MAX: The ICBG

Disclaimer: Maximum Ride belongs to James Patterson. Is that really necessary? How much legal trouble can this place get in, really?

Okay. S. S. B. T. M. M. here, with a brand-new story. I am originally the author of a little crossover saga that combines the classic recipe of Maximum Ride and Twilight, with Monsters vs. Aliens thrown in for zest. It's pretty good, actually. Take a look at it if you've got the resources.

But if not, here's some just plain Max-ness. I must say, it's probably going to be difficult to write about a Max who doesn't go to Ginormica for woman-to-woman advice. I've become accustomed to it. Anyway, I'll probably recycle a couple of jokes and plot devices from the Three-Way Saga, so apologies for the folks who have already read that one. But needless to say, that's not very many people.

When I began the Three-Way Saga, I had not read the fifth book of the Maximum Ride series, and I put off reading it for a while so that it would not interfere with my mindset. I have read it now, so we're talking post-MAX here.

Chapter 1

The Big Guy skittered over to the mirror, greeted as always by a man-sized powder-blue gecko with surprisingly human eyes.

"Hello, handsome," he said, fingering the ICBG logo on his shirt. "Here's a face that belongs on currency, eh? Yes, we'll be respected soon enough."

"You talking to yourself again, Big Guy?" said a voice from outside his private quarters.

"To my reflection, actually," the Big Guy called back. "Come on in, Jewel."

Jewel entered the room, his eyes surveying the room briefly—a habit that he had picked up all on his own. Jewel was the Big Guy's pet project, his little 180-billion-dollar baby. Everything the Big Guy had created in the thirty years since Jewel's official birthday paled in comparison. But the Big Guy needed no extra satisfaction—he had his precious little Jewel.

Jewel was a robot, with a supercomputer rivaling any but the most phenomenal of human brains. He had thoughts, opinions, and a personality that over the years had begun to deviate slowly from those of his creator. A synthetic being, but that wasn't why he was worth 180 billion dollars. The Big Guy didn't cut corners—Jewel's exterior had been made of rubies and diamonds, and his most recent modifications, spidery mandibles and an extra set of arms, were sculpted from pearl.

"We've located the flock," Jewel said. "What do we do? Shoot at 'em?"

The Big Guy raised his eyebrows. "Certainly not, Jewel. We're not going to attack them." He looked at the photo of the six bird kids that took up his entire east wall. "They get to expecting that, you know," he said. "Poor little things… no, we need them to know that we're different from the rest. That we are very, very good friends of theirs."

Jewel cocked his head. "Are we?"

The Big Guy grinned. "For their sake, we had better be."