Chapter 13

Roxas was sitting on the couch in metal armor. Xion was on the other side of the couch. Sephiroth's Killfest was on, and Roxas was shaking in terror.

"What's with the trembling?" Xion questioned.

"I get the feeling that you're watching this so you can find new ways of killing me brutally," Roxas answered.

"That's a good idea. For once, I don't think you're so stupid. Another thing, go get me some Mountain Dew," Xion said.

"Lexaeus stole the last can, I told him not to because you'd want it, but he didn't care. He picked me up by the neck and threw me across the The World that Never Was!" Roxas yelled.

"This, not The. This World That Never Was. Say This when you're in this world, and go get me Mountain Dew!" Xion said.

"Axel should be coming back with stuff soon," Roxas explained.

"I want Mountain Dew now!" Xion complained.

"Here," said an anonymous voice as a can of Mountain Dew was thrown to Xion.

Xion caught it. "Where'd you come from Thasmox? I thought you were at Fantasy Island," Xion asked.

"I was. For some reason, I woke up charred, face down, in front of Zexion's room," Thasmox explained.

"That's odd," Roxas said.

"Shove it punk, I'm not past torturing you yet!" Thasmox yelled.

"Why not, what have I done?" Roxas asked.

"I don't care. Xion, beer me," Thasmox said.

"Wait a minute, you come here inexplicably with a Mountain Dew, but you didn't bring a beer for yourself? You are f***ed up!" Roxas exclaimed.

"No, that's Xion…by you," Thasmox stated to make Roxas shut up.

Thasmox opened a can of soda and sat back. Xion, however, took out her keyblade. First she hit Roxas a couple of times even though he's armored and then starts hitting Thasmox because of his remark. Thasmox just sits there as Xion bashes him over the head.

"Why doesn't this hurt you?" Xion said continuing to hit him.

"I have an extremely thick skull," Thasmox answered.

"Yeah, in more than one way," Roxas stated sarcastically.

"Where have you been, and…" Thasmox yelled as he fired a spell at Roxas.

"Business is very slow lately," Xemnas complained.

"What business?" Marluxia asked.

"Our organization, Gay Reaper," Xemnas answered.

"First of all, we have no business, and second, you know I'm not gay," Marluxia yelled.

"I have my doubts sometimes," Xemnas said.

Marluxia gives Xemnas a 'seriously?' look.

"We need an advertisement.Where is Saix?" Xemnas asked.

"I'm right here," Saix yelled.

"Oh yes, yes. Round up the other members. Tell them to stop whatever the hell they're doing and meet me at Memory Skyscraper!" Xemnas said.

"Sir," Saix said carrying out Xemnas' orders.

Memory Skyscraper

World that Never Was

Zexion, Xigbar, and Xaldin were still on their quest.

"Xigbar, did you bring your laptop?" Zexion asked.

"As if," Xigbar yelled.

"Organization XIII, we have gathered here to increase our business. I have summoned you all here in order to create some commercials. Are there any questions that don't concern what business this is, how much cash is involved, or if we can call vikings to help cater the affair, Vexen!

"What the hell are you talking about?" Vexen yelled.

"Silence. Here are the scripts for commercial one," Xemnas stated handing out scripts.

"What is this? 'Lord Xemnas, I have completed the task only because of your orders and your highly trained lesser Nobodies?' This is so gay," Thasmox quoted.

"You think yours is bad? Mine says, 'Oh Lord Xemnas, you are so powerful and I may be a teenager but I'm still falling for you?' I swear, he's f***ing retarded," Xion read.

"'Lord Xemnas, thank you for the 4.3 billion munny advance payment, I will complete your very easy task?'" Roxas quoted confused.

"Ingenious, isn't it?" Xemnas stated.

"Yeah, maybe if in is a prefix," Xion whispered.

"Reax thix," Demyx said shoving a script in Thasmox' face. Demyx' line was Demyx: "Ix may bex unxer worxed becauxe ox disability bux Ix xtill apxreciate xeing hixed." [Gets killed by Zip Slasher] "I'mx dyixg, bux thex tixe Ix worxed forx yox wax thex haxpiest ox myx lifx, Lorx Xemnas?"

"That's false advertising," Thasmox yelled kicking Demyx in the crotch. "Don't shove things in my face, and use X in disability!"

So they made Xemnas' stupid commercials and are getting ready to watch them.

"Why'd we only make each commercial one take? Seriously, we all sucked," Roxas stated.

"Commercial Number 1," Xemnas said.

The commercial began. The format is going to be a little different here.

Zexion "Oh dear god, someone has put Heartless on my lawn."

Demyx "Ix wax Xi!"

Thasmox, Xion, and Roxas "Douchebag Demyx,"

Demyx "Tix righx, Xi polluxed yourx lawx, xand therx noxing youx xan

Xo aboux ix,"

Saix "Oh really?" as he cuts Demyx' in half.

Xemnas "This is Saix. I paid him 9000 munny for this task but I didn't even have to, because the Organization is heaven for him. The Organization has so many insurance benefits, high pay, and fair vacation time, and our fees for service are cheap just in

case you are a tightwad,"

Axel "I agree, got it memorized?" as he lights the Heartless on fire but Roxas catches as well.

Roxas "Holy S***, ahhhhhh!" he starts to run around.

Xion "I have these kinds of problems all the time because my lawn is favored by them. I will call the organization and finally my problems will be solved!"

Xemnas "For all these reasons and more, you should join the organization or call us if you need service.

Thasmox "You do have licensing and permission from the World's, right Xemnas?"

Xemnas "Shut up XV!"

The commercial ends.

"What the f*** was that? I didn't even remember speaking in this commercial, got it memorized?" Axel yelled.

"Yes, we had to fix that in editing," Saix said.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Any progress, Zexion?" Xigbar asked as they were still trying to find Xemnas' password.

"It's still loading, but I think we found it?" Zexion explained.

The screen came up and it had however revealed that Xemnas had set an Internet blocker.

"Bastard! He cut the Internet connection!" Xaldin yelled.

"Calm down. We just need to get to Xemnas' central terminal and enable the network. How hard could it be?" Zexion explained.

"As if, Xemnas passwords everything nowadays. Just last week, he passworded

The liquor cabinet. How to you expect to get possibly at least four passwords?" Xigbar stated annoyed.

"Mind if I intervene, didn't think you would," Thasmox said out of nowhere.

"What the hell do you want?" Xaldin queried.

"Gralxin chill out. You have to be blind if you can't see what Xemnas' terminal password is," Thasmox claimed.

"God damn it, it is Xaldin. Xaldin! What the f*** is so hard about memorizing that?" Xaldin screamed.

"I don't care, his password is 'Nothing,'" Thasmox answered.

"How did you figure that out…? Even though it does seem kind of obvious," Xigbar asked.

"I have my ways of tricking Saix into saying a few things unintended," Thasmox explained sleekly.

{FLASHBACK}

"What do you want XV?" Saix asked very soullessly.

"What's Xemnas' terminal password?" Thasmox said.

"Nothing," Saix answered.

{END FLASHBACK}

"We have work to do," Zexion stated.

"Hey guys, get over here, the second commercial is starting," Roxas yelled as Xemnas was holding a gun to his neck.

The second commercial started.

[Back to commercial format]

Marluxia "Oh hi. Organization XIII has been ever so helpful to me. One time, when I was trying to take a shower, this Heartless spawned downstairs and it had my favorite towel. I called the Organization and they took care of it in ten seconds. It didn't cost as much as I thought, so I was thinking, what's the catch?

Xemnas "Just ask our researcher, Zexion here.

(The camera turns to Zexion but he's turned to left using the computer with Xigbar.)

Zexion "No no no, onomateoproxy has an a as the fifth letter, not an e!"

Roxas (Whispered) "Zexion, say your line."

Zexion (Abruptly turn to the camera confused.) What? Oh yeah. I have been doing some research combined with our methods, costs, customer satisfaction, yadda yadda and all that good stuff and I have determined that there is no catch. Our prices are so good, we are better than porn! (Obviously crosses fingers behind back)

Xemnas "Ma'am, you can sleep easy tonight knowing you can trust us, correct?"

Marluxia "Thank you sir!"

Xemnas "In case you want your kid to get a job, we can start them off as an intern. We accept kids of ages nine and up. Just ask our youngest member,"

(Camera turns to Thasmox who is currently punching Demyx in the face) Thasmox "Cut the commercial, I'm gonna be "training" a while,"

The commercial ended.

"Xou could'xe ax leaxt fakex xit!" Demyx complained.

"I was punching you because you extinguished my cigarette," Thasmox yelled.

"Xi keex xelling xou, thax wax Roxas wix xa firxe hoxe!" Demyx explained.

"You shouldn't have taken up smoking, that can kill you!" Roxas said.

"And you shouldn't nail Xion, cause that can kill her!" Thasmox remarked.

"I don't have a heart to fail anyway," Xion yelled as she took out another SMG and aimed it at Thasmox' head. She squeezed the trigger but all she got was a clicking sound.

"Hahahaha, my genius prank to take the clip out of your gun before your mission to Mafia World worked!" Vexen laughed.

"You just lost help into the sugar vault!" Xion hissed.

"Unfortunately, the third commercial is starting," Saix said seeing as he didn't care.

The third commercial began.

{THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M GONNA SAY IT, BUT THE FORMAT HAPPENS EVERY TIME THE COMMERCIAL BEGINS}

Camera turns to Lexaeus with his axe. He says nothing and instead it has Marluxia's voice narrating.

Marluxia's Voice "There is always a strong man somewhere, but the Organization men have more then raw physical power, they have the real power. Any man can boast, only a few can brag,"

Xion "Hey moron, those are the same things,"

Roxas "Xion honey, it's not important,"

Xion "That's it! Get the hell back here," She starts chasing Roxas with a chainsaw.

The camera goes to Xigbar who's is clearly discussing plans into hacking Xemnas' terminal.

Marluxia's Voice "This is an example of your classic thinks-he's-so-tough guy, when he is…,Xemnas, we shouldn't have Xigbar in the robes, it discredits us!"

"Shut up Marluxia!" Xemnas yells.

Marluxia's Voice "I have only this to say…" Giant energy ball pushes Marluxia down.

Roxas' Voice "There's strong, there's Army strong, there's organization strong, and then there's me strong,"

Thasmox' Voice "Xion, I caught him, move in for the kill!"

A chainsaw noise gets gradually louder, then the commercial ends.

"Seriously?" Thasmox yelled.

"It's powerful isn't it?" Xemnas explained.

"Powerful stupid!" Thasmox stated as he entered a Dark Corridor.