Cracka Cracka Boom
Chapter 8: Is it a Boy?
I smirked evilly as I walked to catch up to the others, Auron's pants and sword slung over my shoulder. The thing was damn heavy, but that was okay. I didn't mind. I felt too good to mind.
I love discovering things.
You know how you get when you feel triumphant, and the grass...er...the snow seems whiter, the sky bluer, the air fresher? Yeah, that great feeling? I feel like that. And you know why I feel like that?
Old guys have hormones too.
I snickered evilly to myself. Unfortunately, I'd have to call it even with Auron for now. Buut...if being even meant we could make out like that more often, I could go for it. Raging teenage hormones weren't so bad.
Until they get you pregnant, anyway.
Tysh! Why did I have to go and ruin that for myself? I sighed, and the Masamune seemed to get a little bit heavier. I did not want Auron's kid. He'd turn out like Tidus, I could just feel it in my gut. Or, maybe I was hungry. Oh well. Not that it mattered, anyway. I'd just zap him with your friendly neighborhood lightning bolt and I'd feel better, right? Right.
"Get me pregnant, will he...." I muttered to myself.
"WHAT!!!!" Tidus roared.
I squeaked, jumped, and dropped the Masamune. Tidus stood in front of me, shock registering on his features.
"I come to get you back and make sure you don't kill him, and what do I hear?! Argh! That's just wrong! Auron's a god damned cradle robber!" He blinked at me for a minute, and got a curious look to his eyes. "Is it a boy?"
"ARGH!!!!!" I wailed and chucked the Masamune at him. What else was there to do at a time like this than cry my little Al Bhed eyes out?
***
I was escorted the rest of the way back to camp on a grumbling Tidus's shoulders, since I had refused to walk. Every time I heard him murmur something about women, I whapped him on the head. I did NOT need this, damn it! I sniffled.
I hate men.
"Don't take your PMS out on me, you...."
Lightning. Horses. Rocks.
"spoiled, pea brained, lightning loaded..."
Lightning! Horses! Rocks!
"conniving little weasel of a..."
"I GET IT!" I shrieked, and Tidus jumped at the bolt that danced in front of him.
"Um..." he said nervously.
"'Um' my ass!" I snarled, hopping off his shoulders, hoisting the Masamune, and marching back to camp. "I hate men. Hatehatehatehatehatehatehate...."
"You sound like your drunk when you talk like that, you know."
I hate that voice now. So arrogant. He thinks he's better. So smooth. He thinks he's won. So sexy. He realizes I have hormones.
"I hate you, Auron."
"I know," he said with a smile. He stood there next to Tidus, apparently fully mobile now. That wasn't what caught my attention. He wasn't wearing pants.
He followed my gaze. "You took them, remember?"
"That explains a little bit," Tidus said thoughtfully. "If it's a..."
"It's not a boy!" I cried and called down a wall of lightning in between us. There, that should hold them. Ignoring Tidus's squeaks and Auron's....well, it sounded like laughter, but I'll pretend it was sobbing...I began walking back to camp. That lightning had better hold for a long, long time, or I'd...I'd...bite it.
I raised my head heavenwards and thanked whatever gods there were - with the exception of Ixion - that I didn't have braces.
The snow was now deep enough to reach mid calf, which meant my socks were soaked. Greeaaat. Wet socks. My eyes narrowed and I smirked malevolently. What if I....and then I....? Not bad, Rikku, I told myself. Not bad at all.
"Hee hee."
I was giggling "sweetly" when I arrived back at camp, and I suppose the only reason Lulu wasn't worried when she saw me is that she could just send an Ultima up my nose and I'd be bye-bye. The others, though...well, Kimahri still looked sane, and Yuna was pretending to be asleep, but Wakka was telling me to "Quit laughing like that, ya?! You need a pitchfork to go with that giggle o' yours!" so loudly it was futile for Yuna to even try. All I needed was a violin, a guy with a slightly sinister, matter of fact voice, and a state named Georgia and I'd be all set.
"Oh, the devil went down to Georgia; she was looking for a soul to steal," I sang to myself, looking pointedly at Wakka. He whimpered a little bit, and I smiled. Was I really that scary, ignoring that I could fry him and eat him alive? Nah, I didn't think so.
"Where's Auron?" Yuna asked, looking pointedly at his sword. Well, it was more like his pants, but I'll say it was his sword.
"Occupied. He and Tidus will be here shortly. If Tidus has a boy, it's not my fault."
***
Everyone was sleeping soundly. The stars twinkled merrily overhead, and you could see millions more than you could in a lower elevation. I smiled a little to myself. I would treasure the look on my companions faces forever when Wakka asked Tidus if he was pregnant. I loved Wakka dearly, but he wasn't the brightest French fry out of a happy meal.
I rolled over and snuggled deeper into the depths of my bedroll, wrapping the warm flannel goodness around me tightly. My unbound hair lazed curls around my neck, and it tickled my nose. My wet socks were held in a wicked grip inside my hands as I warmed them up. My payback was not yet finished. It didn't care if me and Auron were even or not; at least, if he had to pay me back, I could probably get a kiss out of it.
It's a little sad, I know, but one day I'll get a real kiss. Not today, though. Vengeance is too sweet and close at hand. I smirked, savored the warmth of my bedroll for one last minute, and stood, wincing as the cold air raised goose bumps on my exposed skin. Making my way over to where Auron was sleeping, I knelt down.
The socks in my hands were warm, wet and squishy. Perfect. I slipped my hands under his bedroll covers and made a beeline for his boxers. Okay, okay, I told myself. I don't want to get close. No, no, no. Icky, icky, icky. Drop them in and run away. My fumbling hand had reached his waistline before he caught my hand in a vice-like grip and flipped my body on top of his.
"I don't want to know what's in your hand and what you're doing down there with it, but for the love of God, wait until we're married."
My eye bugged larger than a blitzball, I was sure. "Why you.....you.....behemoth!"
"Lame, Rikku. Lame. The least you could have called me was sexy, or dashing, or irresistible. There's no need to call me big and ugly."
"And stupid!" I shot back.
"You're the one with your hands in my pants."
"You're not wearing pants."
"How observant of you. And what did you plan to do to me in my sleep, hmm?"
"This!" I cried, and pressed the socks against his hips triumphantly. He gasped and let go of my wrists, and I scrambled back over to my bedroll and dove in, whirling around so I could get one last glimpse of Auron fishing around in his boxers for what I had dropped. I snickered at the thought that they had fallen in, and promptly pretended to fall asleep.
I smirked evilly as I walked to catch up to the others, Auron's pants and sword slung over my shoulder. The thing was damn heavy, but that was okay. I didn't mind. I felt too good to mind.
I love discovering things.
You know how you get when you feel triumphant, and the grass...er...the snow seems whiter, the sky bluer, the air fresher? Yeah, that great feeling? I feel like that. And you know why I feel like that?
Old guys have hormones too.
I snickered evilly to myself. Unfortunately, I'd have to call it even with Auron for now. Buut...if being even meant we could make out like that more often, I could go for it. Raging teenage hormones weren't so bad.
Until they get you pregnant, anyway.
Tysh! Why did I have to go and ruin that for myself? I sighed, and the Masamune seemed to get a little bit heavier. I did not want Auron's kid. He'd turn out like Tidus, I could just feel it in my gut. Or, maybe I was hungry. Oh well. Not that it mattered, anyway. I'd just zap him with your friendly neighborhood lightning bolt and I'd feel better, right? Right.
"Get me pregnant, will he...." I muttered to myself.
"WHAT!!!!" Tidus roared.
I squeaked, jumped, and dropped the Masamune. Tidus stood in front of me, shock registering on his features.
"I come to get you back and make sure you don't kill him, and what do I hear?! Argh! That's just wrong! Auron's a god damned cradle robber!" He blinked at me for a minute, and got a curious look to his eyes. "Is it a boy?"
"ARGH!!!!!" I wailed and chucked the Masamune at him. What else was there to do at a time like this than cry my little Al Bhed eyes out?
***
I was escorted the rest of the way back to camp on a grumbling Tidus's shoulders, since I had refused to walk. Every time I heard him murmur something about women, I whapped him on the head. I did NOT need this, damn it! I sniffled.
I hate men.
"Don't take your PMS out on me, you...."
Lightning. Horses. Rocks.
"spoiled, pea brained, lightning loaded..."
Lightning! Horses! Rocks!
"conniving little weasel of a..."
"I GET IT!" I shrieked, and Tidus jumped at the bolt that danced in front of him.
"Um..." he said nervously.
"'Um' my ass!" I snarled, hopping off his shoulders, hoisting the Masamune, and marching back to camp. "I hate men. Hatehatehatehatehatehatehate...."
"You sound like your drunk when you talk like that, you know."
I hate that voice now. So arrogant. He thinks he's better. So smooth. He thinks he's won. So sexy. He realizes I have hormones.
"I hate you, Auron."
"I know," he said with a smile. He stood there next to Tidus, apparently fully mobile now. That wasn't what caught my attention. He wasn't wearing pants.
He followed my gaze. "You took them, remember?"
"That explains a little bit," Tidus said thoughtfully. "If it's a..."
"It's not a boy!" I cried and called down a wall of lightning in between us. There, that should hold them. Ignoring Tidus's squeaks and Auron's....well, it sounded like laughter, but I'll pretend it was sobbing...I began walking back to camp. That lightning had better hold for a long, long time, or I'd...I'd...bite it.
I raised my head heavenwards and thanked whatever gods there were - with the exception of Ixion - that I didn't have braces.
The snow was now deep enough to reach mid calf, which meant my socks were soaked. Greeaaat. Wet socks. My eyes narrowed and I smirked malevolently. What if I....and then I....? Not bad, Rikku, I told myself. Not bad at all.
"Hee hee."
I was giggling "sweetly" when I arrived back at camp, and I suppose the only reason Lulu wasn't worried when she saw me is that she could just send an Ultima up my nose and I'd be bye-bye. The others, though...well, Kimahri still looked sane, and Yuna was pretending to be asleep, but Wakka was telling me to "Quit laughing like that, ya?! You need a pitchfork to go with that giggle o' yours!" so loudly it was futile for Yuna to even try. All I needed was a violin, a guy with a slightly sinister, matter of fact voice, and a state named Georgia and I'd be all set.
"Oh, the devil went down to Georgia; she was looking for a soul to steal," I sang to myself, looking pointedly at Wakka. He whimpered a little bit, and I smiled. Was I really that scary, ignoring that I could fry him and eat him alive? Nah, I didn't think so.
"Where's Auron?" Yuna asked, looking pointedly at his sword. Well, it was more like his pants, but I'll say it was his sword.
"Occupied. He and Tidus will be here shortly. If Tidus has a boy, it's not my fault."
***
Everyone was sleeping soundly. The stars twinkled merrily overhead, and you could see millions more than you could in a lower elevation. I smiled a little to myself. I would treasure the look on my companions faces forever when Wakka asked Tidus if he was pregnant. I loved Wakka dearly, but he wasn't the brightest French fry out of a happy meal.
I rolled over and snuggled deeper into the depths of my bedroll, wrapping the warm flannel goodness around me tightly. My unbound hair lazed curls around my neck, and it tickled my nose. My wet socks were held in a wicked grip inside my hands as I warmed them up. My payback was not yet finished. It didn't care if me and Auron were even or not; at least, if he had to pay me back, I could probably get a kiss out of it.
It's a little sad, I know, but one day I'll get a real kiss. Not today, though. Vengeance is too sweet and close at hand. I smirked, savored the warmth of my bedroll for one last minute, and stood, wincing as the cold air raised goose bumps on my exposed skin. Making my way over to where Auron was sleeping, I knelt down.
The socks in my hands were warm, wet and squishy. Perfect. I slipped my hands under his bedroll covers and made a beeline for his boxers. Okay, okay, I told myself. I don't want to get close. No, no, no. Icky, icky, icky. Drop them in and run away. My fumbling hand had reached his waistline before he caught my hand in a vice-like grip and flipped my body on top of his.
"I don't want to know what's in your hand and what you're doing down there with it, but for the love of God, wait until we're married."
My eye bugged larger than a blitzball, I was sure. "Why you.....you.....behemoth!"
"Lame, Rikku. Lame. The least you could have called me was sexy, or dashing, or irresistible. There's no need to call me big and ugly."
"And stupid!" I shot back.
"You're the one with your hands in my pants."
"You're not wearing pants."
"How observant of you. And what did you plan to do to me in my sleep, hmm?"
"This!" I cried, and pressed the socks against his hips triumphantly. He gasped and let go of my wrists, and I scrambled back over to my bedroll and dove in, whirling around so I could get one last glimpse of Auron fishing around in his boxers for what I had dropped. I snickered at the thought that they had fallen in, and promptly pretended to fall asleep.