Chapter Two: Fruit Hunting is Dangerous… And Fun!

"You know, I hate punks like you who think they're so cool bleaching their hair blonde. You some sorta' fucking Gaijin, punk?"

"Ha?" Naruto merely said as his fist sailed to the guy's face. The hooligan fell back as he held his cheek in pain.

"You got somethin' to say, ugly? If not, get the fuck off of my case, I'm gonna' be late."

Now people, no matter how ill-conceited, are still concerned about their looks. Even Youkai who maintain a human appearance still would want their looks more defining than a regular human's, it puts them in a position that would likely tell a human that they are above you. Now, it's not that the face that Naruto pounded earlier was a handsome girl magnet, no. The dude that had his face planted with a fist was FAR from it, he indeed, WAS ugly beyond reasonable doubt, and those deep crevices on his face were proof of that. Well, he could have gone and do a better human look but then again, his brain capacity is that of a low grade thug who can't even manage to pass second grade.

"I'm gonna throttle ya'!" He lunged at the blonde in a blind rage

Naruto didn't care. Raising his right leg up, he kicked the guy straight at the chin, hurtling him upwards and planting his head on the ceiling.

"You don't mess with Uzumaki Naruto, bitch!" The blonde yelled as he decked the poor guy on the stomach earning a muffled "oof!" and a groan of pain coming from the cracked ceiling.

God, how he hated being criticized because of his hair! Can't these fuckers see that it was a natural colour to begin with!? On a side note though, what about those people with pink hair? He knew Sakura's were natural, she said so herself, but Naruto kept thinking that there was no way that was real, pink hair, no matter how he thought about it, would be beyond natural. Hmm… Maybe Sakura was related to that pink haired girl in class? The pink hair and green eyes are a dead give away and at least she's gentler than Sakura. That monstrous strength of hers was a trait that made Naruto cautious around her, Jiraiya reminded him that as long as Sakura was Tsunade's apprentice, then he should prepared for some form of punishment.

"Crap, I'm late!" Naruto then sprinted towards the second years' floor and unceremoniously slid the door open in a dishevelled huff.

"Sorry, I'm late; I had to go take care of a problem." Naruto said in a deadpan voice, as his left hand was in his pocket while his bag was held with his right hand over his shoulder as he sat down, the math teacher, Kagome Ririko, narrowed her vision towards the new student, completely ignoring Kurumu who was asleep.

"I don't know what's more important for you, Uzumaki-san, but to me, educating the youth is an important priority of mine." Mentioned the teacher, Naruto somewhat paled. The gleam from the eyes of the teacher was scaring him, it reminded him of that predatory stare that Orochimaru had for Sasuke. It was that I-am-so-going-to-touch-you-in-places-you-never-knew-you-had gleam.

Naruto shuddered at the thought, Orochimaru giving that glare was unsettling and scary and even though it was aimed at Sasuke he could practically feel the intent of something much more than just invading your conscious mind, if he wasn't so dangerous he'd be either laughing at his former friend or he would tell to fuck off before HE gave the stare at Naruto. Come to think of it, Naruto didn't exactly know what Orochimaru's preferences were OR what his gender was, the first time he met the snake paedophile, he was a female then turned into a guy, then turned female again, then a guy again. It was like Orochimaru didn't know what he truly was, if it weren't so disgusting, Naruto would have shouted to the snake bastard to make up his damn mind on what he is.

Naruto carefully chose his words to answer to that stare that Ririko had been giving him.

"It was an emergency sensei, not going to happen again." Naruto answered, almost too convincingly. Pfft… Yeah right, the first ten minutes would revolve around him getting bored, after that, he would skip class unnoticed.

Once he got to his seat, he noticed that the girl with the awesome rack was asleep, while Gigolo was poking her awake. Ririko had begun to ask about something called the Setsugen Theorem.

Shit.

Naruto really didn't know anything past his fighting ability and a small experience in biology, if anything were to go by, the only thing he'd be good at in this school would have to be Physical Fitness, anything else and he's pretty much a fish out of water.

The good news is that Ririko's attention was diverted to the young whiskered blonde; the bad news was that the triangle that Ririko threw had hit the girl with the big breasts square on the head like a kunai. Kurumu's head shot up and blood dripped from her forehead to where the wound was inflicted.

Naruto visibly paled.

Was this going to be an everyday occurrence here? How many times would he have to face a punishment like that!?

Naruto shifted uncomfortably around his seat, he started to sweat from the anxiety that he was letting out.

Once Moka had stood up and explained the theory and application however, the blonde felt relieved and sat sighed in relief, that teacher with the scary glare wouldn't call him out… For now.

Once class was over, Naruto leaned forward to his desk and sighed, looking at the four girls and Gigolo having another interaction, in a subdued expression. With that loli witch mimicking that scary teacher earlier and comparing the girl with the big rack to the girl with the pink hair and then laughing about it because the girl with the awesome jugs was an idiot.

"There's simply no comparison!" Yukari said, slamming her hand on the table and howled in laughter.

BONK!

"Owie!"

"It's just mathematics, Kurumu-chan; surely there are some subjects that you excel at?" Tsukune asked; trying to cheer up the succubus, patting her shoulder as Kurumu held it.

"On studying alone, Kurumu pretty much is horrible on every other subject." The snow woman commented, which earned a good hearing to from Kurumu.

Kurumu then stood up and walked towards Moka as she said, "I'm not really good at studying and other things…"

"But I definitely won't lose to Moka in feminine charm!"

Kurumu then bumped her breasts against Moka's, and stared at the vampire straight in the eye. Moka looked confused and agitated at the moment.

Naruto however, was staring at the group in a subdued manner, careful not to let anyone notice his watch, he could feel his mouth starting to let out saliva as he drooled at the site of the girl with the amazing tatas rubbed her chest against the one with the pink hair.

Holy shit, she's a bi!? Gigolo, you perverted lucky bastard!

That would not soon come to be however, when Kurumu had began insulting just how small Moka's pair was compared to hers. Really, that girl with the big rack sure has high standards for breast sizes. Naruto then watched as Tsukune was grabbed by the shoulders by the girl with the amazing hooters and placed his head in the middle of the two sandwiching himself in the middle of the girl with the pink hair and the girl with the… You know what? Forget it.

Fucking, lucky bastard!

Tsukune felt himself bleed from the nose as he was sandwiched between Moka and Kurumu who kept rubbing their breasts against his face. In mild shock and happiness, Tsukune felt like his life flashed before his eyes.

Tsukune lay limp on his chair after that, while Mizore kept poking at the unconscious boy.

When a paper was taped up on the blackboard, the students clamoured in front to see the special notice Naruto didn't mind it, he was bored out of his mind and he decided he was going to bolt out of this place in search of more… Entertaining activities to do, until he was tapped on the shoulder by Gigolo.

"Ah, Naruto-san, the teacher said we'd be going on a special trip, she said it was training or something."

Training? Naruto raised an eyebrow at that; civilian nobles had to learn how to fight? He thought nobles just learned how to be snooty, sit around and grow fat from all of the food that they eat. Then again, this isn't really a normal school and he couldn't run away either. Naruto gave this a chance; if it can move his body then he guessed it was okay.

Kakashi did say he HAD to stay away from Madara at all cost. Naruto gave a snort and doubted that if Madara was in the same room as him, the old fart wouldn't even capture him.

Unknown Location:

Madara sat in pause around his makeshift throne, he wasn't moving, his arms were rigid, and he didn't say anything. He had another lapse of his catatonia. He was just… There, staring straight to nothing in particular. That or he found the stalactites and stalagmites very, very intriguing.

One question though, was looming in his head,

'What am I doing again?'

Moving on…

Naruto warily went up the bus as he saw that man that drove the bus to this place. That smirk on the man made Naruto want to punch his lights out for some reason as a vein was bulging at the back of his forehead.

I'm startin' to hate you.

Naruto went to the furthest seat in the back and sat down; he didn't really want to be anywhere near that creepy as fuck bus driver.

He looked out into the window in a bored tone as he felt another student sit beside him.

It was Tsukune who was smiling at him, Naruto raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"I'd like to talk about what happened yesterday, you know, my secret that's not supposed to come out? I'm Aono Tsukune by the way."

Naruto raised an eyebrow at this, not catching on, "What secret? You're a latent homosexual? Then excuse me for a moment I'm gonna go find a new seat."

He didn't care if that bus driver was creepy as fuck now, if he wanted to be near ANY type of people like Orochimaru. Fucking shotacon. At least he's dead.

"NO! NOT THAT! I meant the reason why inner Moka wanted to pulverize you!"

"Oh… Sorry about that, I tend to jump to conclusions about people with deep dark secrets." Naruto soon realized it, oh it was THAT secret, this guy was that vampire thing or whatever's pet or something. Honestly, this guy could either be the luckiest man or the most fucked bastard he'd ever met. Being considered someone's pet is degrading, then again, if you put it in sexual terms then, it's kind of kinky actually.

Naruto glared at Tsukune for a few seconds, the boy looked on in discomfort at Naruto until he asked the blonde, "C-Can I help you, Naruto-san?"

"Nope, just that a thought crossed my mind as to how either you're extremely lucky or extremely fucked. Your situation has got to be the biggest FUBAR I have ever encountered."

Tsukune could only nod in agreement, Naruto had another thought though; he eyed Tsukune suspiciously about his relationship to that silver haired dominatrix. Was Tsukune the type of guy that enjoys BDSM? Oh hell, maybe that's why he has somewhat tolerated her.

Once they had made to another dreary looking forest, Naruto had his hand in his pocket looking absolutely bored; talk about a forest for emos, Sasuke would probably have a field day in a place like this.

"Eh, Naruto-san, why are you grinning?" Asked Yukari, Naruto only shook his head and said innocently, "Nothing."

Just by the view of the odd claw like tree made Naruto think this place was MEANT for happy people. He looked at the front where the exuberant teacher of his stood while she waving a butcher knife around, which all things considered, is totally safe for your information and should be very well practiced at home, and an eerie fruit that had jaws on its own and tentacles squirming about.

That creepy durian was really making his spine shiver. Once the teacher cleaved the fruit however, the reeking stench of said fruit was invading his nose that he wanted to vomit.

'Smells like Kakuzu of all things.'

Naruto remembered that creepy zombie member from Akatsuki, of all things gross and completely disgusting, the stupid fruit thing made him remind of the grotesque and scary as fuck member from Akatsuki who ate five freakin' hearts and looked like a hentai monster reject. Oh he felt his lunch go for a minute there. That was so a mood killer right now.

"Okay, so with that in mind, since this is the right season, we're going to be fruit hunting for this durian!"

Naruto seemed to retch at that, this was training? And the price was that smelly, creepy looking fruit that had mouths and tentacles surrounding it?

Naruto gave a sigh; he knew it was too good to be true. Ah well, at least he could stay near the bus and loiter around. He didn't want anything to do with that ugly fruit.

He sighed once again, only two days had passed and he already missed his friends back home, he wondered what they were all doing.

Konoha (Naruto's imagination):

Neji, Shikamaru, Sakura, Tenten and Hinata were all by the entrance of Konoha's hot spring district, with a ghastly looking zombie all tied up and subdued under chakra seals and rope.

"And now, to find out who our mystery hot spring Zombie really is!" Sakura mentioned in a cheery voice

Neji grabbed the monster's face and de-masked the said man, revealing…

"It's Kisame the Fish-man!" The five teenagers all said together as the blue fish-man growled struggling from the chakra enforced rope and seals.

"He used the ghost story of the hot spring district to drive this place out of business and sell it to him at a cheap price to establish a sushi restaurant." Shikamaru said as he grabbed a paper from his pocket and pulled out the deed he had picked up randomly on the side of the street.

"T-The first clue we found was the misplaced bandaged sword on an obscure random street. It had a tendency to eat our bijuu's chakra so we were suspicious at the time." Hinata then pointed to the large overbearing bandaged sword that seemed unaffected by the fact that the sword was somewhat laughing and crawling its way towards them.

"And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you nosy brats and that stupid, homicidal, talking, bite-sized bijuu!" Shouted the dastardly fish-man, his plans, foiled again!

"Well now, Kisame, I guess all your plans fell in hot water!" Tenten replied

"Kyuubi-doobi-doo!"

And jovial laughter was all around.

Naruto:

'Yeah, they must be having a blast right now.'

Naruto mused in his head, as he laid himself down on the roof of the bus staring at the dark and gloomy skies.

Naruto gave a depressed sigh, what he wouldn't do for a little action for once. All he could see was the teacher-cat-thing, whatever, fishing along with that creepy-as-fuck bus driver. It was as exciting as doing that painting mission on a fence back in his genin days. Blah!

"Naruto-san!"

Naruto turned his head around in a half lidded gaze staring at a very distraught Yukari heaving and panting for oxygen.

"Something happened, Yukari?" Asked the blonde, whenever he was near the said witch, trouble seemed to brew its special drink for Naruto to chug down unknowingly.

"It's that monster durian, desu! I know its nature, and Kurumu and Tsukune-san are going to get killed!"

Naruto looked up to the heavens and sighed. Might as well get this over with, somehow, he felt he was being kicked in the ass for being such a mule about this, he swore there was some higher being up there loved to play practical jokes on him.

"Tell me what happened." Naruto said as he crouched down and placed Yukari on his back, Yukari warily climbed on and Naruto suddenly dashed like a lightning bolt, zipping through the heavily forested area.

Yukari somehow reluctantly told the… Tendencies about the fruit.

A few minutes later:

Naruto was somewhat amused by the loli witch's tale. The said fruit had groped Moka with tentacles as did some of the females in their group. Naruto thought it came out from one of his former sensei's more wild and exotic fantasies, Icha Icha in space.

Naruto shivered.

Thank God that wasn't published in lieu of Jiraiya trying to expand his horizons. It just goes to show, aliens and sex don't mix. Ever.

That said he would never touch that manuscript again. In fact he would have burn it the first sight he got a view of that shit, then probably gouge his eyes out and wash it with acid or something. Good thing he persuaded the old letch about his idea for the book, and the pervert even let him ghost write a chapter or two! Icha Icha Tactics sold millions because of Naruto's idea, much to the begrudging acknowledgement of his master.

They immediately whizzed past Moka and the others who recovered from the initial shock of being groped by a perverted fruit (Moka) and being taken out by friendly fire (Mizore).

Yukari was amazed at how agile and precise Naruto's footwork was. He could jump from treetop to treetop with his feet alone, and land from a farther branch while fixating his feet to distribute their weight so that they won't fall.

Once they arrived, Naruto could suddenly feel a sudden shift on the ground, a vibration that caused Naruto to stay alert, and immediately dashed towards the place that Kurumu stood on.

"Get out of there, you idiot!" Naruto shouted about to tackle Kurumu, who looked shocked to see Naruto coming after her.

To say that Kurumu was caught a like deer in the headlights was an understatement.

The jaws of the giant fruit then erupted from the ground and snapped its gaping maw shut on the blonde and on Kurumu. Tsukune watched in horror as both Kurumu and Naruto were swallowed by the gigantic fruit.

"NOOOO!"

"Oi, what's with the death wail for, Tsukune?"

"Huh?"

Turning around, he found Naruto carrying Kurumu haphazardly like a bride with a bored but amused look in his face, Tsukune pointed to the monster then back at Naruto,

"But… But… He, you, monster… What the hell!?"

BOOM!

A thundering explosion echoed from the back of Tsukune sending a tremendous shockwave around the area. Tsukune turned back and saw the heaping, smouldering remains of the said monster.

"Naruto?"

The said blonde looked at Tsukune with a raised eyebrow, the said boy asked him, "How'd you do that?"

Naruto, not knowing what to answer that isn't the truth, lied through his teeth again, "Because I'm just that awesome."

At that moment, green ooze pelted the blonde from above as if the heavens were mocking him with that statement. His total cool factor was lost when the green goo oozed its way down from his head.

Kurumu, who had saw Naruto somewhat taller than last time, cackled as the green slime hit the blonde on the head, "Way to lose your badass factor, Uzumaki!"

Naruto gave an indignant reply, "Ungrateful cow-girl."

Slash marks suddenly found its way to Naruto's face.

Naruto only uttered a flat, "Ow." before setting Kurumu down on the ground.

"Wow, you guys already took care of that thing before we could come here." The pink haired Moka said, as she stepped closer to the three that were in the clearing. Behind her, were Mizore and Yukari, a bit glad that Kurumu was saved.

Naruto put his arms on the back of his head as he turned his back on the girls, "Yeah well, it's just some of my tricks."

A rain of the pointy fruit suddenly fell down. Naruto casually side stepped and let it hit the ground.

"Not this time!" Naruto taunted until another fruit had hit him square in the head.

Blood trickled down from his head as he gave another deadpanned "Ow."

Once they returned to the bus however, everyone received a slice of the said fruit. Naruto, who wanted no part of the said object, threw the offending object over his shoulder and saw Tsukune being carried away in a stretcher. The creepy-as-fuck bus driver mentioned that Tsukune had food poisoning, which Naruto was thankful for all the dumb luck that happen to cross his way.

The next day:

Today was the start of the freshmen years, the day when he'll finally be assigned to his rightful classroom. Not like it was interesting to say the least to Naruto, since it was school, and anything that involved a pen, a notebook and a blackboard was all but fun to him. He looked grumpy as he walked his way towards the school, uncaring about the frightful stares that were focused on him. Once he entered the school campus itself, he saw Tsukune running for his dear life from a wild boar that had quills and a set of sharp teeth.

Naruto stepped forward and raised his right hand; he leaned back and twisted his hips slightly. Tsukune went past Naruto and the blonde was now face to face with the offending monster. Naruto leaned down, and punched the said monstrosity square at its snout that sent it flying to the opposite side.

"Stupid pet…" The blonde muttered

Once the blonde said that he turned around, when the said monster charged again and this time, bit Naruto's head.

Naruto paused for a couple of moments, and then, stared upwards at the gaping maw of the aggressive boar about to chomp his head off.

CHOMP!

"Ow." Naruto deadpanned as he said that word while his head was inside that beast's head.

"Somebody get this fucking tub of bacon of my fucking head! I swear to god, if I knew any fire based attacks I would totally make a business selling ribs and tonkatsu right now!"

As if on cue, a girl had suddenly leaped in front of him, her right hand swinging with her bag as she hit the boar square in its face detaching it from Naruto's head and sending it crashing to a nearby poor wall.

Naruto stiffened at the moment watching the chaos that unfolded in front of him, he watched simply as the boar got limping as it tried to get up and walked away. Naruto's expression from awe, to shock then to dread, as he turned around slowly and saw a fiery cute red head in pig tails wearing a red version of the female uniform and noticing the somewhat misshapen shaped bat asking him, "Are you okay?"

Instinctively, Naruto merely nodded wordlessly, as incomprehensible words escaped in his head.

'SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Not another one of those kinds of women! What the hell did I ever do to deserve this!?'

Naruto in his state of panic, didn't seem to mind the girl somewhat sniffing her way towards his recently bloody forehead. The trickle of life giving fluid falling from to his cheek had enamoured the cute girl that proceeded to stick her face closer to his as Naruto's mind went blank.

'Wait… What's happening? Why the hell is she so close to me? Why is she sticking out her tongue and- HOLY~'

The girl licked his cheek.

It was then that Naruto's mind decided to shut down and the functioning consciousness of his brain decided to call it a day.

'Fuck this, I don't need this shit!' It said and kicked the metaphorical desk it had.

Ladies and gentlemen, Naruto's mind has just experienced a blue screen of death.

Naruto stood catatonic in his place and the girl soon realized that she was going to be late for her introduction ceremony.

Tsukune waved his hand on the blonde's face to get his attention but Naruto remained unblinking and unresponsive.

A few seconds later, Naruto's face looked like a tomato as blood rushed from his veins through his head before absentmindedly holding the still wet area of the place where the girl had licked the blood clean of his cheeks.

Tsukune suddenly had a wave of déjà vu hitting him. But this time, on two completely different people.

"How come this reminds me of something?" Tsukune asked to no one in particular, as he snapped his fingers in front of Naruto who suddenly jolted from his stupor and looked over at Tsukune who was grinning his way over to him.

"I think someone just earned himself a very endearing friend in his age, wouldn't you say so, Naruto-san?"

Naruto raised his eyebrow suddenly at Tsukune before sighing and dismissing the boy to his new class, knowing little that the said girl was going to be his classmate.

Besides, he had something up in mind for the day anyway. And damn would it be funny as hell!

A sinister grin escaped his lips as his eyes gleamed in mischief; these idiots were far too baffled just how those pranks managed to slip under the school police's nose.

Godaikoku:

"So…" Kisame started expectantly after a long silent walk from Fire Country to the hide out.

"Don't. Say. A word." Zetsu said between gritting the mouth of his white half.

"Shut up, man. Seriously!"

"Hey it's not my fault that they expected us to come after the Jinchuuriki in the first place!" Kisame defended.

"You just had to laugh at the goddamn Hokage, didn't you!?"

"Again, for point of reference, it's not my fault!"

The two began squabbling like children as they began a shouting match that could be heard throughout the entire night.

In the middle of their argument, a sudden ruffle from the bushes went by unnoticed between the two as Suigetsu popped up from the bushes and coughed, earning the attention of the two bloodthirsty criminals.

"Oi, I was wondering when I could catch up with you two. Good thing you two are still alive." Said the fanged boy.

Kisame stared at the most ambiguously gay member of the current organization, second only to Orochimaru, he shuddered, and wondered why would the boy say that.

"Turns out that the info from Madara had been intentionally leaked, he forgot to mention it to the two of you earlier when you were assigned. Good thing you guys are alive, he told me to tell you guys to intercept the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki on the western side of the country not on the northern. Sorry about not telling you that."

A moment of silence escaped between the three, as Kisame and Zetsu stared at each other in complete. And. Utter. Silence. If one could drop a small needle on the ground it would have definitely be a deafening sound

"Zetsu…" Kisame started looking directly at Zetsu in a complete and eerily calm manner.

"Yeah?" Asked Zetsu, in the same tone of voice that somehow complimented Kisame's

"I'm going to kill him." Was Kisame's only reply and hefted Samehada on his shoulders and started walking back to the base in a solemnly creepy manner.

Zetsu looked at Suigetsu who shrugged as the water boy said, "Don't look at me, I'm just a messenger."

"Aren't you going to stop us?" Zetsu asked apparently, wanting to join in on the carnage as well.

"It's not me that you two are trying to kill, plus it's not Sasuke, though I do have a favour to ask once you DO manage to pull it off."

"What?" Asked Zetsu's black half.

Suigetsu replied, "Just make sure to kill Karin too. You know, in a subtle way, as in 'I-was-a-screwed-bystander-caught-in-the-crossfire' kind of way."

Zetsu raised his non-visible eyebrow at this and agreed with Kisame inwardly.

Suigetsu hated Karin as much as he did and that Suigetsu was ambiguously gay.

Funny how that worked.

Yokai Academy:

It was horrible, utterly and dreadfully horrible.

Morioka Gin stood agape and frozen in front his locker for a moment before holding his stomach and almost made a hurtling sound as he stumbled and closed his locker.

Colour leaving his skin, Gin shook his head for a moment all the while muttering to himself, "No, couldn't be. That isn't possible, I'm Morioka Gin, damn it! I'm the most masculine guy that I know!"

Thinking that it was just his imagination, Gin opened his locker again and suddenly felt his knees buckled as he felt the contents of his lunch rising from his stomach. Not wanting to burn the image in his mind, Gin slammed his locker closed with his back against it and fell down, as if his life was drained out of him.

It was then that the self proclaimed lolicon, Tanimoto Haiji walked towards him in a questioning look before turning to his own locker. Halfway through his opening, he saw pictures of two blonde beautifully curved naked women kissing each other.

Now, for any other male, they would be utterly embarrassed or even just flustered at the suggestive picture itself. But this was Haiji Tanimoto, self-proclaimed lolicon lover and looked absolutely neutral when it came to dealing women his age.

"Now this is just a terrible joke, if they wanted to post photos of naked women in my locker, they should make them younger, perkier, less curves, and more zest!"

Gin, upon hearing this, resolved his predicament by a plan that was instantly concocted in his head.

"You know, we both got a terrible side of a joke, Haiji." Gin said as he stood up and linked his arms on Haiji's shoulders and whispered to his friend.

"You see, some moron posted loli pictures on my locker and I'm kind of pissed off about it." Said Gin, to this, Haiji raised his eyebrow and continued to tread lightly with a simple but wary, "Ok…?"

"So why don't we switch lockers? I'm sure it's a picture still not in your collection…"

"Deal!"

Before Gin could finish, Haiji had already opened his locker only to find a soul wrenching fear that would forever be burned in his retinas.

As the colour from his face drained, Haiji fainted down on the spot and Gin smirked.

"A deal is a deal, Haiji!" Said Gin as he laughed and opened Haiji's locker, the picture of two naked women slipped from the locker and found another picture behind it.

Needless to say, Yokai Academy had heard the loudest and most horrifying death wail they had ever laid their ears on.

Up on the roof, Naruto was laughing his ass off but he swore to himself that he is NEVER going to get his hands on a stolen yaoi magazine EVER again. Naruto wanted to wash his hands with acid once he had obtained the said book, particularly the sulphuric one, after that he would use Shino's bugs as covers so that he wouldn't dare imagine that he still held the book.

In all fairness, Naruto felt like he did a very cruel joke back there and maybe, just maybe, he wanted to apologize.

Cue snorting and totally dismissing the fate of the school pervert and the school lolicon.

Once he got down, from the water tank, Naruto saw Moka and Tsukune dashing from the rooftop towards the stairs. Naruto, who was wondering what the emergency was all about, followed suit, quickly catching up to Tsukune and Moka and then asked.

"What's the rush you two?"

Tsukune merely shrugged as Moka went to their classroom, Naruto followed suit. Once Moka was at the door, she stopped, and Naruto saw that the pink haired girl ducked.

Unfortunately, Naruto was unprepared to what came next.

In front of his eyes, a desk came flying towards his face.

SMASH!

Exceptional Shinobi he might be, but he didn't have the reflexes of the Fourth Hokage. As soon as the offending object connected to his face, he was sent flinging to the opposite wall with a bloody forehead.

Tsukune suddenly paled at the all too familiar brute strength, and shouted the blonde's name, "Naruto!"

"Oops…"

Naruto could only mumble as his world began to spin.

"I-I hate my li…fe…!"

Then, darkness claimed him.

To be continued…

Well, chapter 2, done!