When you turn the crank up, the gurney went up. When you pulled it down, it got closer to the giant pool of cool whip. Cool whip is a liquid. So theoretically, once submerged in the cool whip, I will drown. Yay. Or choke on one of the cherries floating in it.

Didn't I tell you my nemesis wasn't boring?

Speaking of my arch nemesis, he's saying something. Maybe I should pay attention.

"You look so cute all tied up like that, Sakura-chan!"

Okay, maybe not.

He's known my true identity for a while. I told you, he's like the Joker to my Batman. And, like the Joker, he doesn't share what he knows.

I'm very thankful for that.

"Pervert."

He shrugs. The mask he usually uses for public appearances is on top of his head, like a hat. He removes it before I kick his ass. But today he got behind me with a crowbar. Cliché!

Really, he is quite good looking. Ever notice that villains are either hideous or drop dead gorgeous? At least I have something to look at. I feel sorry for Hawk, with his snake-perv villain. Well, his partner now. That still hurts a bit.

"I prefer the term deviant, but tomato, tomato, potato, potato, Sakura. I think anyone would enjoy this view, though."

"That describes you perfectly. And normal people don't enjoy bondage, Tobi."

The drop of the honorifics means we're serious, by the way. I prefer formality, but it's a rubbed off habit, and he delights in taunting me about it.

"You'd be surprised about what 'normal' people like, Sakura." He smiles grimly. "And didn't I tell you to call me Madara?"

"Potato, Potato."

He perches on the railing. "Didn't you pay attention to your history lessons?"

"History lessons?"

Madara frowns. "You've never heard of Madara Uchiha?"

"....I've heard of Shisui, and Sasuke, and Itachi, but not Madara, sorry."

He groans. "I am the founder of Shinobi, the only one who dared challenge the Senju clan's anti-superhero ideals. One of the most powerful hero's of all time!"

"How come I always win then? And aren't you a villain?"

His face softens and he grins lasciviously. "I have a certain...fondness for pink haired girls, Sakura-chan." The chan is stressed unnecessarily. "Besides, I prefer to think of myself as a Byronic hero."

Ignoring that last statement, I curl my fists and frown. "So you've been letting me defeat you this whole time?" I'm pissed. I thought that with my own arch nemesis, three years of training, and a kickass new costume people wouldn't underestimate me.

"No." He backtracks. "I'm much weaker than I once was. Going as far as I can weakens me severely. I don't let it get that serious often-the only time I've gone all out was when you followed me to New York."

That was a very, very, crazy week, Seriously, I almost died. Rather not think about it.

He is walking towards the platform I'm on, smirking irritatingly. Reaching out, he cups my face, his calloused fingers brushing my lips. I flinch.

Stupid! You should have bit him!

"Why are you telling me this?"

He ignores the question and, risking me spitting at him, gets closer. I'm too bemused to do anything but gape.

"I like you, Sakura." He smiles. Creepily. Sexily. Shut the fuck upily.

He takes the mask off his head, twirling it with his spare hand as he runs his fingers along my face, tracing the skin beneath my eyes, my lower lip, and my cheek bones with his thumb.

Omghe'sgonnarapeme.

I jerk back and he drops his hand to the side, smirking.

"Get away! I rather be killed than dishonored like that!"

He freezes, the mask stops spinning.

"You think I would sink so low?" He growls, his lidded eyes narrowing.

"Yeah. You steal, you assault, you kill. Why not take it up a notch?"

He shakes his head. His temper is gone in a flash, replaced by an amused look. "I'm not going to rape you, although…" His eyes travel up my body slowly, My costume is rather battered, especially the black top and the white wrappings around my waist. My skin tight black pants are okay, except for a small slash near the thigh. Nothing to get excited about, either sexually or in an 'OMG my wardrobe!' way.

"Pervert."

I'm rather scared and confused. What the hell is going on here? He's acting weird, and I'm chained to a gurney, in a pornish scenario, and I don't like it. I remember a friend educating me about the wonders of whipped cream/cool whip before, and the memory of the things she told me make my stomach tighten. I clench my legs together, blushing.

His smirk returns.

"I have a proposition for you, Sakura." He pauses.

Aren't we a little too young for marriage? I don't know about him. If he's a founder of Shinobi he's ancient. But then again, Snake-perv is still…

"Join me."

I blink.

"What?"

"Join me," he repeats patiently. "as in a partnership."

"Umm, why? Hawk or Kitsune would have been better candidates, don't you think? And more traditional, since I fight you the most. My worst enemy and my old friend teaming up, you know."

He shakes his head. "I'm not interested in them. They lack intelligence where it counts, and their skills aren't what I need."

"What do you need?"

"A healer, mainly, but someone who can stand up for themselves in a fight. It's a bonus if you know the techniques and weaknesses of the enemy."

Hell yeah! Villainesses are much cooler than heroes.

Not really.

Catwoman or Batgirl?

…

Okay, fine.

"What happens if I say no?"

He shrugs. "I was thinking about taking you captive and forcing you to work for me anyway, or just letting you go. I'm rather tired and in the mood for some Jamba Juice."

"And what is the probability of you just skipping off and getting a smoothie?"

"About twenty percent."

"Okay then."

"Are you agreeing?"

"Yeah."

"Surprising. You swear?"

"Yes." I try to scratch my cheek with my shoulder and fail miserably.

"You're treating this too casually. Your peers will never trust you if you change your mind, and I'll probably beat you to death. Are you sure?" He looks at me seriously.

"Yes, goddamn it."

He flicks the top of my head. "Don't say that."

"Goddamn it?"

"Yes. It's unladylike."

I laugh. Madara starts untying me, and I try not to giggle anymore because my breasts keep brushing his hands but whatever. He just scolded me like he's my grandmother. I have the right to laugh a bit.

He finishes quickly and I sit up, shaking out my limbs Ouch… I feel all tingly, like pins and needles are in my blood, pushing against my skin.

"I don't think anyone takes me seriously in Shinobi. I'm stronger than a lot of them, I've won more battles and fought in more wars, but I'm always treated like a kid." I grin toothily. "At least Puppet Master-san and Detonate-kun acknowledge me."

"Detonate-kun?" Madara raises his eyebrows and helps me up. I'm still uncoordinated from being tied up. My legs are like noodles, nub and cold. I almost fall into the cool whip but Madara catches me just in time by the left arm, hauling me to his chest. I blink woozily and lean against me. He can be my cane.

The blood rushes back to my legs quickly and I try to remove myself from Madara, but I'm stuck. His arms are restraining me, and a bolt of fear goes though my body. Has he turned on me already?

He places his chin on top of my head, and in a voice almost serene, says: "Now what was that about Detonate? "

What?

"What about him?"

"Why did you just refer to him as Detonate-kun?"

Jealousy.

Whut?

"We worked together once. Wouldn't want to be in the same area code as him, but we…are sorta friendly. Why?"

I'm still worried about this loony snapping my neck. Why does he care if I call Detonate Detonate-kun?

You forgot the italics.

His grip tightens. "No reason." He releases me, and I sigh in relief.

"So, what about all this?" I wave my hand at the cool whip pool of doom, the gurney and pulleys, the blood stains.

"That's what minions are for."

"Really? That's freaking awesome. I'm tired of cleaning up the mess. Those Sound minions bleed easy."

"They are really quite useful. You'll never have to go the store again, or clean out your fridge."

"…"

"So how about that smoothie?"

A/N:

Hmm. I know, I know. This has probably been done before, but the only superhero AU I have ever read was a Robin/Kiba fic, (XD) so yeah. Didn't see it, and I' m sorry.

1. I am fully qualified to write romance. I looked up 'Love' on Wikipedia and read several books on the subject. :3

2. Superhero names are hard to come up with.

3. My gingerbread cookies look mutated. They are still tasty.

4.80's/90's kids for the win.

Please tell me what you think!