Ted And Ralph Watch Television
I think the heading says it all
Author: Augustus
Email: [email protected]
Fandom: The Fast Show
Pairing: Ted and Ralph
Category: Pre-slash, Fluff
Rating: A solid G
Feedback: Much appreciated, no matter what the comment
Summary: I think the heading says it all
Series: Hmm... Dare I say 'possibly'?
Chronology: I'd say between series 3 and series 4.
Disclaimer: Ted and Ralph belong to Paul Whitehouse and Charlie Higson as well as the BBC.
Dis-credits: Go to SBS for cutting the most important part of the last series!
(Ralph's sitting room. There is a blazing fire in the hearth and several lit candles have been placed at regular intervals around the room, in a not-at-all-obvious sort of manner.
Ted and Ralph sit on a faded looking sofa - an appropriate distance apart - and stare self-consciously at the television set in front of them.)
RALPH: Are you a big fan of this program, Ted?
TED: *mutters* It's okay, Sir.
RALPH: *loudly, with more than a little frustration in his tone* Please, Ted, call me Ralph. Surely we've known each other long enough to dispense with this "Sir" business!
TED: *quite stunned by this outburst* Yes, Sir. *blinks* I mean... Ralph.
(He chokes a little on the word. Ralph winces slightly, but doesn't say anything, forcing himself to brighten his tone as he focuses on the screen.)
RALPH: He really is rather humorous, isn't he, this Mister Meldrew?
TED: I wouldn't really like to say, S-...
(He trails off as he catches himself, just in time.)
RALPH: *laughing* Yes, very droll.
TED: I guess.
RALPH: I *do* like these modern situation comedies.
TED: *silence*
RALPH: Do you watch a lot of television at home, Ted?
TED: *pause* I don't have a set, Sir.
(Ralph ignores this little slip-up, instead bumbling on merrily.)
RALPH: Why, you must let me buy you one, then!
TED: *uncomfortable* I'd rather you didn't...
RALPH: *brightly* No? But surely...
(He breaks off as he notices the expression on Ted's face.)
RALPH: No... No, I suppose not...
(There is a strained silence, punctuated by the noise of the television's laugh track.)
RALPH: *mutters* No... Quite foolish of me, really...
TED: *silence*
(Another long pause.)
RALPH: *heroically* You mustn't stay if you don't want to, Ted. I don't want you to feel as though you must waste your time humouring me. (There is another silence, during which Ted's gaze doesn't flicker from the screen in front of them. Finally, Ralph can't bear it any longer.)
RALPH: *turns to look at him* Ted?
TED: *mutters* I don't feel that way.
RALPH: *crushed* Oh.
(He attempts to cover up his disappointment.)
RALPH: That's good, then...
TED: *quietly* I *want* to stay.
RALPH: *stunned* Oh. *pause* Oh...
(They fall back into a more comfortable extended silence. As something amusing happens on the screen, they move slightly closer under the cover of Ralph's laughter.)
~fin~
Augustus, 15-08-2001