Finding Myself

Finding Myself - Chapter 1

We moved to forks when I was fourteen, it's a small town in Washington DC, my Dad Charlie was offered a Job working for the police force. Two years later Charlie was made chief of police having more experience coming from a big city. We originally came from Phoenix Arizona but moved because the memory's there were to hard for us to handle.

My brother Emmet is a year older then me and has always been the big protector of the family ever since my mum Renee died three years ago, she had a breast cancer and was in her late stages of the illness when they found that there was nothing more they could do.

The disease had spread towards her neck affecting her lymph glands and was spreading rapidly throughout her body. We were told to make her as comfortable as possible it was heart breaking. I wanted so badly to take it away from her she was such a loving caring person, she was the one who gave me a chance In life, she lived for another 2 months, she died at home the doctors wanted her in the hospital but she refused to go she wanted to die with her family around her, it was one of the hardest times of my life, but we haven't fallen apart if anything its made us stronger, I love Charlie and Emmet more then anything.

I was adopted when I was six years old by Renee and Charlie Swan my name is Isabella Maria Swan I'm seventeen and I'm proud to call them my parents. I was dropped off at an adoption centre when I was five, my biological parents are Carlisle Anthony Cullen and my biological mother was Helena Maria Cullen, she died when I was four and half years old she was involved in a car crash on her way home from work.
I don't remember a lot about it, Dad and I got a call at home asking us to come into the hospital when we got there they had her on a life support machine.

(Flash back)

We had arrived on the ward where my mother was.
"Dr Cullen I'm Dr White, I'm very sorry but your wife Helena has suffered severe head trauma to her brain we are currently keeping her alive on a life support machine which is breathing for her, we have performed test on your wife's brain to see if she's emitting any brain waves. I'm very sorry to say that there is no brain activity, the machine is currently keeping her breathing, your wife is brain dead. I'm very sorry we will give you sometime with her before turning of the machines,
"I'm sorry I have to ask was your wife an organ donor."

My dad turned to the doctor and said with a dead voice "Yes she was, you have my permission,"
The doctor looked down to me with a sad smile "I'm very sorry for your loss you can go in to see her now" we walked over to her bed there were machines everywhere dad was holding my hand but his mind was elsewhere he had completely shut off.

(End Flashback)

Everything changed after that dad became withdrawn he would sit around not doing anything, he never went back to work he was a doctor at the hospital had been qualified for two years he loved helping people he was so caring but after it happened he wouldn't talk, only when asked a direct question.
I would hear him crying at night, when I went to bed he wouldn't tuck me in at night, I never had a bed time story, he never kissed me goodnight, never hugged me, he was just gone, like a shell of his former self and it scared me.
I had learned how to use the microwave for pre packed meals, the house was a mess all the time, he just wasn't coping he wasn't trying I was losing him too.
Then about half year later, he told me we were going out for a trip, packing my stuff he took me to the car it was the first time we had gone anywhere together since mum died. I thought he was getting better making an effort but it was worse much worse than I thought. We pulled up to a large building the sign said Julie's adoption social services, at the time I didn't know what the name meant.

(Flash back)

"Daddy where are we what is this place, are we going on a holiday are we staying here" My dad had tears in his eyes I didn't understand, how could I was only five.

"Come on baby lets go inside you will get cold out here" he said pulling me towards the building, we walked up to a desk a small dumpy woman sitting behind it.
"Ah you must be Dr Cullen and this I presume is Isabella" she said giving me a small smile.
"Yes" my dad replied "Can we have a minute please" he said towards the lady, she nodded and my dad pulled me over to a waiting area. He knelt down to my level looking intently at me.

"Bella baby you going to be staying here, daddy can't look after you anymore you will find another mommy and daddy one that can give you everything you deserve" he was staring at me trying to make me understand, I stared back in shock he was abandoning me.
"No daddy No you cant I wont go I don't" I chocked out "I don't want to leave you I'll be good, I'll try harder, I'll do anything I don't understand, no you cant I love you daddy I love you no" I started crying

He picked me up hugging me tightly, I thought he was going to take me home, take me with him take me away but he set me down on my feet.
"I love you to Bella never forget that, I just cant give you what you need I will always love you, you will always be in my heart"
He started to walk away but I was clinging to him for dear life, hot salty tears falling down my eyes.
"NO DADDY NO YOU CANT YOU CANT I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU DADDY PLEASE." I screamed at him then the lady from the desk came around holding onto my arms, daddy took one more look at me tears flowing down his eyes then he was gone. That was the last time I saw him.

(End flash back)

"Emmet don't touch them they just come out of the oven" I was standing in the kitchen making chocolate chip cookies Emmet's favourite.

"Oh come on Bells just one please they look so good" he said giving me the big puppy dog eyes, I just started laughing at him at that he pouted.

"Emmet you have to wait let them cool of then you can have one I promise" he smiled I added "after dinner" I laughed as he pouted harder.

"What are you making for dinner anyway" he said while taking a seat on the stool facing me.

"I'm making lasagne Dad's favourite" ever since Renee died I took over the cooking I don't mind I really enjoy it.

"Did dad get a newspaper today" he asked

"Yes it's over there" I pointed to the newspaper on the dinning room table.

We have a three bedroom house here in forks it's a nice house, needed some DIY work when we first moved in but Emmet took care of that, he put in a new bathroom and helped me paint my bedroom. Downstairs is very open planed the dinning room/lounge is at the front of the house, with stairs leading to the second floor.

The kitchen's at the back of the house with a back door going into the rear garden, upstairs there are three bedrooms and a family bathroom there is also a small office which used to be a bedroom.
The whole house is painted a neutral cream throughout the down stairs and upstairs hallway.
Emmet painted his bedroom light blue Dad kept his cream and I went for a lavender colour.

"What time will dad be back" Emmet spoke over the newspaper.

"About five I think he's going to call if he has to work late" I placed the lasagne into the oven and went to cutting up some vegetables I decided on some carrots and broccoli.

"Do you want me to set the table sis" Emmet asked

"Yep if you don't mind" I said.

Emmet is a great brother he's always there for me when I need someone to talk to. We comforted each other when Renee died. I was terrified Charlie was going to leave us like Carlisle did to me. Charlie kept hugging me, telling me that would never happen my insecurities didn't help the matter but I couldn't help it at the time.
But Renee death was different, it wasn't sudden like the car accident was, it was slow and we new what was going to happen and that it would happen it didn't make it any easy but we had time to prepare.

Emmet started to set the table. "Emmet the knife's goes the other way around" he looked confused for a slight minute then smiled and changed them around.

"Do you need help with anything else" he asked

"Nope I think I'm good"

"Ok I'm going to see if there is a game on" Dad and Emmet loved watching sports every night there was some type of game on they would sit with a beer, shouting at the television, it is really funny to watch.

It was a few minutes past five when dad came through the door, I ran up to him and gave him a big kiss and cuddle, I had taken to doing this every time he came in.

"Hello dad how was your day, dinner won't be long just waiting for the vegetables to cook" he smiled down at me

"My day was fine sweetheart did Emmet behave himself today" he said laughing. "Hey Dad" Emmet shouted.

"Hey Son good game on" I rolled my eyes and continued towards the kitchen to prepare dinner.

Dinner was uneventful we talked about our days what we did at school, Emmet and I went to forks high school it was Emmet's last year, before he graduates.

I washed up the dishes while Emmet Dried, I decided to head on up to bed I had some homework I needed to finish for school tomorrow.

"I'm going to turn in early I have some homework I need to get done for school tomorrow"

"Ok goodnight honey" dad said "Goodnight sis" Emmet said.

"Night guys love you both""love you to" they both said in unison.

I made it upstairs and got my homework done it was past ten before I finally fell asleep.

Please Review there is more to come thank you