LAST CHAPTER! I mean it this time. (Usually, I'm such a bad judge. Last fic, chapter nineteen says "oh, there's about three more chapters left". Hah. Liar.) I know this was short :D it's like my brand of a oneshot!
Notes: so many people I've never seen before.. HI!!!
Blu: Pizza boys should take self-defense class.. and as for your theory on hide/jazz.. maybe that's just what I want you guys to think :D –evil laughter- ratchet and his wrench throwing…
Obsydiandreams: I do love cliffhangers… and if you actually do use that line, I would love you forever. :D and would really, really wanna know your boy's reaction… :) and yes… sadistic delight that it is :D
Bumblebee2009: :) I think I updated Top Gun first… oops… :) I'd be hard pressed to decide which I love more.. hahaha… so many threats… :D
LeLa London: Hi! Glad ya like it
StarSwoop: Hi!
j.d.y.: glad ya like it :D gotta admit, I'm curious what the j/d/y stand for..
smounged1989: glad ya like it :D same goes here… numbers… :)
Astrianna: Seems like everyone wants to (violently) knock some sense into those two :D
IchigoPudding: Poor delivery boy.. and ALMOST! You win the prize for being the closest! It's actually not the guy Tanner ended up with, (That would be Chris Nelson), it's actually Tanner himself. But you win!
KrystalKlear1: Hi :D
Robin princess starfire: I confess, I was the same way… :D In regards to how their relationship has developed and the extent to which that has occurred, I can't say I agree with you. But, hey. You're legally entitled to your opinion. hahaha… y'all'd wait months? I should test that theory :) really can't wait to see what ya write :D
Disc. 1: That was Tanner, by the way. Who else would talk to the pizza guy about how hot the "twins" are? Don't worry, that adorable semi-home-wrecker doesn't have much of a role here. or at all. I just love him :D IchigoPudding wins the prize for almost recognizing him!
Dis. 2: hey, guess what. I googled "the meaning in silence" and THERE WERE LINKS! I can't even tell you how amazing it felt to see that people are actually talking about my book online. On other sites! I was ecstatic, it was unlike anything else :D
Disc 3: Hey, to my darling Meaning In Silence readers, there's a little follow-up oneshot posted! Last Goodbyes. :) If you're interested. Little thanksgiving present for you all.
Disc 4: Also planning a fic with the twins, but… not as fake-twins! It'll be quite the change :D But that's later.
Disc. 5: we actually talked about tattooing organs during AP bio last year. :D It's impossible! Not sure why ya'd want to though..but there is this uncyclopedia article about it :D funny stuff..
Enjoy!
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Sam had been trying to ask his question for the past hour; he had yet to. Ratchet finally stopped what he was doing and turned to face Sam, who was sitting on top of a table, fidgeting.
"Sam, would you like to say something?"
"Me?" Sam nearly yelped. "Um, what makes you think I would?"
"Would you like a comprehensive list of telltale signs?"
Sam winced. "Not really. I guess I do have a quesiton."
"Yes?"
"I'm worried about Bee. That's what it is. Im' worried the hell out of my mind!"
"I have not recently seen him" Concern hung in his tone. "Why are you worried?"
"Can Bots get sick?"
The answer was not forthcoming enough to comfort Sam.
"Only under extreme circumstances."
"Extreme?"
"Maybe if you explained what has you so concerned? It could very well be nothing." Sam nodded, then rattled off the list all in one breath; he'd obsessed over it enough to have memorized it.
"I see" Ratchet said, once he'd finished. "Jazz recently complained of the same."
"And?" Sam still couldn't be calm. Not with Bee coughing and exhausted, not with him being lethargic and unresponsive, not with how he looked like he'd contracted some terribly fatal illness.
"I'm not sure what to do yet, to be perfectly honest. For the time being, the condition is not worsening." Ratchet explained, "As soon as I can find out what's wrong, I'm sure I can fix it. I'm fairly certain I know what's wrong, I just need to make sure."
"Okay.."
"Honestly, Sam. If it's what I think it is, all it takes is time. I believe it has to do with sparkmates, but I can't be sure."
Sam wasn't comforted, but half a promise was better than a complete lack of hope. Sam decided to go back to his apartment, and snag Bee on the way.
Bee was less than willing. "I'm fine." Sam's frown deepened when Bee coughed again. "Fine. I'll come." He let Sam drag him out of the engineering building, putting up no resistance, and not, Sam knew, because he was willing; it was merely beacuse he didn't have the strength. "Where were you, anyways?" Bee coughed, voice sounding more hoarse than even hours ago.
"Talking to Ratchet." He continued towing Bee towards the apartment building, "and this time, I don't care what you say, you need sleep."
In his single-minded state, Sam didn't notice the two human holos in the alleyway they passed. Neither did the two bots on the third floor in one of the buildings.
Sunstreaker was looking at the red balloon in his hands, skepticism on his face.
"And... uh... throwing water balloons out a window is...well... why?"
"Chinese New Year." Sideswipe answered matter-of-factly, pushing the window up, "it's for good luck."
"And we need luck why?" Sunstreaker couldn't help the nervous note to his tone. Maybe insecurity was ingrained in his personality, maybe it was a wiring flaw, but he couldn't help but give in each and every time, if only for a sparkbeat. "Swipe..."
"We-ell..." Sideswipe locked the window into place, "I may have been the one that hung all Ratchet's wrenches from the ceiling. With any luck, he'll never find out it was me."
Before Sunstreaker oculd reply, however, he recognized the voice that came from the alleyway below, and kept his silence. He beckoned Sideswipe to the open window.
"...and it's not me?" Ironhide's voice, more serious than either could imagine the reason for. The heartbreak was terribly tangible. Sunstreaker felt Sideswipe reach for him, hold him tight.
"Hide..." Jazz's voice made clear a heavy reluctance, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry... if there was any other way, I'd do it, I swear I would, but it could-"
"I know. It could kill you, couldn't it?" Jazz made a pitiful noise of agreement.
"And I'm sorry."
For a moment, Sunstreaker coulddn't figure out what was going on, couldn't figure out what was ending, what was at stake, what was endangering whom.
"It's okay." Ironhide- Sunstreaker couldn't quite believe it; he knew Jazz could get incredibly emotional, but Ironhide... it sounded like he was about to cry. "I just hate to lose you. I love you."
It was then that Sunstreaker truly had no clue what was going on.
Jazz had gone completely silent. Ironhide was fighting tears, but Jazz was frozen.
"Hide" he managed to choke out, "It's not.. I don't think it's what you think it is."
"What, then?" That flicker of hope was beautiful, wholly, heartbreakingly beautiful.
"I.... I..." Jazz looked up at Ironhide, voice filled with confusion. "You love me?" So he really hadn't known, Sunstreaker thought. It had been obvious to everyone else, just how devoted Ironhide was to Jazz, but, apparantly, not to Jazz himself.
"Of course." Ironhide didn't look at him. "I love you. But... but there's no way I'd let you die beacuse you need to be and want to be with someone else."
The smile Jazz gave him was like the Cybertronian sunrise, stunning a long-dark world with its forgotten brilliance.
He truly was the last link Ironhide had to home.
"It's not someone else." Jazz's voice was barely audible, merely a breath of wonderment, "It's you, Hide. I just thought you wouldn't want it to be."
"You see?" Sideswipe breathed, nuzzling against him, "already brought good luck. Imagine what Valentines Day could bring about, if all that luck comes out of a Chinese New Year. Let's have another one tomorrow." Sunstreaker smiled.
"You really don't understand holidays, do you?" He pulled Sideswipe in and kissed his
holiday-confused sparkmate.
"They're confusing, it's not just me."
"Know what?" Sunstreaker murmured, as Sideswipe kissed his neck, "you're better than any holiday."
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Michael had discovered a very serious flaw in the military base's system of checking in guests. He'd had his paperwork checked out, visitor's badge authorized, escort waiting just beyond the gate; he was deemed unthreatening to the base.
However, at no point did they stop to consider whether certain people on the base would be a threat to him.
He crept away from the visitors lot, checking around behind him and to over side so often, he nearly ran straight into a parked car. Regardless of the blow to his ego, he had yet to be jumped by any lurking soldiers. Michael's grip on the pizza box tightened, knuckles white. Maybe they weren't soldiers; he hadn't seen uniforms, after all, and if that were the case, he wasn't quite sure who they were. Morrey had seemed okay with them, though, so Michael supposed he hadn't stumbled upon intruders, but- but even so, he was still glancing around like he was expecting a sneak attack.
"Michael!"
"YEEAAAUUGGHHH!" Michael nearly dropped the pizza boxes, but someone swooped in and plucked them from his grasp before he could. "Oh… hi." He gave a weak smile to Epps.
"Glad ya could make it, Michael." He led Michael through the parking lot, flashing a badge at the guard waiting at the exit.
"Thanks for inviting me. Not every day people throw a 'we love our pizza delivery guy' party."
"Thought you deserved it, coming all the way out here and putting up with security clearances."
Michael was able to relax after a while; his two fears weren't among the soldiers in the room, and were, in fact, nowhere in sight. That was why, he supposed, he let his guard down. He was watching a game of quarters-with-soda (and losing the bet he'd put on it) when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"You." The guy behind him was the type Michael wouldn't ever, ever want to provoke into a fight. He'd learned once or twice that lean and lithe didn't mean "weakling," not with muscles like that. The brunette examined him too-closely. "You're that kid."
"Uh…"
"Don't tell me you're using him to cheat on me." An equally intimidating redhead sidled up behind the brunette. "I should hope you'd do better than this."
"Are you calling me something bad?" Michael piped up, earning himself a glower from the brunette.
"Let's clarify. I'm calling you annoying. He's calling you not worth the trouble. We can keep on calling you things, if you want, but I think you get the gist." He smiled, slow, thoughtful, "or we can show you in other ways."
Michael didn't even want to think about what he meant.
"Save that creativity for someone who deserves it, Swipe." The redhead shook his head.
"Yeah? Like who?" The redhead smirked, leaned over to hiss in his ear.
"Me," he practically purred, "you never did do what you promised me."
"I can take care of that." The brunette turned, "I see a wall right there." The redhead grinned, then slipped away through the crowd of people. The brunette paused to look back at Michael. "Don't think you're safe. I find terrorizing humans a great use of my time."
He was gone before Michael could question what else he terrorized, besides humans.
No matter what his answer would have been, Michael wasn't sure he even wanted to know.
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Sam heard the footsteps at the kitchen door, and didn't even have to turn around.
"Go to sleep."
"Now you're definitely trying to get rid of me." Bee grinned, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. Sam was poking around in the refrigerator, finding nothing. "I've only just got back from being at engineering all day, and you're already trying to send me off again?"
"All part of my evil plan to frame wrench-stealing from Ratchet on you" Sam leaned around the door to smile in an alarmingly innocent manner, "I figure that if you're handcuffed to the medbay, he's gonna have to suspect you."
"Sideswipe already tried that one, actually. Tried to get him to think that the military police left me there after catching me red-handed. Somehow, Ratchet wasn't convinced."
"Where'd he get the handcuffs from?"
"Uh…" Bee blushed scarlet, "they weren't exactly… uh…" he coughed, "military-issue handcuffs?"
"Pink and fuzzy?" Sam snorted with laughter, as Bee reddened even more.
"No, more like… well… there was two cuffs and instead of a chain… a pole. So he handcuffed my hands behind my back… around a pole."
"Yeah, I can see why Ratchet wouldn't believe the police would leave the criminal like… uh… that."
"Yeah." Bee coughed again. "The not-twins were the top of his list of suspects."
"Heard he terrorized the pizza guy again yesterday."
"Typical."
Sam watched him for a moment in silence as Bee kept coughing.
"Bee, you need to sleep. Just listen to me and do it."
"Recharge" Bee piped up.
"Whatever. Just get your ass in bed and sleep."
"But Sam..."
"Am I gonna have to drag you there myself? I know you only slept like, one hour last night." Before Bee could reply, Sam had scooped him up and all-but tossed Bee over his shoulder. Bee whined and protested, but Sam wasn't about to let him go. After depositing Bee on his bed, Sam waited as Bee curled up under the covers. "Can I ask you something real quick?" Bee nodded, amber eyes on him. "What's a sparkmate?" Sam sat on the edge of the bed.
"Random question." he sounded so weak, it broke Sam's heart.
"Yeah, well."
"It's like soulmates." Bee's voice was hoarse. "Sparks need their opposites. Some Bots don't need their sparkmate, but some- some, their Sparks will disintegrate if it never bonds with its other half."
"You can die if you aren't with your sparkmate?" The Bots' universe was too black-and-white for Sam's taste. That something could be so guided by technological logistics made everything seem so ultimate, as if even love had to taste of the ultimatum.
"Some Bots can" Bee coughed again, "Two bots, a whole Spark. Sometimes it's split up unevenly. One gets the stronger half. One doesn't. If they never bond... the weaker one can't make it on its own."
"But..." Sam bit his lip, "Ratchet said it's happening to you too."
The amber-eyed gaze darkened with something Sam couldn't recognize.
"Sam, I..."
"Tell me who it is, Bee. Please." Sam drew in a shaky breath, "I'll find them for you or anything-"
"Sam."
"This can't happen to you. It can't. Can't that be made better? Or-"
"Sam."
"If they could just let you go-"
"Sam."
"Unless your heart really belongs to them? Your spark?" Confusion filled the amber eyes.
"You can't own someone else's heart." Bee stated simply, "There's no way to establish ownership of an organ. I mean, you could tattoo your name on it, but that would severely damage the organ, not to mention risking an infection… although it would likely be fatal. And no one would see it, so you'd have no proof. Unless there's a contract, but that seems like black-market trafficking-"
"That's..." Sam shook his head, "that's not what that means. It's nothing to do with, uh, the black market or organ trafficking, or tattooing or whatever. That's beside the point."
"Is it like being an organ donor? I don't think I can be. Bots don't do that kind of thing."
"Bee..."
"Oh, wait." Bee tilted his head slightly, "Is it only for type O blood?"
"Uh, no." Sam wasn't sure he'd ever be able to follow Bee's train of thought. It was nowhere near linear; he suspected that while, on occasion, A did indeed lead to B, that A could also lead to W and 83, just because that was how Bee's processor worked. Trying to understand would give Sam a headache. "It's sort of... more abstract than that."
"Oh." Bee was silent for a while, then looked up at Sam, "when you said there was someone else, what did you mean?"
"It doesn't matter now."
"Yes it does."
"No, Bee. It doesn't."
"It does" Bee tried to stress the words, ended up coughing himself breathless instead, "It has to" he finished softly, barely any voice to his words. "Sam."
"It can't matter, okay? It doesn't and it can't, no matter what. Got that?" Sam sucked in a breath, inwardly cringing when he saw how crushed Bee looked, "Bee, you've got a pre-destined soulmate. It doesn't matter who I want, wanting someone can't measure up to needing someone." It was the difference between want and need. Where they overlapped, that was where guilt froze the emotions over. There was no overlap, not anymore, the overlap was too frozen over, sending Bee careening into want or need, never both, never neither. What he wouldn't give- he just wanted a definitive answer. Wanted to know, needed to know, what the right thing to do was. It was how Jazz had felt, and now, if Sam could have understood what Bee's silence was telling him, he would have known that Bee felt the same.
"They have to be equal" Bee managed to say, "you can't just want someone or just need someone. Otherwise it'll be all subjective or all dependency. It has to be both."
"Fine. Fine. Doesn't make a difference, you know that?" Sam looked down, "not in this case, though, because if you're not with your sparkmate, you'll die. You literally have to be with- with your sparkmate"
With my sparkmate, Bee thought, watching Sam silently, even if there was someone else, how could I be with them and not you? It didn't feel even remotely possible, that he could ever fall in love with anyone else. To give his spark over to them entirely would be impossible, would be a betrayal of himself, of everything that he was, everything that he felt. He could never be anyone's but Sam's; it was like the sense of being Sam's was ingrained into his spark, and he felt with everything that he was that there was no one in any world for him but Sam.
Bee didn't allow himself to think; he closed the gap between them and kissed his sparkmate.
When they'd parted a sparkbeat later, Sam stared at him for a moment, the sweet taste still on both's lips.
"Please, Bee" Sam whispered, "Please, please, please say it's me."
Bee had never imagined that it would come to this. He couldn't form a reply, as Sam pulled him close, waiting, embrace tight. Bee turned his face into Sam's neck, breathed in.
"It's you."
He'd never imagined Sam would want to hear that truth.
Sam hugged him tighter, kissing him gently.
"I never wanted you to be my 'someone else,' you know" he murmured, "I always wanted you to be more than that." He cuddled Bee close for a moment, then nudged him back under the blankets, "you still need to sleep."
"Recharge." Bee argued, tugging Sam's sleeve until Sam got the hint and crawled under the blankets next to him. Bee curled up against him, as Sam turned off the light. Before snuggling against Sam to sleep, though, Bee reached for his notebook on the nightstand.
My heart belongs to you: (spark) when all you want to be is theirs, when they're your entire world. He can make everything better just by being there.
"What're you doing?" Sam nudged Bee gently. Bee tossed the notepad back to the nightstand, blushing crimson in the darkness. "Bumblebeeeee…"
"Just…" Bee turned his face into Sam's chest, "I keep a list."
"A list of what?"
"Phrases," Bee mumbled, "of what humans say. They… kinda confuse me."
"Oh." Sam was hiding a laugh. Bee felt something clench inside of him, something like a dark sense of embarassment.
"That's why I didn't tell you." He blinked back tears, "all the bots would make fun of me about it, and I didn't want… you to…"
"Bee…" Sam tilted his chin up, pressed a soft kiss to his lips, "I think it's the cutest thing ever. I'm not being mean." He cuddled Bee close, "I love you. I'm gonna tease you because I can' t get over how cute you are, but I'm not gonna make fun of you."
"And I thought I loved you five minutes ago," Bee smiled, "I love you even more now."
"Now you're getting it. If you're ever confused, I'll help you out. Remember that." When they'd first arrived on the planet, Bee had thought he would be lost forever.
Held safe in his sparkmate's arms, Bee finally felt like the confused wandering was over, like he'd found the place where everything made sense and everything felt right.
Now, this planet could start to feel like home.
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Hope everyone enjoyed that story!
Love ya,
Sunshine