Of Mice and Men – Chapter 7

The doors of the old bar swung closed as the two men stepped inside. The sawdust strewn floorboards creaked underfoot as they made their way across the room to a table in the corner. One of the men, the smallest of the pair, surveyed the room through blank eyes that seemed haunted by something. The dusty glasses on the shelves were reflected back in his glassy eyes. The colours of the sunset through the windows bathed the room in a blood red glow. The room was not very crowded, with only a few men here and there chatting over a glass of liquor. The low buzz of talk was occasionally interrupted by the setting down of a glass or the sound of horses from outside.

The taller man went to the bar and bought two glasses of strong liquor. He carried them over to the corner and sat down next to his companion, pushing one of the glasses into his hand. The other did not respond, just continued to stare at the opposite wall. They sat like this for a long time, the sky darkened and the sounds of life outside slowly faded to nothing.

Finally, it seemed as though the man could not take any more of his friend's silence. He grabbed his arm and shook it, hard.

"For God's sake George, stop mopin'. I know you're sad an' I know you're feelin' guilty but for Lennie's sake don't go around wastin' your life like this. You've been like this for two months and I ain't gonna take no more of it. Lennie wouldn' want you to do this to yourself."

The other man turned his head to look at him slowly. His face bore a look of pain that clearly showed how much the other's words had affected him. But still he remained silent. It was almost as though the man had lost the ability to speak. He didn't seem able to put what he was thinking or feeling into words. He was completely lost in his guilt and loneliness with nothing to pull him out.

Over the two months since Lennie's death George had thought of nothing else. He replayed the scene in his mind constantly, hearing again and again the bang of the gun and seeing the spurt of bright red blood at the back of Lennie's head as he fell forwards onto the ground. He kept thinking of ways that he could have stopped it from happening. He kept thinking of how he and Lennie could have hidden away until the men had stopped searching. Then he could have returned to the ranch and continued his work there until they had enough money to buy the piece of land and they could have lived there and been safe. Nothing anything Slim said otherwise could convince him that killing Lennie had been for the best.

Slim sighed. He had been trying fruitlessly to make George understand that he had done the kindest thing for Lennie. He had been trying to do this without dragging up memories of his own past that still haunted him every so often and hurt more than he would care to admit, but now he had realised that this might be the only way to make George see sense.

He downed his drink in one gulp and set the glass firmly on the table. Then he turned to George and grabbed his shoulder. He then forced Georges body around until he was facing him.

"George, I ain't gonna take any more. I'm sick of all this and I ain't gonna let you destroy yourself over somethin' that was for the best."

George seemed to have finally regained his voice. He looked at Slim and there was some anger in his voice as he said, "You don't know, you can't understand what it's like. It was wrong, what I did, and nothin' in the world'll make me feel any better."

Slim was pleased that he had managed to get a reaction out of George but still knew it would take a lot more than one reaction before the man was going to get any better.

"Look, you did the best thing you could, it was the kindest thing you could do for Lennie and for yourself. And I do know what it's like George, you may not believe me but I understand completely what you are going through."

George looked at him, through his pained blood shot eyes. "How? How do you know what I'm going through?"

With a sigh, Slim let the memories of his past fill him, remembering the pain, the guilt, the loneliness. He looked George in the eye. "Because I've been through pretty much the same as you have. Not totally the same and I can tell you that what I went through was much worse 'cause I didn't do what you did, I didn't have the strength to end it myself."

George's expression was one of complete confusion. He stared at Slim trying to comprehend what he had just heard. What did he mean; he had been through the same? How could it have been worse? Why did no one else seem to know about this? Why was Slim being so open with him?

Slim seemed to guess what George was thinking because he said, "I'll tell you what happened, but please don't interrupt or I won't be able to keep talkin'."

He took a deep breath and began talking.

"About 15 years ago I travelled with someone, just like you travelled with Lennie. Well, almost like you an' Lennie. This guy was more than just a friend, he was my brother. I won't tell you his name 'cause that ain't important, but he was like Lennie in a lot o' ways. He didn't understand his own strength and he couldn't see that what he did was hurtin' other people. One big difference between him and Lennie was that he didn't care about hurtin' other people. He knew he wasn't meant to do it but he wasn't bothered when he did. He listened to me mostly and did what I said but he didn't care about why I said it.

"Anyway, one day we was working at a ranch just like you and Lennie were here. One day, my friend got angry at one of the other ranch hands. Like I said before, he didn't understand how strong he was, and he picked up this other guy and threw him hard at the ground. But the guy landed on a fork and it went right through his stomach.

"My brother saw what he'd done and he realised he'd be in trouble. But he didn't care that he'd hurt someone else. All He could think of was getting' out o' there without getting' himself hurt. So when the other men came at him he lashed out at 'em. Then he ran for it.

"I heard about it when the other guys came back from the fields. I knew what was goin' through his head and I knew where he'd be. I told them where they could find him. I wish I hadn't. I wish I'd kept my mouth shut and said I didn't know like you did for Lennie. They went after the poor bastard, didn't show him any mercy. They whipped him and shot him in the legs and left him to bleed to death. I never felt worse than when they came back laughin' about how he'd screamed. I wish I'd had the strength to do what you did. It was my fault he'd died like that; I could have saved him all that pain. But I didn't.

"But I realised that I couldn't mope about 'cause that's a waste of the life I had. I still had years ahead o' me and so do you now. So do somethin' about it, don't give up on your life. Lennie would never have wanted you to waste yourself over him."

A long silence followed Slim's story. George stared at the man next to him. He could hardly believe what he had just heard. He would never have thought that Slim had a past like this. The man was always so controlled and calm, never breaking down or having mood swings. He doubted that anyone else knew anything of Slim's past. He had probably never talked about it to anyone until now.

Now he saw what he had been doing to himself. How he had been letting himself waste away and ruining the chance at life he now had. It may not be what he had wanted before, but it was still a life to live. He still had opportunities in his future and he decided then and there that he would not let Lennie's death be for nothing. He would make something of his life and make Lennie proud.

Slim watched the play of emotions on George's face; watched the realisation, the pain and finally the determination. He knew he had made George see sense. He knew it would take a while before he was his old self again but now it would definitely happen. George was going to work at his life and give himself the future he deserved. And he also knew that he had found a true friend in George. Someone who could understand his past and with whom he could be completely open. That was one thing he had not had in 15 years and he was glad to have regained it at last.