A/N: To anyone waiting for me to update one of my other stories, I haven't given up on them. Life got in the way of my writing and I kind of lost my momentum. I do plan on getting back to them eventually. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this one.

Aftermath

I've long expected that I would not live to a ripe old age. Dying young is just a part of working for Torchwood. My only hope was that Jack had learned his lesson and I wouldn't end up a walking corpse like Owen. It never occurred to me to pray that I wouldn't end up like Eugene. After all, I've never swallowed a Dogon eye. At least I don't think I have. I've swallowed a lot of strange things since meeting Jack, but I think I would have remembered an alien eyeball.

The first thing I remember after I died is seeing Jack collapse over my body as he died. It's rather strange seeing yourself like that, but it was also freeing in a way. Not much left to be afraid of when you're already dead. I was concerned for Jack, though. I knew, no matter what it was we had going on between us, that he wasn't going to take this well. He still hadn't stopped blaming himself for the deaths of Tosh, Owen, and even Suzie.

You might think that I'd be upset that I had confessed my love for Jack and he still hadn't said it back to me, not even as I lay dying in his arms. I'll confess that I would have liked to hear those three little words, but I didn't expect it. For Jack, saying "I love you" at that point would have been saying goodbye. He wasn't ready for that. I'm not sure he ever would be. What did surprise me was seeing Captain Jack Harkness backing down from an alien threat and actually begging for my life. He chose me over the rest of humanity. I never expected him to do that. That says more about his feelings for me than any words could.

The next thing I remember is seeing Jack come back to life in that makeshift morgue they set up for the bodies from Thames House. I stayed with him like I always do when he dies. I'm not sure, but I think he felt my presence. At least his revival seemed less traumatic than usual. Well, until he looked at my body lying next to him. Something inside him just seemed to break. It was as if he had hoped I had somehow survived even though he had watched me die, but seeing my body took away that last bit of hope. I wanted so much to comfort him, but he couldn't see or hear me. Neither could Gwen, who seemed almost as heartbroken.

I was grateful that Jack sent Gwen to my sister to help save my niece and nephew, but it broke my heart to see him giving up. That wasn't the Jack I knew. I couldn't believe that my death had this effect on him. I was beginning to understand why he had tried so hard not to fall in love. I guess it didn't work.

When they took Jack out of his cell so that he could help defeat the 456, I saw a bit of the old Jack reappear. His daughter had faith in him, and that was enough to give him some faith in himself. It wasn't until he realized that there was no time to find a mechanical way of delivering the frequency to the 456 that I saw him falter. It was beyond cruel forcing him to choose between his grandson and millions of children. It was also incredibly unnecessary. He had already done all the work. Anyone could have done the last part. The choice should have been taken out of his hands.

All they had to do was shoot him between the eyes and do what they needed to do while he was dead. By the time he revived it would have all been over and Steven's death wouldn't have been on his hands. His daughter would still be able to look at him without hatred and anger. If any one of them had a heart, they would have done this. After all, they had no problem killing him before, especially Agent Johnson. It should have been easy for her. She may have switched sides at the end, but I don't think I will ever forgive her for what she did to Jack.

This brings me to what I wanted to tell Jack, if he can still hear me on at least some level. Despite what it looked like, Steven wasn't in pain at the end. By that point, he was no longer in his body. It was just an empty shell, a vessel, serving one final function. Steven wasn't afraid and he wasn't alone. I was with him, and I explained what had happened and why. He wasn't angry, Jack. Actually, he was very proud that he was able to be a hero just like his Uncle Jack. He was a good little soldier. He was just glad that all those other children would be safe.

The only thing that bothered him was how upset his mother was. He wanted to comfort her, to tell her that he was alright and he was happy, but of course he couldn't. He was torn between staying and moving on to wherever he was supposed to go until I promised to watch over her for him. I don't think the darkness is it, Jack. I think that's just where you go when you either can't or won't move on. I don't know what he saw, but he wasn't afraid. He almost seemed eager to go. Don't grieve for us, Jack. We're not the ones who are suffering. If anything, it's the dead who should be grieving for the living, not the other way around. You're the ones who are in pain.

I'm still here, Jack, and I will be forever if I'm able. I have lots of people to watch over. There's you, Gwen, Rhys, and the baby of course. There's my sister and her family. But there's also Alice. I plan on keeping my promise to Steven. It may take a while to work on my influence, but I'm going to make sure she doesn't feel alone and hopeless. I'm also going to find a way to get her to forgive you. You need each other, more than either of you realizes. Just keep listening, Jack, and don't give up. Neither Steven nor I want that. We love you, and you better not forget it.