The weekend went by quickly and I dreaded going back to school on Monday. I hadn't talk to Jay since the night Spinner cut us both off. I'd wanted to, but I had a feeling he had given me all the wisdom he had on the situation. He told me all we could do was wait. He was right. I was waiting.

From what Heather told me, Jay had always been somewhat of a loner. He'd had girlfriends in high school, but he was never faithful. She told me that rumors were always flying about his latest hook-up. Jay hadn't ever told me about any parents. I always kind of assumed he had some problems there. He had friendships of convenience and I don't think he really knew what it was like to care about anyone. He knew what it was like to meet-up with the drug dealers downtown. He knew what it was like to hook up with girls down in the ravine. He knew enough to stay on the good side of everyone at work. He just didn't seem to have anyone real. I mean, besides Spinner. Heather told me how they both ended up isolated. She told me no one would talk to them and that Jay never worked up the courage to come back to Degrassi.

Their friendship was no mystery to me because both men knew what it felt like to be an outcast. It was probably why I got along with them so well. They saw the world differently than all the Power Squad girls at school. They were different from all the football players. They had nothing in common with the innocent niners. They certainly were nothing like idealistic Blue. Blue who believed anything was possible if you worked hard enough. Blue who wanted hot tubs and leis and colorful straws and everything to be perfect at some meaningless dance. They were realistic. They had other priorities. They were just trying to get by.

Now it was years later and Jay had become infatuated with Manny. It seemed like she was the one person he actually let his guard down for. Eventually, she left him too. She was an actress and all he could do was to hope to be a phone call at the end of her busy day.

I was no expert on reading people, but made sense he'd developed this broody loner persona. The only thing that bothered me was how much I could relate to him. I mean, sometimes we didn't even need to explain ourselves to each other. I mean, that time in the car, Jay knew exactly what was going on without me letting the words slip.

That's why it was no surprise that he hadn't tried to talk to me these last few days. He'd rather deal with it on his own. It was the only way he knew.

As I walked into the front doors of Degrassi, someone touched my arm and pulled me to the side.

"You've made my life very difficult, Holly J, " Declan said, keeping his hand on my arm.

"Oh, I've made your life difficult? Forgive me, I can't seem to find any sympathy right now," I replied, as I wiggled away.

"Well, Holly J, I was having fun. I was having a lot of fun, that was until you got involved."

"I'm sure you'll find fun somewhere else. I have to get to homeroom now, Declan."

I started to walk away as he continued.

"I didn't sign up to be someone's boyfriend. Now that she dumped that guy from the Dot, that's what she wants. What am I going to say, no? After all this? I'm stuck here, Holly J."

As surprised as I was to be filled in on this news by Declan, I remained calm.

"What'd you expect? You did this to yourself..." I trailed off. I felt his piercing eyes on me as I walked away.

"Tryna figure out the meaning and break apart the puzzles"