Ok, it is now **looks at clock** 3:36 in the morning and I consumed about 3 quarts worth of soda this afternoon (technically yesterday afternoon) and I've been reading South Park fanfics for the past couple hours. I've been wanting to write about this since yesterday (technically 2 days ago) and now I've decided to start it. But by the time I'm done with this chapter I will have fallen asleep and finished it about 4 hours after waking up.

ANYWAY

Pairings: Creek, Style, slight K2 & Clyde/Tweek (Cleek?). Other couples may arise...I'll let you know when we get there

Disclaimer: God damn I hate these things…don't own anything except the plot and maybe OC's if they ever show up. I highly doubt they will though…

Summary: AU Cousins Kyle and Tweek are having family problems at home, and must leave to move in with the child of their parents' friends: Stan Marsh. But of course, Cartman has to make things difficult, and in order to hang out with him and his group, they must survive one of Cartman's dares: pretending, for one entire month that they are…..

You must read to find out XP

SORRY!

…I take that back, I'm not sorry :D

This story is based on a book though very loosely based. I can't tell you the title cause that'll give it away. IT'S SLASH-TASTIC! Here it goes…

-PD

Chapter 1 - New Kids in Town

I sat impatiently at my desk, tapping a pencil on the open page of my chemistry book. My parents had told me that a friend of theirs was sending their son and his cousin to South Park to live with us for a few weeks while they sorted out some family issues. I had been told all sorts of stories about the boy and his cousin and the curiosity was killing me. The pencil flew out of my hand when the phone started ringing. I reached for it, but the ring got cut off before I could pick it up.

'Guess Mom got it.' I thought, trying to refocus on my homework. But seriously, this unit conversions thing just didn't make sense. I slouched back down into my chair and flipped the page of the textbook. 'What the hell is a 'mol?''

"Stan! Phone!" I grabbed the phone off my desk and took it over to my bed, lying down before answering.

"Hello?"

"Hey asshole, what's goin on?"

"What do you want, fatass?"

"AY! I'm not fat I'm big-boned!"

I waited for Cartman to continue, he always did when we didn't argue back.

"I got a new game, but it's a multiplayer, and CPU players suck ass."

"Why don't you ask Kenny then?"

"Cause Kenny's a poor piece of crap. OW! Kenneh, you hit me!" I could hear Kenny's muffled response over the phone. I rolled over onto my stomach and waited for Cartman's attention to be returned to the phone. Not really caring about Cartman's game, I decided to hang up, but then I heard Kenny's voice coming through the receiver.

"Stan, it's a four-player. We invited Butters too."

"…But Cartman HATES Butters…with a passion."

"I know. Its Butters' game."

I rolled my eyes. Typical Cartman. "I can't, there are these two guys coming over to stay with us for a while and I'm supposed to be here when they arrive." There was a cry of 'Kenneh, gimme the phone!' and then Butters' 'Oh jeeze, you guys are fightin again.' I heard more struggling before Kenny's voice returned.

"Sounds like a party." Kenny laughed at me over the phone.

I sighed again.

"I'll be right over."

"Huh? Ken—Kenny?" I hung up once that loud beeping started, signaling that my friend had hung up long ago. "God dammit, Kenny." I couldn't help but smile at the phone as I placed it back into its base. Kenny was always doing things on his own agenda. I looked down at the open book on my desk and frowned. 'Well, I guess I should at least PRETEND I was doing something.' I swiveled the desk chair around and sat down in it backwards, facing the accursed unit conversions.

"…3 moles of Carbon gas is equivalent to how many particles…hmmm…why the hell am I learning this, I'm only in the 8th freakin grade. Damn you Garrison…" I placed the pencil beneath my nose and curled my upper lip around it, holding it in place.

Several minutes had passed and I was still on the same problem.

"Stan," My mother called in a singsong voice, "they're here!"

'Finally, an excuse to get away from this boring shit.' I jumped from my chair and sped into the bathroom, almost tripping over the cots we had set up for them. I took off my hat and rinsed off my face and ran a hand through my hair a couple of times. "Stan? Stan did you hear me?" Mom called again.

"Yeah Mom, I'll be down in a second!" I reached for my toothbrush after realizing that I hadn't brushed since yesterday morning. Gross.

"Now, Stanley!" I ran the brush over my teeth to at least get rid of some of that gross overnight crap and ran downstairs. I slowed down a bit upon reaching the living room, took a deep breath and composed myself, getting ready to pull of that 'I'm the cool guy around here' attitude before entering the room. I sauntered in, pulling off a pretty good show. Too bad no one was watching, the guests had their backs facing me, their bags were at their feet, and they were talking to my parents. I frowned at this and tried to get their attention by making a small, but noticeable, background noise. I had intended upon kicking the table leg as I approached, but wound up with a face full of Persian rug nastiness. A shriek that wasn't mine resonated throughout the room. I stood up and tried to ignore my burning face as the guests, whose faces I still hadn't seen and didn't really want to look at at the moment, were trying to stifle their laughter.

"Nice entrance Stan. Way to make a good first impression." I whirled around at Kenny's voice to see that Kenny, Butters, and Cartman were all standing in the front door, apparently having just let themselves in.

"God dammit." I muttered under my breath.

"Stanley I told you that our guests would be arriving today and that you weren't allowed to have your little friends over."

"I didn't invite them, they just came." I kept my eyes on the ground, still not ready to face the newcomers.

"It's true Mrs. Marsh. Sorry about that." Mom looked at Kenny skeptically, but she was used to his ways by now. Kenny walked up to the two new guys and offered his hand. "Hey, name's Kenny. Kenny McCormick." Kenny was still wearing the orange parka (he'd had it replaced several times since we were in the 3rd grade, we had just entered the 8th grade) and although we all could understand, I doubted the new kids could. I imagined that the two were looking at Kenny like 'what the fuck is he saying?' and I tried not to laugh.

"Kenny, take off your hood, they can't understand you." My eyes dared a glance at their feet. They had turned around and were facing the four of us. My head snapped back down to my feet. I'm such a freaking pussy.

"Oh, right." Kenny removed his hood and reintroduced himself, once again offering his hand as if he was a perfect gentleman introducing himself to two fine ladies. "And that klutz is Stan, the blonde kid in the corner is Butters."

"Hey there! Welcome to South Park!"

"And that's Fatass."

"AY!"

"Also known as Eric, but we all call him Cartman."

"Nice to meet you. My name is Kyle, and this is my cousin, Tweek." The kid's voice was nice, a bit high for a guy though.

"Nrgh! It's very n-nice to meet you! Gah!" Tweek's voice was also high, a bit lower than his cousin's however. Well, I supposed it was, his voice was strained which made it hard to judge. What kind of tripped up name is Tweek anyway? And what's with the shrieking, is he, like, schizophrenic or on Speed or something?

I finally took this opportunity to get over myself and look at 'Kyle' and 'Tweek.' The boy, who I guessed was Tweek cause he was twitching like he really was high on Speed, was about 4'8" with the blondest hair I'd ever seen, and big, bright green eyes. He kinda looked like a baby deer that was caught in the headlights of an 18-wheeler. I shifted my eyes over to the other boy, Kyle. He was about 4'10" but with bright red curly hair that reached his chin and almost covered his eyes. He wore a green ushanka and, like his cousin, had enormous green eyes, but his were different. Deeper in color, and it felt like I was getting sucked into their shining depths.

"Uhh, Stan? You alright dude?" It took a while before it registered that Kenny was the one who had called my name.

'Quick you idiot, think of something!'

I started stuttering before I finally got out a coherent sentence, "Here, let me take your bags up to your room." I picked up Kyle's duffel bag and pulled at the handle of his rolling suitcase.

"I'll help you." Kenny grabbed one Tweek's slightly larger bags. While Butters silently followed suit and grabbed Tweek's other bag. "Cartman, you lazy dick-hole! Help Stan with the bags!"

"No way Kenny, you black asshole. I just came over so we could play Grand Theft Auto 4. But since Stan's too busy actin like a fag—"

"Just shut up and help us, fatass." Kenny said while readjusting his grip on the large, black suitcase.

"For the last time, don't call me fat, butt-fucker! Screw you guys, I'm going home!" I rolled my eyes at his signature phrase and just continued to heft the heavy luggage up the stairs by myself. We got to my room and I nudged it open with a foot.

"Here we are. I'm sorry you guys can't get your own room, we don't have a guest bedroom. Well, we do, but my grandpa lives in it, but I guess I could sleep downstairs for a while or at least until you guys get comfortable." I was running my mouth off like an idiot and I knew it, but I wanted to make a good impression (though failing miserably at it, it seemed).

"No, it's ok. We really appreciate what you're doing for us. I'd feel terrible if we kicked you out of your room." Kyle had walked in behind me and was taking a quick sweep around the room, glancing at the walls and my posters. Including the one of Terrance and Philip.

"Yeah, man. It's cool." Tweek, who had seemed to calm down tremendously, had joined his cousin in the surveillance of his new quarters.

"Ah, dude! You like Terrance and Philip!?" Kyle exclaimed, and I felt my cheeks flush. He probably thought it was juvenile of me to still like that show with its 'potty-humor.'

"N-No, that's an old poster. I just haven't taken it down yet…" 'Stan Marsh, you are pathetic.'

"Oh…"

I looked at him for a moment, he seemed a little crestfallen. "Ok, that was a lie, I still like it…" I admitted.

"Really? Awesome!"

"Huh?"

"I have their movie 'Asses of Fire,' have you seen it?" He walked over and knelt down to open the duffel bag I had dropped by one of the cots and pulled out the DVD.

"Hell yeah I've seen it. Dude that was like the best movie ever!" I had to practically bite my lip to keep from bursting out into song.

"Hey! Muh-Maybe we could all watch it together!" I jumped at Butters' sudden intrusion to our conversation. I had forgotten that the others were still in the room, or that they even still existed for that matter.

"Yeah, sounds cool to me!" Kenny said, leaning against the doorway.

"We could watch it at my house!" Now that voice was a surprise.

"I thought you went home, Cartman."

"What's it to you, hippie? I have to see if these guys are cool enough." I just glared at him, but then he had this look, a look that anyone who knew him wanted to avoid. That look meant he had an idea. "But, we can't just let them hang out with us, not yet anyway."

"Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?" I motioned to Kenny to remove his hood so Kyle and Tweek could understand what he was saying. He repeated himself.

"They still have yet to be initiated." All of us , sans Butter, looked at him as if he were a Picasso painting: our heads tilted and our brows creased with a lack of understanding.

"Look it's simple: you guys just have to prove that you're not total pussies and take up a really embarrassing dare."

"Ergh, oh god, a dare?!" The Tweek kid started twitching again. I guess his twitching was triggered by stress or something.

"Tweek, calm down." Kyle said, putting his hands on Tweek's shoulders and massaging them. We all kinda watched, not sure what to make of what was going on.

"Kyle, can I have some coffee?"

"No, Tweek. Caffine only makes you worse."

"Nrgh…"

"…Anyway," Cartman replied, trying to get over the slightly awkward atmosphere, "you guys will be dared by the four of us. And there is no 'spin-the-barrel,' and you must sign a written agreement that clearly states that you agreed to partake in this dare."

Kyle and Tweek exchanged a look that clearly said 'is this guy for real?'

"Oh, and if you don't do it then you're a pussy."

"Argh! I'm no pussy!" Tweek exclaimed, his cheeks were turning slightly red.

"Do we have a taker?!"

"Tweek!" Kye exclaimed, "Don't let this guy get to you. We have no reason to take this dare."

"So you admit you're a pussy little fag."

"Cartman!" I wanted to defend the poor guy, "He's right, what reason would he have to take the dare? You just want to see the new guys get humiliated in front of the entire school."

"Think about it Stan, if they say Cartman put them up to it,…"

"True, people will probably be more accepting since it's Cartman…"

"Ay, what's that supposed to mean?"

Tweek and Kyle looked hopelessly lost, they had no idea what was going on, or what the hell we were talking about.

"Tweek, I don't know if it's a good idea."

"They seem like nice people, I'm willing to do this dare if it means hanging out with them."

"Well, Tweek, I'm glad to see you've got the balls to accept the dare. How about you Kyhl? Will you accept my—"

"Alright, alright. If Tweek's doing it then I will too." I looked over at Cartman to see he had a terrifying grin cracked across his face. It was gentle and businesslike. Creepy.

"Sweeeeet."

Author's Note:

Turns out I gave up at 5:04 that morning. Anyway, I hadn't been planning this story, but I figured I'd do it anyway cause the idea was annoying me…If that makes sense…And it turns out that I resumed it about 7 hours after I awoke, but whatever. See you in the next chapter, and PLEASE vote in the poll, I can't decide what to do D: