Yep, I am just as surprised as you are that I updated :) I guess Easy A (movie) inspired me, cuz Emma Stone kicks too much ass. Anyways, yes I wrote a new chapter and I'm going to share it with you, so there's nothing you can do about that:)) Just wanted to say major thanks to all you awesome guys who read and reviewed, thanks so much! Didn't expect so many reviews for this one :)

And now...I leave you with this sticky chapter. Not as cool as I wished it could be, but I must say, I like absurd, conflicted, smarmy Sirius Black. Hope you do too.

Hogwarts didn't care about your personal space. Hogwarts spat on your little bubble of intimacy.

That might sound harsh, but it was the simple truth. If someone bought a new skirt, the whole crowd was going to know in a couple of hours.

Of course, if you were an anonymous individual with nothing spectacular or intriguing to single you out, the crowd wouldn't chart your life, but if you so happened to tread on the dangerous gossip territory, they would never let you out again.

See, dating Sirius Black would make a needle stand out in a stack of hay. So it made me, Rachel Moore, average sixteen year old with bad eyesight, zero fashion-sense and no plans for a brilliant future, a sudden main topic on their radar. Their radar, pathetic as it was, was mercilessly precise.

They tracked me the entire day. Gossip spread like wildfire. And soon everyone was talking about the same thing. Oh, no, not about our relationship, that was old. The question now was; how long would it last? Usually Sirius kept it going for about three weeks, maybe a month. So they were counting down the days.

They were actually making bets; would it be tomorrow or next month? Or maybe, who knows, would it last longer than that?

And even more importantly, would this new girl be a simple play-toy, or would she be another one of Sirius Black's failed attempts to connect to a human being? Was she a project of his, a dare, a simple task, a new challenge?

Well, they scratched the last one, cos they pictured me as an easy target. I mean, what low-class, Muggle-influenced, average-looking witch wouldn't jump at the chance of a couple of days in paradise with the school's rebellious John Travolta?

Although, admittedly, Hogwarts still had more dignity than Grease.

I was quickly losing the shred of confidence I had around people. Sure, I had confidence in myself, but not really when I was surrounded by prying vultures.

And Hufflepuff is not the House it's cut out to be. Loyalty my arse. They turn on you like snakes.

And I am not telling you this because I was not expecting this. I was prepared for this. It's just that I thought they'd treat me like any of Sirius' girlfriends; with jealousy, respite, interest and eventually...calm indifference.

But apparently I was not what you'd call 'Sirius' type' and everyone was surprised he had picked me, ergo, their reactions were a little more unsettling than usual.

I was feeling a bit under the weather. How come they weren't thinking that he was not my type? How come they weren't surprised I had picked him?

Oh, right, because I am not as important as Sirius Black. What he does, what choices he makes, that's what matters. Let's forget this other person in the relationship.

She doesn't count.

Well, I'm afraid I would be a terribly boring girlfriend, so I would have to disappoint them.

I couldn't wait to get out of school. As much as I loved Hogwarts for all its whimsical and magical aspects, I didn't feel I was living a fairytale. I blamed this school for making me trade myself for money.

I was just not that kind of person. Not that kind of girl either.

If it hadn't been for Hogwarts, I wouldn't have had to resort to this. Maybe I wasn't ready to face the facts, but I liked blaming someone else, preferably an institution.

At least in the Muggle world there were things like scholarships. In this world, I had to fake a relationship with a rich ass to earn my education and my family's welfare.

It just didn't feel I was living in a magical world. It seemed like the worst scenario.

It made me look like the last woman I'd ever want to be.

I wasn't actually whoring myself, but I was damn close to it.

When classes ended I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I was exhausted from all the staring, all the badmouthing, all the quiet whispers. I kept jumping in my seat during Potions because I heard my name so many times.

It had never happened before.

Some Ravenclaw girls asked me to sit next to them. That had never happened before either.

I had to accept, out of politeness. I probably mentioned before I didn't exactly have a real spine.

'So, do tell, between us girls, is Sirius a good kisser? Because Marissa here dated him for a while and she ranked him a solid 8. We were shocked, we thought he'd be a straight 10. We'd like to have another point of view.'

'I don't usually grade kisses,' I replied sourly.

'Has he kissed you in other places?'

Yes, I ended that conversation quickly by pretending to have a bathroom emergency. Which would soon be a real emergency. I felt like throwing up.

Two girls from Slytherin, who were both coincidentally Black's exes, told me Sirius had probably taken pity with me since I had been dateless for so long. And he really liked to help girls out. He always sacrificed himself for the better of the female community. Right.

I would have asked them if they had required his services in that respect, but I was getting too nauseous to say anything at all.

But the worst part came right before Astronomy.

Becky came up to me, looking as sour as a lemon. She was barely containing herself. Her hands were shaking.

'You...I can't believe you would do this. You whom I considered a friend!'

'Becky...'

'So what was it? What was that? You jumped in to defend me just so you could get his attention? What kind of sick person does that? What kind of tart stands up for a girl just to date her boyfriend behind her back?'

I forgot to mention a whole corridor of people were staring at us, mouths wide open.

'It's not like that, Becky, I swear I did not mean for that to happen...'

'I was crying, Rachel! You saw me! And you had the nerve to go out with him right away! You're a cold hard bitch.'

At this the audience gasped.

'Becky!'

'Maybe you had it planned all along, who knows, you and Sirius might not be so different after all!' she yelled, pushing past me.

Yes, you can see why I felt like utter crap. I had never heard anyone talk to me like that before, because before, I had never deserved it.

So you can guess I was on edge when I entered my common room that afternoon.

Everyone went very quiet. They stopped what they were doing. Literally, everyone paused whatever they were involved with. I thought they were going to start clapping, or something ridiculous like that. But they just looked at me with something akin to disapproval. Some of the guys looked amazed. The two girls I had met with the previous evening were grinning. They had been the first to know, so they felt special.

I sighed and climbed up to my dorm. I just wanted to bury my head in my pillow and stay there until I graduated. Only then would I come out.

I pulled the curtains around my bed. Ugh, yellow had never been a more agonizing colour in my life.

I took out my walkman and put in a cassette. The Go-Gos would have to do. They always cheered me up.

I took out my homework and started flipping through my notebook angrily, almost ripping out the pages. I felt like punching Sirius Black in the crotch. Maybe leave him heirless.

I felt like telling Hogwarts to go fly a kite. That would be a sight.

I just wanted peace. And complete anonymity and silence, and no one staring at me behind the curtains.

But someone was staring at me from behind the curtains.

'Rachel!' a girl squeaked.

'Oh, hi Katie...' I said morosely, looking up.

'Um yes, hello, I'm sorry to bother you, but there's someone to see you...ah, a certain fellow, if you know what I mean.'

I dropped my walkman on the bed.

'No, I don't know what you mean Katie,' I said, staring back at my notebook.

'Oh come on, we all know. So you might as well...you know, stop being shy about it.'

'It's just been a day, I have the right to be...reluctant,' I replied.

'Right, well, you should come down. Sirius Black's at the door.'

'Please, tell him I can't come down right now. I am indisposed. Terrible headache. And I am not lying. You can see the state I am in. I just need to rest. Would you tell him that?'

'Um, I think you should tell him yourself Rachel.'

'No, I can't come down, I can barely move from this bed. Just...tell him, okay?'

Katie opened her mouth, but I raised my palm and shook my head.

She turned around and walked out of the dorm. I sighed and rested my head on my pillow.

If I could just fall asleep right now, I'd be far away from here.

I closed my eyes. Warm sandy beaches...warm sandy beaches...warm sandy beaches...

Warm sandy...

Oh Rachel, love of my life...

Beaches.

Why do you stay away?

Warm...

Why are you breaking my heart?

Cruel fate has torn me from my sweet Rachel...

I jumped up immediately. Singing. Singing coming from downstairs.

No. No. No. No. No. No.

That...that...that...

Can't you see I am down on my...

Wanker!

I think I flew down the stairs because I had never run so fast in my life.

'Stop it immediately!' I shouted.

I blinked surprised.

He was standing in the middle of the common room like an idiot, a rose in his hands, smiling innocently at me.

Every living and breathing Hufflepuff was watching us, their mouths as wide as Europe.

'Rachel, sweetheart, you finally came down. I told you my singing always melts her heart,' he said, nudging a Second Year student next to him.

I was too shocked or too angry - I couldn't tell anymore - to say anything.

'Well, don't leave me hanging here,' he said grinning.

'What...?'

'Do you want me to sing it again?'

'No!' I said loudly. 'No, that won't be necessary.'

'I think I need a bit of fresh air, away from here,' I muttered angrily, dragging him away from the crowd.

'Rachel, darling, there's no need to be so hasty...' he said, as he walked out after me. 'We have all night long.'

I groaned. I could just hear the sniggering inside the common room after that.

I shut the door behind me and started walking briskly in front of him.

'What in God's name made you do that? A sick need to prove you are the planet's worst singer? Because let me tell you, I wouldn't enlist that as one of your talents,' I began angrily.

He stared at me blankly and kept walking.

'If your plan is to torture me and embarrass me in front of everyone, well, congratulations! It's working!'

He kept silent.

I went on. I was building up some rage. Today had not been a good day for pent up emotions. And they were spilling out.

'First you do that in the morning, you come up to me when everyone can see us and kiss me which turns the whole school upside down. Have you any idea how much happened today? How everyone kept talking? And Becky! Becky thinks I've done everything on purpose, just to get you! As if! And now you come here and sing that preposterous song and expect me to...'

He smiled and put his hands in his pockets.

'Expect you to what?' he asked.

'To...to be perfectly fine with everything, to be this girlfriend you want me to be and...'

'I've never said that. I've never told you to be perfectly fine with anything.'

'But you think you can do whatever you want...'

'Yes. Well, that's a bit of an understatement,' he said shrugging his shoulders. 'I am giving you all that money. I think that entitles me to do anything I wish. Even make a fool out of myself like I did back there. You could have easily avoided that by coming down when Katie first told you.'

'And I told her to tell you I was feeling bad. And I am feeling terrible Sirius.'

'You could have done that yourself. And as for feeling bad – what are boyfriends for? I am here to comfort you and make it all better,' he said, putting his arms around my shoulders. 'But you have to let me do that. Otherwise, how can I show you? I promise never to disappoint as long as you listen to me and don't refuse to see me.'

'That sounds more like 'if you don't do as I say, you will get it',' I replied sourly.

'I really don't want to know what you understand by 'it', Moore, but if that's how you like to think about me, I don't mind,' he said grinning.

I punched him again.

'Can't we just pretend we've made out behind the library and go to bed now?' I complained.

'Oh, so that's what you want to do first? Fine, but I have to tell you from experience, that's never a comfortable place. You do not know how many girls almost split their heads against the rows...'

'Ok, ok! It was just a suggestion! And I said pretend we would be doing that, not actually doing it. Like tell people we did, but we really did not.'

'I'm afraid that's not how I do things. I don't have fake relationships. Sure I make girls suffer and cry, but I don't deprive them of this,' he said, pointing at his body.

I made a disgusted face.

'I've never received any complaints on that field,' he added. 'All candidates have been more than satisfied.'

'Ugh, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?'

'I never kiss my mother,' he said, laughing.

'You hate her that much?' I asked lightly.

'Yeah, pretty much,' he answered seriously.

'I love my family. They are amazing,' I said.

'Yeah, I got that from your little sacrifice,' he said rolling his eyes. 'At least I have money to comfort myself.'

'Yeah, pretty pathetic if you ask me,' I muttered.

'No one asked you darling. In fact, I'd love it if you could be a silent girlfriend for a while.'

'Oh, gee, you know us girls, we just love to chat,' I spat.

'If you stay quiet, you might actually enjoy it,' he said, taking my hand.

'Where are we going anyway?'

'Talking again I see. Well, if you must know, I am taking you to the Head Boy's common room.'

'Head Boy...you're not Head Boy.'

'Astute observation, Moore. But the Head Boy is my faithful minion so he will let me crash at his place,' he said, grabbing my waist.

'And where will he go?'

'Not my problem, really.'

'So, you just order people around and they listen to you?'

'Pretty much.'

'And you're not in Slytherin because?'

'Well, unlike those pricks, Moore, I don't have to make people listen to me. They just do. Because I'm a nice, charismatic fellow. And it's better to have me on your side than against you.'

'Quoted directly from the jerk's personal handbook.'

'You know, I don't see how I'm a jerk in all of this. Am I making you do anything?'

I sighed.

'No. That's just it. You didn't do anything. I mean you did do something. You strolled into my life without my permission. And you're just annoying and making me say things like 'strolled'. You're making this harder for me.'

'I am actually making it a lot easier. You don't have to do a thing. You don't even have to try so hard. Just let me take care of things, okay?'

I narrowed my eyes at him.

'Come on, have some faith in me.'

'Pass.'

'Can you at least play nice and let me work my charms?'

'As long as those charms don't end up killing me,' I said groaning.

'Bye Charlie! Come back in an hour or two!' Black called out after the Gryffindor Head Boy left the common room, leaving his personal suite (and dignity) all to ourselves.

I can't believe he had agreed to this. What sane person gives up his quarters for a bunch of horny teenagers? And by that I mean Black only, because I'm as excited as a fork.

'So love, let's go sit by the fire and get all cosy,' he suggested.

'Fine, whatever,' I mouthed and walked over to the couch. I sank in, pulling my legs behind me.

He sat down next to me and pulled my legs unto his lap.

'Hey! I had just found a good position.'

'And I just found mine,' he said.

'Now,' he began, slapping my leg, 'what shall we discuss tonight? Current affairs, or your social life or lack thereof?'

'How about we discuss how you're going to explain everything to Becky and make her forgive me?' I asked.

'Nah, that's a woman's territory and I don't tread there. Besides, I am never good at apologies.'

'What a shocker. But Becky deserves...'

'Becky deserves to be told the truth. That she needs to get over herself because we broke up. Same goes for the other faggots in this school.'

'It's easy for you to speak because they're not harassing you.'

'That's right, because I don't give a crap. And you'd do well to follow my lead. People tend to act out when you show a reaction. No reaction, no pain. Just shove it down and act cool.'

'Act cool? Seriously? That's your big piece of advice?'

'Yep. Feelings always get in the way of fun.'

'Well, gee, and here I was trying so hard when the answer was so simple. It's like I've had an epiphany.'

He rolled his eyes amused.

'I can't act cool and you know that. I am a compulsive worrier. I need to worry and I can't help worrying and feeling anxious, it's what I do to get on...'

'Shush, shush, darling, you need to relax and let your worries go, because you're with me now, and when you're with me you shouldn't have anything else on your mind,' he said, leaning down for a kiss.

'You do realize that, that was hands down, the corniest thing ever said by man?'

'Yes, I do. Does that raise me in your eyes?'

'Nope.'

'Thought so.'

He kissed me slowly on the lips, tugging at my lips to open up but I resisted and just kissed him back awkwardly.

It felt pretty bad to kiss someone you had no real feelings for.

He grabbed my waist and drew me to him but that didn't do a whole lot of good because now I was struggling against him and the kiss was just getting more embarrassing.

His hands traced my back but got caught up in my hair which was pretty tangled. I hadn't combed it recently. He tried to draw away but he was stuck. I almost gasped in pain.

I moved, trying to free myself, and his lips landed on my chin.

He coughed and raised his head.

He tried again but this time he kissed my nose. He laughed.

'Okay, can you just sit still?'

The third time we hit our teeth, but in my defence, I was trying to say something and I hadn't expected the kiss.

It was all so...wrong.

Plus, I was almost falling off the couch and my back was hurting me.

'This is not very comfortable...'I muttered.

'Yeah, this isn't going to work,' he said pushing my feet down.

I breathed out in relief. 'I know, it's just not right. We're just not attracted to each other.'

'Wait, you're telling me you're not attracted to me?'

I nodded blankly.

'Yes you are. Come on, everyone is and I am not saying that just to act smarmy. You just have to squint a little.'

'Nope, sorry, not working, not even if I squint,' I said, getting up.

He smiled to himself. He rose as well.

'Right, I know what I did wrong.'

'You do?' I asked confused.

'Yep. You have a huge ass Moore.'

I think my mouth fell to the floor.

'And flat chest. And not the flattering kind,' he added pensively.

I opened my mouth but he silenced me with a finger on my lips.

'No need to defend them, the poor fellows speak for themselves,' he said pointing at my chest.

'They just want to be set free,' he added, sighing.

I covered my chest in disgust.

'Why are you...'

'And your hair, good God, is an animal loose in there? I almost lost a hand. Not to mention it looks like it hasn't seen a comb in centuries.'

'Am I blushing?' I asked annoyed.

'And your teeth really do honour the British stereotype. I bet you wore braces when you were little.'

I went completely red. It was true.

'Now you're blushing. Not to worry though, you've got...an amazing personality to compensate. World's most reliable threshold. Goody-two-shoes extraordinaire. You excel at being uncommonly bland. Am I right? Have I left something out? Oh, right, you're also a coward who never speaks her mind.'

'Okay, enough, I really don't have to listen to this!' I said, pushing him away.

He grabbed my hand and turned me around.

'What? Got more random insults to throw at me?' I retorted.

'Random? That was completely accurate! Admit it! It can't get more accurate than that.'

'I thought you said I just looked boring. But I'm not boring or bland, and you know that.'

'No, actually I don't, because you never show anything. You're just a pitiful little girl trying to act like an adult. You put on that mask of authority and morality but you're no different from the others, are you?'

'Okay if you're so bloody sick of me why did you trick me into this relationship?'

'Because I wanted to prove you're just as bad as all of those girls you judge. When it comes to money, you throw your principles away. You're just a cunning little...'

Slap!

I couldn't take any more crap from him. I don't know where this attitude was coming from, but I wasn't about to let him piss all over me.

'Don't you bloody dare finish that!' I yelled, glaring at him with all my might.

He touched his jaw with appreciation and smirked.

'What are you going to do about it?' he asked.

I clenched my fists angrily.

He grabbed my hair and bit my mouth sharply.

I yelled and beat my fists into him, opening my mouth in the process. His tongue invaded my mouth and I felt caught in a trap. I couldn't move.

It's like he was trying to choke me to death.

I sank my teeth into his tongue hoping he'd cry out which he did.

He pulled at my hair and I grabbed his neck and started scratching him. Not a good plan since I had no real nails, but I was trying hard.

He pushed me against the wall. I grabbed his face and pushed it away from me.

He started trailing kisses down my neck. I felt an odd feeling in my stomach growing faintly. My anger was starting to falter, but it was still there, fresh and ready to attack him again.

I grabbed his hair and he took my mouth into his again, but this time I was pulling hard and he yelped out.

We parted briefly and I looked him straight in the eye.

'Did you do this on purpose?'

'What?'

'Did you get me angry on purpose? Just to have your make out session?'

'If I say yes, are you going to let me continue?'

'You son of a...'

He covered my mouth again and I put all my anger and feelings into that kiss. I pushed his tongue away with mine. It's like we were sword fighting with our mouths. I was not winning.

He grabbed my waist and raised me on the tip of my toes.

I shoved my small heel into his knee and he cried out in pain.

But we continued fighting with our tongues nevertheless.

It was strangely more exciting to kiss him while hurting him. While I was angry and upset.

Because I'd never done anything like this before. And it was strange and silly and surreal.

'I'm not boring,' I said, panting, after I broke away from the kiss. 'Not really.'

'Yeah...you're actually a violent little freak, aren't you?' he asked, smirking. 'But you're going to have to do better than this.'

He was going to kiss me again but I put a hand over his face.

'Not tonight,' I said abruptly. 'I need to go...now.'

'Go where?'

'To my dorm. To my life.'

'You don't have a life.'

And we started again.

This time less intense, albeit, but still quite violently. Our teeth clashed but this time it was intentionally and I tasted something like mint and butterbeer, which was a strange and impossible combination.

I also felt this chain around his neck when my fingers accidentally touched his nape, further down. It was cold, like it was made of thorns and icicles.

We moved to the couch; our original plan. His entire weight was now over me which was a sickening feeling.

When my head hit one of the cushions I suddenly stopped.

'Okay, enough!' I yelled pushing him away. 'I don't do this like this.'

'You don't do what?' he asked, not getting up.

'I don't just jump at people I don't know.'

'Guess that's not really who you are. Or is it just the powerful effect I have over you?'

I rolled my eyes.

'It's understandable really. Even Lily Evans can't keep her head with me,' he said smirking.

'Don't let Potter hear that.'

'Oh, he knows, he knows,' he said laughing.

'Yeah well, I'm not Lily Evans or any other girl and I need to go now.'

He rolled over and let me get up.

'At least now you can't say you're not attracted to me. You just needed a bit of help to get there.'

'Ew, stop talking like that. I'm still not attracted to you,' I muttered, although our previous actions proved the contrary. But I knew what I knew.

He ran a hand through his hair and smiled.

'Denial, first step in the process.'

'Shut up,' I mumbled.

He looked up at me with a strange expression on his face.

'Want me to walk you to your dorm?'

'No, no, there's no need, really.'

'Are you sure you want to leave?'

'Quite.'

'So, tomorrow, same hour, same place?' he asked. 'I'm making plans just to be sure.'

'No, I don't know, maybe. I don't want to just... come here and make out like an idiot.'

'Don't worry, I'll bother you during the day as well,' he said smirking.

'No, I meant...I'm not doing this again. I'm not going to have a strictly physical thing with you. That's...stupid. And it's not me.'

'And why not? What's stopping you?'

'Those stupid principles you mentioned,' I said folding my hands.

'Careful, I made you get rid of them once, so I could probably do it again,' he replied grinning.

'No, you couldn't, you ass, so don't even try.'

'Sorry, you don't get to make the calls. I'm going to act like I do in every relationship, I'm not going to deprive you of any important steps. Wouldn't want you to say at the end I wasn't right.'

'Right about what?'

'Right about the fact that not all girls leave my side crying. I'm sure you'll be quite happy.'

'Quite happy about leaving you, yeah,' I mumbled.

'Truly hurt, Moore. Can't believe you're so insensitive. I thought we had something special here,' he said, making a distressed face.

I kicked him in the shin.

'Stop it. I have to go now.'

He nodded his head and went over to a cabinet next to the fireplace. He took out a glass and poured himself something that looked like wine.

'You're going to stay here and drink?'

'Yep.'

'Really? Is that a habit of yours?'

'No, it's a hobby.'

'Uh, maybe you should just go to bed as well.'

His face darkened abruptly. He set his glass on the table.

'Not exactly your place to show care right now.'

'It's not care, it's just weird to sit here and drink alone.'

'I've got some thinking to do.'

'About what?'

He shook his head and looked away.

'I don't know, a naked Madam Rosmerta, flying my motorcycle during a Quidditch game...and the list goes on.'

'Huh, what an interesting life you lead,' I said.

'It gets better,' he replied smiling.

At the door we said goodbye awkwardly, me feeling worse than ever, he probably not giving a crap.

I wasn't going to leave without having the last word, though.

'By the way,' I mentioned, 'Madam Rosmerta has a tattoo. Just to let you know.'

He stared at me surprised. He opened his mouth, but I smiled and shut the door behind me.

If you're wondering how in Merlin's name I know that, well, let's just say she shares a lot when she is tipsy and you're the only client left in The Three Broomsticks.

Still, I felt a bit weird leaving like that. Did he do that every night? Just come here, sit alone and drink?

I don't know, I was probably over-analysing, he probably just had another girl over.

When I returned to my common room like the shameful puppy that I was, no one even looked up. There were few people left, but they seemed to be ignoring me. They were sitting in corners, minding their own business.

I nodded thankfully and climbed up the stairs, but barely had I gone up two steps, when the buzzing started.

'What do you think happened? She looks like she came out of bed,' I heard someone say.

I groaned and hit my head against the dorm door.