"Tell me again?" Vince asked, confused. After Howard had retrieved the rogue jazz cell from his body, Naboo had soon become concerned that he wasn't recovering as well as he should have been and whisked him upstairs to the flat to run some tests.
Naboo put down the thermometer he had been holding and looked at Vince patiently.
"It's Shaman law, the curse of Kalashki," he lisped. "If someone saves your life once, the curse rules that you become their best friend. However, if they save your life a second time, maybe it isn't such a good idea that you are together. So you. …can't be. Ever again. I'm so sorry Vince, if I'd even suspected, I'd have sent Bollo in just now. It's so rare - I've not seen a case of it in decades. It's a one in a million chance"
Naboo hung his head for a moment, clearly blaming himself for Vince's current predicament. Vince scowled, pulling the blood pressure cuff from his arm,
"I still don't understand. So Howard saved my life earlier by getting that Jazzy freak out of my body. That's only the once isn't it? And he's already my best friend. He has been since we were kids"
Naboo pulled his crystal ball out of his robes and blew it up.
"Yeah, I've been wondering about that too," he said, gazing into its misty surface. After a few moments he looked up, satisfied,
"It says here that Howard saved your life when you were nine. You were going to step out in front of a car but he pushed you out of the way,"
"I was distracted, I'd just figured out the best way to customise my school tie! And besides, I'm still not convinced about this law. It's not seemed to have affected Howard all those times I saved his life,"
Naboo once again consulted the crystal ball,
"Apparently you never saved his life. He could have always found some way out of it,"
"What about monkey hell?" Vince spluttered,
"It looks like he would've found a loophole in the paperwork,"
Vince shook his head, thinking of the countless times he thought he had saved Howard's life – in the boxing ring, rescuing him from old Gregg - he would've been ok. Maybe it would be good to let Howard take control now and again.
"So how are we going to get around this one then Naboo?" he asked brightly, as the tiny shaman packed away the crystal ball.
"Sorry, no can do. The rules are quite strict on this. If you stick with Howard you're going to die a slow and painful death. It's like he's poison to you now"
"The perfume? I know it's gross but maybe that wouldn't be so bad. Maybe even better than he smells now, sort of musty like a museum," Vince babbled. Naboo noticed that Vince wasn't able to meet his eye and wondered, not for the first time, whether Vince was as dumb as he made out.
"No," he explained, giving him the benefit of the doubt, "Like actual poison. As in being around him will kill you. One of you is going to have to leave,"
At that point Bollo lumbered in, carrying Naboo's hookah and Vince sensed it was time to leave them to it; after all, his brain cell had a lot to process. He was nearly out the door when Naboo called after him
"Oh and you can't tell Howard any of this"
Vince raised an eyebrow "Shaman law?" he asked sarcastically.
"No, I just cant be bothered explaining this all over again to that ballbag"
Vince slammed the door and Naboo picked up the pipe,
"Naboo tell precious Vince what happens if Harold saves life three times?" Bollo asked.
Naboo grimaced, "No"