Chapter 1
When did my life get so completely fucked up, thought the handsome blonde man? Feelings, I always knew I hated having them, and SHE proved me right. I had let her into my world, risked my own existence and my position over and over for her, would have given her anything she desired, and would have loved her for all of her life, maybe even more if that was what she wanted. However, that was not what she wanted at all, none of it was. Hell, I would have even found a way to give her a child if that was what she truly wanted. Of course, I couldn't give her a biological child, that just wasn't possible, but here I was over 1000 years old, and a fucking vampire, and I would have found some way to give her a child if that is what it took to have her with me.
Where did it go so wrong? Perhaps in the end it was just too much stacked against us, but I don't believe that. Love is hard; it is hard regardless of whom you find it with. Perhaps, there really was a dark side to her; perhaps SHE was the selfish one. I had seen it so many times before with her other relationships. She never could stick around to work through problems; her solution was to always run away. There was a very unrealistic side to her, where she HAD to be first above all else. Regardless though, I had loved her, and she took that love and threw it right back at me.
She hated the whole bonded thing, and fought against it constantly. My main purpose in bonding with her was to keep her safe. I really thought that she would see that, and in time would also know how much I loved her and would love me too. For a smart vampire, to survive for over 1000 years, I sure have been fucking stupid. Perhaps Pam was right, perhaps I allowed myself to be pussy whipped.
In the end, she found that the bond could be broken. That mangy cat, that I should have neutered, or better yet turn into a fucking rug, had told her how it could be accomplished. She found the ceremonial knife, had spoken the incantation and then she shattered the knife. I knew the minute the bond broke; I felt a piece of me die. I was at her house in record time. When I knocked on her door, she quietly stepped aside to allow me to enter. I turned around to face her, and she let the shattered knife fall to the floor. It was like slow motion, seeing all my hopes for love with this beautiful creature come crashing to a bitter end. She looked at me, and coldly told me she couldn't love me, and that if I had ever loved her at all to get the hell out of her life, to never see or speak to her again. To set her free, to give her the life she deserved.
Then to add insult to injury, she told me, "Eric, your invitation and ALL OF YOUR KIND's invitation into my home and my life is RESCINDED. There was nothing more I could say or do as I was violently pushed out of her home and her heart forever. Sookie might as well have driven a stake through my heart instead.
Chapter 2It was nearing sunrise when my child found me sitting in an old cemetery just waiting for the sun to rise. There was nothing left for me, I was old and tired and had enough. Pam though fought for me.
" Master, I was worried", said Pam. Well she was even more worried when I looked up. "Eric", Pam said softly, "what's wrong". I really didn't want to do this, not in front of my child, but I was so hurt. I looked up at Pam, and tried to quickly brush the bloody tears away, and tried to smile, but it did not work. I took a nervous gulp, and sighed, even though I didn't have to but it just felt appropriate. "She hates me Pam, she fucking hates me," I cried as Pam came running towards me at vampiric speed and pulled me into her arms. Well, I certainly was not expecting that reaction.
Pam just held me for a bit, and finally as it was dangerously approaching sunlight, she took me by the hand. We found an old mausoleum, which would have to do for our rest today, and as the approach of the sun was beginning to take hold of us and pull us under into a deep sleep, I heard Pam mumble, "I will take care of you, you will not be alone".
Over the next few weeks Pam was with me constantly. Not only had Sookie hurt me, but also she had hurt all of us when she rejected us. Pam had tried to call her, just to see what the hell was going on with her, but her number was no longer in service. Well our invitations into Sookie's house and her life might have been rescinded, but that didn't mean we couldn't go to Bon Temps and find the shifter she worked for to get some answers. I was surprised that we could actually go into Merlotte's, since it was a part of her life, but when I found out why, it only opened up the wounds that had barely just begun to heal.
According to Sam, Sookie had left the area. No one seemed to know if or when she was coming back or where she had gone. I had to come to the realization that what I had with Sookie was over, it was finished and she would never be mine.
Chapter3Slowly, life started to go back to pre Sookie days. I spent most of my evenings enthralling the vermin, I guess they just assumed my shitty attitude was the norm, and the shittier I was to them, the more enthralled the vermin were. Although, I couldn't fool my child, she at least left me alone since I wasn't being bad for business. There were plenty of willing girls; I guess they were assuming they had some chance to have me now that Sookie was no longer mine. As if, they were nothing more than food and a fuck, I almost would prefer that bottled synthetic shit, no headaches there. Fuck me, my life sucked. I needed some change in my life.
Pam was rather shocked at first when I suggested to her I wanted to cut my long blond hair. She really thought I was taking things to extremes. I guess when you have had the same hair style for over 1000 years, yeah it might be an extreme, but fuck it, I needed some kind of change. I finally got Pam to agree. Some people have this misconception about vampires that we are unable to cut our hair, or if we cut it, it will grow right back. That's bullshit. We can cut our hair; only thing is it won't grow back. Pam agreed to cut it, but insisted she wasn't going to do anything to drastic with it. In the end, it was about medium length, I could wear it gelled back, and look the badass vampire I am, or I could leave it shaggy like, and have this bed head, I just got fucked look to it. After it was done, Pam said she actually liked it better than my long hair. I have to say, I do too.
That wasn't the only change I was making, next I wanted to get rid of my Corvette. To many Sookie memories, and it was time to purge her from my mind, my life, and my heart. I ended up getting a Jeep Wrangler, and ended up keeping the damn Corvette, although I hardly drove it anymore, but it beat messing around with the top of the Jeep when the weather wasn't the greatest. Sure I am a vampire, but even so, I don't enjoy getting pissed on by the heavens.
I was feeling a little better now, but that was when the dreams started, about 6 months after Sookie left.
Yes vampires can dream, we rarely do, but it does happen on occasion. In the dream I was with someone, and it wasn't Sookie, who it was I have no idea. What she looked like I had no idea, but I just knew. The girl in my dreams was perfect; it was like the gods and goddesses created her just for me. She complemented me in every way.
I hated the dreams, because they were just that dreams. It was not reality, and it was not going to happen, I was NOT going to have feelings for anyone again. I don't want feelings and I don't like having feelings. I am a vampire damnit and vampires DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS. I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place if I had kept that in mind. Oh whom the fuck am I kidding. Feelings may go against everything I want to think, but I have them, and they scare the hell out of me. I miss having someone in my life, but son of a bitch I don't want to ever go through this again.
So the dreams kept happening, day after day, and it was torture, because in my dreams I was happy again, and then the sunset and evening came, and my reality set in. I was alone, I had no one to love me, and I was the most miserable I have ever been in all my existence.
Chapter 4I noticed as I entered Fangtasia that my child was awfully chipper. What the hell had gotten into Pam? She sure has been acting strangely since joining that gym. Why she wanted to join a gym is beyond me, it's not like we need to particularly work out. She's not going to get fat. I suspect like me, Sookie leaving has bothered Pam as well. Sookie was a close friend to my child.
I proceeded back to my office; Pam didn't need my surly attitude. There was plenty to do, invoices need to be paid. Payroll needs to be done; I suspect my employees wouldn't be too happy if they do not get paid. Does it ever end?
After a couple of hours of messing around with all that shit, it was time to make my appearance. I walked out and sat down on my throne and snapped at one of the waitresses to bring me a bottle of True Blood. That is when I noticed Pam chatting up a very pretty girl at the bar.
I couldn't help myself; I eyed her from across the room several times. I know Pam had caught me at least 3 times staring at this girl.
At the bar, Pam was speaking to Melanie, a girl she had met at the gym she was now going to. Pam was bored, she missed having her friend Sookie around, and even more, she hated seeing what that breakup was doing to her Master. Sure Eric would tell everyone he was fine, that he hardily even thought of Sookie anymore, but for those who truly knew Eric, knew he was completely lying to everyone.
Melanie was 26; she had dark blond hair, with highlights in it. She was a little taller than most women, but not overly so. She had blue/green eyes, and creamy skin. She was delicious, not that Pam had tasted her, but she just knew she would be. She was rather innocent too, maybe very innocent, but there was a wild side to her as well. Before Pam decided to play matchmaker, she needed to lay some ground rules, because no one was ever going to hurt Eric like Sookie did ever again.
Pam spoke very quietly to Melanie; she definitely did not want Eric overhearing her. "So, I was thinking of introducing you to my Master," Pam said. "I really think you would be good for him, but let me just make myself clear, if your just out for a fuck and a bite, be honest."
Melanie knew Eric and Pam were vampires, and she also knew a lot of humans got off on having sex with vampires and being bitten. Fangbangers, that was the name for them. She also knew from Pam that Eric had been involved pretty seriously with a human some time ago, but the relationship didn't work out. She couldn't deny that Eric was drop dead gorgeous, and just looking at him made her extremely hot and uncomfortable, but she wasn't into using humans, and she wasn't going to go after a vampire just to so she could get bit. They might not be human, but no one wants to be used. She looked Pam in the eye; she knew Pam was very protective of Eric, "I won't hurt him Pam," said Melanie.
Pam was satisfied that Melanie was telling her the truth. She wasn't sure exactly what her intentions were, but she was certain she would be honest with whatever it was she was looking for whether it was a relationship or a fuck. Pam looked sad when she told Melanie that she wasn't sure if Eric would open himself up to another human again like he did with Sookie, that it was very rare for their kind to have that kind of connection. She also told Melanie that if she was interested in Eric, she needed to know this, to keep this in mind, to not push it with him about any type of commitment, because they were not human, they didn't always think and operate like humans did.
Pam then took her to meet Eric and hoped for the best. Things just couldn't keep going on like they had been.
Chapter 5My child approached me, and had the pretty human with her. Pam was practically purring when she called my name. She was up to something; my child was a crafty one. I quickly figured it out, Pam is playing matchmaker. Oh for fucks sake. Was she trying to be the final death of me?
She introduced the pretty human, her name was Melanie, and I know I probably didn't make the best of first impressions, but somehow I didn't scare off the girl. The girl was either very brave or extremely stupid. I had made some rude comment about taking her back to my office. Before I was even able to finish she laid into me that she was not some fangbanging whore, and at the moment she wouldn't fuck me if I was the last vampire in the world and the sun was about to smoke my ass. Well that got my attention. Pam walked by and smacked me in the head, and if it was at all possible I am sure I would have been red from embarrassment. Way to go Northman, you fucking idiot. I quickly decided to try to salvage the situation, "My apologies," I said to Melanie, "oh course you are not a fangbanging whore." I really felt like a complete ass now, no wonder I had no one in my life.
Well before I fool around and insult this girl even more, perhaps I should just leave. I really needed to get away from this place, and all the memories that continue to haunt me. It's not like my area would not be well served if I went away, Pam is more than capable of being a great Sheriff. I look up at Pam and told her, "I'm leaving, you are in charge, of it all." I was defeated; there was no more reason. I was stuck in a permanent hell, and there was only one way out of it. Eric Northman was finished.
Pam quickly jumped up at vampire speed, and grabbed me and pulled me to the side. "WHAT THE FUCK, are you talking about, I am in charge of it all Eric," she said. I could see it was taking a great amount of strength for her not to go all vampire on my ass. She was trying to keep quiet, give me some dignity among the others of our kind, so they didn't see just what a broken down mess I have become. Her lip was quivering, and her eyes were filling up with unspilled bloody tears, she realizes what I am about to do, realizes I have given up. Before she can even start her pleading I tell her, no I command her, to leave me be. I tell her I am very proud of her and that I love her, but she has to let me go now. She doesn't leave it alone, and she starts to cry and plead, that is when I lose it and yell at my child, "Damnit Pam, as your maker I fucking command it, let me go."
Chapter 6
Pam was literally stuck between a rock and a hard place; Eric had commanded that she let him go. Maybe she couldn't go after him, but by god she would not let him do this to himself. As Eric walked dejectedly out the bar, Pam grabbed Melanie and hissed at her, "Go after him, you have to stop him."
Pam then signaled for Clancy to detain Eric for a few moments, so Melanie at her human speed could catch up to Eric.
Clancy had caught Eric as he was getting into his Jeep in the employee parking lot behind Fangtasia. He stood by the driver's side, allowing the passenger side to be free of any obstruction so this Melanie girl could talk to Eric. He saw her quietly slip into the seat next to Eric's. "Thanks Clancy," she said, "We'll be ok now."
Melanie new they needed to talk, she seriously regretted snapping at him the way she had. Quite honestly, she really wouldn't mind Eric having her in his office, but now was not the time. He didn't need pointless sex, and he was old enough that feeding from her really wasn't a big deal either. He could probably go for months without feeding on a human at his age. What Eric needed was someone who cared for him, someone to take care of him for a change. He was always the one giving but never seemed to get anything other than hassles, headaches and grief back. Whoever this Sookie chick was, she sure did a number on him.
She needed to think of some place safe for them to go. Her home wasn't exactly vampire friendly and she wasn't leaving him alone, not in the state he was in. She knew his home was off limits, he didn't know her, and he wasn't going to trust her knowing where his resting place was. Well as tacky as it might be, a hotel would have to be the solution. All the hotels anymore were vampire friendly, and had light tight rooms. A coffin would not be necessary, and she could stay with him to make sure he would be all right. There was no way she was going to talk to him and then leave him on his own, not in his state of mind.
She didn't want him driving either. Regardless of the fact he was a vampire, he had too much on his mind. She told him a bit forcefully to give her the keys. He looked at her with a strange expression on his face, but he complied. She tossed the keys to Clancy, who was still near by and told him to give the keys to Pam so she could take care of Eric's Jeep.
Melanie quickly walked over to the driver's side and offered her hand to Eric. He allowed her to pull him out of his Jeep. "Where are we going," he asked quietly with his head hung.
"I'm taking you to The Hilton, you need to get cleaned up, feed and rest," Melanie gently told him. "We'll talk tomorrow."
Melanie continued to hold his hand as they made there way to the hotel. They quietly checked in after being assured the rooms were completely safe for vampires.
They made there way to the room. Once inside Melanie led Eric to the bathroom. The tub wasn't huge, especially for a 6'4" man, but it would have to do. She quickly ran some hot water into the tub, found some bubble bath among the toiletries and pour some into the tub. She than placed some shampoo and conditioner, and some soap along the edge of the tub. Once everything was set up, she told Eric to just relax and get cleaned up, it would help him feel better.
Melanie left Eric to get undressed and get his bath. She quickly called Pam to let her know that Eric was with her and where they were. She asked Pam if she could bring some clothes for him as well. Pam agreed and she was there before Eric got out of the tub.
Melanie quickly knocked on the door but got no answer, she slowly opened it up, and noticed Eric was still in the tub with his eyes closed, with tears running down his face. Melanie didn't want to intrude; she felt Eric needed this time. That he had been keeping all of this bottled up for way to long. She quietly placed a pair of sleep pants, boxers and tank top on the counter, and left the bathroom.
After a while Eric slowly walked out of the bathroom. He looked as drained as a vampire could be and still exist. Melanie patted the bed, and said, "Come sit down Eric, you need to eat." Eric then said, "Yeah, just let me grab a True Blood from the mini bar." Melanie just shook her head, stood up and walked to Eric. She once again took him by his hand and led him to the bed. "Eric," she said, "You need to eat, and I'm going to feed you." Once again she got his attention.
Chapter 7
I let Melanie lead me to the bed and she sort of pushed me down on it. I tried to tell her a True Blood would be fine. The way I have behaved tonight with her, I do not deserve to feed from her. She just tells me to sit down and shut up. She goes on to say synthetic blood will not due, that I need the real thing.
She then leans back against the headboard of the bed, and pulls me up to lie back between her legs. I'm really too tired to fight her, I feel weak, and I know it's from not feeding enough. She is so warm and soft. She leans my head back against her chest between her breasts and wraps her long legs around me. I start to think for a minute maybe I had met the sun and now I was at peace, but I knew that wasn't so when she brought her wrist up to my mouth. I would not bite her; I wasn't worthy to bite her. "Eric," she said, "go on, I want to do this for you, I want you to feed from me." Another damn tear falls down my face and I shake my head no. "Fine Eric, we can do this the hard way then," she said angrily. I notice she has a razor blade in her other hand, I can't let her cut up her wrists like that. So I relented, I grabbed her wrist, brought it to my mouth and cursed myself to hell for what I was about to do. When I bit her, when my fangs broke that beautiful, soft, delicate skin, and the first drop of her blood entered my mouth, it was like nothing I had ever tasted. Her blood was so pure, so fresh, almost childlike I would guess, not that I would know, I have never fed from a child, but that was the only way I could describe it. As I sat there sucking from the wound I made in her wrist, she softly stroked my head and ran her delicate fingers through my hair.
I was getting tired now, and I had taken enough of her sweet, delectable blood. I quickly licked the wounds to seal off the flow of her blood. I went to bite my finger, to heal her wounds completely, but she stopped me. She told me she didn't want me to feel like I had to give her my blood, and she would only take it IF and WHEN I was completely ready for that kind of exchange. She then proceeded to release me from the hold she had on me while I was feeding from her. I felt the loss immediately. I sat up, and scooted out from between her legs and curled up along side of her. It was to late to talk now, and I knew we would later, after I awoke from my rest. She told me she wasn't leaving me alone here and that she would be waiting for me when I awoke. Before the sun could completely pull me under, I looked her in the eyes and asked her to hold me close to her that I did not want to be alone. She pulled me into her warm embrace, and as I closed my eyes and as the sun began to pull me under, for that brief moment, I felt something, and it was good.
Chapter 8
I awoke shortly before sundown; since I am so old I am able to do so. It was Melanie's touch that awoken me. Her fingers lightly brushing my hair back away from my face. I don't believe she knew I was awakening and I just wanted to enjoy this moment, so I stayed quiet. She must need a human moment because she untangled herself from me, and surprised me when she leaned over and kissed my cheek and then she whispered quietly in my ear that she would be right back.
I pretended to still be asleep when she came back from the bathroom, and once she was back into bed, and buried under my arm, I started to awaken. I could not believe it; she had stayed the whole time with me. She was so beautiful and her blue/green eyes met my icy blue eyes. I slowly ran my hand over her cheek and through her hair, and leaned forward to kiss her. After a nice, long, sweet and tender kiss, she pulls away from me. I know I look worried and ask her what's wrong. She quickly leans over and kisses me on the lips. "Nothings wrong," she says sweetly, "but we need to talk now about what's bothering you." Fuck, even now I can't escape that Sookie.
I really don't want to have this talk, but I see there is no way NOT to have this talk.
We walk out of the bedroom, hand in hand, and we go sit on the sofa.
"Tell me about her Eric," Melanie asks me.
I quickly hopped up off the sofa, and started pacing around the room deep in thought for several minutes. Melanie was patient, she knew not to push, and pushing would have only just shut me down completely.
"I loved her and I thought she loved me too, I would have gave up everything or have given her anything to have been with her, and she knew that, but it still wasn't good enough for her." "We were blood bonded, we had a very special relationship, you don't see this occur often among our kind." "She figured out someway of breaking the bond, even I didn't know it could be done, when the bond broke, a part of me was destroyed as well, and I don't know how to put all those damn pieces back together."
Eric sat back down on the sofa and just shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment. The truth of the matter was I was getting over not being with Sookie; it was the feelings of loneliness that I was struggling with now. I just did not want to go back to a lonely existence again. That and I just wanted to be able to trust someone again and be a whole vampire. If nothing else Sookie showed me I didn't really want to be alone and despite the annoyance these feelings gave me, they made me happy.
I snapped out of my downtime, looked up at Melanie, and I gave her a smile, this woman for whatever reason, may just be what would get me through this. I reached up and softly ran my hand along her jaw and traced her pretty mouth with my thumb. I felt her warm mouth place a tender kiss on my thumb as I brushed it across her mouth.
I wrapped my fingers through her long curly hair and gently pulled her towards me. I leaned in to kiss her, gently at first, but within minutes I needed to taste her. I traced her mouth with my tongue, and she parted her lips ever so slightly, and began teasing me with her tongue. Our kisses were getting more demanding and my hands began wondering over her luscious body. She was so curvy in all the right places.
Melanie began to hesitate, and then I remembered what I had said to her only the night before, about taking her back to my office and having my way with her. Shit she probably thought that was what I was up to, trying to just have my way with her.
I pulled away from her, and got up. "What's wrong?" Melanie asked me breathlessly.
I turned around and saw confusion and maybe, what was that, disappointment perhaps that I pulled away from her.
"Look Melanie," I began, "about last night, I'm sorry, I was being extremely rude with my vile comment. I certainly don't think you're a fangbanger, I never did. It was a stupid and ugly thing to have said to you."
"I appreciate the apology Eric, really I do, but it's not necessary. I know you didn't mean those things you said," said Melanie.
I quickly walked back to her, grabbed her and pulled her close to me as I kissed her hardly. I could feel her moan my name. My hand slid up her shirt and I could feel how hard her nipples were becoming through her silky soft bra. The damn thing needed to come off; it was in the way of my enjoyment of her.
I grabbed the soft material of her T-shirt in my hands and swiftly pulled her shirt over her head. She looked nearly perfect, standing in front of me with just her matching blue silky bra and panties.
It was all I could do not to grab her up in my arms and rush back to the bedroom at vampiric speed. The only reason stopping me, was I know the experience of moving that fast is not pleasant for humans. So I will take my time, and move in a manner which for me is at a snails pace.